The spiritual journey must begin with a quest for truth. But
you first need to understand, “What is truth?” before you go looking for it.
The problem for most people is that their spiritual journey
does not begin from this motivation or at all. Many people’s spiritual journey
through life is happening to them like an affair behind their back. They have
not the wit or will to see it. That’s because for most people, the only spirituality
they know, comes to them as a pre-packaged and moderately priced religious/cultural
window.
How this window, through which they will gaze out at the
world, comes to them depends all on the lottery of chance which will put them in
a certain geographical region and race/culture. Keep in mind the “window” is the “religion”
and the humans’ “gaze” and “ability to process what we see” out of that window
is the REAL MEAT, the “spiritual” part of the experience.
No matter what part of the world you are born into and which
window you gaze out of, you will be most likely taught two things:
One- The window provided to you by the lottery of your birth
is unquestionably the best window to gaze out of the world and all other
windows are inferior! You are, merely by the accident of your birth, superior
to someone else and you should feel tremendous reassurance and self-worth about
that. In some cases, so much self-worth you have Manifest Destiny and Divine
Authority to do as you please to whom you please.
Two- The rest of your self-worth and your entire sense of
purpose will derive from the following categories of “hierarchies of superiority”-
financial class, gender, race, physical/mental ability. What about emotional
ability? Ah, that does not even warrant consideration. It’s sentimentality, self-indulgence
and weakness!
Note that our current order of human value puts physical and
mental ability at the very bottom of that priority list. It does not even
consider the value of our capacity to empathize, extend love, affection and a
sense of self-worth and belonging. We rather judge other people on characteristics
determined largely by the lottery of chance while calling ourselves “meritocracies”.
When you hear Dr. Martin Luther King’s words about being
judged by the “content of one’s character” above all else, he’s literally
handing humankind the key to their liberation from false hierarchies of race,
class and gender. It has imprisoned us
for thousands of years. Now it’s time for a new age where we focus on the only
things that matter in human beings- physical, emotional and mental ability.
Yes, we need all three! This is the trinity of what constitutes
our character. When people start focusing on this…when it because it becomes THE
STANDARD by which we determine roles, responsibilities and rewards, it will
become easier to identify defective characters and intervene the same way we do
regarding things like Climate Change and Poverty.
This area of our humanity has been neglected for thousands
of years. There’s a lot of unhealed emotional/psychological
trauma. Many humans are predisposed to violence (inwardly or outwardly
expressed) or lack empathy. Not all of them are guided by superior intellect
and a strict internal moral code like BBC’s high functioning sociopath, Sherlock. They are the bullies and
murderers clogging our prisons. Or worse, for in our world of badly prioritized
value systems we have allowed many of these defective humans to ascend to
echelons of power provided they have an IQ and appetite big enough.
Psychopaths, sociopaths and narcissists have made the world in their image.
However, more of us are realizing that blind, predatory ambition
to consume and expand with no check and balance of the physical ramifications
(environmental destruction/disease); the emotional ramifications (low
self-esteem, desperation, apathy) and the mental implications (de-evolution to a
primitive mental state) is not mammalian or even human, it is viral, like Agent
Smith pointed out to Neo in the movie The
Matrix.
Some of us can see this so clearly yet others, cannot. The
reason? They are staring out of the world through the blurry “window” of some
religion. That’s why religion (and all other forms of false hierarchy) needs to
be deprioritized. They protect the very systems holding back mankind from pure
enlightenment, forever delaying the brotherhood of man in our shared
imagination.
In places plagued by warring religious supremacist ideologies, gender
oppression, class division and injustice, the people suffering need to perfect their
“gaze” and “ability to process what they see”. They need to be taught critical
thinking along with mathematics, science and grammar. They need to be taught
how to empathize and take ethical action from that place of empathy. Clearly, their religion
is not going to teach them this, not necessarily. Only scientific evidence and spiritual
truth working their respective roles can do that.
Before 2012 began I explored the three key issues holding back human evolution and enlightenment that would come to a head last year.
I would like to start 2013 with some affirmations we all can say as often as we need to, in order to address all the disempowering aspects of our life pertaning to the three key issues of: Fear, Lack and
Masculine/Feminine Imbalance.
I orginally wanted to start with Fear, but after the brutal rapes in India, gun violence in the USA and the continued battle of the sexes going on in society and politics, this Janurary, I would like to focus on Masculine/Feminine Imbalance.
So please feel free to use and share this affirmation as often as you like. It works whether you are gay or straight, single or in a relationship, young or old, a parent or not. It covers every aspect and interaction between the genders.
Use it well.
An
Affirmation Of Healing Between The Genders
This is truth
Polarity exists in this Universe Light reveals what is darkness Darkness makes light evident Creation assembles the debris Destruction provides the debris Solidity enables tangibility Spirit enables transformation
In a Universe striving for balance I uphold this truth There is also masculine and feminine Both equally valid Both equally necessary Both equally Divine
God, Father, Husband, Lover, Brother, Son
Forgive me and help me to forgive myself For placing upon you the sole burden Of strength, protection and intelligent decision-making And not giving you my fullest self in return as your Servant, daughter, wife, lover, sister.
As Your servant now I honor You as God
By asking You to use the You within me as befits Your will
As my father, I learn to blossom from all of your
gifts, bitter and sweet By mastering and remembering myself and the eternal cosmic relationship
we share.
As my husband, I now validate you as teacher
To awaken in me an awareness of all the unhealed parts of my mind, body
and soul.
As my lover, I now work with you in joy and pleasure
Through union of our mind and/or body, the healing and self-forgiveness
I need.
As my brother, I will cherish you
By remembering how I would like to be treated, as a child equally
deserving of love.
As my son, I will resolve our eternal cosmic relationship By mastering myself as I grow to understand and
accept your Divine role in my life.
This is truth
Polarity exists in this Universe Light reveals what is darkness Darkness makes light evident Creation assembles the debris Destruction provides the debris Solidity enables tangibility Spirit enables transformation
In a Universe striving for balance I uphold this truth There is also masculine and feminine Both equally valid Both equally necessary Both equally Divine
Goddess, Mother, Wife, Lover, Sister, Daughter
Forgive me and help me to forgive myself For placing upon you the sole burden Of providing for my body and ego’s every need And hindering my self-mastery needed to honor you as Servant, son, husband, lover, brother, father.
As Your servant now I honor You as Goddess By asking You to use the You within me as befits Your will
As my mother, I learn to blossom from all of your
gifts, bitter and sweet
By mastering and remembering myself and the eternal cosmic relationship
we share.
As my wife I now validate you as teacher
To awaken in me an awareness of all the unhealed parts of my mind, body and soul.
As my lover, I now work with you in joy and pleasure
Through union of our mind and/or body, the healing and self-forgiveness I need.
As my sister, I will cherish you
By remembering how I would like to be treated, as a child equally deserving of love.
As my daughter, I will resolve our eternal cosmic relationship By mastering myself as I grow to understand and accept your Divine role in my life.
This is truth
Polarity exists in this Universe Light reveals what is darkness Darkness makes light evident Creation assembles the debris Destruction provides the debris Solidity enables tangibility Spirit enables transformation
In a Universe striving for balance I uphold this truth There is also masculine and feminine Both equally valid Both equally necessary Both equally Divine
It would be easy to blame my work for this long absence from the Bloggershere but that would not be entirely honest. It's not that I wasn't a bit brain-fried and running on caffeine and adreneline. I was.
The reason I was however, is what was most important. Constantly going meant not having time to stop and check myself in all the areas that need checking.
But as of now, I am off the coffee/insomnia/sleeping pill spin cycle! Weaning myself off caffeine was a roller coaster of fun for all! Headaches, low energy, irritability, constipation ah yes, good times. I do not recommend it for anyone who does not have an understanding significant other and boss.
As the dizziness of the spin cycle subsided, a new state of clarity emboldened me to enter into a Fight Championship.
It’s an annual event at a Fight Club reserved for those of us who dare to confront our shit and once again, more roller-coaster fun for the whole family.
First Match: You vs. the world. You win that one essentially by shutting out the world and taking some to focus on yourself while trusting that "the world" will take care of itself and fall into place when you get your shit in order. Do that and you advance to the...
Second Match: You vs. the people you love/ed most in the world. That one always ends in a comforting stalemate of unconditional love, if you lucky and have the right people in your life. They are the kind who only provoke you because they unintentionally smoothng away your rough edges and the friction does burn sometimes.
Get through that and then it's the grand finale!
Championship Fight: You vs. Yourself. What you get out of this bout. Well, if you win, a whole lot of forgiving, asking for forgiveness, remembering to love yourself and love others and let others love you.
I real bloodied and bruise up yet somehow it was worth it. I can write without feeling like I bullshitting.
Are men to blame for the state of the world? Are women, children and Mother Earth being held hostage and being slowly destroyed by the evil machinations of macho men? Are your hackles already raised?
Relax! This is not going to be another “black spiritual woman feminist rant” against the evil penis. Sorry to disappoint those expecting one as well. I have no beef with the collective “dick” or even with singular ones. This is about healing, forgiving and moving on. This is about both men and women taking equal responsibility for what has happened to us and to our planet. This is about men and women moving on from here together with a clearer understanding of gender, polarity, sexuality and the spiritual and societal implications involved when we are not in balance at an individual level first.
I want to share with you the tools from the 2012 Survival Kit to rid ourselves of Masculine/Feminine imbalance. I can only share this with you now because I have submitted myself to an ongoing and arduous process of (1) Re-claiming my authentic gender identity, (2) Re-affirming my sexuality, (3) Reconnecting with the Feminine Divine and by extension my outer-woman hood (4) Reconciling with the Masculine Divine and by extension with men and embracing male sexuality in general.
These four steps have helped me see my inner soul beyond the confines of my biological gender, my sexuality and society’s designated gender role for me. It has helped me to see the same in others. I believe if we all can take this step forward we can get to the heart of this issue and begin to perceive Masculine and Feminine not as just as penis and vagina, breadwinner and homemaker, logical and emotional with one being somehow more important than the other, we will start to understand Masculine and Feminine as equal, spiritual, Universal Poles that must always be perfectly balanced within and without in our world.
Is this what you want to achieve? Then keep on reading.
Let Go Of The Victim Thing!
Certain radical and/or spiritual feminists really know how to polarize a room and turn people off from their message of Feminine Empowerment when they paint an “evil men” vs. “saint-like women” version of the world. They idealize the feminine as the ideal and demonize the masculine entirely as less evolved, empathetic, enlightened and therefore incapable of moving our human race forward.
Regular readers of my blog should know by now I will not be taking that route because it is not how I roll- spiritually speaking. If you are just reading this, let me elaborate.
In previous articles I have always stressed why nobody is a victim. See the Forgiveness Series. I try to unearth the underlying cause between a seeming feud between two parties or bully/victim scenario. In the The Gay Pride Essay I did last year I dismantled the Gay vs. Straight nonsense and showed how all people have had their natural sexuality and the spiritual power behind it, misunderstood, warped and misappropriated.
In all my explorations whether race, sexuality and gender more often than not I see how “the enemy” is oftentimes not the person on the opposite side and there is no opposite side. Usually, "the enemy" is also suffering under a delusion but only empathy helps the assumed victim to see that.
You see beyond the actions of the racist to the scared little person suffering from wounded false expectations and false pride under the delusion he is superior. You see his frustration when he must constantly confront ego-crushing examples of why he is lying to himself. You see beyond the homophobe to the insecure person suffering from inability or lack of fulfillment within his/her gender role and sexual life. You see why they must find a way lash out at those who seem to be celebrating an alternative, one that is unavailable to the homophobe. Similarly, when it come to the sexes, although on the surface it would appear that men are the dominant ones and therefore the “victors” or “oppressors”, the truth is, they are hurting deep inside and are truly suffering.
Nick Smith and Micheal Baker, a gay couple were the recent victims of a brutal homophobic and robbery attack while vacationing and doing charity work in Saint Lucia. Yet in spite of it, Michael had this to say,"I don't know the full motivation that drove these five men, but I do know that I can feel pity for them. How horrible that this was the only option that they felt." Now that is true enlightenment and the Power-up of Forgiveness!
Simply put, the battle of the sexes is a false issue. There is no “men vs. women”. The real war has nothing to do with the sexes and everything to do with keeping both men and women imbalanced and disempowered. The instigators might predominantly be men but their victims are also men as well as women. Why do this to us? So that we all can be equally exploited and made to play along with a political and economic system that benefits only the Powers That Be who are the protectors of imbalance.
The time has come for you to do Step 1- Reclaim your authentic gender identity. In order to do this you must separate biological gender from the much more Universal Polarity of Masculine and Feminine.
The Difference Between Biological Gender And The Universal Polarity of Masculine and Feminine
This is a more detailed re-cap of an earlier discourse from the essays where I explored the Elements Of Sex
The Alpha/Female Universal Pole is black. The Omega Masculine Universal Pole is white. Yet each pole has a little of the other within their core for ultimate balance. As you can see, Masculine and Feminine have nothing to do with gender but with attributes that reflect two sets of equally valid, complimentary yet opposing forces in our Universe. The Masculine Pole is not wrong or less than the Feminine. What is wrong is concentrating ONLY on one side and ONLY on a superficial, non-evolving form of it.
This Taoist symbol represents Ishvara- the whole, Divine perfection, the balance of Universal Polarity. If there is dark, there must be light. If there is up, there must be down. If there is Alpha there must be The Omega, if there is Feminine there must be Masculine. Yin/Yang can be used to represent the more esoteric, spiritual meaning of Masculine and Feminine and it can also be used as a tool to illustrate how male and female relate sexually and spiritually.
For this series I would like to deconstruct the Yin/Yang symbol to explore what happens when we become overly focused on one side to the detriment of the other, starting with biological gender, then spiritual/emotional and then community/planet.
Let’s begin with the male and exploration of the Yang.
Here is a heterosexual man as represented by the Yang half of the Yin/Yang symbol. The larger portion of the symbol indicates his anatomical, evolutionary, chromosomal, hormonal make-up. He has XY chromosomes, he has a penis, testes; he produces testosterone which makes him look, smell, sound and act like the male half of the human animal. What exactly does that mean?
It means he is biologically and evolutionary driven to (1) Survive (2) Pass On His Genes (3) Secure His Territory, Tribe Members, Resources That Aid Him In Passing On His Genes.
Because humans are learning-primates who can adapt, he will find ever more sophisticated ways of doing all three as his environment and society evolves. In the past he achieved this goal by demonstrating his prowess against other males to woo many females. If he was the victor, he would enjoy unbridled access to sex and protect his territory and tribe. If he was the loser he would steal females from under the victor’s nose and mate with them in secret. If he was the loser and also spurned by the females, he would rape.
The male animal is driven by both biology and evolutionary programming to show off its strength, woo females, pass on his genes and protect his tribe.
No matter how technologically savvy and ethically complex we become, these three basic biological/evolutionary triggers are always at play. We just find newer ways to implement them.
However, we are so much more than just animals. We have a higher, learning thought process that reigns over our creativity, spirituality and conscience. In the heterosexual male, that part is represented by the little Feminine symbol seed within the Yang body. It is the Alpha/Feminine Divine.
The only thing that can balance out the biological, testosterone-fuelled male animal is the Feminine-polarized soul at his core. Now keep in mind when I say “Feminine” it has nothing to do with biological female gender and gender roles. It has to do with the Feminine Universal Polarity that is concerned with - Entropic Change, Sensation/Feeling, Physical Materialization, Conservation, Potential.
When a man allows Feminine Divine Alpha energy to influence his male animal self, the balanced, empowered result is a beautiful thing indeed!
We get man that is virile, sexy, undeniably male, driven to show his prowess, driven to protect his progeny and tribe yet at the same time he is also creative (Entropic Change) connected and empathetic (Sensation/Feeling) productive (Physical Materialization) nurturing (Conservation) and always striving for power through balance (Potential).
As we say in our Trini parlance, “Now dat is man!”
How A Man Becomes Imbalanced
When men deny the Alpha Feminine Divine within them and worship only the physical attributes of biological male gender, they become empty caricatures of meaningless, imbalanced, masculinity.
At the very heart of Freudian psychology is masculine/feminine imbalance. It is all about investigating why all men are unable to feel complete within the confines of a warped system that tries to make men stamp out the Alpha Feminine within them and helping them cope with the loss. Freud personalizes the Alpha Feminine as the mother figure within a boy’s life but it goes far beyond this.
The loss of the Alpha Feminine invariably starts when a young boy who while still healthy and properly balanced, finally understands that his mother is being subjugated sexually, intellectually, emotionally by his Alpha deficient father. Right away, the boy knows at his core there is something unjust about it. He experiences hurt because of it but he is forced to accept it. He is told,
“Do not side with your mother it will make you a mama’s boy! Be thankful you get to grow up to emulate your father and avoid her fate, which is the fate of all women!”
Right there! That is the first chunk of his inner Alpha soul being killed. Next he is inculcated in all the ways to kill his connectedness to his emotions and sensations by being told to “man-up”. Another piece of his Alpha soul gone! Again, this causes him pain and a deep sense of loss. To compensate for this loss he is inculcated in religious, social, economic systems of false power that grant him a higher hierarchy in God’s Universe. Not only that, these systems also force him to exert dominant control over all forms of nature. He learns to fight entropic change rather than embrace it; overemphasize the intellectual over the intuitive, consume and expand recklessly and seek power through outer manifestations instead of inner potential.
The damage is complete by the time he hits puberty and testosterone now reinforces the imbalance. He lives with a sense of trauma, loss and insecurity his entire life. Sometimes it is only when he encounters a man who still has Alpha Feminine Divine Energy in him and has somehow escaped this fate that his loss bubbles to the surface, most often as envy, then anger and over-defensiveness of the flawed system to cover their insecurity.
Many men are asking, “How come I am forced to live up to society’s idea of a “real man” and meanwhile these poofters, artsy fartsy types and new-age men are getting away with being sissies! They are taking the easy way out! They are just trying to avoid the exhausting task of keeping a woman under proper control and passing on the legacy to all children born! Not fair!”
The thing is, who said they MUST take up that role? They too can be just as free if they choose and society would actually thrive.
Now, The Ladies Turn
Here is a heterosexual woman as represented by the Yin half of the Yin/Yang symbol. The black portion of the symbol indicates her anatomical, evolutionary, chromosomal, hormonal make-up. She has XX chromosomes, she has a vagina, milk-ducts, ovaries; she produces oestrogen which makes her look, smell, sound and act like the female half of the human animal. What exactly does that mean?
It means she is biologically and evolutionary driven to (1) Survive (2) Select The Best Genes On Offer (3) Gestate, Birth, Protect And Teach Her Offspring And Form Cohesive Social Bonds With Her Tribe Members.
When she is allowed to fully express every single aspect of her biological gender imperatives, she actively participates in helping her community to survive with just as much bravery and ferocity. She is just as ruthlessly sexual about offering herself to whichever male she sniffs out to be the best stud of the group or the best option for helping her protect any young born to her. She is a natural-born, intuitive teacher with highly adaptive social maneuverability.
Lioness teaching the younger ones to hunt. The female of the species has consistently been the one most observed passing on new skills to the next generation.
Just like her brothers, she is also much more than just these evolutionary traits. However, unlike her brothers who had their inner Alpha Feminine Core damaged, while their outer biological impulses were allowed free reign and even celebrated. The woman had both her outer biological gender manifestation as well as the inner Omega Masculine Core within her damaged.
In the heterosexual female, that Omega Masculine Core is represented by the little Male symbol seeded within the Yin body.
The only thing that can balance out the biological, oestrogen-fuelled female animal is the Masculine-polarized soul at her core. Now keep in mind when I say “Masculine” it has nothing to do with biological male gender and male gender roles. It has to do with the Omega Masculine Universal Polarity concerned with: Intellect/Thought, Activation, Dematerialization, Conquest/Movement, Projection.
When a woman allows Divine Omega energy to influence her female animal self, the result is a beautiful thing indeed!
A balanced woman is desirable, undeniably feminine and sexy; passionate, a nurturer, fierce defender of her young, socially adept yet at the same time, intelligent (Intellect/Thought) ambitious (Activation) spiritual/analytical (Dematerialization) physically capable and active (Conquest/Movement) and always striving for power and leadership (Projection).
Unfortunately, such women are also feared by insecure men. As we say in our Trini parlance, “Doh even think to mess wit she!”
How Women Become Imbalanced
Without the Omega Divine Masculine, a woman becomes insipid, childish, emotionally needy, petty and an empty vessel to be sexually objectified and oppressed. It starts when as a little girl she is groomed entirely for one role….to please.
Everything about how we raise girls stems from teaching them how to please others and be pleasing at the expense of their intelligence, physical health, emotional well-being, deep ambition and dignity.
So, boys can stink but she must smell sweet at all times. Boys can dream big and beyond! She must dream only of how to support their big dreams not her own. Boys can express their physicality but when she does, it is seen as un-ladylike. Boys can express their anger, dissatisfaction but she must be temperate and accepting even if it means dealing with the cancer it causes later on. Boys can be sexually lascivious and still considered respectable but she can only be sexually lascivious if she assumes the role of harlot (or as we say in Trini parlance “Jammette”) and all the ridicule, punishment that comes with it. She can only think herself beautiful if a man confirms that she is and must feign modest disbelief when he does. She must wear men’s clothes in order to feel powerful and free but women's clothes have no power, in fact if a man wears women's clothes he instantly falls to a lower, degrading rank. She must hide how smart she is least she hurt the boys’ feelings. She must not laugh too loudly nor seen to be laughing at boys because it hurts their feelings. On the other hand, boys who mock her and mistreat her she must accept as signs of their hidden affection. She is told over and over she has no decision-making skills and always needs a man to make the final choice for her, whether her father or her husband. Most of all, she is taught God is a male only. There is no Female Divine counterpart to imbue her with pride and spiritual justification.
Can you finally see why men and women have all these problems relating to one another? We are dealing with two equally damaged, dysfunctional, imbalanced parties here who are not living up to their true Divine potential. So of course there is going to be tremendous pain and lack of fulfillment in any emotional, spiritual, sexual relationship, gay or straight with people who are not properly balanced.
The question we now need to ask is by whom or by what were both men and women damaged? Yes, men did subjugate women but remember, we are going much deeper than that. We need to ask who or what was BEHIND their actions and even deeper, who or what was BEHIND that? Also, always remember that women ALLOWED themselves to be subjugated just as men ALLOWED their inner Alpha Feminine Divine to be erased. So no, there are still no victims here. It’s not entirely “men’s fault” that women have now become as John Lennon expressed below:
Woman is the nigger of the world
Yes she is...think about it
Woman is the nigger of the world
Think about it...do something about it
We make her paint her face and dance
If she won’t be slave, we say that she don’t love us
If she’s real, we say she’s trying to be a man
While putting her down we pretend that she is above us
Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don’t believe me take a look to the one you’re with
Woman is the slaves of the slaves
Ah yeah...better scream about it
We make her bear and raise our children
And then we leave her flat for being a fat old mother then
We tell her home is the only place she would be
Then we complain that she’s too unworldly to be our friend
Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don’t believe me take a look to the one you’re with
Woman is the slaves of the slaves
Yeah (think about it)
We insult her everyday on TV
And wonder why she has no guts or confidence
When she’s young we kill her will to be free
While telling her not to be so smart we put her down for being so dumb
Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don’t believe me take a look to the one you’re with
Woman is the slaves of the slaves
Yes she is...if you believe me, you better scream about it.
We make her paint her face and dance
We make her paint her face and dance
We make her paint her face and dance
It’s not all “women’s fault” that men are required to be emotionally obtuse, secretly overly-sensitive, entirely ego-driven, domineers as expressed by the Janet Jackson video below:
Equal rights, equal responsibility! It’s BOTH our faults and it’s BOTH our problem to solve because it negatively affects BOTH genders and even all those in-between. Ah yes, we did not mention the diverse range of gender variations that exist between. For as clearly as I have defined male and female, masculine and feminine, there exists a much wider range than that.
I’ve covered this many times so I won’t go into it in great detail again. But I will say that every year on this planet, millions of individuals are born with congenital, chromosomal, hormonal, morphologic, genital and/or gonadal anomalies and millions more with varying psychological, emotional and sexual traits as it relates to gender. I will also say it is perfectly natural!
Those who continue to insist that gender consists of only two valid options: (1) Heterosexual/Biological Male/Masculine Minded/Male Gender Role Playing and (2) Heterosexual/Biological Female/Feminine Minded/Female Gender Role Playing are ignoring the beautiful Divinely purposed complexity of gender, to their own detriment.
You can mix and match from all four of these contributing factors to gender. You can be a heterosexual tomboy, i.e.-a biological female with a very masculine consciousness who loves men and subscribes to a societal gender role more common with men. You can be a macho gay man, i.e. a biological über male, with a very masculine mind who loves men and subscribes to a gender role more common with men. You can be an intersex feminine lesbian, a masculine bisexual and on and on. We are all beautiful and Divinely purposed.
In the second essay I will be delving into Patriarchy and Matriarchy. Hopefully, if you got the point of this essay, you no longer see it as a gender issue but spiritual and economic one based on attributes from two Universal Poles. In other words a woman can be Patriarchal and a man can be Matriarchal in his outlook.
We will see why Patriarchy and Matriarchy alone are equally imperfect systems when allowed sole dominance in society. We will explore how patriarchal systems managed to conquer ones that had more matriarchal influence as well as nearly destroy the Feminine Divine and the resulting effects today.
Next I will re-direct to tools from the 2012 Survival Kit for “individual “and relationship balancing of Masculine and Feminine so we can each perfectly emulate the Divine which is both Alpha and Omega and being to effect profound global change.
I let the men have it, now it’s our turn ladies and if you are expecting me to go easy on us because we women have it so very hard, for so very long, you are going to be disappointed. I’m going to be just as hard on you as I am on myself, so gird your loins and buckle in. First up…
You are not a victim!
Have you suffered abuse and neglect in your childhood? You are not a victim! Have you had one or several bad men enter your life? You are not a victim! Have you felt ugly and unloved? You are not a victim! The only victims in this world are children or those too impaired mentally, physically to defend themselves or determine anything true about their life. If you are reading this, you are not a victim! The moment you can identify the ills that plagued your life past and present, then you graduate from victim to actively aware person. The moment you can say,
“I was abused.” Or “My mother’s terrible life and unloving nature impacted negatively on me,” you are now wide awake.
Once you can pin point whatever injustice (so typically meted out to our gender) was meted out to you, then you have now become a conscious participant in what happens next. You can either prolong the effects of those ills or make up your mind to evolve past them.
When you have had your epiphany and know what has handicapped you all your life, what happens next is all on your shoulders.
Who am I to tell you this?
I am a woman who was sexually and physically abused, neglected, suffered two suicide attempts, two scary near death experiences; battled chronic depression; got rejected by those closest to me, experienced poverty, near homelessness twice, discrimination because of gender, orientation, race and colour, verbal and phyiscal abuse and assault because of gender and orientation.
Just when I think I have it all figured out, I get yet another emotional breakdown/breakthrough that has me bawling my eyes out till 2 in the morning. The latest one was all about my surprising realization that the abuse I suffered is still impacting my self-esteem and sex life within my thirteen year relationship. Yes, even when I think I have it all figured out and therapy, affirmations, meditations and spiritual healing has worked, I discover there is always another layer to peel away and something new to fix-up. Of course, once the fixing up is done, the tremendous leap forward is more than worth it...until the next hurdle.
Beauty is pain on the outside and the inside.
So, no, you do not have an excuse ladies. If you can commit to the “beauty is pain” mentality for the exterior of your body and subject yourself to bikini waxes, scalp melting chemical relaxers, spine-snapping, crippling high heels and 800 calories a day, then surely you can endure a little honest evaluation of the dark, depressing, disempowering ugly bits of baggage hanging over your heart and strangling your soul. You can summon the strength to pry its bony, fingers from your throat and unleash destruction upon it, with the same determined anger you apply to those pimples and knots in your hair.
“Well I had a hard life, so I doh give a shit about nobody!” attitude will not get you places, it will not win you respect amongst your sisters and brothers nor cultivate deep peace and joy in your life.
Don’t worry, it is okay if you don’t know how to stop tearing down others and sabotaging yourself, all you need to begin with is the desire to admit that you do it. Stop making excuses like, “People just don’t like me!” or “They are just jealous of me,” or “What can I do about it?” Acknowledge that your negative thoughts and actions are what play the most important role in attracting negative results to you in the form of being truly disliked by others ( other women especially), disrespected by men, destructive towards men, distrusted by your children, unsuccessful in your profession, unhappy with your life; being easily provoked, overly controlling, insecure and resentful.
Be brave ladies! Look into your past and see where it originated and understand how it affected you, and follow it up with a compelling reason to change.
That compelling reason could be anything from wanting to become a better lover, mother, sister, wife, workmate, teacher or friend or simply wanting more health and happiness in your life before you kill yourself. Of course the most successful reason is; wanting to become more spiritually empowered as part of your journey to Divine enlightenment. It is the most successful because it does not hinge on anyone else. Many women who link their self-improvement to their husband or lover or friend fall off the wagon once the relationship ends. Your relationship with the Divine and your own soul however, is everlasting.
While we are on this topic, let me make something clear.
Many women in our Caribbean region are extremely religious, praying constantly to be transformed by the Lord, forgiven by the Lord, become more forgiving through the Lord, be healed by the Lord. Many of them mistake the religious ecstasy they feel as these prayers being answered, because they are looking for miraculous change and spectacular signs. They go to church, catch the spirit, speak in tongues and then return to their families, communities or their own private spaces no more spiritually evolved than they were before. The “church fix” lasts only so long as the euphoria wears off. It is not long before their old thinking rears its ugly head and self-discipline prompted by religious obligation crumbles under their excuses of victimhood.
A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water. Eleanor Roosevelt
Here is a little bucket of ice cold reality for you fiery holy rolling sisters.
The answers to your prayers do come. Not in the form of grandiose miracles but in the form of emotional upsets; failures, disagreements, conflicts and obstacles. They come in the form or embarrassing exposures of your weaknesses and being hurt or being faced with the shocking realization you are hurting other people. If all you are expecting are grand miracles then when these bitter greens are served up to you by the Divine Chef, you will not digest them with appreciation for the healing lessons to be learned that will help purge dysfunction from your life. You will continue to feel like a victim of external situations imposed on you.
You will be overly defensive and seek to justify your misbehviour towards others.
Case in point:
A woman prays and testifies and prays in church for deliverance from resentment towards someone who has done her wrong. She gets some relief from unburdening herself at church. Ahhh! She thinks this is it! Healing has come!
Then just hours after, the very person who irks her somehow does it again. She takes a deep breath and prays for deliverance. But the person keeps on entering her life and exacerbating the situation. No matter how much she prays for deliverance, the Divine or the universe sends her confrontation. Why?
It is trying to help her solve the issue. However, she does not realize it and thinks some miracle is going to happen when she must save herself using the powers gifted to her. She must take responsibility for her role in the situation. She must learn why she attracts the situation. She must then tackle it from that angle, forgiving herself and the person out of true understanding of their cosmic soul relationship before this life, presently and after their souls move on. Until that happens, she will either think: A- Her prayers are not being answered B. Demonise the person to the extent of assigning them the role of Devil come to disturb her peace.
And that my sistas is how you can have devout, sanctimonious women who continue to have severe emotional and interpersonal issues. They pray very visibly, attend church, preach to others constantly but are disliked, dysfunctional, dishonest and deluded about themselves and the world at large. They continue to be unclear about why their love relationships fail, why they cannot enjoy sex, why they still feels unworthy of love, why they constantly need to control and undercut other women and project a less than honest display of their emotions.
Take heart, identifying that you have “issues” and linking those issues to the triggers lurking in your past is more than most women ever do in their lifetime. You are already half-way there!
Little Girls Tear Down Their Sisters To Ease Their Insecurities
In the previous essay, I mentioned that Caribbean men have an exacerbated form of male chauvinism to compensate for the dehumanizing aspects of slavery and colonial oppression on their self-worth. It is in the nature of a man to outwardly express his pain by inflicting it on another. Men who are abused as boys or who have witnessed abuse are more likely to become abusers themselves.
Women are a little different.
We tend to turn the pain inward on ourselves first. A woman who is abused as a girl or witnessed abuse is more likely to become a victim of abuse all her life. Therefore you can expect Caribbean women who had to endure the whips, rapes, babies pulled from their arms to be sold off, lovers tortured and killed, colour and class discrimination, financial dependency, endless toil, endless disappointment and on top of all that, chauvinism and abuse from their brothers, to truly have the lowest of the low self-esteem.
Understand that we have a lot of self-love to regain.
Woman is the nigger of the world Yes she is...think about it Woman is the nigger of the world Think about it...do something about it
We make her paint her face and dance If she won’t be slave, we say that she don’t love us If she’s real, we say she’s trying to be a man While putting her down we pretend that she is above us
Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is If you don’t believe me take a look to the one you’re with Woman is the slaves of the slaves Ah yeah...better scream about it
We make her bear and raise our children And then we leave her flat for being a fat old mother then We tell her home is the only place she would be Then we complain that she’s too unworldly to be our friend
Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is If you don’t believe me take a look to the one you’re with Woman is the slaves of the slaves Yeah (think about it)
We insult her everyday on TV And wonder why she has no guts or confidence When she’s young we kill her will to be free While telling her not to be so smart we put her down for being so dumb
Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is If you don’t believe me take a look to the one you’re with Woman is the slaves of the slaves Yes she is...if you believe me, you better scream about it.
We make her paint her face and dance We make her paint her face and dance We make her paint her face and dance
John Lennon
My employer, a strong woman and first ever female Director of Tourism in her country lamented to me about the women who have Masters Degrees and all kinds of academic and professional accolades and yet continue to allow themselves to be at the mercy of nasty, dishonest, locho or abusive men. “Where is their pride? Where is their sense of dignity?” she asks. How could it be they have all that education but no value for themselves?
She also recounted her first professional experiences with female co-workers after returning to her Caribbean island home with stellar and highly specialised tertiary qualifications from Canada and the UK. Before her return, local women in the hotel industry worked for white, male, foreign management for years and never thought to aspire to achieve more than menial and administrative positions. Suddenly here comes my current boss with international training. She was the youngest and only black, female working in at the very top of the Hotel Industry in her country.
Of course, this came with special perks. She could use hotel facilities. She was attending cocktail functions and tourism conferences all over the world with her white, male colleagues. She was now the boss of the women who were there for years in the same position. She admitted how scared she was to be placed as their superior and how badly she wanted to be accepted by her elder, fellow local, fellow black sisters and to also learn from them.
Did they welcome this opportunity to have a fellow sister in a position of power? Did they see in her inspiration for bettering themselves by working with her and sharing their level of expertise while gleaning from hers?
Hell to the no!
They made their resentment very clear with sabotage, gossip and insubordination. Thankfully, my boss learned to toughen up quickly and stand up to women as old as twenty years her senior. Sadly when all attempts at camaraderie failed she was forced to replace a great portion of them with a newer generation with more first world experience and a willingness to aspire to something better with less “small-island”, “crab in barrel” attitudes.
Simone de Bouvoir often said that we women seem incapable of reaching across class, religion and racial lines to other women. We are so desperate for any single shred of self-esteem that we will actually buy into the inhumane machinations used to oppress others, designed by the very men who oppress us. So, we turn up our nose at our sisters from a “certain class”, “certain religious persuasion”, “certain colour”. The sad truth is that the mullato sister is no more “free” in our male dominated world than her darker-skinned sister and although the slave master’s wife or daughter was living in cushier kind of prison, than the slave-woman it was still a prison none the less. Caribbean women, whether descended from slave, indentured labourer, trader or slave master, whether educated or illiterate, all experienced some form of oppression yet were unable to see past our class, race and religion to our common struggle.
This attitude is reflective of the small feminist movement here in the Caribbean. Instead of making the enlightenment and liberating philosophies accessible to all women and using the existing, indigenous female leadership; from the Orisha Priestesses and Spiritual Baptist Mothers and Hindu matriarchs, the Caribbean’s intellectual women continue to turn up their nose at lesser educated women. So fragile is our ego! Feminists in the Caribbean segregate themselves in elite academic circles and corporate ladders, benefitting greatly from the knowledge they were given but not allowing it to trickle down to their less literate or less “legitimate” sisters. Our lack of generosity makes women who had little access or acumen for higher education or financial freedom to develop a hostile and suspicious attitude towards women who do. The “female professional” and the “feminist” are still the hoity-toity elitists for most grassroots, working class women, who are not given their due for their strength and resilience.
It’s not like the men care who is educated and who is not. They sexually harass and assault us all, regardless of our station. They are still intent on pigeon-holing, objectifying and infantalising all of us, whether we are dressed in a power suit or in pom pom shorts with powder on our chest. They are still pushing Ephesians and Corinthians down all our sisters throats and making them feel like less of a God-fearer if they do not accept a subservient role in marital relationships.
If feminism is beneficial for me, then it must also be beneficial for my housekeeper and her daughters! It is beneficial for the woman who sells me mangoes and cleans my office. How dare I or anyone else look at these woman and say, “They can’t understand things like that!” In my experience, they can, if you speak to them with reference to their realities. Let us not forget Sojourner Truth. She was no university graduate but a black, female, slave. The voice that cries out for freedom does not need a degree to be eloquent. The will to fight for freedom does not need a certificate to be resilient.
So I charge all women literate enough to read this and intelligent enough to understand and debate it, to reach out and touch the lives of other women all around you. So many opportunities exist to spread little gems of liberating truths wherever you go. When you see school girls waiting for a bus along your route being subjected to sexual overtures from the thugs on the corner and they are acting these are the only options they have for love and fulfillment, don’t turn up your nose. Stop your $200,000 car, offer them a ride home and tell them a little story on the way to their neighbourhood about your journey from that same neighbourbood to the successful career you always wanted. It may not stick with all of them but for one teenage girl, it could be the moment that changes her life. When you see two women arguing over some locho man, be the woman that tells them both that they deserve better.
Be known as the sister who never talks badly about anyone behind their back and refuses to play along in catty exclusionary games to tear down another sister’s confidence. Wherever you see a sister burdened and bound by limited thinking…set her free! Don’t shake your head at her and feel superior. If you do, then you are not a true feminist. You do not carry a torch for your sisters or any real pride in being a woman. You are just a taker, using what you know to get ahead and to hell with everyone else! You are no better than the men who enslaved your ancestors. You have no idea how significant it is to be born a woman. You need to GROW UP!
Being A Lone Woman Among Little Girls
One is not born a woman, one becomes one. Simone de Beauvoir
There are childlike qualities you should keep all through life; curiosity, honest expression, openness to the world, natural joy and even silly playfulness.
Then there are childlike qualities that you should abandon as you get older and wiser like the fearful selfishness you feel about what you own, comparing what others have to what you have, feeling easily jealous if you are not the center of attention, allowing your infantile ego to determine your actions, wanting to belong so badly you lose your self-worth, allowing others to make your mind up for you, fear, ignorance, lack of common sense.
Have you ever found yourself surrounded by little girls in women’s bodies? Some of them are even mothers already- little girls raising little girls. Some are in their 40s and 50s but are still so insipid it hurts! Being “girlish”, “unconcerned of weighty matters”, “helpless”, “befuddled,” “easily abated with bright shiny objects,”, “manipulations through tantrums, tits and ass” unfortunately have been inculcated in our Caribbean women. Those of you who do not subscribe to this model and choose to act like grown, intelligent women; are unapologetic about your sexual empowerment, decisive, serious, daring, individualistic and blatantly honest are rare treasures most do not appreciate. Sometimes not even the women in your own family welcome you as they should.
Have you ever found yourself surrounded by women whose scope of conversation is always (1) Materialistic (2) Complaining (3) Salacious bad-talking? Or who are glaringly racist, classist or exhibit some other form of unintelligence and degradation? It is tough isn’t it? It is even worse when those women are members of your family or workmates whom you cannot avoid. You sit in silence and suffer through their girlish comparisons and deductions. While in their presence, you must fight constantly to balance your refusal to perpetuate destructive norms with your fear of being militant and unsociable. When you try to steer conversation into deeper waters, you get laughed at or sidelined.
I have found that instead of ranting and railing against them, I insert little humorous thought-provoking sound bites here and there.
THEM: Hah! Hah! She cyah get a man! ME: Considering how “getting a man” worked out for the majority of women in this family! She must be the one laughing at all of you in secret! THEM: “But look how she nice and fair-skinned!” ME: I didn’t realize that being fair-skinned was still considered a bonus with skin cancer on the rise? Seems to me it is the melanin gifted who shall inherit the earth. THEM: So when you going to have children? Hurry up! ME: I am only entertaining suggestions about what to do with my eggs from people who willing to pay $100,000 and upwards for the outcome of their fertilization!
Make them laugh and make them think at the same time. You don’t need to preach.
Women Do Not Compete With Little Girls For Men
Little girls are in constant, heated contest with other little girls over boys. Their self-esteem and identity comes only from exterior and circumstantial factors, including being desired by men. They are confounded and challenged by grown women who act above or oblivious to all the subtle and not so subtle forms of catfighting they use in their contest.
Intellectually and spiritually mature women simply have better things to do than engage in little girl bitch games. You are not motivated by the same factors nor are you interested in pursuing the same target. No enlightened woman wants to end up in a relationship with someone who actually wants a little girl as his life partner. You are looking for an uplifting, soul-enhancing, equal partnership, not one where you fight, play petty ego games and soothe it all away with sex and gifts.
A real woman clearly see that men are the ones who must be kept on their toes, defending their turf, fighting for your love. When women do it, it is just pathetic. Why? Well in all honesty, it is a natural privilege for a man to have a woman, not the other way around. Even animals know that.
If you are an independent woman pursuing your career dreams, earning your own money with good friends around you and a wonderful community, social, spiritual life full of meaningful and orgasmic experiences, all without a man in your life, then you know that although having a man would be nice, it is not a necessity. In fact, having an intimate, sexual relationship with a man will present far more risk and upheaval in your life, so it better be worth the headache, HIV testing, condoms, yeast infections, fights, worries, hurt feelings and pregnancy scares. The man who gets the privilege of throwing your life out of wack needs to work for it. Those who fall miserably short, you do not need to think twice about discarding. That is the female role. Again, even animals know that.
Desperation and worry over what a man does can easily be solved by having a full and satisfying life of your own with or without him. Remember that he is the one who is lucky to have you.
At a party with some friends, a married female-friend of mine was drinking and watching with great amusement as a “little girl” made the moves on her husband of 20 years.
“Go and tell that sket to keep her claws off your man!” her friends urged.
“Why?” the empowered woman answered. “If my husband actually takes that bait then our marriage must be in real bad shape or, he is a complete moron and I am in bad shape for being with him. That sket is the litmus test. She will help us end a bad marriage or improve it or just go home tonight and fuck our brains out. I am a strong enough bitch to handle all possible outcomes! So just let me enjoy my drink.”
She enjoyed her night alright! Upon seeing her enjoying herself, her husband soon joined in and from the suggestive dancing I imagine they went home and fucked their brains out. She did not let some sket ruin her evening and gain some false sense of accomplishment doing so.
Easier said than done right?
The ability to love a man without fear of “little girls” taking him away is a privilege only strong women will ever know.
My accomplished, forty year old female friend belly laughed and laughed at her fifty year old boyfriend when she found out he cheated on her with a “little girl”. He was always something of a megalomaniac and so, could not handle my friend and her ability to match his success. So he found a “little girl” in a bar, half his age, whom he could bamboozle. As it turned out, what the “little girl” lacked in principles, intellectual and spiritual acumen she more than made up for in desperation, emotional sexual and social manipulation; basic tools of the “little girl” trade. His infantile outside woman got herself pregnant, stalked him, threatened suicide and scandal until he married her. That was actually the funniest part of all because he was always and still is extremely marriage-phobic. In the five years, she was with him, my friend accepted this, being a bit of a maverick herself and having absolutely no emotional or financial need to “tie down” a man.
My friend gathered all her girlfriends and shared a good laugh at his wedding video, leaked to her by a mutual friend who attended. Her marriage-phobic ex-boyfriend clearly uncomfortable while dressed up like prince charming. There were horse-drawn carriages and white doves. His little Bridezilla made him fork out hundreds of thousands for an elaborate, tacky wedding. Now he lives to support his new desperate housewife’s suburban social climbing dreams. He hides from her by spending most of his time at the bar, golf course and the office where he still encounters my friend who has long moved on. He is trapped. If he leaves now, he has to pay child support for four children. His new wife turned out to be quite fecund, go figure.
The man looks like he does not know what hit him. He still unburdens on my friend as his own wife is nowhere near his intellectual level.
“You idiot,” my friend still playfully tells him when he does.
He could have had a woman who only wanted him for his mind, meaningful conversation, mind-blowing sex and mutual growth on this adventure called life. But no, he fell for the “little girl” trap because my friend was too empowered to mistake his shit for her sustenance. Elizabeth Aston used to say, “When men are scared of a woman, they always accuse her of being mannish,” which only proves they are scared of their own potential.
Ladies, stop spending your time time pining over men that dumb and unenlightened! Ladies, no one is going to treat you like a prize if you don’t treat yourself that way. Men who are serious stay. The little boys (yes even those over 30) flee and go chase after the little girls and get tangled up in their little girl games.
Ugly is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion. Margaret Cho
This physical shell of ours is not going to last forever, in its current state. Little girls will always be scared of aging because it takes away their one asset. Nothing is more pathetic than a toothless cougar, desperately trying to cling to her physical attributes and bitter at all the little girls who have usurped her place.
Personally, I cannot wait until the grey hairs start peppering my dreadlocks. Such a relief to be free of the constant sooting and sexual harassment! Oh! To move around freely in this world without being seen as simply a sexual object! What fun! For many women in the Caribbean, the moment she becomes an elder, is the first time she is ever given any kind of respect by, men.
Many empowered women look forward to the freedom of their post-menopausal years because being sexually viable to men was never their main source of their self-esteem.
Oh and I intend to be fearsome! I want to be a wizened old hag full of mystical power and secret knowledge, puffing on my hash pipe. I want to be someone with whom young artists, thinkers, lovers climb mountains to consult. Those in need of comfort and healing I will resuscitate with love. Those who need empowerment I will deliver fearsome knowledge that awakens their warrior spirit. Those who need inspiration, their minds I will open. My silliness, crude humor and lust for life would not have diminished one iota but my powers would have increased exponentially. My scandalous, cackling laughter would echo from my little eco-friendly dwelling. Call me Tanty or Mama Jessie. Love and fear me. I will be unafraid to surrender my mortal coil and return to the Source.
On this World Aids Day, I want us all to take a deep look at our sexuality within our Caribbean society, which is the product of contradiction. Our societal sexuality is the product of colonial oppression and forced Judeo/Christian values (now embraced and melded with our African sensibilities) that tore us away from our indigenous understanding of sexuality. Our ancestors’ family units were torn apart through slavery yet at the same time, marriage was preached to them as the Godly ideal. Even while chastity was delivered though Christianity, white slave masters cheated on their wives with slave women. Even while we adopted a male-only God, our Mama Oshun and other female deities and their sexual spiritual power continued to rumble beneath the surface of our seeming assimilation.
At the Queen’s Hall Children’s Concert for Queen Elizabeth II and a host of specially invited CHOGM guests, a Tobagonian choir actually sang a local folksong that goes: ’She mammie send she for water, a damn nigger man come feel up she noonie’. This is how institutionalized sexual exploitation of children has become in our country.
Is it any wonder post colonial societies are so sexually dysfunctional? We are sensual yet so hypocritical; we are lewd yet judgmental; pious yet promiscuous. It is a fertile breeding ground for predators of children who can easily hide and thrive under a veil of normalcy. It is a welcoming Petri- dish for HIV and all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases to flourish amidst our prejudices and denial. Gay men marry women and have sex with men on the down low. Lesbians fake orgasms with their husbands and have secret affairs with their best girlfriends. A disproportionate number of domestic violence cases ending in death exist in our countries of men who believe they “own” the woman for life. Sexual harassment is commonplace, even of teenage girls wearing their school uniforms. At the Queen’s Hall Children’s Concert for Queen Elizabeth II and a host of specially invited guests, a Tobagonian choir had the gall to sing a local folksong that goes: ’She mammie send she for water, a damn nigger man come feel up she noonie’. This is how institutionalized sexual exploitation of children has become. We shout from the pulpits yet according to Google, Trinibagonians rank No.1 in online searches for porn. Something is fundamentally wrong with the structure of our sexuality and it is high time we admit it and seek to change it.
In Part One of this exploration, we examined mankind’s shift in sexuality from pleasure to procreation as we became obsessed with empire-building. In Part Two, we learned about the four cardinal elements of sexuality; (1) Magnetism, the biological lust urge, defined by sexual chemistry based on appearance, hormones, pheromones, ego and status (2) Attraction, the intellectual spiritual bond forged on surrender to the Divine in the other, thus completing one’s own soul (3) The Masculine (God/Yang) Energy and (4 The Feminine (Goddess/Yin) Energy. We learned about twin souls (gay, lesbian and transgendered) and their role in using Attraction as the creative and spiritual power by which everyone can experience beauty, joy, enlightenment, romance and pleasure. Now we shall identify some specific sexual dysfunctions caused by procreation/Magnetism (male only) overemphasis and seek to remedy it. Let’s jump right in with:
Dysfunction 1 - Overvaluation Of Virginity
The average age of marriage is 28. That means FIFTEEN years or more of strict celibacy is being asked of young people from the time they sexually mature at 13, during the most hormone-ridden time of their lives. We expect young people to pull off a feat less than 95% of us were able to do ourselves, and when they fail, we cry, “Shame! Shame! Shame!”
When puberty hit us, we entered a fumbling ordeal of trial and error while deciphering a seeming never-ending code of misinformation and hypocrisies. Then to make matters worse, there was a blatant gender-related double standard. Girls were obligated to be “good” about sexual things at risk of being a slut. Meanwhile the boys were obligated to prove their machismo and heterosexuality by being “bad”. It was at this time, a mammoth obligation was foisted upon our shoulders to stay absolutely celibate until marriage, which back then seemed like a far-off prospect. Indeed it is, for the average age of marriage is 28. That means FIFTEEN years or more of strict celibacy was being asked of us from the moment we started to sexually mature at 13. For some of us, the prohibitions also included any kind of bodily contact whether solo or with another that resulted in belly flip flops, arousal, stimulation and/or orgasm/ejaculation.
Even in our teenage years, our basic human instincts railed against what we were being taught. We saw amongst our family, friends and neighbours that the vast majority of people were unable to stick to any kind of regime of celibacy. In fact, not even prominent religious figures were able to manage such a feat as numerous scandals have revealed. Juxtaposed against this quest for purity were the clarion calls of romance in novels, films and love songs that stirred our hearts and stoked the fires of our first crushes. The blatant, primal sexuality of our wine, jam and juk culture inflamed our senses. Yet somehow, we had to squash our sexuality during a period when we were experiencing the most out of control sexual urges of our lives. Young men 18-25, in particular were at their sexual peak.
And what kind of support was being offered to aid us in this colossal feat of chastity? For most of us encouragement came in the form of religious guilt and scare tactics while the adults clearly said,“Do as I say and not as I do.”
Teenagers with extracurricular activities that boost self-esteem and confidence tend t o delay premature sexual activity. But many in the Caribbean do not have this kind of support system.
Some teenagers were lucky enough to have sufficient role models and character building activities within their domestic and/or social environment. Their lives were filled with successful accomplishment of academic goals, nurtured talents, facilitation of hobbies and wholesome life experiences to boost their self-esteem. This is crucial to delaying their decision to have sex for all the wrong reasons. But the vast majority of young people in the Caribbean do not have this kind support system. Many are part of the 1 in 3 statistic subjected to incest and child molestation and/or that 2 in 3 statistic from emotionally or physically abusive or malnourished households, making them psychologically predisposed to premature sexual activity. Fear of Divine punishment or family scandal cannot withstand the pull of pleasure and bonding with the Romeo or Juliet of their life forever. If that person is someone who gives the young person a feeling of love, value and emotional or material security, the parents and teachers fail to provide, then forget it! They are having sex no matter what!
The Solution- Teach A Holistic Approach To Sex From Early
Am I suggesting teens should be free to have sex whenever and however they want? No I am not. Dealing with the complications, expense and emotional ramifications of the procreative (Magnetic) aspect of sex is something for which the vast majority of teenagers are not prepared even if the biological pull is the strongest at this point. Sex is more than just a biological process. It is a human, emotional and spiritual aspect of our lives best taught to children by their parents.
Our approach to sex education has been to either (1) Make it entirely religious/moral or (2) Make it entirely biological clinical/contraceptive based. We prepare teens logistically for sex but not emotionally or spiritually. We also turn sex and celibacy into some kind of exaggerated, unrealistic religious covenant. Both are dysfunctional and in most cases motivated by fear, shame and dishonesty.
We should instead begin to elucidate our young people on the (Attraction) based aspects of sex as soon as the issue arises. Before condoms are even discussed, the first thing any sex education by parents or teachers should start with is what is: Love of Self, Personal Space and Self-respect. Then we need to begin enlightening them about true love and commitment. If we do not tell our young people HOW to identify these things, then of course, they are going to go strictly on their Magnetic urges for cues later on. Special attention should be paid to the young people impacted by abuse and emotional neglect and ensuring young people who are twin souls (gay, lesbian, transgendered) have access to objective information that builds their self-esteem. These two groups in particular are the ones crying out for love and attention and vulnerable to premature sexual relationships.
A suggested guide to holistic sexual education is:
Birth-3 years
Deal with their innocent self-stimulation in a discreet way, free from shame. Gradually introduce the concept of “privacy” for certain activities. As soon as they begin to form vocabulary about their body parts include: penis, testicles, vagina, vulva with as equal nonchalance as you give to arms, fingers, eye, and nose.
“Mummy, what are the doggies doing?!” You cannot hide your children from the sexuality all around us. So are you ready to answer without shame?
4-9 Years
Prepare them for the realities out there! Teach them how to be cautious around strangers, which parts of the body are OFF LIMITS and to whom, that it is okay to tell on another adult or child who makes them feel uncomfortable or touches their private parts. Around 5 and 6, they may start asking about where babies come from, especially if pregnancy or birth is happening in the family. Explain it like you would where rain comes from, without shame. Make sure to emphasize the need for love, commitment and maturity as the VITAL ingredient for adults who want to make babies. Draw on examples the child can relate to:
Parent: See how the mother birds and daddy birds have to work extra hard to hatch their eggs, then feed and protect their chick? Well that is why only grown-ups like Mummy and Daddy should have babies. We truly love each other and we are strong enough and have enough money to give our little chicks like you a home, clothes and protect you.
Unbidden exposure to sexuality WILL happen; kids will see adults kissing, dancing suggestively, animals mating or they may see relatives, neighbours who act atypical to the gender stereotypes to which they are accustomed. Worse yet, their school friends, cousins, neighbourhood playmates may expose them to unhealthy sexual information. When they ask questions, again, NO SHAME! For example:
Child: Mommy why was Uncle Tom rubbing up on Auntie Tina like that at the wedding?
Parent: Well, sometimes adults like to dance very close together because it feels nice but it is not appropriate to do in front of children.
How easy was that? Kids are surprisingly perceptive and content when you give them honest answers. When you look uncomfortable, lie or skirt about the issue, they can tell immediately and you are making it more of a big deal to them than it has to be. Another example:
Child: Mommy why was that man at the beauty salon (forgive the stereotype but it is typical in T&T) acting so girly?
Parent: Well, some men have more womanly spirit in them and some women have more manly spirit in them. This world is full of all kinds of people and we should always treat everyone with respect.
See? Even if you do not agree with homosexuality for personal religious reasons, this answer can still apply, for all religions teach some form of the Golden Rule. It will also determine if the door of communication will remain open if your child turns out to be gay. The last thing you want to do is alienate your child with your homophobia or religious disapproval.
Here is one that is extremely difficult for many parents: The dreaded child walks in on you whilst you were having sex.
Child: Daddy what were you and Mommy doing? Parent: We were making love. When two adults are married and/or in love they like to kiss and get close to each other to make each other feel good. It is a private thing. Remember what we learned about private things? So always remember to knock before you come into our bedroom.
Throughout this period of the child’s life, keep on exposing them and sharing with them the importance of Privacy, Self-Respect and True Love. Show them examples of what true love is and is not. Hopefully, your marriage or relationship is their best example of true love.
10-15
Prepare your child for puberty! Now is the time to go into detail about sex, pregnancy, menstruation, erections, ejaculations, masturbation and contraception. Once again, NO SHAME and NO FEAR please! The reason not to have intercourse is not because it “Will make God mad!” or “You will get AIDS and die!” or “You will get pregnant and be considered a slut!” or “I will kick you out of the house!”
Most indigenous cultures allow unmarried teens and young adults the freedom of sexual play; single & mutual masturbation, kissing, oral sex. They are at least realistic that some pressure must be released in order to develop a healthy sexuality while keeping intercourse in the domain of a sanctioned union where any children can be taken care of. Some indigenous cultures like a tribe in Guam that discourages virginity before marriage, valuing sexual experience over naiveté in a bride to be. We are so far removed from any pragmatism when it comes to sex that when Dr. Jocelyn Elders recommended masturbation be taught as an alternative to premarital sex, the righteous outrage cost the very first female, African American, Clinton appointed Surgeon General her job.
The reason is simple. Sex and true, committed love should ideally go hand in hand. This will not be “news” to your child because you have already set the tone since they were 4 years old. Let them know that right now is their time to learn how to become mature enough to truly love someone. Let them know that right now is their time to learn about themselves. Until they do, it is best they avoid the complication of sex. Do not just say this…support this! Support it by filling their every single moment with life-affirming activities and social activities that build their confidence, self-awareness and discernment about relationships.
Do not shame or punish your teenager for masturbation! It will result in shame-based sexual dysfunction and needless obsession over their erections and arousals which will be frequent. If you have a teenage son, teach him to have respect for women by steering him towards Attraction despite his current Magnetic focus on pretty faces, breasts, butts and pubic areas. Educate him on how to truly show appreciation and respect for a girl and what truly makes a girl worth his while; her values, her intelligence, her talents, her compassion, her courage. Help him now to be able to see the God in a woman. If you do not balance his Magnetism with intellect and emotional maturity, he will become a complete asshole of a tool, sexually harassing or lusting and chasing every pair of T&A that tickles his fancy. The same applies for your teenage daughter. Their emotional maturity makes it easier for them to see the Goddess in men. The challenge is getting them to see the God in themselves and be self-determining, strong and smart, even if it means being unpopular.
Your goal is not to stop your teen boy from masturbating but to help them to understand Magnetism is just lust and there is much more to girls than T&A so that their sexuality is not based only in objectification of women. Now is the time to make them capable of Attraction and able to recognise the God in a woman
16 onward
The law says they are ready to have sex. However, that does not mean they actually are. Do you know how many teenage girls would have given ANYTHING if their mothers, older sisters, cousins or SOME ONE told them honestly:
“Honey, my first time like many women’s first time was with a boy I thought really loved me. He made a BIG DEAL out of doing it. In the end it was just 2 painful minutes for me. He enjoyed himself though. Not only that, somehow, everyone found out. And he was getting congratulated for it while I was being called a slut. Boys your age are very immature. Trust me, when you have sex for the first time, you will want it to be with a man who truly understands what women want, considers your feelings and treats it like something meaningful.”
What makes love TRUE, MEANINGUL and COMMITTED is what you should re-double your focus on right now because your teenager will be falling in love for the first time and falling HARD. Trust me, 99% of the time the love they pine over (like Bella Swan for Edward Cullen Twilight) will be based on animal Magnetism, not a true spiritual/emotional Attraction. Most teenagers are no match for the pheromones and hormones which delude them into thinking it is indeed TRUE love. If you have enlightened your teenager since childhood about the superiority of Attraction, they will be able to quickly identify and dispel the biological illusion of Magnetism for exactly what it is. Questions they will ask are:
Why exactly do I like this boy/girl? If it's because "He's sooooo cute!" or "She's soooo hot!" or "He's soooo talented and popular!" or "He complemented me on my hair!" or "Some unknown chemistry just clicked between us,"- THAT'S MAGNETISM.
Does liking this boy/girl make me a better person?
How has liking this person affected your self-esteem, life goals, schoolwork, personality, happiness and peace of mind? Is pursuing their love making you compromise on your values or pretend to be something you are not or putting you at risk in anyway?- THAT'S MAGNETISM
Does this boy/girl care to know who I really am and wants to accept, learn and grow with me or are they just looking to hook up?
If you have not raised your teenager well enough to be able to think, discern and tell the difference between Magnetism and Attraction; if they are insecure, weak-minded and have nothing else to occupy their time,if they have been abused in any way growing up, THEY WILL HAVE SEX BEFORE THEY ARE TRULY READY OR IN A RELATIONSHIP MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE RAMIFICATIONS. No ifs, ands and butts! That is JUST HOW IT IS! The first person to ignite their Magnetic fire and make them feel warm and fuzzy is the first person with whom they will sex.
If you have not been able to help them emotionally and spiritually at this point, then PLEASE you better hope you prepared them practically at least! Make sure they have accurate safer sex information.I know a mom who risked massive criticism from her friends and family for putting her 16 year old daughter on the Pill and making condoms available. She said,
"You all can condemn all you want. I KNOW my daughter! She did not have the best emotional support growing up because of our divorce. I have observed her interactions with the opposite sex. She is hungry for male attention. Yes, I am trying to work on it but while I do, I am taking EVERY PRECAUTION!"
How well do you know your child? Are you really seeing them clearly?
Out of all the young people who started puberty with me, friends, cousins, neighbours, former church acquaintances, I can only name a handful that lived up to the Olympian Strict Celibacy Until Marriage Challenge…as far as we know. You see, an outward appearance of “respectability “ is all anyone can ever really judge until a belly swells or a sex tape is released.
What if your teenager drops out of the virginity endurance race and has sex despite all your efforts? Understand that it was not based in vile, evil lust but a perfectly understandable and inevitable human inclination. There is no good served by mocking, shaming and punishing them for not being able to do what over 95% of us also could not, it is just cruel and hypocritical! The “shaming” of young people who cannot live up to the mammoth task of celibacy was something I was very familiar with as well in my old church. Despite all the preaching, teen pregnancy was rampant as were shot-gun marriages. When I was sixteen years old, one of my school friends at Naps was suspended from school, the reason? One weekend, she had sex with her boyfriend and somehow by a chain of unfortunate, typical Trini macocious events, the principal found out.
Having a hymen till marriage does not increase your value as a human being. It does not make you more moral, compassionate, intelligent, and worthwhile or better at love and relationships or at life. Not having one does not make a woman “damaged goods”. Treating teenagers who have sex as damaged goods is part of the problem, not the solution.
One by one, all her friends, me included were brought in for a kind of Gestapo-like “questioning”. Turns out, her parents knew all about her boyfriend and really did not care all that much except that she was responsible about it and used birth control. Her suspension, served absolutely no purpose to anyone except to reinforce the school’s particular brand of Presbyterian sanctimoniousness. That same girl went on to get eight distinctions at O’Levels. Still, the school would not have her back (just to prove a point) for A’Levels. Luckily, she was awarded a full scholarship elsewhere and is now a successful, married career woman. She is a living example that having a hymen till marriage does not increase your value as a human being. It does not make you more moral, compassionate, intelligent, and worthwhile or better at love and relationships or at life. Not having one does not make a woman “damaged goods”.
Treating teenagers who have sex as damaged goods is part of the problem, not the solution. The solution lies in being honest about our own sexual history with our children. Share our regrets and our rewards. When they decide to have sex, being safe and responsible about it should be natural because it stems from their self-love and commitment to their long-term goals in life.
The Abstinence Only Movement is experiencing causality after casualty in unwanted pregnancies, STIs and premature marriages. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that nearly half of the nation's new cases of STDs each year occur among adolescents and young adults. A recent study found that teens who took pledges of virginity as part of abstinence-only sex ed classes ultimately still had sex at the same average age outside of marriage except that their STD rates were higher to other young people because they were less likely to use contraception or other forms of protection when they “slipped up” and became sexually active.
Dysfunction 2- Fear Of Female Freedom
The Feminist Movement rightfully challenged the patriarchal/procreative construct based on Magnetism (male only). Although some men and women have seized this opportunity to redefine their self-identity and their approach to love and sex, many men and women are feeling displaced because of it, particularly those within the Afro-Caribbean and Indo-Caribbean communities. One of the things confounding our society is women asserting their previously suppressed Magnetism prerogative to enjoy sex, seek sex and have sex with whomever they choose in the manner they like best.
Among the many negative comments made about the Miss T&T Sex Tape (which I still have not seen nor have any interest in seeing) was that it was just raw sex. A well known local fashion photographer told me that if the sex was sweet and romantic, perhaps people would have given her a break. It was the fact their “sweet-heart and national beauty and feminine ideal” was simply…fucking that threw people for a loop. The ill-advised decision to film it aside, if that is what Anya likes, it does not make her that unusual. But for many, “certain” women aren’t supposed to just want to get their pussy pounded, especially those of a certain class who appear in the social pages of the newspapers. They are supposed to have DH Lawrence romance novel sex where their entire pleasure comes from delicate acquiescing to their man’s superior need and Almighty organ, after the proper lady-like protestations. Yeah, right.
Once women began questioning everything men taught them about themselves, it was only a matter of time they re-discovered their clitoris and learned it outstrips the penis as far as pleasure goes. The clitoris contains eight times the pleasure nerve endings of the entire penis (shaft and glands) and it is the ONLY appendage on the human body with the solitary purpose of pleasure. It stands in proud defiance to any attempt to claim that sex is predominantly about procreation and/or even a penis. The female capacity for pleasure in fact contradicts the procreation/patriarchal construct entirely, which is why Judeo/Christian and Islamic societies worked so hard to destroy it.
A sexually aware woman sends many men running for cover!
While some men welcome this change (having secretly longed for lascivious, unabashed and sexually confident women as equal partners) many men do not know what to do with a sexually aware woman, just as they do not know what to do with a financially secure woman. That is because their entire self-esteem is based on the primitive Magnetic values and the socio/religious construct that supported their male ego and dominance. All they know is: Provide/pay to own a woman and get sex and love. Get status to own a woman in order to get sex and love. Be a hero to own a woman to get sex and love. When this formula fails to work, either because the woman they desire remains unimpressed or looses interest or the man is unable to keep the financial and social status end of the deal, what do you think will happen? How are they going to expend all this pent up testosterone? The answer is…violently. The skyrocketing rapes in South Africa and the blooming terrorism among young Muslim men are two examples of how the frustration is channeled.
Solution 2- Shift To Attraction
I do not want a “help-mate” or a ‘maid” to “take care of me”. I do not need someone to rule over and obey me to satisfy my personal ego. I do not want someone who values me for my money and ability to provide for them. I would truly love to have a friend, lover and fellow adventurer by my side. I would truly love to have the chance to be brave and risk one person knowing me better than anyone else, even my darkest secrets. I would love if we both could be each other’s witnesses, sounding-boards, support systems on our quest for perfection of our souls.
A successful, career woman-friend of mine in her late forties, divorced for fifteen years with a rocking gym sculpted body was being pursued by a man relentlessly for a whole year. In his frustration over her continued lack of interest he said, “You know what your problem is? You think all men bad! Just because one treat you bad, you think all will treat you so!”
To which my friend replied. “Of course I know there are good men out there. If indeed you are one, then you should be able to answer me this. Why exactly should I go down this road again and with you in particular? I have a wonderful career, a home, car; child in college, great family, friends, social life, vacations abroad and an assortment of vibrators at home, every size, shape and power setting. I don’t have to worry about jealousy, infidelity, STDs, pregnancy and I can still cum seven times in one night. I have time to dedicate to my spiritual and charitable works. I love my life! Even if I find you sexually attractive, tell me, what is it that you bring to the table that is so fantastic that I should put my heart, health and peace of mind on the line?”
The man like a lot of Caribbean men had no answer to this, except to feel threatened. This is very telling. So men, what do you bring to the table other than a penis and money? Is your solution to the challenge presented by financially independent, sexually aware women to push society return to the “good old days” of your mother ‘s time when women, “knew their place”? Or, to go after less educated, younger (hence less self-assured) women who will depend on you for money, validation, self-esteem and happily fill the role of sycophant, sex-slave, mother and maid?
Guys, if you can be easily replaced or substituted by a sex toy and a healthy bank account, then it is time to take a serious look at how you value yourself. Are you just a meal ticket and a tool?
If this man were a little more aware of the holistic value of sexuality and relationships he could have been able to floor her with his answer. Perhaps if he had a lesbian pal, she would have been able to tell him how to approach a successful, self-assured woman, which would be:
“I know you are capable, successful and a great mother, in fact, that is what I admire about you. You go for what you want in life. You value yourself, that’s why you enjoy giving yourself pleasure. And now that I know well, I must confess that is a big turn on! You see, I am not seeking to fill some hole in your life literally or figuratively. I am not seeking to make you my other half or my helpmate either. Like you, I am also seeking pleasure, happiness and soul fulfillment. I just think it would be wonderful to have a friend, a lover, a witness to this adventure and I feel drawn to you because I just have a feeling, one of those indefinable gut feelings that makes me want to risk letting you be the one person who gets to know me inside and out, every flaw, every weakness. Trust me, the kind of love, passion and intimacy I have in mind isn’t for novices or wimps. I am hoping you prove my suspicions right and you are neither. So, are you game? ”
Now, if that delivered with cool, seductive voice does not make her knees knock and her panties creamed, well maybe she is a cold man-hating fish.
Everything now is pushing men and women towards soul fulfillment and away from mere biological function and the superficial constructs we have built around it. The dismantling of our preconceived gender roles is a good thing. Not just for us, but the planet which is already straining to sustain our present population. Embrace this new era. It is high time we learn exactly what women and men truly are when they are unfettered by our preconceived notions. It is one step closer to discovering the Divine ideal.
Dysfunction 3- Disease
Health of our bodies, minds and planet is tied to balance. Balance is the harmony of the polarity in the Universe that affects everything. There is negative and positive. There is emerging and submerging. There is masculine and feminine. Nothing exists without a complement or feedback that promotes change and motion. Up cannot exist unless contrasted with a down. Light cannot exist without the contrast of dark. Obviously this is a vital Law within The Supreme One’s cosmos but some religious cultures have chosen to recognise only one side of the complement, namely the emerging, active, expanding, masculine side. They ignore the fact that God is both the Alpha and the Omega. Therefore they push towards the end without fully appreciating their beginning.
The Alpha feminine is very important in ensuring the masculine Omega is rooted in the solidity and awareness of its being. If we create and seek to expand without a solid rooting in the Mother, we will destroy ourselves and become like a virus that replicates until every life system is utterly spent, then quickly dies. Embracing the Mother often means embracing and understanding things that are primal and instead of fearing it, things like- sexual desire, aggression, death. The more we can free ourselves of fear of these foundational aspects of life, the more power we will wield over our earthly existence. Fear and demonization of the feminine aspect of course, led to a halt in creation in balance with nature. Man plundered the earth and engaged in raping and ravaging the planet with no valid substantiation, thus awakening the negative feedback signal in organisms like retro-viruses, most of which existed harmoniously all around us until we upset the balance. So why are we surprised that we are stalked by a deadly sexually transmitted disease called HIV/AIDS when our sexuality is the epitome of imbalance, of the Yin/Yang?
Solution 3: Learn The Hard Lesson HIV/AIDS Is Trying To Teach
We only need to look at who the virus has hit the hardest to see what Mother is trying to tell us in order to overcome the imbalance that led to this epidemic. It is crystal clear that this disease affects those most oppressed by patriarchal/procreative construct namely, women, twin souls and the descendents of slaves or ravaged countries used to further Judeo/Christian and Islamic empire. Are we truly listening to what the disease is saying to us? It is not that those most affected; women, men with Goddess energy and societies still closely connected to the Mother culturally and religiously are evil or wrong but that we have been evil and wrong towards them.
Women worldwide have the fastest rate of HIV infection.
The same Universal balance also demands that there is no negative without a positive. This means that despite its grave toll on humanity, HIV/Aids has a positive side, if we truly listen to what the disease it saying to us. If HIV/Aids could speak to us as clearly as I am speaking now it would probably say,
“I am responding to your clear message to the Universe that you do not want the equal Feminine energy in your life. I am here to give you a taste of your wish. See what it is like having your women and twin souls die off! See what it is like having the African cradle of civilization, the symbolic Mother of the planet become ravaged by me! I am designed to tap into the areas weakened by your patriarchal society and the more prejudiced and hypocritical you get, the more powerful I get, to challenge you to WAKE UP!”
Because of HIV/AIDS, gays would find a strength they did not know they had individually, communally and politically.
“Yet I am not here to destroy you completely. I am after all your creation. You attracted this bitter medicine and I am only as bitter as you make me. For this is the way of the Universe, nothing is 100% evil. The Law of Polarity forbids it. Some are already getting better because of me. For example, in the early days, others thought I was Divine punishment on gay people. I admit, gay men were easy hosts. Not because they were gay but because they had reacted to prejudice, violence, ignorance and persecution by being secretive, self-loathing and self-destructively devoid of their true spiritual purpose. Hey, I am a virus! It is only natural that I am drawn to a body debilitated by shame and self-destructive habits."
"Yet because of me, gays would find a strength they did not know they had individually, communally and politically. I helped them to emerge from secrecy and shame and embrace their twin soul power, choosing spirituality, health, community, charity, family, happiness and self-acceptance more and more. Their response would inspire others and clearly expose those with heartless motives behind their façade of religious morality who secretly wanted gay people punished not in the uncertain afterlife but now, so they can gloat and increase their popularity through fear-mongering.”
Trojan- Evolve Ad Campaign, paints men who do not wear condoms as pigs. I find this a poignant example of the evolution away from animal-like sex into enlightened human, pleasure-based sex.
“I’m re-teaching the heterosexuals too. They have been procreation-crazy for far too long. Now they are being made to clearly demarcate sex for pleasure and sex for procreation because procreative sex is now a matter of life and death. Ha! Not even the Pope can continue to advocate against safer sex without seeming callous, “out of touch” and alienating more and more people who face the reality of me every day. I am making more and more women enter relationships with men cautiously and with more control. This is forcing them to be single and self-sufficient, awakening their God energy. I am making men… think outside the box…pun intended. I am here to expose the disaster of your double standards of enforcing female virginity and sexual fidelity while allowing men to have more social and religious leeway to do as they please both in and out of marriage. Now they will lose their sisters to me because of their hypocrisy!”
“I am HIV/AIDS and I am the Mother’s answer to your imbalanced patriarchal societies. I am here to remind you that you cannot ignore Her! After all, HIV is not spread through air or water but sexual contact, a part of human life all the major religions have regulated with an iron fist for thousands of years, thereby shaping the present gender roles and sexual culture. They have helped to create the perfect breeding ground for me! Yet you continue to look to them for answers to fight me. Don’t you get it do you! Your spiritual life should not only help you cultivate a sense of purpose in the universe but it should also work towards self-improvement, self-actualization and personal responsibility and empowerment. It should not keep you vulnerable, unbalanced and unhealthy. You cannot fight me with the same tools that created me and continue to make me stronger.”
“I am not here to destroy you completely. I am after all your self-created bitter pill and I am only as bitter as you make me. The faster you learn what I am here to teach you, the less painful your lesson will be,”
“Are you willing to empower women and boost female self esteem and independence? Are you prepared to tell men they are not automatically the “head” of anything or anyone just because they have a penis? Are you eager to tear down the walls of the closet? Will you vow to encourage parents to stop casting out and isolating their gay children leaving them vulnerable and at risk? Do you have the guts to promote honest and holistic dialogue with young people about sex, sexuality and contraception? Do you? If not, my reign over you has only just begun! Think about it, this World Aids Day!”
