June 13, 2010

Spiritual Authenticity Is The True Root Of Gay Pride

In the last “Grow Up” series, I addressed my Caribbean brothers and I was supposed to speak to my sistren next. However, June is Gay Pride Month and it would be remiss of me not to detour just a while to speak to my beautiful, talented, brave, gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual brothers and sisters. Yes, it’s time this former militant Caribbean gay activist calls it like it is.



In A Former Life…
Yes, I was a very outspoken gay activist in Trinidad. I was part of (GEATT), the Gay Enhancement Association of Trinidad and Tobago, now disbanded. I co-wrote newsletters, helped to organize counseling groups, attended Caribbean conferences like C-FLAG in Curacao in May of 1997, which brought gays and lesbians together from Jamaica, Haiti, Barbados, Suriname, Guyana, Netherlands Antilles, Trinidad and Tobago to address our common issues and forge crucial alliances. I participated in outreach HIV/AIDS awareness programmes for the MSM (Men Who Have Sex With Men) community on behalf of CAREC. My then partner and I took in, housed and counseled down and out or HIV positive youth with nowhere to go. I wrote editorials to the newspapers and went on late night talk shows and debated with religious opponents and addressed ignorant comments from callers with facts delivered calmly and eloquently.



Harvey Milk made it clear to his young group of gay advocates, "You cannot be a closeted gay activist.”


I used to see my gay brothers and sisters as helpless victims of injustice and misinformation, especially here in the Caribbean. However with time, experience and knowledge I came to see that personal responsibility plays the most important role in our lives. I became rather disenchanted with many of the things I saw going on in the gay “community” which is not really a community at all. It is more of a party/sex/entertainment scene. I lost respect for the “respectable” high profile people in Trinidad and Tobago who refused to come out of the closet and still refuse to openly acknowledge their sexuality. Even before the movie Milk came out, I took Harvey Milk’s words to heart when he said, “You cannot be campaigning for gay rights and be in the closet yourself! Come the hell out!”

The silence, hypocrisy, down-low behaviour and the lack of role models for gay Caribbean youth continues to allow the predators, blackmailers all the power and the religious haters the illusion of having the “moral high ground”. People can easily demonize what they cannot put a real face, life and personality towards. It’s even easier when the only time they ever see gay people is when we are at our worst- the lover’s spats that spill over into the public eye, the drag and boy prostitutes in down town Port of Spain and Curepe and the sleazy married doctors, lawyers, Government Ministers in their BMWs and Audi’s picking them up; the female prison-hardened dykes who would punch you soon as look at you, the down-low men caught in scandal due to blackmail or HIV exposure. We make it too easy for the bigots to lump us together with the pedophiles who rape children and people who rape livestock.



Scenes like this is what informs most people's perception of gays and lesbians here in the Caribbean.

In response I became a louder and prouder lipstick lesbian upholding virtues of sisterhood, charity and ethics. Other gay women called me, “The serious one,” and would say, “Doh mess with Jessie, she real high and mighty, she doh fool around at all!” The thing was, I grew wary of being one of a handful of voices in the wilderness crying out and exposing my life meanwhile my inner being, relationships and spiritual development took a backseat. That became especially clear when my first ever, serious lover horn my high and mighty, hard-working ass with a woman she met in Curacao when we attended the CFLAG conference together.

After one year of non-stop work, the crumbling of GEATT was perhaps the best thing to ever happen to me. At the peak age of 20, I found myself single and now forced to look after myself as well as look at myself…honestly. When I took a good, long hard look I did not like what I saw. I am not talking about my sexuality here. I have always been rather solid in that respect, coming out to strict evangelical parents at 15 and braving the consequences until I struck out on my own at 19. No, what I mean is, I did not like where I was emotionally and spiritually. I was a people pleaser yet hid deep cynicism. I was a passive aggressive coward, an “I am not worthy of love” consummate victim and an “angry with God” agnostic.
If you follow my blog then you know I am working hard to improve.

Thirteen years later, my approach to sexual rights has changed. It has become this holistic thing and the most important aspect of sexuality equality for me now is not political or social but spiritual.

Grow Up Gay Activists!
The war against gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people from the traditionalists and religious elements in society is not a political war, it is a spiritual one. Until we the gay community treat with this fight in such a manner, we will not make headway fast enough in the parts of the world still under religious fundamentalist influence. Unless we make ourselves healthy, happy and hardy, we will not be able to sustain this fight. Unless we nurture instead of sexually exploit the younger generation of gays and lesbians we will not gain respect. Until we take care of our aging or ailing gays and lesbians we will not inspire compassion. We must first heal ourselves spiritually, reclaim our unique spiritual power through love and trust and then become a coalesced spiritual force with which to be reckoned.



Gay/Straight Alliance. We are part of the same struggle for sexual freedom from religious tyranny and oppression.

If you are gay or lesbian and you feel me, then live it. Live it, even if you are surrounded by superficial, gossiping, exploiting, materialistic, dishonest, disrespectful, spiritually malnourished gay brothers and sisters. If there is no one to join in solidarity with you, then go it alone. You will attract the right people and you will find love, trust the Universe, you are Its child and you have powers you have not even begun to understand.



Relaxing at Gay Pride in Brighton 2006 with my Honey.

I did find love again. Today my partner of thirteen years and I go it alone without any gay community. I can honestly say I feel like we have done more advancing the image of gays and lesbians among the friends, family and colleagues in our small circle of influence here in the Caribbean and perhaps maybe even further. Our story is one of many featured in DV8 Physical Theatre of London’s stage production of To Be Straight With You, directed by Lloyd Newson. We have since embraced the philosophy of “work on your own shit first then let all see your light.” Only then both gays and straights will be inspired by you. We need our straight friends, family, workmates and community members to join our cause. Why?

Here’s the most maddening thing about this gay rights struggle- the illusion perpetuated by both the gay and the religious straight community that this fight is all about gay vs. straight. Actually it’s not.

This is about sexual freedom period vs. religious restriction. Persecuting homosexuals is the last frontier of a long war for the prudes who have been rebuked and driven out from most of straight people’s bedrooms. They lost countless battles before this one and gay-supporting heterosexuals remember them. They see through the “conservative family values” rose coloured lenses and remember how far they came since those times.



Don’t think a Westernised Christian version of this kind of repression cannot happen in our part of the world. We only recently came out of this mind-set, some still are in that mindset and are only just a few laws away from returning to it.


They recall the days before Alfred Kinsey’s research when the moral police fed misinformation as fact to straight young couples, like oral sex causes infertility, female orgasm is a myth and wives sometimes need a stern “taking in hand”. They remember the days of one-sided regimented virtue, arranged marriages, using The Apostle Paul as a marriage therapist, banning D.H. Lawrence and religious leaders telling abused wives it was their “cross to bear”. They remember when we treated any unmarried girl who was not a virgin with just a little more restraint than what the Taliban currently does. They remember white people’s inability to move their hips until the “negro-music” that inspired rock n roll re-taught them how, much to the chagrin of the religious prudes. They remember the witch burnings and Scarlet Letters. They see the Father/Daughter Purity Balls and know it is not far-fetched to think those days cannot return for even now. They see Dark Ages behaviour happening in the Middle East admist all the modern technology, information and media. They do not want that or Christian version of that gaining any ground in our society.

Abstinence-only programmes in the USA are pushed by the religious right and are notorious for spreading misinformation about sex or, selectively omitting certain things leaving young people twice as vulnerable to STIs and unwanted pregnancies.

This is the battle between those who have attached man-made religious morality systems to sex and those who prefer to walk a path of spiritual authenticity. What exactly do I mean by spiritual authenticity?

I sum up spiritual authenticity thusly:

1. Acceptance of at least the possibility that a Higher Power (however you choose to define it, as a being, energy, extraterrestrial) has been involved in the development of life on this planet.

2. Acceptance that scientific knowledge is spiritual knowledge. Study of the natural world and universal laws at work, reveals the Higher Purpose. Therefore there is no need to speculate or believe in opinions from an ancient book based on faith when it comes to any aspect of our human existence. All is revealed through testing and diligent, objective study.

3. Acceptance that the energy and inspiration of the Higher Power lives within all creation; for all came from that Source and serves a Its purpose. Therefore any exclusionary, absolutist, purification doctrines are based on man-imposed limitations not the Divine imposing limitations on us.




Heterosexuals who accept these three things have no problem accepting anomalies. Homosexuals and bisexuals who accept this have no problem being anomalies. They are empowered by an authentic spiritual outlook and radiate with self-love, creative and spiritual capability instead of shame, self-loathing and desperation to be accepted by bigots. They are able to see their Divine purpose truly and follow it fearlessly regardless of persecution and deliberate ignorance around them. They command respect of not just other sexual minorities but the sexual majority.

When you follow your Divine purpose and are pursuing it with integrity and honesty it results in positive contribution to society and positive impact on those around you. No one can deny your Divine right to be. They just look silly and out of touch when they do, like the people who protested Elton John performing in Tobago a few years ago. Thanks to the abundance of exposed religious hypocrites vs. out and proud gays who are doing good in this world and living a life of excellence and self-mastery more people are finally seeing what Christ said “By their fruits ye shall know them.”

Let’s explore spiritual authenticity a little more when it comes to sexuality.

Fundamentalism vs. Growth
The inauthentic spiritual approach fundamentally and legalistically embraces doctrine derived from early accounts of man’s quest to understand himself and the Divine. Instead of embracing the quest itself the fundamentalist blindly embraces ancient man’s first findings and conclusions on that quest. This fundamentalist refuses to accept that during the early stages of this quest, man’s ignorance of science, his inability to fully understand painful, negative, scary aspects of nature often led him to the wrong conclusions. Rather than celebrate that spiritual journey by placing it into context, the inauthentic religious person adopts the same state of mind of those primitive people 2000 years ago and seeks to perpetuate all their fears, ignorance and speculations as absolute truth.

The inauthentic spiritual approach chooses to ignore a very important facet of human existence- the more we live, the more we learn and the more we learn, the more we are expected to evolve and shed old thinking that is no longer true or productive. That is why we do not punish children for their parent's sins in our court of law or demand rape victims must prove they screamed or be stoned to death. It is why today we condemn things like slavery, genital mutilation and yes, violence and discrimination against gay people.


The fundamentalist seeks authenticity through faith it is “God’s thinking”, something which they cannot prove and leads to conflict when ancient text clashes with science and advancements in ethics and human rights. They will not admit these ancient texts are the musings of men just like them who had many man-made and selfish influences on their thinking and even worse, little objective scientific knowledge, therefore societal norms and personal agendas influenced their hand heavily.


If you are truly honest and brave, then going by the book will never be your path. You will choose a path of continuous enlightenment and use ancient maps as a rudimentary jumping off point. You do not simply accept anyone’s thinking as stationary, absolute, Divine truth just because it is old and I hope no one does the same for my writings if they survive far into the future. No, every word must be tested before proclaimed true. If you are a seeker of truth, you do not want to make assumptions. Faith prompted from fear, desperation, emotional longing, peer pressure and guilt will not appeal to your needs. You are willing to abandon old or inaccurate conclusions even if they are much venerated or even codling to your existing prejudices. Honesty trumps tradition for any authentic spiritual journey-maker.

What do I mean by “knowing for sure it is true”?

I mean true on two levels.

Actually True (Scientifically True) - given ALL the knowledge we currently know about EVERYTHING. It is so evident and universally provable that no faith is required to believe in it.

Ethically True (Morally True) - promotes love, peace, joy, long-suffering, kindness, goodness and the universal good of the human being regardless of the artificial variables of class, culture or creed.

The spiritually authentic seeker reads ALL spiritual maps of the world, old and new. They read historical research. They read cultural patterns. They listen and learn from those who preferred to preserve their wisdom in more mystical ways. Then they are able to put the superstitious and the scientific into proper context. Why does an authentic spiritual seeker want to understand the world for what it truly is? Because they believe…or rather they know that by understanding the truth of this world, they understand the truth of its Architect, whether that is a Higher Being, a sub-atomic force or some extraterrestrial entity.


Momentum has been part of our Universe since it exploded into being. With momentum comes change. A spiritual seeker needs to be comfortable with change and accept it is part of the Universal Design.

An authentic spiritual seeker is okay with change and growth. They accept the constant of change and momentum as a Universal Truth. If the very essence of life is change and growth and our Universe has been in motion since it exploded into existence, then the Source of that life must be THE ultimate change and growth. Therefore the authentic spiritual seeker’s understanding of the Divine is not a stagnant, unchanging Being but a dynamic, super-sonically evolving one that is always quadrillions squared degrees ahead of us.

Purification of Nature vs. Understanding and Acceptance of Nature
Early man was one scared creature and let’s face it, without knowledge of why and how things happen- volcanoes, earthquakes, diseases, death, menstruation, impartial sexual attraction, conflicting feelings, challenging human relations, you need some other way to justify and deal with their existence.

The primitive approach to this has always been to (1) Deify/Demonize or (2) Dominate/Destroy what causes fear, uncertainty or challenges physical and emotional human needs. Sex and sexuality encompasses so many needs- the need for sexual release, the need to possess, the need to survive, the need to be loved and protected.

Men whose natural testosterone-driven sexual urge was challenged by the female’s powerful and equally indiscriminate sexuality used the most primal law of nature at the time. The fittest gets what it wants at the weaker one’s expense. So if Og want pussy and Iga no give Og pussy, Og hit Iga with club, drag Iga and fuck Iga pussy till Og happy because Og bigger than Iga so Og get what Og want. The caveman who clubs the cavewoman and drags her off to be mated with against her will, does not know any better for he is a primitive man, a spiritual infant.



The “I take what I want because I am bigger and stronger” only worked for so long. Soon it became clear that forming harmonious societies was crucial to survival from outside attack from either competing clans or the wild elements. The grab, overpower and fuck consent or not, did not foster harmonious feelings. The females did not respond well to it. They felt ambivalent towards the offspring born from these encounters. Females traumatized by rape could not contribute as much to the society. Infants born from rape died more than infants born to consensual sexual relationships because consensual sex often formed a parenting bond between the pair, at least for a time, long enough for the young to learn to fend for itself. Being smart primates, we soon figured out this worked better for the survival of our endangered kind.

Our realization of this was our first realization that rape was wrong or bad for our society. We were still an up and coming species and animals outnumbered us, our morality was forged by a very simple basis- what harms the tribe is bad and what aids the tribe is good. I am sure, not all men were happy when this first piece of “legislation” on sex happened and restricted their testosterone-driven rapes. Now they had to learn self-restraint and still, some men have not evolved beyond this today.



Building cultural and religious traditions where the female is unclean or inferior in the eyes of God and therefore needs to be dominated and controlled as “purification” instead of accepting her authentic self and sexuality became the new way of clubbing her over the head to satisfy man’s testosterone fuelled, ego-driven personal, sexual and nation-building needs.

When our numbers increased, clans began to compete for resources and man became obsessed with “nation-building” and producing large armies to do it. They needed women to make babies round the clock and do so compliantly. Therefore, they built systems into the culture and religion to facilitate this and women did not realize this was just another example of Og get what Og want.

Today man still justifies these traditions as God-derived but we know better. No religious culture can prove God decreed their rules about sex. All an honest spiritual observer of history can conclude is that the Divine simply allows man autonomy to do as he pleases and we reap our rewards and punishments through the Universal Laws of Consequence.



Gay behaviour in lions. Everything that occurs in nature serves a Divine purpose. The same goes for homosexuality which is harmlessly prevalent in nature and therefore must serve a beneficial function as part of the Divine process.

The religious justifications for interfering with, mutilating, controlling the aspects of our natural sexuality is often rooted in “purification”. This seeks to make sex and our expression of sexuality and even our sexual anatomy less authentic by turning it into tool in the service of “God”. That way it becomes a little less dirty. The circumcised penis is a man-crafted, tool of insemination efficiency. It discourages masturbation (no pulling back the foreskin needed during puberty) and promotes maximum transference of semen as none gets trapped in the foreskin during intercourse. The mutilated vulva is a tool of suppression of female sexual prowess. It is just another more sophisticated way of clubbing women over the head to satisfy man’s testosterone fuelled, ego-driven personal, sexual and nation-building needs.



Grass has hundreds of genders, many species change genders and in nature the two-gender concept is the least represented one. Nature favours sexual diversity over uniformity.

The authentic spiritual seeker knows there is nothing unclean about menstruation or a woman’s clitoris or a man’s foreskin. Everything that occurs in nature serves a Divine purpose. The same goes for homosexuality which is harmlessly prevalent in nature and therefore must serve a beneficial function as part of the Divine process.
Science has revealed that in the animal and plant kingdom, the natural tendency is towards sexual diversity not sexual uniformity. Starting with gender. Our two-gender concept is the least represented one in nature. Grass for example has more than just XX and XY but hundreds of genders. There are more hermaphroditic, asexual and three gendered creatures on the planet than those with just two genders. Shrimp change genders with every mating cycle. As we go up the animal chain among reptiles and amphibians it gets even more interesting. Whiptail lizard females have the ability to reproduce through parthenogenesis and do not even need males. They simply stimulate each-other to ovulate.



Homosexual pair bonding between black male swans. They steal eggs from nests and rare the chicks themselves. Biologists have noted that the chicks raised by two male swans fare better than those raised by a heterosexual pair, as the two males are stronger and more able to defend the young against predators.

A 1999 review by researcher Bruce Bagemihl shows that homosexual behavior has been observed in close to 1500 species and for 500 of them, it has been well documented. These studies have been peer reviewed and published in Science Daily, The New York Times or access National Geographic Online for a wealth of more information. Homosexuality or homosexual behavior (courtship, sexual play, sexual intercourse, long-lasting pair bonds) has been observed in animal species ranging from bison to bottle-nose dolphins, dragon flies to penguins. Here are some remarkable examples:



Gay Sheep
After observing glaring homosexual behavior in male sheep (mounting other males, pair-bonding with other males) a study was conducted by Dr. Charles E. Roselli and others for the Oregon Health and Science University. Why? The Merck Manual of Veterinary Medicine considers homosexuality among sheep as a serious issue for farmers’ productivity. The study shows that homosexuality in male sheep (found in 8% of rams) is associated with a region in the rams' brains which the authors call the "ovine Sexually Dimorphic Nucleus" (oSDN) which is smaller than those of straight sheep.



Bisexual Bottlenose Dolphins
Georgetown University Professor of Biology and Psychology Janet Mann concluded from a study on male dolphins that homosexual relationships form a key part of sequestering females for reproduction. Male dolphins enter strong pair bonds , engaging in sexually affectionate behavior. When they find a female, they work together to isolate her and assist each other in mating with her. Then they go about their business leaving her to rare her young. The Professor believes that the strong sexual and social bonds among male dolphins benefits the species in an evolutionary context. The male bonds help the pod work together for protection as well as locating females for reproduction.



Lesbian Bonobos
Many animals live in matriarchal societies like the mythical Amazons. The females rule and pair-bond with one another while the males live to serve their reproductive needs. The bonobo, the gentler and more sociable cousin to the chimpanzee lives in such a society where both males and females engage in heterosexual and homosexual behavior but it is noted for female homosexuality in particular. Bonobos have the highest frequency of homosexuality among primates, including humans.
Dutch primatologist Frans de Waal has observed and filmed bonobos in the wild for many years and noted that sexual stimulation was used as a social bonding tool and a means to soothe disagreements. Bonobos use sex to divert attention and to diffuse tension. A jealous male might chase another male away from a female but after the two males reunite and engage in scrotal rubbing. A female might hit a juvenile and the latter's mother may lunge at the aggressor and immediately they make up by rubbing each other’s vulva area. This results in an extremely peaceful, sociable society compared to the war-like, noisy jostling for rank among chimpanzees.



Bisons Who Bull
The American Bison engages in mounting and full anal penetration between bulls. This has been observed and noted for generations starting with the first peoples of the Americas. The Native American Mandan Nation’s Okipa Festival does a ceremonial enactment of this behavior, to "ensure the return of the buffalo in the coming season." The Lakota People refer to the bison as pte winkte —pte meaning bison and winkte meaning two-spirit.

Any rational person who seeks truth in all things must come to the conclusion that since nature speaks for itself, it is the religious fundamentalist who is seeking to make nature behave in unnatural ways. The expectation that 7 billion individuals will fit into the exact same sexual practice is unnatural. It flies in the face of what nature is telling us and what nature tells us is what the Divine has decreed, which can be summed up below:

There shall be reproduction and there shall be deep bonding and sexual affection among the species but not necessarily all at the same time.

Not all animals in a social group will get to reproduce. There must be checks and balances on population. Some will sire offspring, others will help hunt, protect and nurture the society while adding no more population burden to it.

Gender shall be a diverse field.

Species that embrace their sexual roles and use it well will have peaceful, evolving, harmonious societies. Those that do not will feel the ill-effects.


Many fellow gays and lesbians disagree with my stance on gay parenting but it is my personal belief that you cannot argue for homosexuality being natural on the one hand then refuse to accept the message nature is sending.

"Be fruitful and fill the earth" is not ecologically sound. Certain parts of the world, particularly near the equator, should have smaller populations and remain mostly jungle and forest to help our planet BREATHE, provide a safe habitat for millions of species including millions of viruses that should remain safely within their fragile eco-systems.


Barring bisexuals, and those who discovered their true sexuality after having children, I see no need for me or any gay or lesbian to use science to mimic heterosexual reproduction. Is that really where our purpose lies or are we wasting our gifts by becoming another set of dare I say it-breeders, adding to our over-burdened planet? Are we robbing the world of our other creative, intellectual gifts from which child-rearing will certainly steal developmental time?

Currently we actually have more children than parents in this world. Therefore I fully support and have mountains more respect for gays and lesbians who are adopting and fostering the children that the heterosexuals neglect and throw away by the millions thanks to their indiscriminate baby-making. Adoption, fostering and mentoring is more in keeping with our natural purpose. We are the supporting members helping to pick up the slack. We help hunt, serve, socially bond, contribute, protect and babysit offspring without adding the burden of our own. For those of us who remain childless, we can work hard, earn loads of money and pay more taxes into the system and give more to charity than the infant-burdened heterosexuals can. We are a blessing to any society and ironically, the third world countries with the most fragile tropical eco-systems, limited resources are the ones that persecute us the most when in fact, they are actually the ones that need our contribution the most.



Much love and respect for gays who adopt and foster the kids neglected, abandoned or unwanted by the heterosexuals.

Yet, when you listen to the religious fundamentalist they make it seem as if our human race is endangered and everyone is obligated to breed. They ignore what nature is telling us. They ignore that certain parts of the world should have smaller populations and remain mostly jungle and forest to help our planet BREATHE, provide a safe habitat for millions of species including millions of viruses that should remain safely within their fragile eco-systems.

For them population is always at critical stage. The Pope is not outlawing birth-control because “God says so,” but because he needs to maintain a strong Roman Catholic empire. The imam is not encouraging child weddings and removal of females’ pleasure organ because “God says so,” but because it aids in the building up the Muslim empire. These two have not stopped since the Crusades.



Trillion dollar warships. It is should not come as a surprise the USA is the only developed country still holding out on gay rights. It is still in empire mode and as such, like Victorian England, is not ready to grant sexual freedom over reproductive imperatives to feed its military and sustain its economy.

In the mostly Protestant dominated world, Christian conservative Americans are still acting like they need to outbreed the Native Americans who once outnumbered them and outbreed the freed slaves and immigrants they fear at any moment will snatch “their” country away from them. Oh and don’t forget, they need soldiers for their multi-trillion dollar military stationed in every corner of the world. So if it baffles you that the USA is so far behind on gay rights compared to Europe, Canada even Latin and South American countries and India, it shouldn’t. America is still in empire mode.

Nature is there SCREAMING AT US to observe, learn and listen and when we don’t listen, we reap the consequences. It’s called negative feedback. Nature will seek to, violently if necessary, balance itself with divorce, dysfunction and disease. These are symptoms something is wrong with the unnatural man-made morality model that still fighting to prevail in our world.

Divorce forces us to expand the family unit. It is a glaring proof that parental pair bonds and sexual attraction are not mutually exclusive. By forming step-families and giving children two daddies, two mommies, more siblings, more grandparents, more relatives we are dismantling the isolated nuclear family and going back into a more authentic, natural village model.

Dysfunction forces us to use science instead of superstition to observe, analyze and unveil truths about human sexuality that aid the greater whole.

Disease particularly for the two groups most damaged by male-dominated, empire building sexual rules (gays and women), forces us to treat sex and our bodies with more joy, reverence and less guilt. The more we relinquish shame and choose empowerment, the more we treat our down there and other people’s down theres with gratitude and consideration. The less GLARING, OOZING, SWOLLEN, BURNING, ITCHING, “please attend to me!” signals our bodies will give us. Disease is forcing heterosexuals to weigh life and death carefully and reproduce with more forethought. Like I said before, the planet has had enough! Nature will use the millions of retro-viruses that live undisturbed in our bodies and environment to cull our numbers if we do not learn to do it ourselves.

The Divine As Masculine Only vs. Divine Masculine and Feminine In Balance



Crucial to living in balance with nature is living in balance with our Divine self which is both masculine and feminine. When I speak of masculine and feminine I do not speak of gender roles but something much more profound and elemental. I am talking about the Alpha (Yin) and the Omega (Yang).

The Alpha is the feminine aspect, the inward moving force that solidifies transient energy into solid matter. It is earth’s knowledge and earth’s potential. It is memory, mitochondrial and mental. It is the female animal that possesses the library of valuable information, integral to survival- the best grass pastures, the migration path, the watering holes and the hunting techniques. Feminine is the teacher to the next generation from a vast library of genetic, instinctive and adaptive knowledge. It is the Alpha that determines which male gets to pass on his genes and activate her awaiting potential.

The Masculine is the Omega. It is the outwardly moving forces that want to spark expansion and entropy. It is the impetus to grow, change, explore. It activates, questions, pushes forward. The Omega is the future. It is where momentum can take us. It is transformation. The male animal explores new terrain and wants to spread out in search of new territory. It spreads its seed without discrimination. It can easily cross boundaries across frontiers and even explore cross species breeding. It was designed to travel far. It pushes evolution forward by clashing in contests of genetic superiority and making great leaps forward.



Can there be any doubt we live in a Omega (male/patriarchal) society, where the need to penetrate, spread out, overcome and grow bigger, faster, stronger is satisfied in total absence of the Alpha’s (female/matriarchal) focus on long-term, holistic survival? Just look at the former PNM regime under Patrick Manning, squandering hundreds of millions of our oil revenue dollars on skyscrapers and prestigious functions to stroke the Omega ambitions of a male leader while foundational aspects of development- hospitals, schools, city sanitation, vagrancy, poverty, pollution, crime go unchecked. Hopefully our new female Prime Minister, brings some much needed Alpha energy to the table.

So, we have the beginning and the never-ending. Both must be balanced. Without the transformative, explorative input of the Omega, a matriarchal society can become stagnant, going around in circles, unable to adapt to change. Without the reference of the Alpha, a patriarchal society can become viral, pushing forward too fast without guidance by the proper context and ancient wisdom, exhausting its resources until it self-destructs.The fact of the matter is, we need men allow themselves to be held in check by this neglected Alpha aspect and we need women to have the freedom to express the Alpha and Omega aspect within them.

Deeper Spiritual Reasons For Gay Pride
Apart from the valuable contribution nature intended for us to make to our social groups, there are other, deeper reasons to radiate with pride. You may be happy to hear this particular insight, which you can take and explore or reject depending on your spiritual path.

If like me, you accept with a fair amount of certainty based on your information gathering and personal experiences that that our souls are in a process of infinite development as it seeks to unite with the Source, then it makes us sexual anomalies pretty special. It is glaringly evident that there is something karmic and soul-based going on with us that transcends the physical shell of gender. This is perhaps why we present such a paradox and problem for certain religious adherents who do not embrace things like reincarnation nor wish to be reminded of it.

My partner was at her swim coach job one day when a little girl asked her if she was a man or woman.
“I think you are a man,” the little girl said.

Now let me explain something to you. My partner not only has massive boobs but some of the widest child-bearing hips I have ever seen. In addition, she was wearing her one piece swim suit, the kind athletes wear which leaves little to the imagination and prominently shows off her womanly assets. This outer shell was not enough to fool this girl. The child saw straight into my Honey’s soul because children are truly insightful and blatantly honest. This little girl knew nothing about my partner yet knew my Honey had a strong, male polarized soul within her.

When my partner was a little girl of three she used to insist her name was Matthew and that she was a boy. During our past-life regression meditations my Honey recalled the last human experience of her soul. She was a truly macho, truly primitive man from medieval times and she used to rape and pillage until dying violently. Even now, when I look into her eyes I sometimes see her soul struggling for Divine balance within this present karmic consequence. Imagine a male warrior being reborn inside the most feminine, Goddess-shaped body ever! Imagine learning how to be loved by a woman without being selfish and possessive while also being subjected to the same male chauvinism you once meted out to women! If my partner aces this challenge on earth school, she deserves to graduate magna cum laude.



An overly male polarized soul will radiate out of a female body no matter how feminine you try to make her look.

Out of the Divine Source came both female and male. This means that the Alpha and Omega poles exist in a perfectly unified, balanced form within the Architect. Some spiritual traditions choose to acknowledge this. Others driven by patriarchal objectives choose to focus one-sidedly on the Divine Masculine aspects. They neglect the truth that masculine and feminine originated from the same Divine source. Therefore a Divine Feminine exists as well. Since we and by “we” I mean our eternal souls, are created in the reflection of the Alpha and Omega, we too are for all intents and purposes supposed to be balanced.

So what makes our souls lose that balance and get polarized?

It happens when we allow ourselves to become slaves to biology and forget our Higher Soul. It happens when we exaggerate these gender based roles to the point of caricatures. Eventually, it affects our very souls and we lose the perfect Alpha and Omega balance; identifying too strongly with one over the next. Since the Universe is always seeking balance and Laws of Consequence are in effect, this has to be ironed out. The karmic solution?



We have made caricatures of gender roles.

Strong male polarized souls placed inside a feminine body and strong female polarized souls placed inside a male body. You might know this phenomenon more affectionately as the stone butch lesbian and the limp wristed screaming queen. Their challenge is to become balanced. The butch must remember her Divine feminine soul aspect and the queen must remember his Divine male aspect. Keep in mind I am not talking about “man-made” gender roles (frills vs. football) here but the Alpha and Omega definition of masculine and feminine.

The chemical potion of hormones, do aid the re-balancing process on an emotional level which opens the door to the spiritual level. The strongly polarized masculine soul is overcome with estrogen and progesterone forcing it into the emotional states that make Alpha energy easier to access. The strongly polarized female soul is given a kick in the head with testosterone urging it to allow the Omega factor to operate.

If you are a strong male soul in a female body or a female soul in a male body, be proud! You are on a far more exciting leg of your soul journey than you think. Bravely embrace the body you were given and in doing so embrace the lesson it is there to teach you. Do not run away from it.

My gay brothers and sisters, you have been given the opportunity to work out your karma without the added distraction of having children which only incurs a new and different kind of karmic debt by placing you back within the cycle of re-birth on this planet. Those who bring new souls into the world not only have to work out their own karmic issues, they will have to work out the new ones they create with their children by being re-born to them or re-born to their grandchildren.

Aren’t you tired of the merry-go-round of your ancestral line? Don’t you want to advance to the next great ride? End this current story-line you have been in for centuries and start a new one? Then make self-mastery your goal. Serve your community well. Deal with your soul balancing issues. Get ready for the next leap forward.

Bisexuals rule! Spiritually they have transcended the physical limitations of gender. This results in a superior kind of creativity, intellect, prowess over the human condition.


And what of the lipstick lesbians like myself and the manly gay men most don’t even suspect are gay?

We also have Alpha and Omega balancing to do but our challenge is not balancing the opposite poles within ourselves. I enjoy my womanly body and the hormones it produces! I love the Alpha aspects of my soul. The problem I have is letting go the echoes of past life preferences still at play in this lifetime. I preferred women over men in my last life. I must now to learn how to love the soul and treat the biological plumbing that comes with the outer shell as incidental. Oh yes, I am saying what you think I am saying!

I believe bisexuals have achieved Ishvara, the Divine soul path.



The Hebraic Mystical Science called Kaballah recognizes THREE PATHS of self-development or "The Three Pillars" of The Tree Of Life. The LEFT PILLAR is depicted as Black and represents FEMALE PATH. The RIGHT PILLAR is shown as White and represents the MALE PATH. And up the CENTER PILLAR (which is in fact the main 'trunk' of The Tree Of Life) runs the GENDER-UNIFIED PATH.. or Ishvara. It is seen as a MYSTICAL PATH of direct contact with ‘The Divine'

Both homosexuals and heterosexuals need to see past the illusion of the human body and love the soul within. Our physical and/or emotional preferences for either dick or pussy will keep us stuck on the same level of this corporeal karmic merry-go-round until we see past it. When we begin loving each other’s souls, we can start dealing with more important matters like the next stage of our existence.

You see, the ultimate goal is no sexual orientation at all; no labels at all, ONLY LOVE on a SOUL LEVEL. Children will be the celebrated result of two souls deeply in love and fully aware of their joint soul mission and just happen to be in male and female bodies. Now that is a karmic and evolutionary leap forward! Children born to such a union will thrive spiritually on a level we are yet to see.



This Gay Pride, celebrate the advancement towards this goal, a spiritual goal. Celebrate it with your gay and straight brothers and sisters. We shall not let stagnant, spiritual infants rob us of it! The religious fundametnalists are not just standing in the way of our freedom but the advancement of the entire human race that comes when we can all love and fuck, consensually, with honesty, respect whoever loves our soul in return. It will unleash a power like we have never seen.

I hope that fires you up on a whole other level. Happy Gay Pride!

May 10, 2010

Grow Up Men!

(Don’t worry guys, the women will have their “Grow Up!” message essay and I will be just as, or even more hard on them. I promise)

One of the fastest ways to turn a Caribbean man off is to say you are a feminist. Just in case you did not know, feminism is like a cuss word in the Caribbean. Why?

Ole Time Gender Relations Boost A Wounded Self-Esteem


For the “white-man”, feminism was a luxury that could be partially entertained. Society allowed him to have all this fabulous self-esteem just as a result of being born white and male, so he had more than a little left over to spare. Even if he was poor, even if he was a complete dumbass, he was still “better than” those negroes, Orientals, coolies, Indian savages. So when his little lady wanted a little more freedom, although there was resistance by many fractions, there was also more of a “let’s humour her” approach.

It was almost like an amused trial, just to prove how ridiculous it was. Yet this condescending first opening was how many women got their foot in the door. Allowing a “few truly exceptional” stubborn women a chance was akin to allowing a few “truly exceptional negroes” a chance which was all well and good if their numbers stayed small. It only became a problem when increasing numbers started demanding “a chance”. Then as quickly as it was extended, the male status quo sought to take it back and today you will find that male racists also tend to be guaranteed chauvinists. The extreme right and religious conservative establishment is and has always been very restrictive of women.

What does this have to do with Caribbean men and feminism?

Understand that in our post-colonial societies black men were not even allowed to feel equal as human beings let alone men. Therefore feminism was not a luxury black men could entertain alongside civil rights. Many black women put their dreams on the shelf to focus on what seemed at the time to be the more pressing need of racial equality. In the 60s and 70s, our territories were not as transformed by the feminist movement as they were the black pride and black liberation movement, both of which were extremely skewed to help the black man feel “like a man” again. Unfortunately, a large part of him feeling like a man was being able to take full advantage of yet unchallenged, unfair, sexist paradigms from both his African roots and the Judeo/Christian Anglicanised constructs he learned from his former slave masters.

The liberation philosophies of Marcus Garvey, Martin Luther King Jr. Bob Marley took precedence over those of black female civil rights voices. So much so that many in the Caribbean are unaware that black women were some of the first outspoken feminists, combining both civil rights and women’s rights, rightfully so. Even before slavery was abolished, there were voices like Sojourner Truth, a former slave woman who toured the United States. One of her most famous speeches, “Ain’t I A Woman?” reveals not only her plea to be treated equally as a black person but also to be acknowledged as having strength and fortitude as woman.



That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?Sojourner Truth (1797 - 1883)

Many men, including educated black men in larger first world societies have been able to envision and embrace a new paradigm where women are financially independent, intellectually equal, fully capable of fighting alongside their brothers in the military and are not expected to mother their men (cook their food, clean their mess) by default nor are expected to tolerate disrespect (infidelity, abuse of any kind) nor are expected to relent sexually without equal input about their sexual needs.

Yet far too many men from the African Diaspora desperately cling to the colonial, 18th Century, religious, traditional gender constructs, in particular, Caribbean men. They freed themselves from being the “nigger” by making us women their niggers.



The exacerbated desire to feel recognized and respected as a black man, often makes him misconstrue our assertion and fight for justified freedom as insolence, disrespect and an attack on both his “blackness” and his masculinity. If he cannot rule over someone else, then how is he to feel valuable? Ruling over another is the only form of self-esteem he has learnt.

Many Caribbean men feel at a complete loss with regards to their identity and self-esteem in a world where the 18th Century gender paradigm becomes irrelevant. The more it changes, the more aggressive they become. This plays out in many ways. Two of the most common:

Humiliating Women For Having Freedom Of Movement And Sexual Options

Men are designed to chase and exhibit peacockery whenever there is a viable, fertile, healthy female around. Their testosterone-driven need to be noticed and acknowledged manifests in all cultures from the Italian men in the piazzas calling, “Bella! Bella!” to every attractive woman (pinching her ass is now strictly frowned upon) to the antics of Caribbean men whenever a nice pair of tits and ass pass their way. All the sooting, lyrics and flaunting of muscles and prowess are just the men saying in their primal way,
“Over here! Over here! Look! I have a functioning penis that can impregnate you! Please acknowledge me! Notice me nah! Notice me nah!”

There was a time when all a young lady wanted was this kind of attention because it meant she was a viable prospect for marriage, which was her only option in life. She did her hair, put on her most flattering dress and paraded herself hoping to catch someone’s eye and snag herself a husband. The peacockery of men and parading around of the women is part of our Caribbean culture and captured in many folk songs. It speaks of a very old-fashioned mating game based on the most rudimentary of rules- matching the fittest man with the fittest woman and by fittest, I mean physical attributes.



"Peacockery" is in the biological nature of the male animal. It drives them to flaunt their presence and sexual prowess to any and all females who look sexually viable. However men who are healthy, intelligent, industrious, successful and already well-reputed for their talents need less peacockery to get female attention. The only men who still have to resort to it as a rule, are usually suspect and my Caribbean sistas know it.


In the year 2010, many women and most men have long evolved past this kind of thing. Men have figured out that the right education, physical health and status allows them to forgo the blatant, childish peacockery and be silently and powerfully attractive to the opposite sex. A healthy, intelligent, industrious, successful man with social awareness does not need to go, “Pssst! Pssst! Sexy!” to every passing woman. Without uttering a single word, women flock around him.

As for women, ever since marriage no longer became our only option in life after puberty, we began to take care of our appearance for totally different reasons. We do so for the same reason men compete amongst themselves. We go to the gym, get our hair did, do the manis and pedis to rank ourselves higher amongst our sistren and to demonstrate our social class. It is about personal pride and status men, it is no longer about you.

Now imagine what it must be like for the Caribbean males who are still stuck in the old mating game paradigm. Somehow, they expects women rushing to their jobs, appointments, lectures, charity work, children's school activities, brainstormings to stop and acknowledge every single male advance on the street as if it were still 1918 and we move around in public aimlessly seeking attention.

The Caribbean man is surrounded by women who are all attractive and viable but instead of being desperate and grateful for his attention they are busy about their business. Not even the "ugly", "fat" ones are interested. In fact, the only women he can get with the, "Pssst Darkie!" and "Pssst Sweetness!" approach are the truly low self-esteem train wrecks and mercenary types. Imagine his frustration when his peacockery is met with female nonchalance and sometimes disgust from every classy, quality female he sees and wishes would notice him in an attractive light.


Snagging a husband or getting male attention now has very little to do with why women take care of their health and appearance. We do it for our own sense of well-being, strength and status in the world.


Many of my Caribbean brothers who depend on peacockery to attract female attention, resent the fact that any woman who they find sexually attractive has the freedom and right to ignore or dismiss him. It is actually a little sad, for the men who need to advertise in this way because they have little else going for them. They need women who need their validation...which of course, most of us don't.

Some men allow the peacockery to spiral out of control into sexual harrassment. They attempt to take by force a woman's mind-space and sense of well-being by spewing sexual intentions on her whether she likes it or not. Those who practice it regularly are not expecting the victim to like them. They even do it to married women or women who are obviously unlikely prospective love interests. It is a means of acting out verbally what the perpetrator knows they are otherwise unable to do physically. In this way, they gain a feeling of control over another. It is not uncommon in the Caribbean for entire groups of men to gang up and engage in sexual verbal bullying of a woman. Just pass near any construction site.

Of course, the more a society condones and tolerates sexually aggressive and dysfunctional behaviour the worse it will get. Incidents of sexual assault, rape, incest are on the rise in the Caribbean.


According to USA Today, female travelers list the Caribbean as one of their least favourite destinations to travel alone. The reason? Overly aggressive men. There is something wrong with our men and the sooner we admit it, the sooner we’ll solve the problem.

Punishing Women For Demanding Better

A few years into a marriage, the typical Caribbean woman, like so many, finds out her husband has an outside woman and several children. Now she does what her mother, grandmother and great grandmother never had the courage to do when it happened to them.

She divorces him.

Now, all hell breaks loose!

I am not talking about hypothetical situations but disproportionately numerous real life incidents I know just within my own circle alone, of ex-husbands punishing their wives for being so bold-face to actually hold them accountable for infidelity and/or mistreatment. This includes my own father denying my mother her important legal and citizenship documents when she finally walked out on him. As a teenager, snooping around the numerous old trunks in my father's house, I later found her passport, ID card, school certificates among other things and returned them to her in secret.

Two months ago, I spoke to a Customer Service Manager at LUCELEC once who told me she deals with countless cases of men seeking vendettas against their ex-wives. There are cases of men calling their police friends to harass their ex-wives, especially if she finds a new man. And of course, we know of the thousands of incidents of violence with the cutlasses, bottles of acid and a bullet. While this happens all over the world, the per/capita rate in the Caribbean is unreasonably high.

Men In Crisis


A lot of Caribbean men feel threatened by sex toys, particularly dildos. They are afraid that a phallic shaped piece of silicone combined with a steady salary can replace them with far less hassle.

Let’s face it the old arrangement between men and women has become trite!

The woman serves as maid, sycophant, sex slave, child-rearer in exchange for status, security and if she is lucky some actual companionship, not too much insensitivity, immaturity and infidelity. The only women still over-eager to transact this outmoded arrangement with men these days tend to be so low class, they don’t even bother to cover up their mercenary intentions and petty manipulations. These desperate low self-esteem skets and baby mommas are joined by lonely, older foreign women who want an island boy toy they can use and discard as needed, just like a sex toy.

On the other hand, the more educated, confident, spiritual-minded sistas, are simply deciding that what they get on their end of that deal is not worth the stress. Times have changed thanks to HIV/AIDS. Excusing infidelity is now a death sentence we cannot afford. A lot of Caribbean men feel threatened by sex toys, particularly dildos. It’s almost as if they know that a phallic shaped piece of silicone combined with a steady salary can replace them with far less hassle.

According to Anand Ramlogan, traditional Hindu/Indian men in the Caribbean are finding it hard to get “traditional” women like their mothers. I would go further and say I think all Caribbean men are in the midst of an identity crisis tailspin as far as relationships go. They have no idea how to be a man in relationships that do not require them to always provide the money; initiate and dictate the sexual pleasure; dominate the space; does not coddle and cater to them by default and does not necessarily make them feel indispensible for protection and pragmatic decision-making. Unlike many women who learned how to define their femininity and its value in isolation of serving a man’s or child’s needs, many men have no way of defining their masculinity and its value in isolation of a women being subservient to them.

How Feminism Benefits Men

Any human rights movement with the objectives of fairness and equality transcends its primary beneficiary.

Whites who realized this truth marched with their black brothers and sisters and stood up to the racist elements in their society and families. It did not matter to them that a racist society could make them feel “special” and "comfortable". They understood that those feelings would be worthless because they were based on a lie. That lie would eventually encourage crippling attitudes and bring damning results.

Many whites in America are struggling to regain a true sense of self-esteem and cultural significance now that their illusion of superiority has been shattered. Some carry around a perpetual feeling of guilt and defensiveness about what their ancestors did. It manifests as either deliberate ignorance “I choose not to see, talk, relate to the ill-effects of racism and those who suffer from it still” or scrambling justification, “well they must have deserved it!Or they are better off for it right? Compared to the blacks in Africa” or feeling such a lack of pride in their heritage, they adopt someone else’s’ culture.

Women’s rights are not anti-men rights. Any society that does not allow the fullest intellectual, creative, spiritual potential of its women to be realised has basically cut the might of its population in half and will fall behind in innovation, knowledge and advancement.


For this same reason, men should be marching hand in hand with women if they understand how sexism against women also harms men. Here’s how:


False Self-Esteem



How valid can your feeling of self-esteem be if it only exists when another is oppressed?


Growing up in a strict religious background, I would observe my older sisters and their dating and mating habits. As single women, they would be bright, vibrant and full of spirit and opinions. Then they would get married and lose a huge chunk of their personality. The men however seemed to flourish before and especially after marriage. Even the really moronic men would get such a boost of self-esteem from finally being large and in charge. Meanwhile the wife faded into the dismal background. It was especially tragic when it was a really attractive, intelligent woman who could have been so much more and you watched helplessly as the light faded from her eyes.

How does a father who has objectified women all his life feel when he sires a daughter and must watch her suffer inequities for which he is a culpable contributor?


I have had many a Christian man quote Paul on the subject and try to sell me on their paradoxical guarantee that despite having to be submissive, the woman will be treated "fairly". Rather than debate them on the relevance of Paul’s opinions (the man never married and/or supposedly never had any sexual or romantic relationships), I simply point out that the scripture itself is a paradox.

Asking the wife to submit to the husband yet asking the husband to treat the wife as he would like to be treated cancels each-other out. No man wants to be treated as a subservient, second class citizen who does not get to have the final say simply because of their gender. Asking the husband to treat his wife the way Christ treats his church goes a step further and makes the husband the one who must sacrifice everything for his wife. And I can tell you point blank, this is not what many Christian husbands have in mind or practice.

If the only reason you feel good about being a man in this world is because, “I can rule and use women as I please,” then you are a spiritual infant yet to unlock the true potential of masculinity, the yang energy which is independent of another’s subjugation and also independent of gender. You will be crushed by women who have unlocked the true potential of their femininity which is also independent of subjugation and gender in addition to unlocking the true yang enegy as well. You will find women evolving faster and further away from you.

It is already happening!

Forever An Infant

The consumerist culture is trying to make us all retarded and childish.


The blob-like, infantile, future humans portrayed in Wall-E are not entirely science fiction.

Don’t like the taste of vegetables? Well, instead of learning to train your palette to appreciate the taste and develop a more sophisticated appreciation of good food in the process, we’ll give you a nice, sweet drink alternative to cater to your infantile taste buds. Anything that contributes to our laziness, soothes our squeamishness, hides the reality of nature and detaches us from having to use critical thinking and social intellect is created and sold to us as the “new convenient” way.


Bill Maher, whom I love to watch and who often makes a lot of sense; derides the constant portrayal of men in the media as fat lazy babies while their wives and girlfriends are slim, intuitive, intelligent and morally superior. Understandably Bill feels this way because unlike many American men, he is not a fat big baby who needs to mail order a wife from Russia just to get a fairly attractive woman who is desperate enough to put up with his infantile, insensitive shit. Obviously, wealth aside, Mr. Maher has the intuition and empathy to command the sexual interest of some very strong, smart and attractive women who have tons of options.



I do not relish saying it but the insensitive, emotionally retarded, helpless little boy and his long-suffering, deserves-better; emotionally empathetic, do-it-all- girlfriend/wife is not fiction as Bill presents. It is art reflecting life.

It’s also worse in the Caribbean than it is in the States because in our region, we have coddled our men to a ridiculous extent. In the meantime, we have held girls to a higher standard of morality; pushed them harder academically, told them they have to work twice as hard to succeed in a man’s world; told girls it is okay to express their emotions, forge close bonds with their female peers and stand up for each other. In doing so, we have given women a distinct edge in our modern world where social intelligence and empathetic management are prized.

Caribbean feminists are demanding that our men buck up and improve as well.

How can that be a bad thing?



Too many girlfriends are telling me, "I've looked. I've tried. I would prefer a Caribbean man but the fact is there is a scarcity of those who know how to relate to a modern, educated and indepenendent woman, so I am casting my net further and wider!

Enslavement To Biology

A Rasta beach bum tried to give me “talks” recently. It ended up being a long philosophical conversation and although it started with him trying to pick me up, he did admit after a while that he already had a woman and several children.

Of course, he does not love this woman. If he did, he would not be so busy fishing for other inkholes to dip his pen into. I deduced, they must have come together (no pun intended) based on animal magnetism, the “lusty, weak in the knees” infatuation feelings heterosexuals mistake for love but are just pheromones and reproductive evolutionary impulses at play. As nature intended, children are born but not necessarily a loving soul-enhancing relationship.

The Rasta is infantile and his woman is also infantile and from what he told me, they fight over infantile issues stemming from his low emotional acumen and her low-life manipulations born out of desperation. They fight then have sex. It is a relationship where neither enriches the other’s soul because they are not in love with each other’s soul. They are in love with feelings created by the other person’s physical body and daily actions.

This sad situation is reflective of many relationships in our region.

"Men are confused. They're conflicted. They want a woman who's their intellectual equal, but they're afraid of women like that. They want a woman they can dominate, but then they hate her for being weak. It's an ambivalence that goes back to a man's relationship with his mother. Source of his life, center of his universe, object of both his fear and his love."
Diane Frolov and Andrew Schneider, Northern Exposure, Cicely, 1992


I could see light bulbs go off in the Rasta’s head (and it was not just the weed) as I tried to elucidate him on what contributes to a higher form of love. It has nothing to do with, “She eh cook fuh meh when ah reach home!” or “She eh want to gih me sex today.”
Poor man!

In fact, it is not uncommon in any rum shop in the Caribbean to hear men bad-talking women they are sooooooo in love with all the time with statement like, “She real stupid!”, “She is a pain the ass!”, “I cannot stand that woman’s voice!”. Many Caribbean men, after letting their penis and ego do their selection of a mate, complain about what they end up with.

You see, Men love their woman for all the wrong reasons. They love her butt. They love hermstyle. They love her cooking. They love her picking up after them. They love how she sucks a dick. Everything they love about her relates to how she looks and what she does makes them feel good. But no part of their love is simply about loving the woman’s heart and soul. We are so much more than our functions. We are so much more than our anatomy, which is just a temporary window dressing! In order to really love a woman, you have to love her mind and her soul.


Most men base their decisions to enter a relationship on biological impulses alone. Any woman who looks nice and fertile, has good genes, gives off the right pheromones or is simply available and they are instantly in love. She could be a sket, a ho, a manipulative man-hating bitch, gold-digger, immature or insane, it does not matter.

Unfortunately, nature’s reproductive function overrides this spiritual, higher form of love. Men are biologically programmed to first notice anatomy. Like that Rasta on the beach, they fall prey to biology and if they lack the intellectual and spiritual empowerment can become slaves to it. I have had men come up and tell me how much they "love" me. They don’t know a single thing about me or care I am happily in a relationship. They just like what they see and based on that, they have made a value assessment! My way of letting them down is now,

ME: “I’m sorry we are not compatible.”

THEM: “But how you know that?”

ME: “Because any man who was compatible with me would have the discernment and enlightenment to take the time to get to know me, my values, spirituality, before playing that card so prematurely."

THEM: "So what wrong with just being upfront?"

ME: Nothing! I love upfront! If you were upfront you would say, "I like how you are looking! It turns me on and I want to fuck you." and I then could be upfront and say, "Thanks but I am not interested." But instead you started on the love thing. Which further emphasises to me that you either too immature to make the distinction between sexual attraction and love or you are just saying flattering nonsense to get into my panties. Either case brings home just how incompatible we are. But don’t stress, I’m sure you’ll meet another girl before the night is through that you will also "love" very much and hopefully she is more compatible with you than I am.”

That usually throws them for a loop and I hope, makes them think.

Men cannot help but be visually stimulated and I do not hold their nature against them. I also know that some women take full advantage of that trait to get their attention. I also have no problem with a sexual hook up based purely on animal magnetism (as long as the parties are consenting adults, not cheating and are practicing safe sex) if and only if that is what the woman is looking for. However, if she was looking for genuine, soul stirring, lasting love then falling for the "sweet-talk" of smooth-talking, nookie-seeking men attracted to her physique and what she can do to make them feel good, will only leave her used and frustrated.

When a man is truly, deeply intrigued with a woman who speaks to his soul, he does not need to flatter her to get into her panties. He has more respect for her mind than that.

From afar, all the Rasta saw was a black, thick n juicy dreadlocked chick in a bikini. After speaking to me for a while, the Rasta stopped flirting and got very respectful instead. Not, "African queen!" trite respect black men pay to shut us up and continue to objectify us but real respect.
"How come you know dem tings an you is a woman? I never knew women could talk dem kinda deep tings so! You fuh real? Where you come from? You does talk real sense. How come I never meet no woman dat like you?"

Poor soul. I wished him the best with his woman back home and he was on his way, hopefully, seeing out of new eyes.


The caliber of the man determines the caliber of the woman he can have.


In theory, so many men would treasure a woman who does not need his money or status, is not overly desperate to have children, is not in need of being “repaired” for she is already working on what is damaged in her life, is world-wise, street smart, intellectually strong and educated and can initiate, stimulate and self-satisfy a large portion of her sexual and emotional needs. She could be a true best friend, co-partner/co-conspirator, enthusiastic lover and travel companion on this exciting journey called life.

Unfortunately, until they change their mentality they will continue to repel these real gems of ladies. They will continue to pout and complain furiously when foreign men or at times even other women snatch us up or we become increasingly content to settle for a career, charity work, close friends and a vibrator.



Jane Galvin Lewis once coined the saying, “You don't have to be anti-man to be pro-woman” and I want to take that even further. Being pro-woman is the same as being pro-man. For when one gender is required to be weak for the other to feel strong, relevant and needed, both suffer. I agree whole-heartedly with Margaret Mead who said, “Every time we liberate a woman, we liberate a man.”