Ladies, I want you to think of all the moments in your life when you came to deep and painful realisations, made dramatic decisions, ended relationships or gave someone who deserved it a good cussing out. Was it that time of the month?
I know we are supposed to be politically correct about these things now and most of you would cringe if someone (especially a female-threatened man) blamed PMS for any uncharacteristic outspokenness or less-than-ladylike behaviour you might display. But I must confess that all my great epiphanies, painful self discoveries or sudden bursts of inspiration are somehow related to my moon cycle. It seems to be the time when I am attuned to subtle frequencies of emotional vibrations. I can suddenly "pick up" vibes from people I never picked up before- the hidden sadness behind a co-worker's boastful retelling of their weekend; the purposeful tactics my lover uses to dig at my heart; the unhealthy threads holding weakening patterns of behaviour together. It all becomes so clear. For no reason, I get strong attractive or repelling reactions to certain people. It is also the time when my lover and I have had our most violent (in words and emotions only) fights and thus also identified the biggest problems looming beneath the surface of what is otherwise a leewardly calm relationship. I know I am not the only woman this has happened to.
Something tells me that if you were to keep a journal of your thoughts and your relationships with others you will see some very interesting developments happening in your life around your period. Ancient religions that revere the Goddess see a woman's menstruation as a time of power and renewal. Indeed, I find that it is often a time when I get rid of a lot of garbage, not just the blood itself but emotional garbage and spiritual garbage. Could this be that this natural "purge" is one of the reasons women live longer and can endure more emotional hardship than men usually can without resorting to suicide, violence or other forms of anti-social behaviour? Surely then, having your period is no curse, but a blessing. Indeed after the discomfort of the first two days, I find myself strangely light of heart, full of energy, sexually charged, creatively inspired and deeply motivated.
Wouldn't it be something if society started celebrating this time as a time of increased sensory awareness, emotional healing and renewal. Imagine if employers saw the monthly adventures of female employees as a plus instead of a negative-"Oh if you need someone with KILLER sensitivity to the emotional impact of this ad, call Joan, she's PMSing!" or "Lisa just came back from her one day mini-menstrual break and she now has the mental strength of ten men, give HER the extra work load." Can you picture a band of female vigilantes who got together during their PMS time to channel all that agitation and violent rage into neighbourhood security patrol. It sounds silly now, but women being placed in seclusion to use their special powers for the benefit of the entire tribe, during this time is not unheard of. PMS can be an asset. We just have to re-learn how to tap into it.
March 07, 2005
February 08, 2005
Kinsey and Dr. Phil
I rather enjoyed the movie Kinsey. What was so remarkable about the film is its significance to our time and present social situations. The pioneering efforts of this remarkable man to enlighten us about our own sexuality is worthy of praise. He dared to enter a part of our lives we felt fearful, ashamed, misinformed, isolated and helpless about and at great personal sacrifice. It was so powerful watching just how ignorant our grandparents were about sex and the myths they believed, myths often compounded by the church. I couldn’t help but laugh when a young married couple approached Kinsey for help with their sex lives because the wife thought she was frigid. Kinsey asked the husband if he still engaged in heavy petting with her and the husband confessed, “I thought that was just for dating couples. Now that we are married, why do we have to do it when we can just have intercourse?” Now at this time, Kinsey could have been a real boastful prig about his knowledge of sexual technique but the really cool thing was that not that long ago, he too was ignorant about sex. Kinsey and his wife were virgins on their honeymoon night. It was his own terrible first experience with sex; his clumsiness and her pain, which led him to try to get the correct information on how to do it properly. Trying not to display his own shock at how widespread ignorance among Americans was, he assured the young husband that heavy petting (essentially foreplay) was not only not just for dating couples but a MUST, for a woman to become sufficiently aroused to enjoy sex and have an orgasm. It was like a revelation to this couple, you could see the bells going off in their heads. Kinsey also recommended genital kissing as well, much to the husband’s disbelief as he was told by friends and instructed by religious moral books on marriage that oral sex leads to infertility. Another big myth! He refused to believe Kinsey’s reassurance that it was not only normal but deeply satisfying and asked for proof. This is what sparked Kinsey to begin his extensive sexual research. He realized then the power of scientific knowledge to dispel ignorance.
The resurgence of the right wing Christian propaganda machine in the States is trying to stamp out sex education for kids based on real human study and replace it with essentially the same standards they used in the 50’s and 60’s. They want to return to the days of educating via fear and false information coloured by morality judgments passed on as fact. Fallacious claims that masturbation leads to mental illness and homosexuality were standard in school hygiene classes fifty years ago and even though extensive research has proven that to be ridiculous, modern Christian texts on sex, still read the same way. In fact, prudery and narrow-mindedness concerning sex is very much alive and kicking and we in the Caribbean are at particular risk of swallowing horse manure from the USA. The self righteousness, ignorance, double standards and homophobia amidst rising HIV infection in the Caribbean is so like Kinsey’s time when there was rising syphilis and other VDs amidst similar facades. All indications show that we desperately need clear thinking people like Kinsey in our age, with no political agenda attached. The movie’s time setting may seem like the stone-age to most people but the ignorance and moral prejudice which blinds individuals to the truth about human nature and human sexuality still exists.
If I had to identify modern day Kinseys, I’d say Dr. Phil is a good example. Perhaps he is made fun of, because he states the obvious and his analogies can be a bit kooky. But the man knows what he is doing and he knows his audience. His advice may seem obvious and trite to some of us who are savvy to self improvement, but these are fresh concepts to his particular Red State audience. Plus, the fact that the right wing hates him so much, begs my respect. The pervading ideologies of “Christian normalcy” versus “Secular dysfunction” seem to be on the rise in our time and just like Kinsey, the scientific community and academics are fighting an uphill battle with the Christian conservative right to provide the public with accurate information based on clear unbiased research in the fields of human study. The reason the religious right can’t stand people like Dr. Phil is three fold:
His refusal to condemn homosexuality- Dr. Phil accepts the American Psychological Association’s stance and advocates acceptance of gay people. When parents come to him because they are distressed over their kid being gay, he does not tell them what the conservative Christians wish he would tell them- “He had better change or he’s going to hell! Either he stops being gay or kick him out your house!” Instead, Dr. Phil tells them that being gay is normal and they have to accept their child for who he/she is and support them because they will have a challenging life. In addition, like the rest of the respected psychology community, he holds fast to the proven research that you cannot “convert” gay people. On one episode where a gay man got married to a woman to try and live a heterosexual life Dr. Phil spoke out very strongly against such a marriage and said it would eventually fail (which it did) because when it comes to orientation, you are what you are. The religious right really HATES this.
Heartland, middle class, white Americans are as screwed up as anyone else- Unlike Jerry Springer and Maury where a disproportionate percentage of the dysfunctional and scandalous guests are black or Hispanic if they are not obviously poor white trash, Dr. Phil’s guests tend to be as white bread middle class as “immaculate” as the Bush family. His show completely dispels the myth that Caucasian, middle class, small town, suburban, church attending, mini van driving Security moms and middle management NAZCAR dads with 2.5 kids and a dog called Skip are doing JUST FINE. Christian conservatives never saw Jerry Springer as a threat because “those sick people” he featured were not OUR KIND OF PEOPLE. But now, Dr. Phil is destroying the shiny veneer of “wholesome all American normalcy” and all the UGLINESS underneath perfect American families is being exposed- Child molestation, domestic abuse, sexual dysfunctions in marriage, infidelity, addictions, lying, emotional retardation, shallowness, obesity, stifled potential and out of control teenagers. From that famous Mormon wife on his “Families in Crises” series who unrepentantly cheated and manipulated her husband to the upstanding Christian family where the father abused his daughters. To the long list of seemingly normal married couples who cannot please each other in bed, stay faithful, demonstrate caring or even communicate properly. Dr. Phil shows that his red state, morality espousing Bush supporting audience is not as wholesome as they would like to let on. He quotes the statistics that show America’s high divorce rate and displays exactly which demographic the problem afflicts the most- white, middle class, Christian couples, which brings us to.......
The promotion of secular knowledge over religious tradition to solve problems. Conservative Christians espouse that the bible has the answers to all the problems a person can face and faith can help whether any storm. And while I do not doubt the bible has wisdom and faith offers comfort in tough times, I am also a realist and as Dr. Phil’s guest audience proves, there are limitations to the issues that can be addressed by a book whose most recent authors lived 2000 years ago in a different culture and time. But let’s not get into that. Fact is Dr. Phil offers advice based on psychological study and it WORKS often better than anything his mostly Christian audience hears in church. He can identify and diagnose personality flaws and emotional dysfunctions that would otherwise go unchecked by biblical standards. For example, a husband with a submissive wife, whom he “loves as he loves himself”, according to the bible can still have a disastrous marriage. How? Well here’s one reason of many- suppose he never really loved himself to begin with because of all kinds of unhealed emotional scars leading to low self esteem. He can follow scripture till the fat lady sings and his marriage will still be unhappy. You see, the problem is that many buy into the “perfect Christian” image and think that being born again and following certain scriptures AUTOMATICALLY solves all their social, personality, sexual, relationship or emotional problems. Those who evangelise often sell this pitch as well to attract members. But it is bullshit. If you lacked proper social skills and were an obnoxious asshole before you were Christian, you simply become a born again obnoxious Christian asshole afterwards. And until you accept you are an obnoxious asshole and confront the deep seated emotional and behavioural roots of your problem, you will always be one. It also doesn’t help that church goers are encouraged to show an all accepting face to anyone who professes to share their faith, whether they genuinely like them or not. It promotes disingenuous love parading as “Christian brotherhood”. It allows moronic, emotionally inept people to flock to and exist in a welcoming environment where they know they will be tolerated free of the objective criticism which they so desperately need. All they need to do to mask a massive personality flaw is gloss it over with Christian zeal. Someone outside the “special circle of trust” will be more forthcoming and say, “Well I don’t care if you’re a Christian and Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole! Deal with your shit!”
In a similar way, with the Kinsey life story, there were things no religious study or morality code could help people with but unwavering scientific research could. I love how that woman came to convey her gratitude to Kinsey at the most feeble point of his life. He was disenchanted because he felt he had not even made a dent in the study of human sexuality and what little he had done was to no avail. The woman told him that she was married for decades, had children but was never complete within herself. At fifty years old, after the kids grew up and left home, she started doing volunteer work and met another woman at the centre just like her. They became fast friends and before she knew it, she fell in love with her friend in such a way it made her suddenly realize that this had never happened to her before. Sure she cared for her husband but all that time, she never was in love with him. Suddenly the pieces fit, she was complete. She had been a lesbian all her life and did not realize it because things like that were not spoken about in her time and everyone, especially women, followed a pre-ordained routine whether it suited them or not and people kept feelings hidden. But even though she had discovered herself, she was even more distressed because being a homosexual was unthinkable in the 1950s. She got depressed, became an alcoholic, her marriage ended and she was ready to resort to fatal measures. Then one day she came upon Kinsey’s book and read it. It was the big turning point in her life, like a light breaking through a crack in the ceiling and cutting a path through a dusty room unto her face. She got the courage to reveal her true feelings to that woman she worked with and to her great surprise and delight they discovered the feelings were mutual. They have been together ever since.
To a deeply moved Kinsey, she held his hand and said, “You saved my life. Thank you. Thank you!”
The resurgence of the right wing Christian propaganda machine in the States is trying to stamp out sex education for kids based on real human study and replace it with essentially the same standards they used in the 50’s and 60’s. They want to return to the days of educating via fear and false information coloured by morality judgments passed on as fact. Fallacious claims that masturbation leads to mental illness and homosexuality were standard in school hygiene classes fifty years ago and even though extensive research has proven that to be ridiculous, modern Christian texts on sex, still read the same way. In fact, prudery and narrow-mindedness concerning sex is very much alive and kicking and we in the Caribbean are at particular risk of swallowing horse manure from the USA. The self righteousness, ignorance, double standards and homophobia amidst rising HIV infection in the Caribbean is so like Kinsey’s time when there was rising syphilis and other VDs amidst similar facades. All indications show that we desperately need clear thinking people like Kinsey in our age, with no political agenda attached. The movie’s time setting may seem like the stone-age to most people but the ignorance and moral prejudice which blinds individuals to the truth about human nature and human sexuality still exists.
If I had to identify modern day Kinseys, I’d say Dr. Phil is a good example. Perhaps he is made fun of, because he states the obvious and his analogies can be a bit kooky. But the man knows what he is doing and he knows his audience. His advice may seem obvious and trite to some of us who are savvy to self improvement, but these are fresh concepts to his particular Red State audience. Plus, the fact that the right wing hates him so much, begs my respect. The pervading ideologies of “Christian normalcy” versus “Secular dysfunction” seem to be on the rise in our time and just like Kinsey, the scientific community and academics are fighting an uphill battle with the Christian conservative right to provide the public with accurate information based on clear unbiased research in the fields of human study. The reason the religious right can’t stand people like Dr. Phil is three fold:
His refusal to condemn homosexuality- Dr. Phil accepts the American Psychological Association’s stance and advocates acceptance of gay people. When parents come to him because they are distressed over their kid being gay, he does not tell them what the conservative Christians wish he would tell them- “He had better change or he’s going to hell! Either he stops being gay or kick him out your house!” Instead, Dr. Phil tells them that being gay is normal and they have to accept their child for who he/she is and support them because they will have a challenging life. In addition, like the rest of the respected psychology community, he holds fast to the proven research that you cannot “convert” gay people. On one episode where a gay man got married to a woman to try and live a heterosexual life Dr. Phil spoke out very strongly against such a marriage and said it would eventually fail (which it did) because when it comes to orientation, you are what you are. The religious right really HATES this.
Heartland, middle class, white Americans are as screwed up as anyone else- Unlike Jerry Springer and Maury where a disproportionate percentage of the dysfunctional and scandalous guests are black or Hispanic if they are not obviously poor white trash, Dr. Phil’s guests tend to be as white bread middle class as “immaculate” as the Bush family. His show completely dispels the myth that Caucasian, middle class, small town, suburban, church attending, mini van driving Security moms and middle management NAZCAR dads with 2.5 kids and a dog called Skip are doing JUST FINE. Christian conservatives never saw Jerry Springer as a threat because “those sick people” he featured were not OUR KIND OF PEOPLE. But now, Dr. Phil is destroying the shiny veneer of “wholesome all American normalcy” and all the UGLINESS underneath perfect American families is being exposed- Child molestation, domestic abuse, sexual dysfunctions in marriage, infidelity, addictions, lying, emotional retardation, shallowness, obesity, stifled potential and out of control teenagers. From that famous Mormon wife on his “Families in Crises” series who unrepentantly cheated and manipulated her husband to the upstanding Christian family where the father abused his daughters. To the long list of seemingly normal married couples who cannot please each other in bed, stay faithful, demonstrate caring or even communicate properly. Dr. Phil shows that his red state, morality espousing Bush supporting audience is not as wholesome as they would like to let on. He quotes the statistics that show America’s high divorce rate and displays exactly which demographic the problem afflicts the most- white, middle class, Christian couples, which brings us to.......
The promotion of secular knowledge over religious tradition to solve problems. Conservative Christians espouse that the bible has the answers to all the problems a person can face and faith can help whether any storm. And while I do not doubt the bible has wisdom and faith offers comfort in tough times, I am also a realist and as Dr. Phil’s guest audience proves, there are limitations to the issues that can be addressed by a book whose most recent authors lived 2000 years ago in a different culture and time. But let’s not get into that. Fact is Dr. Phil offers advice based on psychological study and it WORKS often better than anything his mostly Christian audience hears in church. He can identify and diagnose personality flaws and emotional dysfunctions that would otherwise go unchecked by biblical standards. For example, a husband with a submissive wife, whom he “loves as he loves himself”, according to the bible can still have a disastrous marriage. How? Well here’s one reason of many- suppose he never really loved himself to begin with because of all kinds of unhealed emotional scars leading to low self esteem. He can follow scripture till the fat lady sings and his marriage will still be unhappy. You see, the problem is that many buy into the “perfect Christian” image and think that being born again and following certain scriptures AUTOMATICALLY solves all their social, personality, sexual, relationship or emotional problems. Those who evangelise often sell this pitch as well to attract members. But it is bullshit. If you lacked proper social skills and were an obnoxious asshole before you were Christian, you simply become a born again obnoxious Christian asshole afterwards. And until you accept you are an obnoxious asshole and confront the deep seated emotional and behavioural roots of your problem, you will always be one. It also doesn’t help that church goers are encouraged to show an all accepting face to anyone who professes to share their faith, whether they genuinely like them or not. It promotes disingenuous love parading as “Christian brotherhood”. It allows moronic, emotionally inept people to flock to and exist in a welcoming environment where they know they will be tolerated free of the objective criticism which they so desperately need. All they need to do to mask a massive personality flaw is gloss it over with Christian zeal. Someone outside the “special circle of trust” will be more forthcoming and say, “Well I don’t care if you’re a Christian and Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you’re an asshole! Deal with your shit!”
In a similar way, with the Kinsey life story, there were things no religious study or morality code could help people with but unwavering scientific research could. I love how that woman came to convey her gratitude to Kinsey at the most feeble point of his life. He was disenchanted because he felt he had not even made a dent in the study of human sexuality and what little he had done was to no avail. The woman told him that she was married for decades, had children but was never complete within herself. At fifty years old, after the kids grew up and left home, she started doing volunteer work and met another woman at the centre just like her. They became fast friends and before she knew it, she fell in love with her friend in such a way it made her suddenly realize that this had never happened to her before. Sure she cared for her husband but all that time, she never was in love with him. Suddenly the pieces fit, she was complete. She had been a lesbian all her life and did not realize it because things like that were not spoken about in her time and everyone, especially women, followed a pre-ordained routine whether it suited them or not and people kept feelings hidden. But even though she had discovered herself, she was even more distressed because being a homosexual was unthinkable in the 1950s. She got depressed, became an alcoholic, her marriage ended and she was ready to resort to fatal measures. Then one day she came upon Kinsey’s book and read it. It was the big turning point in her life, like a light breaking through a crack in the ceiling and cutting a path through a dusty room unto her face. She got the courage to reveal her true feelings to that woman she worked with and to her great surprise and delight they discovered the feelings were mutual. They have been together ever since.
To a deeply moved Kinsey, she held his hand and said, “You saved my life. Thank you. Thank you!”
February 03, 2005
January 31, 2005
The Death of Pelican and The Death of The Middle Class In Trinidad
On my last visit to Trinidad, last week in fact, it finally hit me, Pelican is essentially dead and with it the beautiful mix of upper, middle and no class debauchery I used to enjoy. The death of Pelican is not only the death of an era, it’s the sounding of the last trumpet before the government and business sector complete the total destruction of the middle class in Trinidad. Now not only is the cost of living becoming restrictive to the middle class, the cost of liming is too.
It used to be that on any given night at Pelican, in the glory days, I could find myself having a rum and coke with a group of people ranging from visiting rugby players, crazy copywriters, UWI graduates trying to make it in the working world, journalists, some ole ho’ trying to pick up a few German tourists, hard core rock n roll headbangers from Curepe, millionaire businessmen, a drag queen or two, several lesbians and gay men and a few old geezers who should have been out of the game ages ago. Imagine there was once a time where I could buy a beer and lime in the same place my boss who earns ten times as much as I do, used to. We might even share a pat on the back and a drunken smile in passing each other on the way to the loo. Pelican was the place where black, white, Indian, Chinese and everything in between used to bump and grind till the wee hours of the morning. You never knew who you would meet there on any given night. Pelican was all embracing. It was the kind of place where you would find two lesbians grinding poonanies together just an arms length away from the director of Tidco and some fashion designer. Two usually hoity toity Indian princesses from Valsayn would suddenly break into a cat fight in the car park over some man, reminiscent of a brawl outside a rum shop in Barrackpore. The air was rich with the smell of greasy burgers, shark and bake, cigarettes and marijuana smoke. Pelican was perfect!! Then the sports bars came.
Typical of those that cater to the tasteless Americans’ fondness for using food and drink to replace their lacking social skills, they started to dot the social landscape and assert their insidious influence on our social scene. As an upscale family restaurant, they were not a bad place to treat yourself to a high calorie fest but soon they became something they should not have- a watering hole for the “upwardly mobile”. Suddenly the sports bar revolution was born. Prohibitive prices on drinks and food to demarcate the classes catered to our over-bloated sense of self importance and inner shame about our small island Trini self identity. What is essentially humble pub fare and cheap “family style” food devoured in ridiculous quantities by redneck Nascar dads in the USA was revered as highfalutin cuisine in our island. And we all fell for it, even I did. It was new, it was tacky and decadent. It was when it began to dawn on me that liming at a “sports bar” was starting to become popular and more importantly an indicator of social status that my red flag went up. It wasn’t about the vibe of the lime anymore it was about “being seen” at so and so’s with so and so nibbling on some loaded potato skins. Then gradually, Trinidad’s night life started to take on a very distinct hue and feel of the fake. Today, those of us that truly have the positive energy to share in a party are at the mercy of an unforgiving imitation velvet rope that is slowly strangling the beauty the multi-coloured collective soul of our nation.
You see, the truth is that even though there are rich people in our island, they all live next to poor people. On one side of the mountain, you have Morvant, and on the other, Cascade. On one side of the mountain, Goodwood Park, on the other Caranage. And even if you drive a new BMW XL you still have to drive on pot holed filled roads past garbage, slums and vagrants. The wonderful thing about Pelican was that it honoured the reality of life in Trinidad by throwing us all together, the CEO and the sexy receptionist, the Sabga and the sales clerk. At least in that way; we could all develop some depth, empathy and awareness. We were made to notice each other in a non threatening environment. The director of an ad agency could interact in a friendly environment with someone from a working class family. You got to meet foreigners, losers, big wigs, intellectuals, artists and sluts all in the same night. Today, the social scene now encourages everyone to lime with people who are either exactly like them or who desperately want to be like them or liked by them.
We have stupidly partitioned ourselves off from one another as if we didn’t rub shoulders in the office just a few hours ago. The rich tell themselves that somehow the restrictive measures taken by the new establishments have something to do with preventing undesirables and crime. Bullshit. The middle class is just as affected by crime as you are, perhaps even more so and it’s them you are excluding from your establishments, not the unemployed rasta in Beetham. In reality, the upper classes are only isolating and singling out themselves more than ever as “ostentatiously privileged” on a small island where the vast majority of the populace is becoming poorer and more frustrated. And to add insult to injury, they set the bar of price distinction so low, cheap shit is now expensive. I mean, it’s one thing not being able to afford fine French cuisine at a real restaurant, but there is nothing “special” about ribs, onion rings and frozen margaritas; it’s dressed up fast food, yet it is out of the reach of a middle class family with kids. But to be honest the high price of imitation American mediocrity is not really what bothers me, what bothers me is its triumph over our authentic Trini excellence and the decreasing alternatives as the local watering holes dry up in defeat.
We have created a new class of vapid professional socialites and their cronies along with bottom feeder wannabes. And while this structure may gel with the cutthroat New York or LA scene, where (1) classes are kept in totally self sufficient communities, demarcated by bridges, different area codes and miles and miles of hills and roads (2) there is at least the hope and opportunities for moving up (3) even the working class American has basic needs met, it will not work here. Why? Trinidad’s demographics and development cannot support such a cultural and class shift and rift without damaging the fragile bonds that hold us together as a people. We are too closely intertwined in close quarters. The demolition of our middle class due to the rising cost of living and our increasing exclusion from the limelife that is our country’s pulse and lack of other options when the Pelicans and Martins start to close down will not go unnoticed. Our access to welcoming places to blow off steam may be restricted, but come hell or high water, steam will be blown off. Just be warned.
It used to be that on any given night at Pelican, in the glory days, I could find myself having a rum and coke with a group of people ranging from visiting rugby players, crazy copywriters, UWI graduates trying to make it in the working world, journalists, some ole ho’ trying to pick up a few German tourists, hard core rock n roll headbangers from Curepe, millionaire businessmen, a drag queen or two, several lesbians and gay men and a few old geezers who should have been out of the game ages ago. Imagine there was once a time where I could buy a beer and lime in the same place my boss who earns ten times as much as I do, used to. We might even share a pat on the back and a drunken smile in passing each other on the way to the loo. Pelican was the place where black, white, Indian, Chinese and everything in between used to bump and grind till the wee hours of the morning. You never knew who you would meet there on any given night. Pelican was all embracing. It was the kind of place where you would find two lesbians grinding poonanies together just an arms length away from the director of Tidco and some fashion designer. Two usually hoity toity Indian princesses from Valsayn would suddenly break into a cat fight in the car park over some man, reminiscent of a brawl outside a rum shop in Barrackpore. The air was rich with the smell of greasy burgers, shark and bake, cigarettes and marijuana smoke. Pelican was perfect!! Then the sports bars came.
Typical of those that cater to the tasteless Americans’ fondness for using food and drink to replace their lacking social skills, they started to dot the social landscape and assert their insidious influence on our social scene. As an upscale family restaurant, they were not a bad place to treat yourself to a high calorie fest but soon they became something they should not have- a watering hole for the “upwardly mobile”. Suddenly the sports bar revolution was born. Prohibitive prices on drinks and food to demarcate the classes catered to our over-bloated sense of self importance and inner shame about our small island Trini self identity. What is essentially humble pub fare and cheap “family style” food devoured in ridiculous quantities by redneck Nascar dads in the USA was revered as highfalutin cuisine in our island. And we all fell for it, even I did. It was new, it was tacky and decadent. It was when it began to dawn on me that liming at a “sports bar” was starting to become popular and more importantly an indicator of social status that my red flag went up. It wasn’t about the vibe of the lime anymore it was about “being seen” at so and so’s with so and so nibbling on some loaded potato skins. Then gradually, Trinidad’s night life started to take on a very distinct hue and feel of the fake. Today, those of us that truly have the positive energy to share in a party are at the mercy of an unforgiving imitation velvet rope that is slowly strangling the beauty the multi-coloured collective soul of our nation.
You see, the truth is that even though there are rich people in our island, they all live next to poor people. On one side of the mountain, you have Morvant, and on the other, Cascade. On one side of the mountain, Goodwood Park, on the other Caranage. And even if you drive a new BMW XL you still have to drive on pot holed filled roads past garbage, slums and vagrants. The wonderful thing about Pelican was that it honoured the reality of life in Trinidad by throwing us all together, the CEO and the sexy receptionist, the Sabga and the sales clerk. At least in that way; we could all develop some depth, empathy and awareness. We were made to notice each other in a non threatening environment. The director of an ad agency could interact in a friendly environment with someone from a working class family. You got to meet foreigners, losers, big wigs, intellectuals, artists and sluts all in the same night. Today, the social scene now encourages everyone to lime with people who are either exactly like them or who desperately want to be like them or liked by them.
We have stupidly partitioned ourselves off from one another as if we didn’t rub shoulders in the office just a few hours ago. The rich tell themselves that somehow the restrictive measures taken by the new establishments have something to do with preventing undesirables and crime. Bullshit. The middle class is just as affected by crime as you are, perhaps even more so and it’s them you are excluding from your establishments, not the unemployed rasta in Beetham. In reality, the upper classes are only isolating and singling out themselves more than ever as “ostentatiously privileged” on a small island where the vast majority of the populace is becoming poorer and more frustrated. And to add insult to injury, they set the bar of price distinction so low, cheap shit is now expensive. I mean, it’s one thing not being able to afford fine French cuisine at a real restaurant, but there is nothing “special” about ribs, onion rings and frozen margaritas; it’s dressed up fast food, yet it is out of the reach of a middle class family with kids. But to be honest the high price of imitation American mediocrity is not really what bothers me, what bothers me is its triumph over our authentic Trini excellence and the decreasing alternatives as the local watering holes dry up in defeat.
We have created a new class of vapid professional socialites and their cronies along with bottom feeder wannabes. And while this structure may gel with the cutthroat New York or LA scene, where (1) classes are kept in totally self sufficient communities, demarcated by bridges, different area codes and miles and miles of hills and roads (2) there is at least the hope and opportunities for moving up (3) even the working class American has basic needs met, it will not work here. Why? Trinidad’s demographics and development cannot support such a cultural and class shift and rift without damaging the fragile bonds that hold us together as a people. We are too closely intertwined in close quarters. The demolition of our middle class due to the rising cost of living and our increasing exclusion from the limelife that is our country’s pulse and lack of other options when the Pelicans and Martins start to close down will not go unnoticed. Our access to welcoming places to blow off steam may be restricted, but come hell or high water, steam will be blown off. Just be warned.
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