Hurray For The Recession!

A lot of people are scared and running around like headless chickens. Some are having nightmares over their overpriced home, car and sound system, all still 75% owned by the bank. Some, like our Government, are in denial and trying to squeeze out the last few drops of hedonistic excess, indiscriminate shopping, energy wastage and laiseé faire work ethic before the well runs dry. Bureaucrats can feel the tension from skull to sphincter mounting as they are asked to stand next to a measuring stick of cost efficiency.



Then there are those who are strangely calm as the storm approaches. Some are even strangely optimistic in the midst of forecasts of doom and gloom. Who are these weirdoes smiling in the face of adversity? I’ll tell you they are:

1. People Who Have Always Led A Simple Life

Some have always conducted themselves with a little more financial restraint and never spent a penny that was not theirs to spend unless it would give a measurable return on investment or aid their future development in some way. They know how to make their own bhaji, saltfish buljol, bread, bake, pelau and a thousand other quick easy dishes and bring home-made lunches to work without shame. They don’t have to eat meat every day. They have always known it is not healthy for our bodies and the planet.

If you buy at the market and know what to do with some callaloo bush, seasoning and rice, you will get through this recession.

Their friends love them for their reputation and their relationships are solid, not based on superficial membership in the “Keeping Up With The Jones’ Club”. They are secure in the size of their male endowment and don’t have to rush out and buy the latest gadget or car. Their self-esteem is solid and they do not depend on E!, BET or Scorch to confirm if they look nice. Their style is original and they choose local, natural, recycled wherever possible. Their garbage is not filled with wasted food. The American lifestyle of constant consumption has always been one they looked on at with scorn not emulation.

2. Those Who Love Up We Culture



If you love our local calypso, rapso and alternative rock music and support local broadcasting and local programming, there will be an explosion of it as foreign programming becomes prohibitive for media houses and for households who can no longer afford cable. If I were a media house or a corporate sponsor or advertising executive, I would be seriously re-thinking my approach to things. Now is a chance to develop a vibrant and viable television and film industry. Now is the chance to extend our love of local music beyond the Carnival season.

3. The Professional “Wheat” Who Were Overtaken By “Chaff”

French producer I had the pleasure of meeting commented about Trinidadians, “Everyone here wants to be celebrity chef. Nobody wants to actually clean zee fish and cook zee food.”

It is amazing how when the bottom line matters most, private companies quickly and effectively separate the wheat from the chaff. You wonder why they needed that chaff of sycophantic, overcompensated middle management in the first place. With less money to spend, there will less tolerance for those who lack sharp, inventive minds and cannot make strategic decisions or show the cahones to take responsibility for those decisions. Those who think they are somehow owed professional respect only because they have the right surname, skin colour, degree or MBA are going to have to come better than that.

Those who have silently bourne the burden of the "real work" to be done will become more evident to the decision makers.

A French producer I had the pleasure of meeting commented about Trinidadians, “Everyone here wants to be celebrity chef. Nobody wants to actually clean zee fish and cook zee food.” Goodbye to the now superfluous supply of “Degree” holders who cannot spell, string together a sentence, communicate clearly, bring solutions to the table and treat with people in a professional manner. I hope they have a back-up skill set and can actually do or make something. During a recession, suddenly it becomes very evident who the real committed workers are and who is just full of, “big talk”; producing paper waste; passing the buck and constantly calling endless meetings that go nowhere.

There is an old Chinese proverb, “The servant is in fact the master,” and there are hard workers in Trinidad and Tobago who have always understood the value of customer service. They do not think it demeaning to serve another person; get their hands dirty; admit it when they did not know something and learn from others with experience. They may have toiled unnoticed before but now they are going to shine. As tourism and service industries start to fill the void of a dying industrial sector, these people who serve with a smile will reap the rewards. The foot shufflers, steupsers, ignoring the customer while talking on the telephone culprits, those who show no pride or passion in their job and take no initiative will be forced to shape up or ship out because of point No.4.....

4. The Consumers

What we were willing to excuse in times of plenty will become increasingly difficult to do when it pains us to part with every single penny. We who were once so apathetic and allowed ourselves to accept below-standard service, unfair prices and inferior quality will suddenly get very discriminating and begrudge any cent spent on less than value for money. We will begin to question, “Why exactly do I need to spend all this money on this or at this establishment? What really is soooo special about this hot-spot that a beer costs $30.00?” and we will find that actually, we don’t have to.



Finally with scarcely any money to spend we will begin to hold companies up to their advertising claims and re-discover that consumers have rights. The good thing is, when consumers get more demanding, workers get treated better because exploitative employers (you know who you are) will be forced to pay up for better quality employees or train, motivate and remunerate their current staff to meet consumer demands.

5. Creative People

Necessity is the mother of all invention. During times of excess and unbridled spending tackiness prevails! True creative people are overshadowed by well funded mediocrity. I submit as evidence, the late 80s. When the economically challenging 90s hit, accompanied by AIDS crossing over into the white, heterosexual, middle classes, suddenly people lost their tolerance for the tackiness and fluff.

When the tackiness of the 80s boom ended it was goodbye to over-produced Paula Abdul and Poison and hello to Melissa Etheridge and Nirvana. On the local scene, rapso (3 Canal) and alternative rock (Orange Sky) broke through.

The true musicians, singers/songwriters re-emerged along with inspired new geniuses and new genres. It was goodbye to over-produced Paula Abdul and Poison and hello to Melissa Etheridge and Nirvana. On the local scene, rapso (3 Canal) and alternative rock (Orange Sky) broke through. After toiling in the proverbial dessert, artists from Peter Minshall to Rudder, Rikki Jai to Mungal Patassar finally found mainstream success in the 90s. The World Wide Web and internet innovators sprung up like mushrooms on the dying log of the old 80s economy. There was revolution after revolution in graphic and gaming software. Spielberg’s Jurassic Park paved the way for Peter Jackson’s Lord of The Rings.

Depressions and the first few years of emergence from them tend to be golden ages in film, design, art, music, advertising and more. My fellow creative people, no matter your subject or craft, our renaissance is coming! In particular, those of you poised to invent energy efficient technological breakthroughs, alternative fuels, renewable engineering and more, get ready!

6. Those Longing For A Revolution

It is precisely at these moments of change and crisis that the real patriots and leaders step forward and real political transformation becomes possible. You see, everyone wants to run the country when the oil money flowing, so they can take their share, enrich their friends and massage their egos with pappy show and pork barrel projects. But when there is nothing to spend, just adept and pro-active planning and resourceful budgeting, who wants the job? I’ll tell you who, the FDRs, Obamas and ANR Robinsons of this world.

Most importantly, without the distraction of spending and frivolity, the public’s focus will be aimed squarely at monitoring the government’s spending and performance. Our patience will be thinner. Our expectations will be higher an hopefully that will add up to sustained resolution to look beyond our race, class and religion and “put aside childish things” so that we never be fooled by race, rum & roti politricks again.

7. The Ones Who Honour Mother Earth

When President Obama told his people, “The time has come for us to make some hard choices,” Mother Earth was probably like, “Well, it’s about time!” The chiefs of aboriginal tribes were also going, “We told you so! In the end you will all have to live more like us, in harmony with nature.”

Those we thought stupid and primative will now seem so smart.

As the Mayan calendar approaches the time of earth awakening, this recession is a gift. It is an early wake up call that our overly patriarchal, man-made systems are at odds with the planet, starting with an economy based on rampant, indiscriminate consumption. There is no way this can co-exist with a clean, green, livable planet and that is why this recession had to happen! We can either hit the snooze button or WAKE UP, rub the yampee out of our eyes and get a head start on the dawn of a new era.

I don’t mean to sound like one of those “end times” alarmists but Armageddon is certainly coming! However not for the reasons or in the way most expect, so relax. It is not God’s vengeance on anyone for we puny organisms cannot hurt the feelings of a Being as Supreme as that. Besides, we were already created with a mechanism for self-punishment and live in a universe designed for balance and karmic justice. God does not need to overkill just for kicks or to prove He is boss. Armageddon is also not the end of the planet. But make no mistake, something WILL end!



It is not God, we should be considering this time but Goddess. I hope you have not forgotten about Her? How foolish have we been to think that in a universe where everything has an opposing force, that a masculine Divine Being did not have a feminine aspect too? Yes, we have neglected Her for a long, long time and that is unfortunate. You see, unlike our Father who has more of a spiritual, cerebral relationship with us, our Mother has much more of a physical, material relationship with us. To put it another way, Father is like the air we breathe while Mother is the lungs that allow us to take in Father's air. You can buy the most expensive equipment to have the purest air in the world but if your lungs have been damaged by abuse and neglect, your body will never be healthy. By neglecting, raping and plundering our Mother, we have only hurt ourselves, our home and in fact handicapped our ability to also receive Father's gifts as well. When She begins Her process of renewal our current global system of governance and enterprise WILL end.

The only suffering that will be had by those during this “earth awakening” will be by those who cling to the old system for their entire sense of personhood and cannot live as simply as indigenous people do without extreme discomfort.

The indigenous peoples knew this all along. There were like the wise parent who sees their child going astray and after trying hard to impart wisdom to no avail, knows they have no choice but just allow what must happen, happen. To our blinded eyes, they surrendered, seemingly defeated by our conquest and dominion over nature. We thought them primitive and stupid for not wanting to live like we do. But they were just hanging back and letting us kid ourselves. The only suffering that will be had by those during this “earth awakening” will be by those who cling to the old system for their entire sense of personhood and cannot live as simply as indigenous people do without extreme discomfort. It gives a whole new meaning to what Jesus meant when he said how difficult it will be for a rich man to enter the kingdom and why the poor and meek are actually more blessed. The natural disasters and diseases that result from Mother’s enema will torment those who fear death because they do not understand we are everlasting souls. Those who mistakenly felt superior to others because of race, religion, nationality or class will scramble for a sense of justice when they see Mother does not discriminate at all. All Her children will be collected into Her womb for recycling.

We abide in Mother's domain. How stupid it was of us to forget all about Her. How hard it will be for some when we are all reminded of just how powerful She is.

Right now, we are at a crossroads where we can either continue down the same road we have been going since the Bronze Age and rising dominance of monotheism and fixed, unchanging Gods that also require us to “fix” nature and “control” it or have a massive overhaul of the now defunct and damaging personal, spiritual, social, political and economic status quo. We can choose to give in to fear of change and allow those aging farts in power who control 95% of the world’s wealth to act as if the ground has not already shifted beneath our feet. Or, we can challenge them and ourselves to adjust to the new topography.

The last days of the Capitalist Pigs are upon us. We can either recognise this early on or still allow the aging farts in power who control 95% of the world’s wealth to act as if the ground has not already shifted beneath our feet.

In conclusion, yes, certainly there will be hardship and sacrifice. There will be tears and loss. There will be those who will give in to despair and as always, crime, destitution and greed will plague us. The matters we have neglected for so long; social transformation, healthcare, children’s welfare, equal rights for all, environmental responsibility will bite us back…hard. Instead of choosing the nobler ideals of the American dream, we along with the rest of the world chose to chase the rankest, tackiest superficialities of it. Now we are finding out the Yanks we emulated were chasing after a mirage bought on credit, unfair trade, exploitative labour, foreign oil, unfair wars, support of corrupt dictatorships, bloodshed and environmental plunder. Unfortunately, some obtuse Trinis with poor self-esteem will continue to chase it still, long after the Americans have realized they need to change and have voted for change. These gauche Trinis will buy nine hundred thousand dollar Porches on credit, not for the genuine love of Italian engineering but wasted flam on our traffic and pothole ridden streets. They will go ahead with the Summit and plan a second one.

For some of us, it will be the third or fourth major recession in their lifetime. For some like me, it will their second and for those born in the 90s, and raised on cable, foreign brands and throw away food, this will be their first ever. They will have it extra hard. One thing is certain no matter if you can recall the fallout of the first boom years or not this will be the last chance we all have to positively turn around the fate of our human civilization and our planet. Are you prepared to dig deep for a true sense of identity, pride and personal fulfillment?

For some, their perception of The End will be far less traumatic. Their happiness, peace of mind and spiritual fulfillment was never tied up in our man-made systems. How I envy them.

Finally Break Free From Your Irreparably Dysfuctional Family

If you are blessed with a wonderful family, I hope you not only appreciate it but tell them and show them so everyday. Not everyone is born into a family which they can love, be loyal to, trust, depend on and with whom find emotional and spiritual succor.

The picture perfect family or at least something close to it does exist and those who have it are blessed indeed.

Much is often said about the breakdown of family life, particularly among certain socio-economic and ethnic groups. Despite the much written about plight of fatherless children and lack of parental supervision among African American and Afro-Caribbean families, it has been noted by sociologists that among this group the “ideal of family ties” is still extremely strong. Among Afro, Indian, Syrian and families of Asian descent living in the West, there is a much stronger emphasis on family than their European and European descended fellowmen. Extended family is still important as is regular interaction with relatives, even the “pumpkin vine” family. Most importantly, young people are more likely to stay with parents longer among this demographic. You simply do not get black, Indian, Syrian and Asian children legally emancipating themselves from their parents. Kids take longer to leave the nest compared to our European descended counterparts, particularly from the middle- classes. As a rule, we tend to stick it out with our family even when it may not be in our best interests.

Imagine if you were not related to this person, would you of your own volition invite them into your life, knowing what you know about them? Think about that for a moment and now weigh the illusion of “blood-ties” against the effect this person has had and is having on your life. Is the tangible or intangible benefit of the blood tie worth the effect on your mental, emotional, financial, spiritual well being?

In Trinidad and Tobago, family is family even if they are poisonous to your health. With the rarity of professional family counseling, personal therapy and just good old fashioned self-sufficiency, dysfunction is often the glue that holds households together. Blood is thicker than water and will cover everything from neglect to abuse to outright hostility. I know of friends and relatives who torture themselves time and time again by actively seeking out the company of family members who make their lives a living hell. Why? Obligation, guilt, low self-esteem, desperation for approval, dependency and a habit of thinking others come first and self-sacrifice is nobler than self-preservation. Many of these attributes masquerade as, “Family loyalty,”.

In Trinidad and Tobago, like most of the Caribbean, family ties, extend to "pumpkin vine" and tend to be extremely strong. Most will put up with almost intolerable dysfunction because of this tradition of family loyalty.

That is not to say true family loyalty based on uplifting virtues does not exist. I think those with great families are truly set apart. They must have conquered major karma in their past life to be given such a wonderful vacation from family strife in this life. My awe of them is all the more potent because I was not born into a great family. I won’t get into the horrific details because I now choose to dwell on the precious few moments of joy and positive interactions I can remember from my childhood. Despite forgiving and choosing to re-shape my memories, I am not stupid. I am not going to place my trust in those who have proven themselves unworthy of it. I am not going to give credence to their opinions or live according to their expectations. Many may say, “Well that means you did not really forgive your family.” You see, for some people, forgiveness means falling back into the same old pattern of victimization as before. In other words, a woman who forgives a man who has raped and murdered her child must demonstrate her pardon of him by allowing her other children to fraternize with that same man again. Ridiculous isn’t it? So is setting up yourself to be hurt by your kin over and over again.


I have been essentially on my own since I was 19, with just my partner and true friends forged over many years, as my adopted family. My exile from my family has given me tremendous freedom but it comes with many complications. For example it was necessary for me to make living will and power of attorney documents to specifically bar family members from having any say in health and financial decisions for me, should I be incapacitated. This is something many never have to think about. They simply trust their family will have their best interests at heart and respect their wishes. Yes, it’s kinda sad knowing that you are unable to trust those responsible for your birth and upbringing. Anyone would want to hold their daddy’s hand and have mummy comfort them in times of sickness and not worry if their parents will be opportunistically looking for a way to take advantage of the situation. Trust seems like such a basic right a child ought to have towards their parents. So much so, that many kids with untrustworthy parents continue to delude themselves and trust them anyway just to satisfy that need.

For some people, forgiveness means falling back into the same old pattern of victimization as before. In other words, a woman who forgives a man who has raped and murdered her child must demonstrate her pardon of him by allowing her other children to fraternize with that same man again. Ridiculous isn’t it? So is setting up yourself to be hurt by your kin over and over again.

Even my lawyer was stunned someone so young was asking for a living will and power of attorney and admitted it was rare in Trinidad and Tobago. The times I have been hospitalized and asked, “Which family member to call?”, I have had to be very firm about insisting my partner is the only family to contact, even if I cannot prove relation and our status is not legally recognized by this backward government. Fortunately, private clinics and hospitals are flexible because you pay for your care and the customer is right regardless of whether the head matron likes gay people or not. My honeybunch stayed with me all night when I had to have surgery and doctors briefed her on everything that was happening. Still we had to pay through the nose for that privilege.

So, what about you? Are you having problems with your family? Is there a grown child, parent, sibling, in-law who has proven time and time again to be toxic to your emotional, spiritual and physical well being? What are you going to do about it? Are you going to operate under a misguided notion of “family loyalty” because of culture, religious and societal dictates for yet another year or are you finally going to set yourself free. Does the thought of setting yourself free make your heart fall into your stomach and panic set in? Do you immediately think, “I will be a bad, ungrateful, disrespectful daughter, wife, sister, niece, aunt etc. if I do that!”

Relax, take a deep breath and consider a few things for a while. Imagine if you were not related to this person, would you of your own volition invite them into your life, knowing what you know about them? Think about that for a moment and now weigh the illusion of “blood-ties” against the effect this person has had and is having on your life. Is the tangible or intangible benefit of the blood tie worth the effect on your mental, emotional, financial, spiritual well being? Get downright practical and do a PROs and CONs chart if need be. If the CONs seriously outweigh the PROs, you have some serious decisions to make.

Of course, you still have to manage the situation and many wonder how to do so. Here is what I can suggest.

1. Communicate about the problem. Let the person know how they have and continue to hurt you. If verbal communication is fraught with too much anger and is unproductive, write a letter or e-mail or diffuse the confrontation with a moderator (a family member who is impartial, loves both parties and just wants you to make peace). Make sure to be respectful and reinforce that you really do love this person and your greatest wish would be to have a great relationship with them. Allow time for their response and resolution.

2. If their response is one of further escalation of their ill-treatment towards you. You must GIVE THEM ROOM. Remove yourself from any more interaction until such a time the situation can be resolved in a mature, respectful, productive fashion.

3. If their response is one of denial or obstinate refusal to change even justification of their ill-treatment, depending on the threat level to your well-being, you will have to make a decision. If what they do is detrimental to your health, you MUST cut them off. I am sorry. There is no other way to say this. Just to be sure you know the degree of threat I am referring to, I am not talking about a nagging in-law who is just unpleasant to be around. I am talking about a nagging in-law who deliberately seeks to sabotage your marriage or harm your kids. Just so you know the difference.

4. Stay calm. Stay clear. Stay loyal to your self-worth and self-preservation. It is best not to make it about the other person. This is entirely about you! When asked for an explanation for your absence from family events or interactions with them, simply say, without vitriol, “It is better for my sanity and my well being to stay away from you and simply not engage in any conversation, comments with or about you. I am in neutral position as far as we are concerned. Please be assured that I will not do or say anything against you. I love you, forgive you and wish the best for you (if you can bring yourself to that point) but this is an unhealthy relationship and it seems that I am the only one who acknowledges it and wants to change it. Without your commitment to making it better, I have no other choice. I will continue to hope and pray this will change one day. Till that time, please respect my stance. God bless.”

If the person is truly a bastard and continues to provoke, stick to your guns. DO NOT BE BAITED INTO INVESTING YOUR ENERGY IN FURTHER ENTANGELEMNT WITH THEM!

If the person is truly a bastard and continues to provoke, stick to your guns. DO NOT BE BAITED INTO INVESTING YOUR ENERGY IN FURTHER ENTANGELEMNT WITH THEM! This pacifist, neutral position, based on forgiveness and surrender to a Higher Power is a POWERFUL and PROTECTIVE one. You are given a vacation from the pain and time to heal. The other person is forced to confront their demons now that they no longer have you as their punching bag. In addition, your refusal to engage in hostilities earns you respect and credibility where it counts.

While you stick to your guns, here is a little analogy to ease your guilt and steel your will. I call it “A Choice Of Swimming Pools.”

A long time ago, before this life, you were shown an endless field, dotted with a vast number of swimming pools of every kind. You got to choose which pool had the right temperature, depth, chlorination, salination, swimming companions, life quards, pool toys, microbes, size and shape for your soul’s educational needs. Your pre-born, conscious soul, from its pre-earthly vantage point was of course a lot more “in touch” with the master plan of your Creator. It knew then and still knows now that both perceived pain and pleasure are necessary for your education and evolution. Without contrast there can be no momentum, no momentum means no growth and no growth means no life.



So your soul chose the best swimming pool with the right pain:pleasure ratio to teach you what you need to know based on your needs and your energy debits and credits to the universe (karma). For some, their soul chose a swimming pool with a pleasant temperature, wonderful swimming companions and features that completely satisfies and bouys them up throughout life. Initially, you might think them lucky to be born into such a swimming pool. But every soul needs contrast to climb. They too have challenges to trigger growth in their personality, intellect and health.
In your case however, your soul decided you needed an icy cold pool that was heavily chlorinated, extremely deep, with no toys and stingy, cruel swimming companions who would not be generous enough to teach you how to swim and instead dunk you repeatedly until your lungs scream and eyes burn red.

Now here you are today, still in that pool. The cold water is as torturous as it ever was even though it made you thick-skinned and hardy. The chlorine dried out your skin and is damaging your eyes but it made you care less about superficial appearances in others. Your unpleasant swimming companions inadvertently taught you how to hold your breath for a long time and be a stronger swimmer because of their bullying ways in the pool. You may not fully understand why you were so “unlucky” to have been born into such a hostile swimming pool but you have reached a certain point in your personal development where you know for sure that you are no longer in need of such a harsh swimming environment. You look around you and there are other pools and some of them look nice, warm, fun , inviting with caring swimmers who take care of each other. While you are grateful for all the good lessons so harshly learnt, your home pool is now doing more harm than good. You should leave. So what is stopping you?

Well, even though they hurt you, you cannot help but feel a certain familiar affection for your sadistic swimming companions. Suppose those seemingly caring swimmers in other pools reject you? Better stay with the devil you know right? Yes the water in your pool is chemically harsh and cold but it at least it is familiar. Your skin has been damaged for so long, suppose nice clean, warm water puts it into shock? Then on top of everything, every time you peer longingly over to the other pools and approach the ladder to climb out, your brutal swimming companions tell you,
“Hey! This is YOUR pool! We are YOUR swimming companions like it or not! You do not deserve anything else. You cannot leave and we cannot leave. If you leave it means you do not love us!”

At first, you believe them. Then one day, a final straw of suffering breaks your back and you find yourself darting up that ladder and climbing out the pool that has hurt and helped your soul grow at the same time. You look back just one last time as your former swimming companions watch on in shock and dismay. You are scared but you steel your will and tell yourself, “I have learned what I had to learn and paid my karmic debt to the Universe.”

You had no idea this self-preserving part of you was inside all along and it had a voice. Even though you do not realize it yet, this is the soul part of you that knows things your ego and emotions do not. It knows that the time has come to evolve in this life and build your credit by living a peaceful, contented life that allows you to contribute more to others.

“Who the hell do you think you are?!” scream your former swimming companions.
“I deserve better! I know everyone thinks I do not but for some reason I cannot understand, I feel like I should love myself!” you say and never turn back.

Bravely, you approach a brand new swimming pool and put your toe in. It is luxuriously warm. To your great pleasure and relief, the swimmers in the pool smile at you and beckon you in. You dive bomb with joy and proceed to spend a few years of productive, healthy recovery and growth in that pool. You don’t grow as much as explosively blossom. After years of hardship, your strength makes you unstoppable in this new, softer environment. Your only handicap is guilt, doubt, self-punishment and thinking you do not deserve such goodness along with the fear it is too good to be true and one day your new swimming companions will ask you to leave.
“If they reject me, my old swimming companions are just waiting to laugh at me and throw it in my face.”

You worry and obsess over it so much, you actually attract it and one day you are asked to leave the nice warm pool that was like Nirvana to your once battered body. This is bad. Quite a let down! For a while you are crushed and stand up, pooless, torn between trying another new swimming pool or going back to the swimming pool you were born into.
“I can’t go back! No matter what, I can only go forward!” you say. It is not easy for you. Your first ever swimming companions are laughing at you and saying, “Told you so!”. Your new swimming companions have tired of your neediness and lack of self-worth. You are all alone.

Or are you?

It is at that moment you realise that your skin, once damaged by the harsh chemicals of your home swimming pool has long healed and is healthy and glowing. Your eyes have long recovered from the chlorine damage. You still have your strength, which is remarkable for someone your age, with the disadvantages you have suffered. Despite everything, somehow, it seems like there is a plan that takes care of you. You decide to trust it. It tells you,
“Did you know little child that you do not have to join anyone elses’ swimming pool? You can design and dig your own pool and fill it with just your kind of water and invite just your kind of swimming companions. You have the ability to do it!”

Wow! You had no idea! You decide to give it a try and as soon as you resolve to make it happen, the tools appear for you to do it. In time, you have a nice pool all your own. It is your design, your colour, your kind of water and just right for you. Well, not just you. Lo and behold, a friendly person shows up, tips their toe in and asks if they can join you. You let them in and they turn out to be a wonderful swimming companion who also wants to help you maintain the pool and add their little touches to it. In time, you have a gorgeous lagoon-like pool that could rival that of the Playboy Mansion, grotto and all.

Sadly, you cannot invite your old swimming companions into your pool because unless they are willing to completely change, they will contaminate your hard earned swimming space. And you cannot return to their unhealthy swimming pool either. But if unconditional love prevails, there is no reason why you cannot both step out of your pools and meet at the nearby gazebo.

Still, it bugs you that your first ever swimming companions are so far away now. It bugs you even more that they are still in such unhealthy water back at the old swimming pool and still being so unkind, especially now that you know how wonderful life could be for them if they could only see beyond their own experiences. Sadly, you cannot invite them into your pool because unless they are willing to completely change, they will contaminate your hard earned swimming space. You call them from time to time but they keep on insisting,
“If you want to have a relationship with us, you have to come into our pool and swim our way. If you love us, you will come back into our swimming pool.”
“I cannot do that,” you tell them. “It is unhealthy for me! Can’t you see how radiant I am now? I don’t want to go back to how I was! It does not mean I do not love you but what I have built here is beyond anything I have ever had!But I am willing to compromise, we can both step out of our pools and meet by the gazebo nearby.”

Although they hate to admit it, the proof is evident. They can see how well you look; how strong you are; how happy you are and how well you are doing not just for yourself but for others as well. They have before them ample evidence that happiness, fulfillment and love is not contingent on their way of doing things and perhaps even that their way hinders it just a little bit.

You are not about to wait for them to change because it is not about them anyway, it never was. You are now challenged to learn how to accept the good in your life with total gratitude and a feeling of deservedness no matter which pool you started off in.

You were given an amazing ability. Once you are able to take responsibility for your soul's growth, you can design and dig your own pool and fill it with just your kind of water and invite just your kind of swimming companions. So do it and dive in!

No More New Year's Resolutions!

We are well into January already but I still want to say Happy New Year to everyone who visits my blog.

I have no New Year’s resolutions for 2009 because I tend not to set overly specific yearly goals. If there is anything life has taught me is that my Creator knows infinitely better what is perfect for me than I do. Whenever I allow my own ego to dictate what, where and when, it never turns out as completely beneficial to my soul as when I allow myself to be guided moment by moment, living totally in the now.

I watch my colleagues struggling to run the rat race everyday and I want to tell them, “Slow down and just leave a little room for frivolity, doubt and other options. In that time between rushing and that space between tightly packed together bits of certainties; that is where the Divine can infiltrate and make things happen beyond your wildest expectations.

Case in point: At one time I had convinced myself that the way out of my rut in Trinidad was to study, live and work in the US. I resolved to make it happen the next year and started striving towards that goal with everything I had. One day, desperate for validation that my dreams of a new life in America would come true I visited one of my spiritual counselors who is also a healer and psychic. She’s really good and unlike the scam artists out there, she is known only by those in the know. She does not advertise and shies away from publicity and money-making exposure. She constantly amazes me and that time was no different. When she told me that I would soon be leaving Trinidad, I was so happy. Then when she added, “For a Caribbean island,”. I was bummed. I asked her which island and she said she was getting a vibe about St. Lucia.

St. Lucia was the farthest thing from my mind and my plans. I knew nobody in that island. I had never been and had no intention of ever going. I had no reason to even think there would be any prospects there. I convinced myself that this time, my spiritual sister was off base…..way off base.

About six months later I was let go from Lonsdale Saatchi & Saatchi after they lost the TSTT account. I started freelancing as a writer, still planning my escape to the USA. All of a sudden my plans hit a snag, a financial snag. I had a serious moment of crisis of everything from faith to my relationship with my fiancée. Just when it seemed hopeless, I was presented with three job offers. One was a position as a senior creative writer in Jamaica. As a lesbian who has grown comfortable living honestly among a little tolerant niche here in Trinidad, that offer was no dice! I have heard the horror stories about Jamaica directly from gay people, including a lesbian who was gang raped and then told, "It good for you!" from the police when she reported it.

The other was a position as a writer in a local ad agency. I was seriously considering it. Then the last offer was to take a challenge and lead the creative team at a fledgling new agency in, you guessed it, St. Lucia. I chose St. Lucia and it was only when my plane was landing in Castries I remembered the psychic reading and had an “Ah ha!” moment.

Since that time, I have had a good look back at my life and it is very clear, there is a Purpose and a Hand guiding things that is infinitely wiser than I am. Yes, it is scary to live this way sometimes but the reward is less stress, more contentment, fuller living, richer experiences and most of all a feeling of being free of this race to, “get somewhere”, often against the flow of the Universe and against your best interests. I watch my colleagues struggling to run the rat race everyday and I want to tell them, “Slow down and just leave a little room for frivolity, doubt and other options. In that time between rushing and that space between tightly packed together bits of certainties; that is where the Divine can infiltrate and make things happen beyond your wildest expectations".

So if you do not set yearly goals how do you know your soul is making progress at all? Well, why measure goals year by year? Why not set a life goal for your soul’s present stint on this planet instead of short term goals that only fulfill what you can see over the tip of your nose for the next twelve months. We have a way of dropping the ball when we think, "Ah I've arrived!". I know of women who make a new year's resolution EVERY YEAR to lose weight. All they see is the weight they have now, not the long term cause behind it. By August or so, they lose the desired amount of pounds. By Christmas they have gained it all back. They have to resolve to lose it again. It is so much better to just address the cause and know that it will be a LIFETIME of work. When the New Year comes, all you have to say is, "Well, the journey continues! I am on my way, YEAH!"

My life goal is to fearlessly pursue and enjoy inner peace, happiness and real abundance that comes from connection with my Divine Parents, knowing myself, allowing myself to be loved, loving others and my earthly home. How do I know if I am making headway? Well, I look at how often I got angry and vengeful or self-loathing and full of despair and measure it against how often I was understanding and forgiving and loved myself and demonstrated faith in my Divine Parents. Keeping a journal helps you to chart this a lot better. Things like material gains, career accomplishments, health & beauty, sex life, relationships all fall into place around those simple measurements.

Last year, I had one less moment of utter despair and doubt in my Divine Parents than the year before, so I guess I am learning finally. Go me! Now that I have first ten feet down, I have the rest of the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,+ feet to climb!

And What Was All The Fuss About?

It’s over! Christmas has come and gone and as John Lennon once asked, “And what have we done?” Really what?

The recession boogie man and fearful financial forecasts revealed a glaring deficiency in our Christmas celebrations. It is now so obvious that many people’s “reason for the season”, is as weak as the justification for the celebration itself.
Without money to spend or without the will to spend too much of it to create the usual showy display of Christmas magic, namely, perfectly painted homes, blinding lights, presents for every man jack, enough grog to open a bar and enough food to feed a small village, many householders were rather Scroogy this year. Those who tried to maintain the glitz are now gnashing their teeth in expectation of the credit card bill.

To add insult to injury, this year even Mother Nature seemed to revolt against the season with torrential rains during what is supposed to be our Petit Carem of clear blue skies with bright sunshine in the day and clear starlight nights with balmy breezes in the evening. Instead we had gloomy views, floods, landslides and a dank, humid and bothersome air all around us. The crime rate escalated during a season that celebrates the, “Prince of Peace”. The traffic had people feeling anything but, “Goodwill to all men,”, it was more of a, “Get outta meh blasted way!” vibe that not even a strong ponche a crème could have cured. Road fatalities reached natural disaster proportions.

Many were trying desperately to hold on to some kind of substantiation for the season. On the Gayelle Channel, there was a call-in segment with Conrad Paris on the true meaning of Christmas. He seemed rather depressed that for so many, the season had no spiritual significance. Then again, the spiritual foundation of the celebration has been hindered by the fact that almost everyone knows by now that Jesus Christ was not born on December 25th. Nowhere in the New Testament did Christ decree for his followers to observe his birthday, in fact the first Christians never celebrated Christmas. Everyone knows we are basically celebrating a “made-up” religious holiday.

Where did Christmas come from?

In the 4th century CE, Christianity was adopted by the Roman Empire but it was still a struggling sect as far as popularity went, bombarded on all sides by pagans throughout the empire. Most preferred their polytheistic spirituality and worshiped the Sun God, especially his re-birth during the Winter Solstice from December 21st. In the eastern territories of Rome, they too observed the birth of their Gods through the Goddess from Osirius to Mithras.



Yule logs, evergreen trees and mistletoe are all pagan in origin.

To the north in Germany, Gaul and Britannia, pagans and Druids danced around the fire during Winter Solstices, burned Yule logs, decorated evergreen trees. Mistletoe was used by Druid priests 200 years before the birth of Christ in their winter celebrations. They revered the plant since it had no roots yet remained green during the cold months of winter. The ancient Celtics believed mistletoe to have magical healing powers. Enemies who met under mistletoe would lay down their weapons and embrace. Scandanavians associated the plant with Frigga, their Goddess of love, and it may be from this that we derive the custom of kissing under the mistletoe although the pagans did a lot more than kissing under it, if you know what I mean. In Rome, the people observed Saturnalia which celebrated the rebirth of the Invinsible Sun-God and the God of cultivation Saturn. It too occurred around the Winter Solstice, the time of the longest night from which point the sun waxed in strength and the days began to get longer. December 25th was the high point of the celebration.

So here it was that all around the Christians, these merry pagans had engaging, exciting festivities full of dance, song and revelry. What did the Christians have to compete with it? Nothing. Christianity was supposed to be a very staid, unadorned, decidedly somber religion with just Christ on a cross, rejection of all materialism and pleasure in favor of heavenly reward after death. If you read the letters of the Apostle Paul, you can derive that he would be the greatest party pooper in history. In addition Christianity was an off-shoot of the Jewish tradition and Jews never celebrated births, not even of important figures. How a person died was of more significance than the date they were born. Still, despite this precedent, the early Christian church in Rome had to do something to be more appealing to the masses. They needed to market Christianity to pagans as a religion that was also celebratory and ritualistic.



The early Roman Catholic Church had to find a way to compete with the merriment and festivals of the pagans. Christianity was a very unadorned and staid religion by comparison and the pagans loved their celebrations, like Saturnalia, the observation of the rebirth of the Invincsible Sun (seen here) celebrated from December 21st to 25th.

That was how it came to pass that the early Roman Catholic church, hoping to win more pagan converts to Christianity, promised the pagans that they could continue to celebrate the Saturnalia as Christians. Of course, there is nothing intrinsically Christian about Saturnalia. To remedy this, these Christian leaders named Saturnalia’s concluding day, December 25th, to be Jesus’ birthday. In 529 A.D, five centuries after Jesus Christ, that Emperor Justinian made Christmas a civic holiday. Throughout the empire, from Asia Minor to the British Isles and Scandinavia, the pagans, now young Christian converts, melded their old traditions with that of this strange new religion which they were now obligated to follow under pain of death.
It was centuries later when the authorized Bible became available to the common people in England by the decree of King James the II in 1611 that people began to discover the pagan roots of Christmas. It would surprise many to know that one of the reforming sects to come out of Protestant England, the Puritans, outlawed Christmas as heathen and witchcraft. Early America was not the Christmas frenzied place it is now when the Puritans came over to colonize the North Eastern States, like Massachusetts. In fact, Christmas was only resurrected later on thanks to the arrival of Roman Catholics from Ireland, France, Spain and Portugal, along with the other Lutheran originated sects that still chose to overlook the decidedly non-Christian roots of the festival. If the Puritans held more sway, America would be quite different when it came to Christmas today.


I know some Christians who love Christmas to the bone and the shock of this historical truth makes them take great insult. Many who already know the truth simply choose to overlook it and concentrate on the warm, fuzzy feelings of the season, which revolve mainly around family, feasting and fun. However, as we have seen, when these become unavailable, because of financial constraints, there is little of any significance to fill the deep void. For some, the feeling of betrayal they feel when they learn that Christmas is a ripped-off, hodge-podge of other ancient cultures and their symbols, dates and spirituality and has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus’ birth, is similar to that heart crushing day when they found out that their parents were lying to them about Santa Claus.
Perhaps it is for this reason, more than anything else, that so many cannot find it in their heart anymore to continue with what they see as a religious charade. Perhaps it is why it is so hard to fight the commercialization and secularisaton of the season. If it truly was based on something real, there would be no way to justify making it politically correct, no matter who it offended. But how can you honestly get angry when the PC police change “Merry Christmas” to “Happy Holidays” when Christmas has nothing to do with Christ in the first place and the religious tradition was based on pagan plagiarism?

I am not Christian. I am an independent spiritual journey-maker. I had a wonderful, pleasurable Winter Solstice celebration on December 21st, full of spiritual ecstasy, deep reverential communing with my Divine Father, magical work, feasting and love-making. I can celebrate this season and do so with authenticity. While I admire and appreciate deeply what Jesus taught, what his work and sacrifice means to me and I agree with much of the Christian spiritual message, when it comes to observances, I’d rather follow what is true, original and organically meaningful. However, I respect everyone’s right to celebrate what they choose and rather than rib my Christian friends over this conundrum they face, I would like to help them recapture some kind of authentic value in what they are celebrating on December 25th, even if it is not the actual birthday of Jesus. After all, it should not be the job of anyone to try to convert anyone else away from their spiritual path but help them walk their path more truly in peace and happiness.

So what is the truth, the universal truth about the Divine being born? Why do so many religions have the dynamic of a male Divine Being being re-born through a female, every year? What is the significance of rebirth? Perhaps through understanding this truth and why it is so spiritually poignant can help struggling Christians appreciate their remake of the original.

It used to be that early Christians, before Roman influence, only concentrated on how Jesus lived, his message and the significance of his death. The later addition of his birth by the powerfully elected Roman Church created a wheel of life very similar to what pagans had. First, God is born through a female, whether a mortal woman or a Goddess or some combination of both. God reaches full power, creates, heals, inspires. God sacrifices his life for the good of mankind. God is reborn again. Repeat.

For the pagans, the Sun and the harvest was seen as a parallel of the God. The cutting down of the vine and the wheat coincided with the waning of the sun and represented the God being sacrificed for humankind’s sake. In our tropical climate here in Trinidad and Tobago, it may be hard to deeply feel the significance of the sun. We take it for granted. However, if you have ever experienced the bitter cold of winter, you know that it is vital to life. Its seeming cycle around the earth (actually it is the earth revolving around the sun) is like the cycle of life itself. For indigenous people’s who derive their spirituality from nature, the equation is very simple. Within this simplicity is a deeper truth. Like the sun, God brings us life. Change is the very essence of life and so a life-giving God must therefore undergo transformation. God’s death and rebirth every year or at least the celebration of it, is the recognition that God represents ultimate life and ultimate transformation. Through God’s transformation, we too can transform and grow and our transformation and growth is evidence that we too are alive in God.

For Christians, this transformation can be their decision to follow Christ and accept salvation through him. This is what is truly significant about his birth, whenever it happened. For those of us for whom salvation is not an issue, the Winter Solstice, is the celebration of our long year’s walk with God and the hope of a new dawn of yet another leg of our soul’s journey in the coming year. My growth as in infinite being, created by an even more Infinite God, is as assured as the sun that rises on that Winter Solstice dawn because I am bonded to a God that also grows, at light year speeds no less.



Winter Solstice celebration by modern day pagans and spiritual eclectics at Stonehenge.

So, okay, Christ was not born on December 25th but there can be no doubt that the messages of peace, joy, hope and generosity of heart and spirit are vital to our souls as individuals and as a community, Christian or not. If Scrooginess took hold because of low cash flow, criminal bombardment, empty materialism and over-sensitive secularism, remember this, at the heart of every tradition is a seed of truth somewhere. If you hold on to just that while the convoluted Christmas hurricane swirls around you, you will be safely rooted and ready to blossom after the chaos of the season settles.







All around the world, in almost every religious tradition, a Goddess or mortal woman gives birth to a God. There is a universal truth to be found in this.

Hope you had a Merry Christmas and/or blessed Yuletide! If you didn’t have one this year, may the one in 2009 be far more meaningful, for the right reasons.