November 30, 2009

Sex On The Brain 3- The Pleasure & The Power!

Prudes please stay clear!

On this World Aids Day, I want us all to take a deep look at our sexuality within our Caribbean society, which is the product of contradiction. Our societal sexuality is the product of colonial oppression and forced Judeo/Christian values (now embraced and melded with our African sensibilities) that tore us away from our indigenous understanding of sexuality. Our ancestors’ family units were torn apart through slavery yet at the same time, marriage was preached to them as the Godly ideal. Even while chastity was delivered though Christianity, white slave masters cheated on their wives with slave women. Even while we adopted a male-only God, our Mama Oshun and other female deities and their sexual spiritual power continued to rumble beneath the surface of our seeming assimilation.

At the Queen’s Hall Children’s Concert for Queen Elizabeth II and a host of specially invited CHOGM guests, a Tobagonian choir actually sang a local folksong that goes: ’She mammie send she for water, a damn nigger man come feel up she noonie’. This is how institutionalized sexual exploitation of children has become in our country.

Is it any wonder post colonial societies are so sexually dysfunctional? We are sensual yet so hypocritical; we are lewd yet judgmental; pious yet promiscuous. It is a fertile breeding ground for predators of children who can easily hide and thrive under a veil of normalcy. It is a welcoming Petri- dish for HIV and all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases to flourish amidst our prejudices and denial. Gay men marry women and have sex with men on the down low. Lesbians fake orgasms with their husbands and have secret affairs with their best girlfriends. A disproportionate number of domestic violence cases ending in death exist in our countries of men who believe they “own” the woman for life. Sexual harassment is commonplace, even of teenage girls wearing their school uniforms. At the Queen’s Hall Children’s Concert for Queen Elizabeth II and a host of specially invited guests, a Tobagonian choir had the gall to sing a local folksong that goes: ’She mammie send she for water, a damn nigger man come feel up she noonie’. This is how institutionalized sexual exploitation of children has become. We shout from the pulpits yet according to Google, Trinibagonians rank No.1 in online searches for porn. Something is fundamentally wrong with the structure of our sexuality and it is high time we admit it and seek to change it.

In Part One of this exploration, we examined mankind’s shift in sexuality from pleasure to procreation as we became obsessed with empire-building. In Part Two, we learned about the four cardinal elements of sexuality; (1) Magnetism, the biological lust urge, defined by sexual chemistry based on appearance, hormones, pheromones, ego and status (2) Attraction, the intellectual spiritual bond forged on surrender to the Divine in the other, thus completing one’s own soul (3) The Masculine (God/Yang) Energy and (4 The Feminine (Goddess/Yin) Energy. We learned about twin souls (gay, lesbian and transgendered) and their role in using Attraction as the creative and spiritual power by which everyone can experience beauty, joy, enlightenment, romance and pleasure. Now we shall identify some specific sexual dysfunctions caused by procreation/Magnetism (male only) overemphasis and seek to remedy it. Let’s jump right in with:

Dysfunction 1 - Overvaluation Of Virginity

The average age of marriage is 28. That means FIFTEEN years or more of strict celibacy is being asked of young people from the time they sexually mature at 13, during the most hormone-ridden time of their lives. We expect young people to pull off a feat less than 95% of us were able to do ourselves, and when they fail, we cry, “Shame! Shame! Shame!”

When puberty hit us, we entered a fumbling ordeal of trial and error while deciphering a seeming never-ending code of misinformation and hypocrisies. Then to make matters worse, there was a blatant gender-related double standard. Girls were obligated to be “good” about sexual things at risk of being a slut. Meanwhile the boys were obligated to prove their machismo and heterosexuality by being “bad”. It was at this time, a mammoth obligation was foisted upon our shoulders to stay absolutely celibate until marriage, which back then seemed like a far-off prospect. Indeed it is, for the average age of marriage is 28. That means FIFTEEN years or more of strict celibacy was being asked of us from the moment we started to sexually mature at 13. For some of us, the prohibitions also included any kind of bodily contact whether solo or with another that resulted in belly flip flops, arousal, stimulation and/or orgasm/ejaculation.

Even in our teenage years, our basic human instincts railed against what we were being taught. We saw amongst our family, friends and neighbours that the vast majority of people were unable to stick to any kind of regime of celibacy. In fact, not even prominent religious figures were able to manage such a feat as numerous scandals have revealed. Juxtaposed against this quest for purity were the clarion calls of romance in novels, films and love songs that stirred our hearts and stoked the fires of our first crushes. The blatant, primal sexuality of our wine, jam and juk culture inflamed our senses. Yet somehow, we had to squash our sexuality during a period when we were experiencing the most out of control sexual urges of our lives. Young men 18-25, in particular were at their sexual peak.

And what kind of support was being offered to aid us in this colossal feat of chastity? For most of us encouragement came in the form of religious guilt and scare tactics while the adults clearly said,“Do as I say and not as I do.”

Teenagers with extracurricular activities that boost self-esteem and confidence tend t o delay premature sexual activity. But many in the Caribbean do not have this kind of support system.

Some teenagers were lucky enough to have sufficient role models and character building activities within their domestic and/or social environment. Their lives were filled with successful accomplishment of academic goals, nurtured talents, facilitation of hobbies and wholesome life experiences to boost their self-esteem. This is crucial to delaying their decision to have sex for all the wrong reasons. But the vast majority of young people in the Caribbean do not have this kind support system. Many are part of the 1 in 3 statistic subjected to incest and child molestation and/or that 2 in 3 statistic from emotionally or physically abusive or malnourished households, making them psychologically predisposed to premature sexual activity. Fear of Divine punishment or family scandal cannot withstand the pull of pleasure and bonding with the Romeo or Juliet of their life forever. If that person is someone who gives the young person a feeling of love, value and emotional or material security, the parents and teachers fail to provide, then forget it! They are having sex no matter what!

The Solution- Teach A Holistic Approach To Sex From Early

Am I suggesting teens should be free to have sex whenever and however they want? No I am not. Dealing with the complications, expense and emotional ramifications of the procreative (Magnetic) aspect of sex is something for which the vast majority of teenagers are not prepared even if the biological pull is the strongest at this point. Sex is more than just a biological process. It is a human, emotional and spiritual aspect of our lives best taught to children by their parents.

Our approach to sex education has been to either (1) Make it entirely religious/moral or (2) Make it entirely biological clinical/contraceptive based. We prepare teens logistically for sex but not emotionally or spiritually. We also turn sex and celibacy into some kind of exaggerated, unrealistic religious covenant. Both are dysfunctional and in most cases motivated by fear, shame and dishonesty.

We should instead begin to elucidate our young people on the (Attraction) based aspects of sex as soon as the issue arises. Before condoms are even discussed, the first thing any sex education by parents or teachers should start with is what is: Love of Self, Personal Space and Self-respect. Then we need to begin enlightening them about true love and commitment. If we do not tell our young people HOW to identify these things, then of course, they are going to go strictly on their Magnetic urges for cues later on. Special attention should be paid to the young people impacted by abuse and emotional neglect and ensuring young people who are twin souls (gay, lesbian, transgendered) have access to objective information that builds their self-esteem. These two groups in particular are the ones crying out for love and attention and vulnerable to premature sexual relationships.

A suggested guide to holistic sexual education is:

Birth-3 years

Deal with their innocent self-stimulation in a discreet way, free from shame. Gradually introduce the concept of “privacy” for certain activities. As soon as they begin to form vocabulary about their body parts include: penis, testicles, vagina, vulva with as equal nonchalance as you give to arms, fingers, eye, and nose.

“Mummy, what are the doggies doing?!” You cannot hide your children from the sexuality all around us. So are you ready to answer without shame?

4-9 Years

Prepare them for the realities out there! Teach them how to be cautious around strangers, which parts of the body are OFF LIMITS and to whom, that it is okay to tell on another adult or child who makes them feel uncomfortable or touches their private parts. Around 5 and 6, they may start asking about where babies come from, especially if pregnancy or birth is happening in the family. Explain it like you would where rain comes from, without shame. Make sure to emphasize the need for love, commitment and maturity as the VITAL ingredient for adults who want to make babies. Draw on examples the child can relate to:

Parent: See how the mother birds and daddy birds have to work extra hard to hatch their eggs, then feed and protect their chick? Well that is why only grown-ups like Mummy and Daddy should have babies. We truly love each other and we are strong enough and have enough money to give our little chicks like you a home, clothes and protect you.

Unbidden exposure to sexuality WILL happen; kids will see adults kissing, dancing suggestively, animals mating or they may see relatives, neighbours who act atypical to the gender stereotypes to which they are accustomed. Worse yet, their school friends, cousins, neighbourhood playmates may expose them to unhealthy sexual information. When they ask questions, again, NO SHAME! For example:

Child: Mommy why was Uncle Tom rubbing up on Auntie Tina like that at the wedding?

Parent: Well, sometimes adults like to dance very close together because it feels nice but it is not appropriate to do in front of children.

How easy was that? Kids are surprisingly perceptive and content when you give them honest answers. When you look uncomfortable, lie or skirt about the issue, they can tell immediately and you are making it more of a big deal to them than it has to be. Another example:

Child: Mommy why was that man at the beauty salon (forgive the stereotype but it is typical in T&T) acting so girly?

Parent: Well, some men have more womanly spirit in them and some women have more manly spirit in them. This world is full of all kinds of people and we should always treat everyone with respect.

See? Even if you do not agree with homosexuality for personal religious reasons, this answer can still apply, for all religions teach some form of the Golden Rule. It will also determine if the door of communication will remain open if your child turns out to be gay. The last thing you want to do is alienate your child with your homophobia or religious disapproval.

Here is one that is extremely difficult for many parents: The dreaded child walks in on you whilst you were having sex.

Child: Daddy what were you and Mommy doing?
Parent: We were making love. When two adults are married and/or in love they like to kiss and get close to each other to make each other feel good. It is a private thing. Remember what we learned about private things? So always remember to knock before you come into our bedroom.

Throughout this period of the child’s life, keep on exposing them and sharing with them the importance of Privacy, Self-Respect and True Love. Show them examples of what true love is and is not. Hopefully, your marriage or relationship is their best example of true love.


Prepare your child for puberty! Now is the time to go into detail about sex, pregnancy, menstruation, erections, ejaculations, masturbation and contraception. Once again, NO SHAME and NO FEAR please! The reason not to have intercourse is not because it “Will make God mad!” or “You will get AIDS and die!” or “You will get pregnant and be considered a slut!” or “I will kick you out of the house!”

Most indigenous cultures allow unmarried teens and young adults the freedom of sexual play; single & mutual masturbation, kissing, oral sex. They are at least realistic that some pressure must be released in order to develop a healthy sexuality while keeping intercourse in the domain of a sanctioned union where any children can be taken care of. Some indigenous cultures like a tribe in Guam that discourages virginity before marriage, valuing sexual experience over naiveté in a bride to be. We are so far removed from any pragmatism when it comes to sex that when Dr. Jocelyn Elders recommended masturbation be taught as an alternative to premarital sex, the righteous outrage cost the very first female, African American, Clinton appointed Surgeon General her job.

The reason is simple. Sex and true, committed love should ideally go hand in hand. This will not be “news” to your child because you have already set the tone since they were 4 years old. Let them know that right now is their time to learn how to become mature enough to truly love someone. Let them know that right now is their time to learn about themselves. Until they do, it is best they avoid the complication of sex. Do not just say this…support this! Support it by filling their every single moment with life-affirming activities and social activities that build their confidence, self-awareness and discernment about relationships.

Do not shame or punish your teenager for masturbation! It will result in shame-based sexual dysfunction and needless obsession over their erections and arousals which will be frequent. If you have a teenage son, teach him to have respect for women by steering him towards Attraction despite his current Magnetic focus on pretty faces, breasts, butts and pubic areas. Educate him on how to truly show appreciation and respect for a girl and what truly makes a girl worth his while; her values, her intelligence, her talents, her compassion, her courage. Help him now to be able to see the God in a woman. If you do not balance his Magnetism with intellect and emotional maturity, he will become a complete asshole of a tool, sexually harassing or lusting and chasing every pair of T&A that tickles his fancy. The same applies for your teenage daughter. Their emotional maturity makes it easier for them to see the Goddess in men. The challenge is getting them to see the God in themselves and be self-determining, strong and smart, even if it means being unpopular.

Your goal is not to stop your teen boy from masturbating but to help them to understand Magnetism is just lust and there is much more to girls than T&A so that their sexuality is not based only in objectification of women. Now is the time to make them capable of Attraction and able to recognise the God in a woman

16 onward

The law says they are ready to have sex. However, that does not mean they actually are. Do you know how many teenage girls would have given ANYTHING if their mothers, older sisters, cousins or SOME ONE told them honestly:

“Honey, my first time like many women’s first time was with a boy I thought really loved me. He made a BIG DEAL out of doing it. In the end it was just 2 painful minutes for me. He enjoyed himself though. Not only that, somehow, everyone found out. And he was getting congratulated for it while I was being called a slut. Boys your age are very immature. Trust me, when you have sex for the first time, you will want it to be with a man who truly understands what women want, considers your feelings and treats it like something meaningful.”

What makes love TRUE, MEANINGUL and COMMITTED is what you should re-double your focus on right now because your teenager will be falling in love for the first time and falling HARD. Trust me, 99% of the time the love they pine over (like Bella Swan for Edward Cullen Twilight) will be based on animal Magnetism, not a true spiritual/emotional Attraction. Most teenagers are no match for the pheromones and hormones which delude them into thinking it is indeed TRUE love. If you have enlightened your teenager since childhood about the superiority of Attraction, they will be able to quickly identify and dispel the biological illusion of Magnetism for exactly what it is. Questions they will ask are:

Why exactly do I like this boy/girl?
If it's because "He's sooooo cute!" or "She's soooo hot!" or "He's soooo talented and popular!" or "He complemented me on my hair!" or "Some unknown chemistry just clicked between us,"- THAT'S MAGNETISM.

Does liking this boy/girl make me a better person?

How has liking this person affected your self-esteem, life goals, schoolwork, personality, happiness and peace of mind? Is pursuing their love making you compromise on your values or pretend to be something you are not or putting you at risk in anyway?- THAT'S MAGNETISM

Does this boy/girl care to know who I really am and wants to accept, learn and grow with me or are they just looking to hook up?

If you have not raised your teenager well enough to be able to think, discern and tell the difference between Magnetism and Attraction; if they are insecure, weak-minded and have nothing else to occupy their time,if they have been abused in any way growing up, THEY WILL HAVE SEX BEFORE THEY ARE TRULY READY OR IN A RELATIONSHIP MATURE ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE RAMIFICATIONS. No ifs, ands and butts! That is JUST HOW IT IS! The first person to ignite their Magnetic fire and make them feel warm and fuzzy is the first person with whom they will sex.

If you have not been able to help them emotionally and spiritually at this point, then PLEASE you better hope you prepared them practically at least! Make sure they have accurate safer sex information.I know a mom who risked massive criticism from her friends and family for putting her 16 year old daughter on the Pill and making condoms available. She said,
"You all can condemn all you want. I KNOW my daughter! She did not have the best emotional support growing up because of our divorce. I have observed her interactions with the opposite sex. She is hungry for male attention. Yes, I am trying to work on it but while I do, I am taking EVERY PRECAUTION!"

How well do you know your child? Are you really seeing them clearly?

Out of all the young people who started puberty with me, friends, cousins, neighbours, former church acquaintances, I can only name a handful that lived up to the Olympian Strict Celibacy Until Marriage Challenge…as far as we know. You see, an outward appearance of “respectability “ is all anyone can ever really judge until a belly swells or a sex tape is released.

What if your teenager drops out of the virginity endurance race and has sex despite all your efforts? Understand that it was not based in vile, evil lust but a perfectly understandable and inevitable human inclination. There is no good served by mocking, shaming and punishing them for not being able to do what over 95% of us also could not, it is just cruel and hypocritical! The “shaming” of young people who cannot live up to the mammoth task of celibacy was something I was very familiar with as well in my old church. Despite all the preaching, teen pregnancy was rampant as were shot-gun marriages. When I was sixteen years old, one of my school friends at Naps was suspended from school, the reason? One weekend, she had sex with her boyfriend and somehow by a chain of unfortunate, typical Trini macocious events, the principal found out.

Having a hymen till marriage does not increase your value as a human being. It does not make you more moral, compassionate, intelligent, and worthwhile or better at love and relationships or at life. Not having one does not make a woman “damaged goods”. Treating teenagers who have sex as damaged goods is part of the problem, not the solution.

One by one, all her friends, me included were brought in for a kind of Gestapo-like “questioning”. Turns out, her parents knew all about her boyfriend and really did not care all that much except that she was responsible about it and used birth control. Her suspension, served absolutely no purpose to anyone except to reinforce the school’s particular brand of Presbyterian sanctimoniousness. That same girl went on to get eight distinctions at O’Levels. Still, the school would not have her back (just to prove a point) for A’Levels. Luckily, she was awarded a full scholarship elsewhere and is now a successful, married career woman. She is a living example that having a hymen till marriage does not increase your value as a human being. It does not make you more moral, compassionate, intelligent, and worthwhile or better at love and relationships or at life. Not having one does not make a woman “damaged goods”.

Treating teenagers who have sex as damaged goods is part of the problem, not the solution. The solution lies in being honest about our own sexual history with our children. Share our regrets and our rewards. When they decide to have sex, being safe and responsible about it should be natural because it stems from their self-love and commitment to their long-term goals in life.

The Abstinence Only Movement is experiencing causality after casualty in unwanted pregnancies, STIs and premature marriages. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that nearly half of the nation's new cases of STDs each year occur among adolescents and young adults. A recent study found that teens who took pledges of virginity as part of abstinence-only sex ed classes ultimately still had sex at the same average age outside of marriage except that their STD rates were higher to other young people because they were less likely to use contraception or other forms of protection when they “slipped up” and became sexually active.

Dysfunction 2- Fear Of Female Freedom

The Feminist Movement rightfully challenged the patriarchal/procreative construct based on Magnetism (male only). Although some men and women have seized this opportunity to redefine their self-identity and their approach to love and sex, many men and women are feeling displaced because of it, particularly those within the Afro-Caribbean and Indo-Caribbean communities. One of the things confounding our society is women asserting their previously suppressed Magnetism prerogative to enjoy sex, seek sex and have sex with whomever they choose in the manner they like best.

Among the many negative comments made about the Miss T&T Sex Tape (which I still have not seen nor have any interest in seeing) was that it was just raw sex. A well known local fashion photographer told me that if the sex was sweet and romantic, perhaps people would have given her a break. It was the fact their “sweet-heart and national beauty and feminine ideal” was simply…fucking that threw people for a loop. The ill-advised decision to film it aside, if that is what Anya likes, it does not make her that unusual. But for many, “certain” women aren’t supposed to just want to get their pussy pounded, especially those of a certain class who appear in the social pages of the newspapers. They are supposed to have DH Lawrence romance novel sex where their entire pleasure comes from delicate acquiescing to their man’s superior need and Almighty organ, after the proper lady-like protestations. Yeah, right.

Once women began questioning everything men taught them about themselves, it was only a matter of time they re-discovered their clitoris and learned it outstrips the penis as far as pleasure goes. The clitoris contains eight times the pleasure nerve endings of the entire penis (shaft and glands) and it is the ONLY appendage on the human body with the solitary purpose of pleasure. It stands in proud defiance to any attempt to claim that sex is predominantly about procreation and/or even a penis. The female capacity for pleasure in fact contradicts the procreation/patriarchal construct entirely, which is why Judeo/Christian and Islamic societies worked so hard to destroy it.

A sexually aware woman sends many men running for cover!

While some men welcome this change (having secretly longed for lascivious, unabashed and sexually confident women as equal partners) many men do not know what to do with a sexually aware woman, just as they do not know what to do with a financially secure woman. That is because their entire self-esteem is based on the primitive Magnetic values and the socio/religious construct that supported their male ego and dominance. All they know is: Provide/pay to own a woman and get sex and love. Get status to own a woman in order to get sex and love. Be a hero to own a woman to get sex and love. When this formula fails to work, either because the woman they desire remains unimpressed or looses interest or the man is unable to keep the financial and social status end of the deal, what do you think will happen? How are they going to expend all this pent up testosterone? The answer is…violently. The skyrocketing rapes in South Africa and the blooming terrorism among young Muslim men are two examples of how the frustration is channeled.

Solution 2- Shift To Attraction

I do not want a “help-mate” or a ‘maid” to “take care of me”. I do not need someone to rule over and obey me to satisfy my personal ego. I do not want someone who values me for my money and ability to provide for them. I would truly love to have a friend, lover and fellow adventurer by my side. I would truly love to have the chance to be brave and risk one person knowing me better than anyone else, even my darkest secrets. I would love if we both could be each other’s witnesses, sounding-boards, support systems on our quest for perfection of our souls.

A successful, career woman-friend of mine in her late forties, divorced for fifteen years with a rocking gym sculpted body was being pursued by a man relentlessly for a whole year. In his frustration over her continued lack of interest he said,
“You know what your problem is? You think all men bad! Just because one treat you bad, you think all will treat you so!”
To which my friend replied.
“Of course I know there are good men out there. If indeed you are one, then you should be able to answer me this. Why exactly should I go down this road again and with you in particular? I have a wonderful career, a home, car; child in college, great family, friends, social life, vacations abroad and an assortment of vibrators at home, every size, shape and power setting. I don’t have to worry about jealousy, infidelity, STDs, pregnancy and I can still cum seven times in one night. I have time to dedicate to my spiritual and charitable works. I love my life! Even if I find you sexually attractive, tell me, what is it that you bring to the table that is so fantastic that I should put my heart, health and peace of mind on the line?”

The man like a lot of Caribbean men had no answer to this, except to feel threatened. This is very telling. So men, what do you bring to the table other than a penis and money? Is your solution to the challenge presented by financially independent, sexually aware women to push society return to the “good old days” of your mother ‘s time when women, “knew their place”? Or, to go after less educated, younger (hence less self-assured) women who will depend on you for money, validation, self-esteem and happily fill the role of sycophant, sex-slave, mother and maid?

Guys, if you can be easily replaced or substituted by a sex toy and a healthy bank account, then it is time to take a serious look at how you value yourself. Are you just a meal ticket and a tool?

If this man were a little more aware of the holistic value of sexuality and relationships he could have been able to floor her with his answer. Perhaps if he had a lesbian pal, she would have been able to tell him how to approach a successful, self-assured woman, which would be:

“I know you are capable, successful and a great mother, in fact, that is what I admire about you. You go for what you want in life. You value yourself, that’s why you enjoy giving yourself pleasure. And now that I know well, I must confess that is a big turn on! You see, I am not seeking to fill some hole in your life literally or figuratively. I am not seeking to make you my other half or my helpmate either. Like you, I am also seeking pleasure, happiness and soul fulfillment. I just think it would be wonderful to have a friend, a lover, a witness to this adventure and I feel drawn to you because I just have a feeling, one of those indefinable gut feelings that makes me want to risk letting you be the one person who gets to know me inside and out, every flaw, every weakness. Trust me, the kind of love, passion and intimacy I have in mind isn’t for novices or wimps. I am hoping you prove my suspicions right and you are neither. So, are you game? ”

Now, if that delivered with cool, seductive voice does not make her knees knock and her panties creamed, well maybe she is a cold man-hating fish.

Everything now is pushing men and women towards soul fulfillment and away from mere biological function and the superficial constructs we have built around it. The dismantling of our preconceived gender roles is a good thing. Not just for us, but the planet which is already straining to sustain our present population. Embrace this new era. It is high time we learn exactly what women and men truly are when they are unfettered by our preconceived notions. It is one step closer to discovering the Divine ideal.

Dysfunction 3- Disease

Health of our bodies, minds and planet is tied to balance. Balance is the harmony of the polarity in the Universe that affects everything. There is negative and positive. There is emerging and submerging. There is masculine and feminine. Nothing exists without a complement or feedback that promotes change and motion. Up cannot exist unless contrasted with a down. Light cannot exist without the contrast of dark. Obviously this is a vital Law within The Supreme One’s cosmos but some religious cultures have chosen to recognise only one side of the complement, namely the emerging, active, expanding, masculine side. They ignore the fact that God is both the Alpha and the Omega. Therefore they push towards the end without fully appreciating their beginning.

The Alpha feminine is very important in ensuring the masculine Omega is rooted in the solidity and awareness of its being. If we create and seek to expand without a solid rooting in the Mother, we will destroy ourselves and become like a virus that replicates until every life system is utterly spent, then quickly dies. Embracing the Mother often means embracing and understanding things that are primal and instead of fearing it, things like- sexual desire, aggression, death. The more we can free ourselves of fear of these foundational aspects of life, the more power we will wield over our earthly existence. Fear and demonization of the feminine aspect of course, led to a halt in creation in balance with nature. Man plundered the earth and engaged in raping and ravaging the planet with no valid substantiation, thus awakening the negative feedback signal in organisms like retro-viruses, most of which existed harmoniously all around us until we upset the balance. So why are we surprised that we are stalked by a deadly sexually transmitted disease called HIV/AIDS when our sexuality is the epitome of imbalance, of the Yin/Yang?

Solution 3: Learn The Hard Lesson HIV/AIDS Is Trying To Teach

We only need to look at who the virus has hit the hardest to see what Mother is trying to tell us in order to overcome the imbalance that led to this epidemic. It is crystal clear that this disease affects those most oppressed by patriarchal/procreative construct namely, women, twin souls and the descendents of slaves or ravaged countries used to further Judeo/Christian and Islamic empire. Are we truly listening to what the disease is saying to us? It is not that those most affected; women, men with Goddess energy and societies still closely connected to the Mother culturally and religiously are evil or wrong but that we have been evil and wrong towards them.

Women worldwide have the fastest rate of HIV infection.

The same Universal balance also demands that there is no negative without a positive. This means that despite its grave toll on humanity, HIV/Aids has a positive side, if we truly listen to what the disease it saying to us. If HIV/Aids could speak to us as clearly as I am speaking now it would probably say,

“I am responding to your clear message to the Universe that you do not want the equal Feminine energy in your life. I am here to give you a taste of your wish. See what it is like having your women and twin souls die off! See what it is like having the African cradle of civilization, the symbolic Mother of the planet become ravaged by me! I am designed to tap into the areas weakened by your patriarchal society and the more prejudiced and hypocritical you get, the more powerful I get, to challenge you to WAKE UP!”

Because of HIV/AIDS, gays would find a strength they did not know they had individually, communally and politically.

“Yet I am not here to destroy you completely. I am after all your creation. You attracted this bitter medicine and I am only as bitter as you make me. For this is the way of the Universe, nothing is 100% evil. The Law of Polarity forbids it. Some are already getting better because of me. For example, in the early days, others thought I was Divine punishment on gay people. I admit, gay men were easy hosts. Not because they were gay but because they had reacted to prejudice, violence, ignorance and persecution by being secretive, self-loathing and self-destructively devoid of their true spiritual purpose. Hey, I am a virus! It is only natural that I am drawn to a body debilitated by shame and self-destructive habits."

"Yet because of me, gays would find a strength they did not know they had individually, communally and politically. I helped them to emerge from secrecy and shame and embrace their twin soul power, choosing spirituality, health, community, charity, family, happiness and self-acceptance more and more. Their response would inspire others and clearly expose those with heartless motives behind their façade of religious morality who secretly wanted gay people punished not in the uncertain afterlife but now, so they can gloat and increase their popularity through fear-mongering.”

Trojan- Evolve Ad Campaign, paints men who do not wear condoms as pigs. I find this a poignant example of the evolution away from animal-like sex into enlightened human, pleasure-based sex.

“I’m re-teaching the heterosexuals too. They have been procreation-crazy for far too long. Now they are being made to clearly demarcate sex for pleasure and sex for procreation because procreative sex is now a matter of life and death. Ha! Not even the Pope can continue to advocate against safer sex without seeming callous, “out of touch” and alienating more and more people who face the reality of me every day. I am making more and more women enter relationships with men cautiously and with more control. This is forcing them to be single and self-sufficient, awakening their God energy. I am making men… think outside the box…pun intended. I am here to expose the disaster of your double standards of enforcing female virginity and sexual fidelity while allowing men to have more social and religious leeway to do as they please both in and out of marriage. Now they will lose their sisters to me because of their hypocrisy!”

“I am HIV/AIDS and I am the Mother’s answer to your imbalanced patriarchal societies. I am here to remind you that you cannot ignore Her! After all, HIV is not spread through air or water but sexual contact, a part of human life all the major religions have regulated with an iron fist for thousands of years, thereby shaping the present gender roles and sexual culture. They have helped to create the perfect breeding ground for me! Yet you continue to look to them for answers to fight me. Don’t you get it do you! Your spiritual life should not only help you cultivate a sense of purpose in the universe but it should also work towards self-improvement, self-actualization and personal responsibility and empowerment. It should not keep you vulnerable, unbalanced and unhealthy. You cannot fight me with the same tools that created me and continue to make me stronger.”

“I am not here to destroy you completely. I am after all your self-created bitter pill and I am only as bitter as you make me. The faster you learn what I am here to teach you, the less painful your lesson will be,”

“Are you willing to empower women and boost female self esteem and independence? Are you prepared to tell men they are not automatically the “head” of anything or anyone just because they have a penis? Are you eager to tear down the walls of the closet? Will you vow to encourage parents to stop casting out and isolating their gay children leaving them vulnerable and at risk? Do you have the guts to promote honest and holistic dialogue with young people about sex, sexuality and contraception? Do you? If not, my reign over you has only just begun! Think about it, this World Aids Day!”

November 26, 2009

Sex On The Brain 2- The Elements Of Sex

Things are going to get long, hard and heat up from here on. Be warned!

In Part 1 of this exploration, we discovered that somewhere in our history as sexual beings, procreation took precedence over pleasure. Males removed their foreskin, a purposeful part of their penis that enhances sexual pleasure, in order to show their devotion to a male God that demanded the seed of Abraham be multiplied as the grains of sand on the earth. Along with this also came the suppression of female sexuality and Feminine Divinity which had a profound effect on our sexuality, an effect we will delve into in detail in Part 3. First let us explore the elements holding our sexuality in balance.

Ultimate Divine Balance. The darker downward moving part is the Feminine (Yin) The lighter upward moving part is the Masculine (Yang). IMPORTANT: Take note of the masculine element within the feminine Yin as well as a feminine element within the masculine Yang!

In order to explore the elements of sexuality we will be using a visual tool called the Yin/Yang symbol. Why a Taoist symbol? This ancient representation of male and female is the most perfect visual depiction ever of balance to be found in any spiritual tradition. For the purposes of exploring the elements of sexuality I will be dissecting this symbol for you.

The Yin/Yang symbol represents the perfect union of masculine and feminine. The downward moving, darker section is usually known as the Yin/Feminine aspect. The upward moving, lighter section is usually known as the Yang/Masculine aspect. It is very crucial that you note that there is a masculine element within the feminine Yin as well as a feminine element within the masculine Yang. This plays a vital role in the perfect unification of heterosexual man and woman in order to find soul completion.

Now let us examine the four elements or energies involved in our sexuality. These are: Magnetism, Attraction, Masculine/God Energy and Feminine/Goddess Energy. Let’s start with the most base of the elements.

Element 1- Magnetism

Man and woman drawn together out of magnetism.

Magnetism is all about the Law of Polarity. Remember those science experiments with magnets in school? Opposite poles attracted while similar poles repelled. Sexual magnetism is all about the biological impetus to breed which requires the fusing of genes from opposite gender poles. The Law of Polarity is what governs the raw, biological, physical pull of masculine to feminine in order to perpetuate the species. It is what defines the shape and intertwining of the Yin and Yang.

I should mention that mere Magnetism is not enough to build a long term relationship on. It is the most base and fleeting of desires. That primal, lust-filled urge to mate can happen with everyone and anyone. Women who are ovulating have been observed in studies to unconsciously flirt with men who are not their husbands/boyfriends. They even find the smell of other men more appealing. That Magnetic biological urge to reproduce also has a shelf life. It fades eventually as we get older. Women go through menopause and their Yin energy changes. Men also experience a slowing down of their Yang.

The Seven Year Itch has a biological basis. It is the average time in which the offspring of couple should be weaned and walking unassisted. This signals that the female and male are ready to mate again and nature prefers if they do so with new people for greater genetic diversity and if nothing else is holding their union together, then that is EXACTLY what will happen. Divorce statistics substantiate the high incidence of infidelity seven to ten years into the marriage when the Magnetism between a couple fades. The Law of Polarity is not something on which long-term commitments are based.

If all that is holding your relationship together is your primal heat and pheromones, you are in some serious trouble. Break-up, infidelity or resignation to a sexless sibling-like relationship with your spouse is your fate. Unfortunately, thanks to our religious and cultural heritage Magnetism is what defines a lot of marriages. I do not need to point out the disaster this has caused. In order for heterosexual man and woman to be united in perfect balance, it is not just their Magnetic union for the sake of reproduction that must be the focus. We are not mere animals, mating out of biologically driven lust to perpetuate our species. There is so much more to our sexual union and couples who unite according to the Law of Attraction are the ones who experience the true power and pleasure of sex.

Element 2- Attraction

Man and woman drawn together by attraction

In previous essays, I have covered the Law of Attraction. You attract to you what is needed to help your soul advance in this Universe and this applies when it comes to true love. The woman is drawn to the feminine energy within a man as he is drawn to the masculine energy in the woman. Are you going, “What the hell? Why does the man need to receive more masculine energy? Why does the woman need to receive more feminine energy? Are you sure you are referring to straight people?” Yes, I am referring to heterosexuals right now. The homosexuals come later on in this essay.

Let’s go back to the symbol! Observe that the Yang (Male) must allow the reception of a “male-headed” Yin (Female) just as she welcomes his “female-headed” Yang. During their union, the woman gives the man her female body and her MASCULINE energy. The man gives the woman his male body and his FEMININE energy. This is what makes lovemaking transcendent and cross over from just mere procreation to true pleasure resulting in creative and spiritual power. He possesses the missing Feminine Element of her soul and she the missing Masculine Element of his. Think of it as a double looped link instead of a singular one. The bodies are drawn by magnetism. The higher consciousness of each is drawn in by attraction.

"What is most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine.”Susan Sontag.

When I speak of Masculine and Feminine “energy” I speak of the Universal/Divine version which has nothing to do with our cultural, physical or biological definitions of masculinity or femininity. The Divine Masculine and Feminine transcends the physical. It is the manifestation of the God and Goddess in us all. In order to truly love a woman, a man must fall in love with the “God” energy within her and the woman must embrace the “Goddess energy” of the man. He needs to love not just her body but be transfixed by her mind, intellect and audacious courage. She needs to love not just his body but his heart, unfathomable strength and nurturing. Heterosexual couples who have fallen in love in this way are the ones who have epic love stories that inspire generations after them. Their love adventure transcends biological magnetism. Instead it is marked more by pleasure and creativity and results in new ideas born out of spiritual connection during their sexual bliss. It is a love between equals. They actually manage to achieve in their lifetime, what the Kabbalah and Hindu mystics call, Ishvara. The complete unification of masculine and feminine through love, resulting in becoming closer to Divine which is Masculine and Feminine in One.

The most passionate, long-lived, romances of our time, real or inspired are always between a meeting of EQUALS; men who have fully embraced the God energy within their woman and can love her mind, intellect and courage and a woman who has embraced the Goddess energy within the man and can love his heart, limitlessness and nurturing.

The Consequence Of Placing Magnetism Over Attraction

In order for procreation to gain precedence over pleasure, power and soul completion, we did something terrible to alter the Yin and Yang. As if the natural pheromones and evolutionary habits were not enough we found ways to send Magnetism into over-drive. We began to objectify the outer magnetic body of the female, totally ignoring the God-consciousness within her. Her value became tied to her hymen, breasts, vagina, visage and of course the fertility of her womb. As for the men, we objectified their penis and the ego and testosterone fuelled drive to spread seed while suppressing the Goddess-consciousness within them. The result?

By sending Magnetism into overdrive we have destroyed the God energy within women and the Goddess energy within men. We focus on the external, creating empty shells of outward gender that have become ridiculous caricatures, far removed from the authentic Universal/Divine manifestation of the masculine and feminine.

We have turned women and men into superficial shells of themselves and cheapened their union into just a biological process. Women had the “God” within them almost erased by patriarchal religions and culture and have resigned themselves to accept the myth they are intellectually inferior, weak-minded and neurotically emotional. Men have suppressed the “Goddess” within them have become emotionally obtuse, weak-hearted, overly aggressive towards other men and resistant and resentful of the “God” energy within women. More attention is paid to the exterior, superficial manifestations of gender. Today many men find themselves trapped in this “macho” prison of their own making, feeling constantly pressured to live up to ridiculous standards of Magnetism and worthless when they cannot. At the same time, they are unable to be fully satisfied sexually with their women and bored to tears with the trivial, atrophied female mind. Meanwhile, the women are also under pressure to live up to ridiculous ideals of feminine beauty just to attract a man they ultimately become frustrated and obsessed with because of the inconstancy and insensitivity.

Couples watching out for the seven-year itch should be on their guard a lot earlier these days. According to research, they are far more likely to separate after about two years of marriage. One in 12 couples is heading for the divorce courts after 24 months - more than double the figure for seven years. From "TWO-YEAR ITCH INFECTS MARRIAGE" News Australia, By James Mills, June 22, 2004

Let us also not forget that Magnestism is fleeting and flighty and non-discriminatory. Magnetism hates monogamy! The Seven Year Itch has a biological and evolutionary basis. It is the average time in which any offspring should be weaned and walking unassisted. This signals that the female and male are ready to mate again and nature prefers if they do it with other people for greater bio-diversity. If nothing else is holding their union together, then that is exactly what will happen. Or sometimes, one or both fall in true love based on Attraction for the very first time and it is with someone else. The current divorce statistics are proof that couples are marrying out of the Law of Polarity and then divorcing due to infidelity seven to ten years later when the Magnetism between them fades. By making procreation the main priority of our sexuality we have actually increased the risk of infidelity and all the stresses related to it like jealousy, ownership, possessiveness etc.

While we have been willing to accept this wayward, lustful Magnetic urge in men, society has, since the demolition and deconstruction of the feminine Divine been terrified of the equally licentious impulse in women. It scares us that a woman, during her peak can look at a man who is not her husband, cream her panties over his physique and protuberant package and become so swept away that if she could get away with it, she would bend over right then and there and make her slippery pussy very available. This has resulted in all manners of machinations to keep women imprisoned. They range from taking away all her financial independence to literally trapping her at home. Meanwhile, the men have been free to let their Magnetic impulses run wild, have their cake and eat it too.

Why Attraction Trumps Magnetism

Magnetism is already a given. It requires no effort. Trust me. I have seen the power of pheromones, hormones; a cute face, tight ass, a hard body and 10 inches overtake the sensibilities of many people, just like that. When it does and offspring results, it really is of no great consequence, save to add one more mouth to feed to the struggling planet. Magnetism will not advance your soul. It is just the in and out thrusting of two bodies, each wanting to cum. After the sticky release, nothing changes. There are no answers to your inner being. Your inner Divine still cries out in vain for its mate.

Attraction on the other hand is the true gift. Offspring born to such a union are truly “Love Children” and are usually treated as such. I am not just saying this out of fanciful sentiment. I am saying this because I know what it feels like to be a child born from a union based on Magnetism. The reason I know? My mother was 15 and my father was 20 when they married. If their bitter divorce seven years later and my abuse-filled childhood was not clue enough, my father was once so enraged he let the cat out of the bag. One day (when I was being particularly precocious and petulant) he put me in my place by saying, “Who the hell do you think you are! You are nothing! You are nothing but the unfortunate product of bad sex between your mother and me!”

Children born to a couple bonded by a union of Attraction are truly fortunate to bear witness to a living example of soul-completing love in action.

So, when I urge people please, please do not marry young! Please do not marry the first person who makes you feel warm and fuzzy! Please experience the difference between Magnetism and Attraction (yes that will mean having pre-marital sexual experiences and waiting a little longer so you can “know thyself”) before you make a life-long commitment, I am not talking out of my ass. I can already hear the mob forming to burn me alive for even suggesting delaying marriage and encouraging young adults to become sexually experienced first. Come for me nah! I ready for you!

Elements 3 & 4- The Masculine & The Feminine

What is authentic Masculinity? What is authentic Femininity? I have no conclusive answer to this because I am still in the process of learning myself. But I know many of the stereotypes that have been proven false so far. I do not have to tell you a woman can reason with tremendous clarity and be every bit as tenacious as a man can. My dear cousin Cassandra is as straight as women get! She is in active duty in the US Military; jumps out of planes and rides a Harley. If you look around I am sure you will find similar examples of women around you who defy all convention. I do not have to tell you that a man can nurture and experience intense emotions every bit as a woman can. A graphic artist I work with is a single dad and his loving care and sensitivity would bring a tear to your eye. So rather than deal with biology and psychology, perhaps we should dwell on the spiritual definition of masculine and feminine illustrated below:

As you can see, these aspects transcend anatomy, culture and social mores. They are purely elemental. It is quite possible for a woman to have a tremendous amount of masculine energy in her and visa versa. The effect of this energy is so profound it can alter the Yin/Yang construct entirely, resulting in the twin soul. Remember when we mentioned that a heterosexual person’s soul purpose is to seek balance of the masculine and feminine to attain Ishvara- the boundless, genderless Divine state. Well a twin soul (gay, lesbian, transgendered) has already attained Ishvara. They are male and female in one mind, heart and soul. So what could their purpose be?

The Purpose Of Twin Souls

The Hebraic Mystical Science called Kaballah recognizes THREE PATHS of self-development.. identified as "The Three Pillars" of The Tree Of Life. The LEFT PILLAR is depicted as Black (or "mysterious") and identified with "Aima" the Great Mother, and represents FEMALE PATH. The RIGHT PILLAR is shown as White (or "starkly obvious") and identified with "Abba" the Great Father.. representing the MALE PATH. And up the CENTER PILLAR (which is in fact the main 'trunk' of The Tree Of Life) runs the GENDER-UNIFIED PATH.. or Ishvara. It is seen as a MYSTICAL PATH of Occultism, Psychic Phenomena, Creativity, Visionary Experience and direct contact with ‘The Divine'

Heterosexuals come together (pun intended) and in doing so achieve unification of their souls and also at times procreation. In Jungian theory, those who are able to integrate the opposite-sex energies into their own self-identity can then proceed into the higher (Self and God-Self) phases of self-development. Until they can do this, they will continue to marry, divorce and remarry their own opposite sex potential indefinitely until they finally learn that what they are looking for is essentially WITHIN THEMSELVES. The heterosexual male must find the Goddess within him. The heterosexual female must find the God within her.

But trust me, a gay man has already found the Goddess within him, as if you couldn’t tell! LOL!

Gay marriage is banned in Oregon and the most states in the U.S. But if you are gay and Native Indian you are lucky: The Coquille Indian Tribe on the southern Oregon coast recently adopted a law that recognizes same-sex marriage.

Twin souls possess at their core “Ishvara”.

The anti-gay advocates of “Adam & Eve” are absolutely right when they dec
lare that the sexual union of twin souls does not result in procreation. Where they are wrong is their assumption that every human being was put on this earth to replicate their genes.

Even in the wild, not all members of a pack or pride or pod get to sire offspring, only the Alphas and those who win sparring contests. The rest will be surrogate parents and team-members their entire lives, expressing their releasing their desires through sexual play with other members of their group, sometimes of the same sex. Twin souls were purposed for a different task altogether. Here is where I get a lot of grief from my turkey baster and surrogate mother-using gay and lesbian friends. But here it goes.

Not every member of the group gets to mate. Scientists have argued that homosexual behavior is vital to forging strong bonds between the other pack members which helps survival of the species on an evolutionary basis. Those that play together, so it seems, stay together.

It’s not that gay people lack parenting skills. In fact, they have proven they can ace and in some aspects outshine many heterosexual parents. I am all for gay couples adopting! After all, if over-Magnetized heterosexuals are making so much children to the point where they can afford to throw them away, like surplus tomatoes, then by all means, let’s pitch in and give these children a loving home! However, I also believe in respecting the signals given to us by the Universe. It is written right into our own nature. There is a reason why since infancy twin souls seek sexual union only through The Law of Attraction and not the Law of Polarity. Procreation was not the part of the plan. Keep in mind that heterosexuals have been warped by millennia upon millennia of religious/cultural induced procreation/Magnetism overemphasis. They are already over-doing it as it is, as evidenced by their millions of unwanted children, so what was the point of trying to fit in by imitating them?

Let us go take a look at the ancient societies from which we descended (before the procreation/Magnetism campaign took full effect) and see how they honored twin souls. Many of our ancestors, they saw God as Ishvara and so, those who had masculine and feminine in one were often seen as the closest manifestation of the Divine on earth.

From the earliest times to today, twin souls are inexplicably drawn to the mystical, creative and innovative, they are driven to walk “between the worlds” of spirit and earth just as they walk between the masculine and feminine.

Those of us from West African/Yoruba tradition roots should know that the celestial creator deity of Dahomey mythology is Mawu-Lisa and is presented as intersex or trangendered. Other androgynous gods include Nana Buluku, the "Great Mother" that gave birth to Lisa and Mawa and created the universe, and contains both male and female essences. Further south the San people native to the area of Zimbabwe (ironically now a very hostile place towards gays) left cave drawings showing portrayals of man on man sex. There are accounts among the Pangwe of Camaroon of men within their tribe who even when offered a large bride price, still prefer to court other men. The indigenous Igbo people of Nigeria allow “female husbands”. These are women who display more masculine tendencies are treated as men and allowed to hunt and to marry other women. The Azande of present day Zaire, were observed since the 1920s engaged in sanctioned homosexuality with adolescents of 17-18 serving as "boy wives" to older men. The boy wife and his husband would often refer to each other "my love" and "my lover."

Despite countless examples of indigenous homosexuality on the African continent amongst the following peoples, The Bantu, Kwanyama, Ovimbundu [N. Angola], Kimbundu [N. Angola], Lango [Uganda], Konso [S. Ethiopia], Cilenge-Humbi, Barea-Kunama [NE Africa], Korongo [NE Africa], Mesakin [NE Africa], Black Nationalism and Afrocentrism continue to perpetuate the myth of a "sexually pure" Africa which existed prior to colonialism. Ironically, the Afrocentrics are only regurgitating the same misogynist and homophobic ideals of the Arabic and European powers that conquered them, thereby proving how far removed they have become from their shamanic heritage and defeating the purpose of being authentically “African”. Worse yet, denying there has always been indigenous homosexuality among African cultures also plays right into the hands of racists who maintain that homosexuality is only present in “advanced cultures” which can philosophically appreciate such variances in romantic love. Therefore Africans, being innocents or “primitive children of nature” could not possibly possess the intellectual complexity for such a phenomenon as they only know how to mate like animals.

Hindu mythology has many examples of deities changing gender, manifesting as different genders at different times, or combining to form androgynous or hermaphroditic beings. Gods change sex or manifest as an avatar of the opposite sex in order to facilitate sexual congress. Non-divine beings also undergo sex-changes through the actions of the gods, as the result of curses or blessings, or as the natural outcome of reincarnation. Hindu mythology contains numerous incidents where sexual interactions serve a non-sexual, sacred purpose; in some cases, these are same-sex interactions.

The pre-taoist, pre-Confucian tradition of China was predominately shamanistic and male same-sex love was believed to have originated in the mythical south. Even today homosexuality is still called "Southern Wind". Numerous spirits or deities are associated with homosexuality, bisexuality and transgenderism. These include Chou Wang, Lan Caihe, Shan Gu, and Yu the Great, and Gun is a deity in Chinese folklore who manages the love and sex between homosexual men. In order to cater to the needs of modern homosexuals, worship of the Gun has been resuscitated in Taiwan: A temple was founded in Yonghe City by a gay, Taoist priest.

Freyr, a Norse god of fertility, is believed to be worshiped by a group of homosexual or effeminate priests, as suggested by Saxo Grammaticus in Gesta Danorum. The God Loki is noted to be an androgynous trickster and certain Druid rites also are reputed to involve anal sex between male priests.

For those who originated from a European heritage, homosexual affection within the Viking, Hun, Goth, Norse and Celtic traditions was severely punished due to influence from Christianity. Thanks to that iron fist, any non-procreative sexual experience was subsequently expunged from mythic tales, but the Church could not erase everything, for example, the Celtic tale of the heroes Cúchulainn and Ferdiadh. Their epic love story ends with Cúchulainn's reaction to the death of Ferdiadh which is held right up there with the ranks of Achilles' lament for his lover Patrocles in Homer’s Iliad.

The American Bison is well known for bull on bull sex. This behavior is even celebrated by the Mandan Nation of Native Americans. Their Okipa festival finishes with a re-enactment (ceremonial only!) of well…bulling. The reason for doing this is to make sure that the buffalo returns the next Spring. The Lakota Nation calls them pte winkte. The pte means bison and the winkte means two spirits.

I can go on and on. Trust me when you get to the tribes of the South Pacific, things really get hot! But for now I will stick to West Africa, India, China and Europe as their Diaspora now forms my Caribbean environment. Even within my own country (I will not name names but those who are Trini and “in the know”, will understand right away to whom I am referring), when I think of ten of the most celebrated, productively creative people, among the group are a disproportionate amount of gays and lesbians. If I were to gather all the pundits and priests, I would also find a disproportionate amount of gays and lesbians. How is it that this minority (less than 10% of the human population) is so well represented in the fields of art, music, dance, drama, literature and spirituality? List the ten greatest minds in philosophical thought and among them you will find gay people. List the ten greatest witticisms, I assure you more than half were probably written by a gay or lesbian person. List the ten greatest playwriters, songwriters, ten greatest rock singers, designers and yes, even the ten greatest conquerors of all time and gays and lesbians are once again well represented despite being a minority.

Union of Twin Souls

When twin souls unite, their Ishvara Inner Consciousness is drawn together by powerful, multiple bonds of Attraction, while their unused Magnetic energy is radiated outward, creating a field of potent erotic and creative energy. They are the “ sexually charged” particles amongst us.

Heterosexuals replenish our population. By coming together a man and woman cancel out each other's Magnetism and if they allow Attraction to rule, they become the neutral, balanced Divine whole. On the other hand, when two men or two women come together, their already balanced, neutral Ishvara Higher Consciousness is only further balanced. Their physical Magnetism potential is still highly active. Not just active, but doubled. Gay men pulsate with Masculine Magnetism and lesbians undulate with Feminine Magnetism, yet there is no place for it to be absorbed within such a union. It is so potent, so explosive it radiates outward. It is so powerful that throughout history it has been revered in sexual rites, envied and feared resulting in persecution as well as exploited through prostitution.

Homophobia An Energetic Phenomenon?

I have encountered many different strains of homophobia. Some forms are based on religious beliefs, ignorant fears or even violent denial and shame about ones’ own homosexuality. There is also homophobia based on insecurity stemmed from being romantically spurned by the gay person. I know of a man whose wife left him for a lesbian and he has been so emasculated by it, he has been on a virulent crusade against gay people ever since. Then there is another kind of homophobia that seems almost endemic as it is irrational. A straight man confessed to me after apologizing profusely for the politically incorrect thing he was about to say, that he has no problems with lesbians but despite all his efforts to be tolerant of gay men there is just something he cannot explain that makes him overly aggressive and edgy around them. I appreciated his candor. Now here is some of mine.

An overly Magnetized straight, macho man cannot stand the overwhelming, competitive Masculine energy that radiates from a sexually active gay man. They clash and repel one another.

Remember what we learned about Magnetism? Remember the principles that govern the Law of Polarity? When two highly magnetized, like poles meet, they violently repel. Irrational homophobes are usually men who are not just macho but have literally obliterated the Goddess within them to become one big, mass of testosterone, ego and aggression. Such a person is most likely to be violently repelled by the copious amounts of surplus Masculine Magnetic energy radiating out of a sexually active, open gay man. Indeed, this description fits my self-confessed homophobe to a tee. He is your typical Trini, two -outside women plus a baby mama, Saga Boy. Now when I truly observe his reaction to gay men it is very much like how a tom cat reacts to being challenged. Hackles are raised in a, “I will get the better of you before you get the better of me!” reaction. Interestingly enough, straight women who have lost touch with the God energy inside them and are programmed, thoughtless, caricatures of femininity also react the same way to lesbians, although their approach is more underhanded and catty as they seek to bring the dyke, “down a notch,”.

How Gay Attraction Sparks Straight Attraction

Heterosexuals who have decided to be ruled by more than just Magnetism have a very different experience with gays and lesbians. The Masculine Magnetism of gay men can be accommodated by a straight man in touch with his inner Divine Feminine. The Feminine Magnetism of a lesbian can be accepted by a straight woman who has the Divine Masculine alive in her. As for what lesbians do for straight men and gay men for straight women, well that is just plain hot! The superfluous magnetism of gay people creates frisson and erotic heat. It is what accounts for the growing popularity of Yaoi (gay) and Yuri (lesbian) media which believe or not are bought predominantly by straight men and women who find it sexually stimulating.

Many straight men secretly wish their women would go at sex the way lesbians do, with that single purposed, decidedly “masculine” intent to have an orgasm.

A man who loves watching lesbians get it on once explained it to me this way,

“What I really dig about lesbians is this, okay…when a man is with a woman, you never quite sure if she getting off or she just being accommodating. But deep down, we men don’t want women to just be accommodating. We wish you were as genuinely hungry to get off as we are and if you are then oh gosh be honest about it. With lesbians you know they horny and they getting off. They have every intention of cumming and they know exactly what to do to make it happen. That is what gets me going! In bed, I want my woman to be just as ruthless as me about getting off, not act like she doing me a favor.”

What did I say about the man secretly longing for his equal and needing the “Masculine” within the woman?

Straight female lovers of gay romance are pulled in by watching two men love, care and get highly emotional about each other. They are longing for the “Feminine” within their men. They are longing for simmering, sexual tension played out every waking moment until their men bang their brains out with totally involved lust. And, they want to climax every time, just like men do, and be transported in the process.

Gay people have the magic to put the spring in a straight person's step and song in their heart! Twin souls have been playing the role of Cupid from the very beginning. We help you remember Attraction is what is important! And the more you focus on Magnetism,the more twin souls will be born into this world to bring your sexuality back into balance. This my friends, is where we should all come together (geez!)

This whole fight for gay rights is not just about gay people. This is your fight too heterosexuals! It is about the fight to make the societal shift from base Magnetism to purposeful Attraction. This is your chance to say to the procreation pushers, prudes and cynics,
"Oh No! My romantic union is based on something far deeper and soul-evolving than just evolution, hormones, tradition pheromones and procreation! My sexual energy can also result in more than just a screaming, pooping bundle of joy. It can bring about creation and spiritual congress with the Divine!”

Straight women account for the growing popularity of Yaoi (gay anime, books, movies) It has been observed that watching beautiful, sensitive male characters in love makes straight women extremely aroused. It awakens for many a deeply suppressed longing for their straight men to embrace the feminine within them.

We were placed on this planet together, gay and straight and designed in such a way to benefit each other but the only way that is ever going to happen is if we break and re-set a long ossified bone in our socio/religious skeleton by (1) Admitting that the Feminine (Yin) is equal to the Masculine (Yang) (2) and God is in the Feminine just as Goddess is in the Masculine this would mean (3) Restoring the Goddess to her rightful place and demolishing the one-sided patriarchal spiritual view (4) Revamping many deeply held gender stereotypes and prejudices. This is a SCANDALOUS and extremely painful proposition to those with Abrahamic/ Judeo/Christian sensibilities I am sure.

In India, a bride to be is traditionally attended to by a transvestite. It is considered a blessing in many cultures to have a twin soul, sing at your wedding. In ancient times, twin souls would initiate and conduct the lead role in sexual rituals that would set the pace, mood and spirit to have everyone else copulating for days. In Madagascar the tsecats were sacred male transvestites and in Morocco there were sacred lesbians called Sahacat. Today twin souls are still doing the Cupid role, making music and fashion that makes jaws drop, pants get uncomfortable and panties get creamed.

I have already begun to touch on sex as a form of Divine connection and creativity. In the third installment there will be more of this as I will delve into the pleasure and power to be had in sex. Hang in there!

THE GAY BEST FRIEND, just one of many examples of how gays and straights actually make one another stronger and help to build stronger, creative, happier, brighter, innovative societies.

Further Reading: Becoming Two-Spirit: Gay Identity and Social Acceptance in Indian Country by Brian Joseph Gilley. Homosexuality and Civilization by Louis Crompton, Changing Ones : Third and Fourth Genders in Native North America by Will Roscoe “Boy-Wives and Female-Husbands- Studies in African-American Homosexualities” by Will Roscoe and Stephen O Murray. “People with a history”, The Most Comprehensive and Objective Resource Site for any historical research on LGBT people around the world.

November 23, 2009

Sex On The Brain 1- The Birth Of Shame & Secrets

In the countdown to World Aids Day on December 1st, I will be doing a thorough three part exploration of sex and sexuality, particularly in the Caribbean. Some of the questions I would like to investigate are: Where exactly did our prudery and hypocrisy come from? What are the elements of sexual attraction? What are the dynamics of gender and sexual orientation? Some of the resolutions I would to make are: Sexuality and spirituality are not mutually exclusive. Good sex is also safe sex. HIV/Aids is a viral representation of a deeper syndrome and its cure lies in a holistic approach to sexuality even it means the painful re-breaking and re-setting of a bone (no pun intended) that was badly cast for a very long time.

So let’s being with the first exploration: Where did all the shame and secrets come from?

How Did We Learn About Sex?

You may not remember it now because when it happened you were no older than two or three years old. Your parent caught you innocently playing with “those parts”, “down there”. At that tender age, you had not a single “dirty” thought in your head. You were doing it out of the most innocent of motivations… it simply felt nice. As new sonogram technology is revealing you had been doing it even when you were in your mother’s womb. It was only natural to you. It was comforting stress easing and it often soothed you to sleep, much like sucking your finger or tugging at the end of your favourite blanky.

New sonogram technology reveals masturbation begins in the womb. According to Dr. Daphne Miller of WebMD: “By the age of five, most children deliberately play with their genitals to experience pleasure.”

If your parent was a New Age or enlightened sexually liberated person they would most likely treat the situation nonchalantly when they caught you playing with your own private bit of heaven. If you were doing it at an inappropriate time, like at the dinner table or in front of guests, then, the enlightened parent would calmly without shock or disapproval, find a way to distract you. As you got older, your New Age parent would have helped you to grasp the concept of “privacy” and there is a special time and place for “private activities”.

Unfortunately, for those of us thirty and older, our poor parents had long been corrupted by their own notions of sexuality and for them, the sight of their cutie-pie choonkalonks enjoying the sensations caused by rubbing their naughty bits sent them into a tailspin of guilt and horror.


“Nasty! Don’t touch down there!”

And that right there was the moment they transferred their legacy of shame unto you. Thus began your conflicting sexual feelings.

Something about those “unmentionable parts” (many of us would later learn after much crude misnomers are called a penis, testicles, clitoris, vulva and vagina), was shameful and dirty. The conflict for us was these parts were also addictively delightful to touch or have stimulated and what ensued was a foggy landscape of confusion. Who taught our parents, our grandparents, our great grandparents and their ancestors to be that way about sex? When did that first slap happen? Who was the very first prude, hypocrite and liar about sex?

A Long, Long Time Ago…

Ancient dildos, along with thousands of artifacts from around the world show there was actually a time when we celebrated sex, physically, culturally and spiritually.

Long ago, when from Africa to India to Asia to Europe shamanic based religion was the norm, there were rites of passage for birth, puberty, partnering, pregnancy and entry into elder phase of life. These rituals were done with shame-free explicitness that celebrated the pleasure, power and physicality of sex. Older women, mothers, aunties and grandmothers gathered with the young women from their tribes and villages and showed them in graphic detail what sex was and how to experience pleasure and give pleasure. Older men taught the male youths in graphic detail the joys and responsibilities of both penetration and providing for the tribe. Teenaged lovers coupled under the full moon and polyarmorous affairs were the norm.

When it came to sex our ancestors discovered balance was best. So, for example, having too many children was not good as it impacted on the tribe’s resources and the environment’s ability to sustain their population. So, the wise women discovered which herbs prevented pregnancies and ended pregnancies if the time was not right. Their wisdom can still be seen in Amazonian tribes that use the passion flower as birth control.

Shame was not part of the equation for our ancestors lived in close quarters. The night would be filled with sounds of lovemaking from nearby huts or within the same cave or tent. We bathed together and the only reason to cover the naked human body was for protection from the elements, not out of embarrassment. Human sexuality was treated with acceptance and all aspects of sexuality were seen as having some purpose in life’s creative and spiritual functions. The sexual freedom of the ancient civilizations sounds like a hedonistic free for all doesn’t it?

Well, it was not. There were rules for this just as there was for who hunted, who got what part of the kill etc. The difference was these rules were not based on shame or suppression of pleasure to please God. As far as anthropologists can tell, they were based in what achieved balance and benefited the tribe. Humans have built-in, natural bio-feedback mechanisms to regulate our actions. We are learning beings and throughout our evolution, trial and error helped us to formulate rules guiding our behavior. The very first rules were devised from whatever promoted survival and the overall well being of everyone concerned. Our first concerns were eliminating jealousy, promoting tribal harmony and regulating our population.

Female sexuality used to be celebrated and worshipped.

Basic observation of our behavior and those of the creatures around us showed that although it was natural to form a strong bond with one person, we still liked sexual variety. So we devised pragmatic ways to allow for both. The Hudough Dance of the Native Americans is one of many ancient rites where couples can have sexual freedom with any tribe member free of jealousy or disapproval. We still got most of our cues from nature and it had not escaped our notice that among mammals living in larger social groups, there was same-sex behaviour. So it was no big scandal to our ancestors when men and women began to be born with atypical gender preferences. We had already figured out there was no sun without a moon; no heat without cold, no masculine without feminine, no God without a Goddess.

The hermaphroditic form of God Shiva and Goddess Shakti in one body.

The hermaphrodites and homosexuals in our midst were seen as the epitome of balance, possessing both male and female energies in one body, mind and soul and since many of the Gods and Goddess we worshipped were also transcendent of gender, we tended to revere rather than revile these members of our tribes. From Western Africa to China to India to Greece to Europe to the Fertile Crescent they were usually specially selected as our shamans, seers, priests and priestesses.

Whether we knew it or not, we had back then a far more advanced and sophisticated idea of what elements comprised our sexuality. We somehow figured out there was more to this pleasurable, powerful urge than just making babies. There was something else, something spiritual and creative about it that connected us to something much greater than ourselves. We figured out there was magic there to be used. But in other parts of the world, certain tribes and nations were having a very different experience with sex.

Procreation Trumps Pleasure

Communities of people began to arise and their mission was empire, among these the Hebrews and Moslems who would later influence the cultures of Egypt and Ethiopia. Their spirituality recognized either a male God only or ranked their male Gods higher than their Goddesses. It was among these peoples, strange new practices began to occur, like genital mutilation and complete suppression of the feminine Divine and along with that female sexuality.

In the 15th century Jacopo Berengario da Carpi an Italian anatomist, identifies the foreskin as the most sensitive part of the penis, more sensitive than the glands. Later in the 16th century, Gabriele Falloppio describes function of the foreskin to provide lubrication and increase pleasure during sex.

The medical and scientific community has long debated on whether there is any hygiene justification for circumcision and the verdict is now that there simply isn’t one. It is a practice rooted in religious control of human sexuality. This was powerfully confirmed during the First and Second World Wars when uncircumcised European troops were stationed in the Arabian and Saharan desserts among the circumcised natives. Those with foreskins were told by those without, that the heat, dessert climate and sand dictated circumcision just as much their religious reasons. Yet, the Germans, Italians, Scandinavians and French and experienced none of the so called hygiene or “sand in the foreskin” issues used to justify the practice.

Whether you believe there is a Divine purpose to our development on earth or our present anatomy evolved sans Divine guidance, the foreskin obviously serves a function. In the 15th century Jacopo Berengario da Carpi an Italian anatomist, identifies it as the most sensitive part of the penis, more sensitive than the glands. Later in the 16th century, Gabriele Falloppio describes function of the foreskin to provide lubrication and increase pleasure during sex, similar to what the mucosal skin cells in a woman’s labia minora does when she is aroused. Aristotle’s Master-piece, a popular sex manual throughout the eighteenth century, states that the main source of male sexual pleasure arises from the friction of the foreskin moving back and forth over the glans. Without that delightful, built-in friction, the man is now totally dependent on achieving friction from vigorous penetration, placing unnecessary discomfort on the woman. The “not quite” satisfied feeling results in needing frequent coitus to make up for quality of orgasm with quantity.

Old anti-masturbatory device. The Abrahamic religions and later the Roman Catholic Church will go to extreme measures to ensure the non-procreative sex was eliminated.

Why would certain tribes agree to rid themselves of a natural and purposeful piece of skin? The justifications vary as do the type of circumcision practiced. For the Egyptians and some aboriginal peoples in Australia and Africa, circumcision was done as a boy’s rite of passage. In these rites, the entire foreskin was not removed. It was just spread to allow easier protrusion of the glands. Mummies have been found that show a tiny slit in the upper side of the foreskin, or dorsal slit. This is a very different practice than the one in Abrahamic-rooted societies. The Hebrews and Moslems demonstrated their covenant with their male deity Yahweh and Allah by completely removing the foreskin. In some cases, radically as described in the Mishnah (commentary on Torah) which gives details of periah, or radical circumcision, involving tearing back the foreskin and ripping it from the glans, (*OUCH*) not just cutting off the tip, as done previously.

Why? To sacrifice pleasure for procreation, so that the seed of Abraham should multiply according to the Covenant, “as the grains of sand on the earth.”

A 2003 Australian study found that men who ejaculated more than five times a week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer. Regularly flushing your system, so to speak, keeps your semen healthy and prevents the build up of cancer-causing chemicals.

In the 17th century, William Harvey, the discoverer of the circulation of the blood, found that circumcised men have less pleasure in sex. His research revealed the proponents of circumcision named among their justifications, dampening men's amorous propensities and most importantly facilitating conception. In order to ensure fruitful coitus a long foreskin must be removed as it hinders transference of all the seminal fluid. The bloodthirsty aggression of the ancient Hebrews and Arabs as they tried to conquer occupied lands which they believed to be their birthright, required keeping massive armies and enough citizens to subdue the large expanses of land. They began to revere semen (not realizing of course that the woman contributed the other 50% of genetic material) as the very essence of complete living souls. As the morality tale of Onan in Genesis illustrates, there was an abhorrence for any wastage in non-procreative sexual activities.

Philo (c.15 BCE to c.50 CE), a Jewish philosopher in Alexandria, defends circumcision on the ground that it is a valuable curb on sexual indulgence: "The legislators thought good to dock the organ which ministers to such intercourse, thus making circumcision the symbol of excision of excessive and superfluous pleasure."

Most uncircumcised boys discover the joys of masturbation because their first erections require them to manipulate the glands out of the foreskin to experience relief. On the other hand, a boy circumcised from infancy will never have to jostle with a tight foreskin and learn that he can experience solitary pleasure. Within the Jewish/Arab and later Judeo/Christian/Moselm Abrahamic triad, to waste one’s seed was evil and unclean. The Roman Catholic Church under St. Augustine’s doctrinal admonishments would also become a fierce opposer of all forms of non-procreative sex as it pushed towards replenishing armies and building empire in the wake of defeat in the Holy Land. Indeed, when Christianity took (despite Paul’s letters stating the Old Law on such matters was fulfilled in Christ) a decidedly Puritan and legalistic turn in Europe, Victorian doctors became very keen to introduce circumcision to curb masturbation.

Did you know it was only just before the twentieth century that the British medical profession unanimously rejected and effectively banned clitoridectomy (removal of the clitoris)because it is an irreversible mutilation and often performed without informed consent.

In the 1860s circumcision as means of curing or preventing masturbation in boys becomes widespread medical dogma in Britain. For the next 100 years (and in the USA 150 years) doctors insist it is a scientifically proven medical fact that the foreskin is harmful to the physical and moral health males and must be surgically removed before they even become conscious that it was ever there.

In 1865, William Acton, in the many editions of “Functions and Disorders of the Reproductive Organs”, condemns foreskin as "source of serious mischief" because of its sensitivity and responsiveness to touch.

Around this same time, women were also being targeted by the esteemed Puritan police of sexuality and reproductive function. Their clitorises were being removed to treat “hysteria”. The practice of female genital mutilation was of course, already an old one. Early Arabian writers mention infibulation (sewing or pinning up the labia) and clitoridectomy (removal of the clitoris), it seems likely that the practice originated in southern Arabia and from there spread to Africa, spreading along well-established trade routes. Once more we ask, why tamper with something that serves a purpose?

Elaborate dress that hinder movement and deny easy access to the vulva; constant chaperoning even for activities like dressing, reducing the need to cleanse the genitals by mutilation of the mucosal membranes and removal of the clitoris are all tactics used to control females from discovering their superior sexual prowess.

The same excuses of hygiene are given but the truth is that infibulation makes personal hygiene more difficult. Cosmetic reasons can be discounted since the operation does nothing to increase the attractiveness of the pudendal region. It does nothing to aid childbirth, except to make it extremely painful. The operation is in fact nothing but an attempt to rob a woman’s autonomous sexual pleasure, turning her into a mere childbearing vessel. It is extremely punitive in nature.

The removal of this lascivious tissue was not the only way to turn women away from pleasure and place their focus on procreation. As Europe became more Christianized and less pagan, clothing evolved to be increasingly impractical and layered to restrict her movement, keep her easily contained and make access to her genitalia very difficult. Females were allowed less and less alone time and placed in situations where they would be supervised at all times, even while bathing and dressing.

While girls in the Eastern and pagan cultures were taught intimate knowledge of the secrets to pleasure and sex and female genitalia continued to be presented as beautiful, a flower or garden of delights the girls in places touched by Jewish, Arabic or Christian sentiments were having a completely different expereince. They ceased to be educated about that part of their body. They were told shameful lies instead that it was ugly, cursed, incomplete or designed purely for a man’s satisfaction. They were taught that men were the ones who gave them pleasure and controlled their ability to experience that pleasure. They were told that procreation was their sole function as a living, breathing being and any seeking of pleasure branded them a witch in consort with evil spirits of lust and degradation.

Spreading The Shame Worldwide

When they encountered the temples of India, Victorian British were scandalized by the progressive sexuality of a civilization far older, wiser and more enlightened than they were.

What happens when prudish societies conquer sexually progressive ones? Just read the Old Testament, read how the Hebrews reacted to the sex worshipping Canaanites. Read how the British reacted to the erotic temples in India, their gender-bending deities and Rajas with hundreds of concubines. Read the shock of the Dutch as they reacted to the Edo era Japanese and their geishas and homosexual samauri. Read of the outrage of the Portugese as they invaded the Africa’s Cape and found near naked, beautiful black people moving their hips and engaged in the kind of free sexual congress these close-minded Europeans could only envy and condemn.

Sexuality is often the first aspect of a nation’s culture to be attacked by an invader or colonial power because it is the most vulnerable and power hungry nations are well aware it is the fastest way of unraveling the fabric of a society. In response to foreign interference, people under siege hide or suppress their indigenous sexual practices in order to protect sacred traditions for which the invaders have no respect. This is exactly how our African, Indian and Asian ancestors responded to invading European and Arab nations. They also became equally or more reserved and regulatory of their sexuality in order to avoid any excuse for foreign interference.

The severity with which they do this depends on how oppressive the colonial conqueror was and in the case of the European and Arab colonists, they too came from a legacy of oppression. They had long abandoned their shamanic roots and the more liberal sexuality of their Norse, Celtic and Pre-Islamic cultures.
Today, African nations conquered first by Arab slavers, then by the highly prudish European powers still cling to their foreign laws on sexuality for dear life and have completely given up their pagan sexual birthright, as have their Diaspora in the Caribbean and Americas. On the bright side, India is finally reversing sexual laws imposed upon them by British colonists and Japan is returning to its Edo-era sexuality.

Many who remark at the rampant sexuality in modern Japan today as a decline in traditional morals are wrong. The nation only became prudish after being exposed to Christian/Western inspired shame. Sexuality is often the first aspect of a nation’s culture to be attacked by an invader or colonial power because it is the most vulnerable. Today, Japan is actually returning to its traditional Edo-era morals by embracing sexual openness and homosexuality.

Guilt and shame are not only powerful. They have built-in perpetuation mechanisms. Take a group of people brimming with remorse and feelings of undeservedness for any pleasure they experience because they believe they have committed crimes against God and inherited a “sin” nature. Part of resolving this “sin nature” is denying themselves of the gifts of pleasure given to us, especially sex. Now, expose them to another group of people with the completely opposite view! You are bound to have friction between the two groups and not the pleasant kind.

The response the religiously prudish have to those whose approach to sex is free from censure save the regulation to "harm none", is similar to what people on a strict diet feel when they encounter a slim person who can eat what they want and never gain weight.

Prudes cannot stand to allow others to enjoy what they have decided to deprive themselves. They must resort to, “I am better than you for depriving myself and if I must sacrifice then so must you!”, further validates their sacrifice and boosts their self-esteem.

The person on the diet experiences self-doubt and envy. This is often converted to condemnation and then over justification of their diet and exercise regime as “morally superior”. In other words,
“How dare you experience such bliss when I do not deserve such freedom and joy! No! If I don’t then nobody does! ”

You see, it is not enough for the prudish to deprive themselves as their personal, private decision and be content with that. They want everyone to know what a big effort they are making and how special that makes them. They want brownie points for choosing not to do something that is natural and that everyone is perfectly free to do. Most of all, they secretly want those who invoke that envy in them, punished…severely! Those who indulge must suffer for them to feel content with their deprivation. It comes across as sanctimonious and their confidence in their moral superiority can be very convincing. However, there is a side you do not see. There is a state of torture, self-doubt while their minds see sexual temptation around every corner, in every song, movie, dress, smile, dance.

What often sends that deck of cards crashing down is when a difficult challenge in their life reveals they are not more “special” or “blessed” than anyone else for sticking to a harsh, unnatural, sexual regime. Nothing upsets a sanctimonious person more than to see the ones they label as “sinner” or “deviant” having a better go at life, love and material success than they are. Reminds me of an incident in Globe, long before Movietowne took over and you had to mingle with low class patrons who gave running commentary on the movie. Some man sitting in the back of me started steupsing and cursing because there was a gay character in the movie. When it was revealed that the said character was also rich and successful, the homophobe griped aloud,

“All dem f***ing battymen always have all de money! Fire had better bun dem oui!”

Judging from the movie-goer's appearance, manner and vocabulary, the poor guy was probably totally confounded as to why he was struggling to feed his pickny and satisfy his quarrelling baby mothers when Jah supposed to be blessing him for being heterosexual.

The most outspoken on sexual purity according to their religion, are often made to face the reality of their own hypocrisy on the subject. Even while they preach, their own marriages fail, they engage in adultery, film sex tapes, have secret gay affairs and solicit prostitutes.

It is often hard to see when outrage and condemnation is envy and deprivation in disguise. I challenge you to pick any preacher who makes sexual matters his or her personal crusade. Take some time to truly listen to them and also observe them in day to day life. I remember preachers in my church who would go into graphic detail of the lust, the fornication and inflamed desires, blindly exaggerating the negative aspects of sexual freedom. I can swear after a while, it started to sound like when jealous girls bitch about the popular chic in school. I guarantee you will pick up the underlying resentment and their sexual frustration. It is no wonder these types are always the ones humiliated by the collapse of their own ideal as their marriage ends in infidelity or some other hidden sexual scandal is revealed as was the case with Anita Bryant, Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart and so many others.

What can we resolve from this exploration so far? We now know that this current double standard, hypocritical, fearful, condemnatory approach to sex was not always the “traditional way” as touted by certain people. You know that there was a time when sex was treated in a much more holistic, pragmatic fashion. You also know that we have tampered with the pleasure and procreation scale, tipping it in favour of procreation in order to build patriarchal inspired religious empires. You probably are also beginning to see this was not a good thing to do. It most likely upset the delicate balance of spiritual and physical elements that holds our sexuality in harmony with the Universal ideal. This means that many of our present attitudes towards sex probably does not reflect not an authentic, natural and purely Universal approach. It came from man-made, cultural and religious rationales, some of which are not even in harmony with our biological make-up.

So the question is, how can we go back to an authentic, natural and purely Universal sexuality? Were our pagan ancestors really closer to it than we are presently? In the next installment I will delve even deeper into what the spiritual and physical elements of sexuality are; how they influence sexual attraction, orientation, gender and even creativity and pleasure. Then we shall take a very unflinching look at what happens when shame and guilt reeks havoc with those elements. Stay tuned!

Further reading:
Sami A. Aldeeb Abu-Sahlieh, "To Mutilate in the Name of Jehovah or Allah: Legitimization of Male and Female Circumcision", Medicine and Law, Vol. 13, Nos. 7-8 (July), 1994, pp. 575-622

You can learn about the roots of circumcision here.