Grow Up Women!

I let the men have it, now it’s our turn ladies and if you are expecting me to go easy on us because we women have it so very hard, for so very long, you are going to be disappointed. I’m going to be just as hard on you as I am on myself, so gird your loins and buckle in. First up…

You are not a victim!

Have you suffered abuse and neglect in your childhood? You are not a victim! Have you had one or several bad men enter your life? You are not a victim! Have you felt ugly and unloved? You are not a victim! The only victims in this world are children or those too impaired mentally, physically to defend themselves or determine anything true about their life. If you are reading this, you are not a victim! The moment you can identify the ills that plagued your life past and present, then you graduate from victim to actively aware person. The moment you can say,

“I was abused.” Or “My mother’s terrible life and unloving nature impacted negatively on me,” you are now wide awake.

Once you can pin point whatever injustice (so typically meted out to our gender) was meted out to you, then you have now become a conscious participant in what happens next. You can either prolong the effects of those ills or make up your mind to evolve past them.



When you have had your epiphany and know what has handicapped you all your life, what happens next is all on your shoulders.

Who am I to tell you this?

I am a woman who was sexually and physically abused, neglected, suffered two suicide attempts, two scary near death experiences; battled chronic depression; got rejected by those closest to me, experienced poverty, near homelessness twice, discrimination because of gender, orientation, race and colour, verbal and phyiscal abuse and assault because of gender and orientation.

Just when I think I have it all figured out, I get yet another emotional breakdown/breakthrough that has me bawling my eyes out till 2 in the morning. The latest one was all about my surprising realization that the abuse I suffered is still impacting my self-esteem and sex life within my thirteen year relationship. Yes, even when I think I have it all figured out and therapy, affirmations, meditations and spiritual healing has worked, I discover there is always another layer to peel away and something new to fix-up. Of course, once the fixing up is done, the tremendous leap forward is more than worth it...until the next hurdle.



Beauty is pain on the outside and the inside.

So, no, you do not have an excuse ladies. If you can commit to the “beauty is pain” mentality for the exterior of your body and subject yourself to bikini waxes, scalp melting chemical relaxers, spine-snapping, crippling high heels and 800 calories a day, then surely you can endure a little honest evaluation of the dark, depressing, disempowering ugly bits of baggage hanging over your heart and strangling your soul. You can summon the strength to pry its bony, fingers from your throat and unleash destruction upon it, with the same determined anger you apply to those pimples and knots in your hair.

“Well I had a hard life, so I doh give a shit about nobody!” attitude will not get you places, it will not win you respect amongst your sisters and brothers nor cultivate deep peace and joy in your life.

Don’t worry, it is okay if you don’t know how to stop tearing down others and sabotaging yourself, all you need to begin with is the desire to admit that you do it. Stop making excuses like, “People just don’t like me!” or “They are just jealous of me,” or “What can I do about it?” Acknowledge that your negative thoughts and actions are what play the most important role in attracting negative results to you in the form of being truly disliked by others ( other women especially), disrespected by men, destructive towards men, distrusted by your children, unsuccessful in your profession, unhappy with your life; being easily provoked, overly controlling, insecure and resentful.

Be brave ladies! Look into your past and see where it originated and understand how it affected you, and follow it up with a compelling reason to change.

That compelling reason could be anything from wanting to become a better lover, mother, sister, wife, workmate, teacher or friend or simply wanting more health and happiness in your life before you kill yourself. Of course the most successful reason is; wanting to become more spiritually empowered as part of your journey to Divine enlightenment. It is the most successful because it does not hinge on anyone else. Many women who link their self-improvement to their husband or lover or friend fall off the wagon once the relationship ends. Your relationship with the Divine and your own soul however, is everlasting.

While we are on this topic, let me make something clear.



Many women in our Caribbean region are extremely religious, praying constantly to be transformed by the Lord, forgiven by the Lord, become more forgiving through the Lord, be healed by the Lord. Many of them mistake the religious ecstasy they feel as these prayers being answered, because they are looking for miraculous change and spectacular signs. They go to church, catch the spirit, speak in tongues and then return to their families, communities or their own private spaces no more spiritually evolved than they were before. The “church fix” lasts only so long as the euphoria wears off. It is not long before their old thinking rears its ugly head and self-discipline prompted by religious obligation crumbles under their excuses of victimhood.

A woman is like a tea bag- you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.
Eleanor Roosevelt

Here is a little bucket of ice cold reality for you fiery holy rolling sisters.
The answers to your prayers do come. Not in the form of grandiose miracles but in the form of emotional upsets; failures, disagreements, conflicts and obstacles. They come in the form or embarrassing exposures of your weaknesses and being hurt or being faced with the shocking realization you are hurting other people. If all you are expecting are grand miracles then when these bitter greens are served up to you by the Divine Chef, you will not digest them with appreciation for the healing lessons to be learned that will help purge dysfunction from your life. You will continue to feel like a victim of external situations imposed on you.
You will be overly defensive and seek to justify your misbehviour towards others.

Case in point:
A woman prays and testifies and prays in church for deliverance from resentment towards someone who has done her wrong. She gets some relief from unburdening herself at church. Ahhh! She thinks this is it! Healing has come!

Then just hours after, the very person who irks her somehow does it again. She takes a deep breath and prays for deliverance. But the person keeps on entering her life and exacerbating the situation. No matter how much she prays for deliverance, the Divine or the universe sends her confrontation. Why?

It is trying to help her solve the issue. However, she does not realize it and thinks some miracle is going to happen when she must save herself using the powers gifted to her. She must take responsibility for her role in the situation. She must learn why she attracts the situation. She must then tackle it from that angle, forgiving herself and the person out of true understanding of their cosmic soul relationship before this life, presently and after their souls move on. Until that happens, she will either think: A- Her prayers are not being answered B. Demonise the person to the extent of assigning them the role of Devil come to disturb her peace.

And that my sistas is how you can have devout, sanctimonious women who continue to have severe emotional and interpersonal issues. They pray very visibly, attend church, preach to others constantly but are disliked, dysfunctional, dishonest and deluded about themselves and the world at large. They continue to be unclear about why their love relationships fail, why they cannot enjoy sex, why they still feels unworthy of love, why they constantly need to control and undercut other women and project a less than honest display of their emotions.

Take heart, identifying that you have “issues” and linking those issues to the triggers lurking in your past is more than most women ever do in their lifetime. You are already half-way there!

Little Girls Tear Down Their Sisters To Ease Their Insecurities


In the previous essay, I mentioned that Caribbean men have an exacerbated form of male chauvinism to compensate for the dehumanizing aspects of slavery and colonial oppression on their self-worth. It is in the nature of a man to outwardly express his pain by inflicting it on another. Men who are abused as boys or who have witnessed abuse are more likely to become abusers themselves.

Women are a little different.

We tend to turn the pain inward on ourselves first. A woman who is abused as a girl or witnessed abuse is more likely to become a victim of abuse all her life. Therefore you can expect Caribbean women who had to endure the whips, rapes, babies pulled from their arms to be sold off, lovers tortured and killed, colour and class discrimination, financial dependency, endless toil, endless disappointment and on top of all that, chauvinism and abuse from their brothers, to truly have the lowest of the low self-esteem.



Understand that we have a lot of self-love to regain.

Woman is the nigger of the world
Yes she is...think about it
Woman is the nigger of the world
Think about it...do something about it

We make her paint her face and dance
If she won’t be slave, we say that she don’t love us
If she’s real, we say she’s trying to be a man
While putting her down we pretend that she is above us

Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don’t believe me take a look to the one you’re with
Woman is the slaves of the slaves
Ah yeah...better scream about it

We make her bear and raise our children
And then we leave her flat for being a fat old mother then
We tell her home is the only place she would be
Then we complain that she’s too unworldly to be our friend

Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don’t believe me take a look to the one you’re with
Woman is the slaves of the slaves
Yeah (think about it)

We insult her everyday on TV
And wonder why she has no guts or confidence
When she’s young we kill her will to be free
While telling her not to be so smart we put her down for being so dumb

Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is
If you don’t believe me take a look to the one you’re with
Woman is the slaves of the slaves
Yes she is...if you believe me, you better scream about it.

We make her paint her face and dance
We make her paint her face and dance
We make her paint her face and dance

John Lennon

My employer, a strong woman and first ever female Director of Tourism in her country lamented to me about the women who have Masters Degrees and all kinds of academic and professional accolades and yet continue to allow themselves to be at the mercy of nasty, dishonest, locho or abusive men. “Where is their pride? Where is their sense of dignity?” she asks. How could it be they have all that education but no value for themselves?

She also recounted her first professional experiences with female co-workers after returning to her Caribbean island home with stellar and highly specialised tertiary qualifications from Canada and the UK. Before her return, local women in the hotel industry worked for white, male, foreign management for years and never thought to aspire to achieve more than menial and administrative positions. Suddenly here comes my current boss with international training. She was the youngest and only black, female working in at the very top of the Hotel Industry in her country.

Of course, this came with special perks. She could use hotel facilities. She was attending cocktail functions and tourism conferences all over the world with her white, male colleagues. She was now the boss of the women who were there for years in the same position. She admitted how scared she was to be placed as their superior and how badly she wanted to be accepted by her elder, fellow local, fellow black sisters and to also learn from them.

Did they welcome this opportunity to have a fellow sister in a position of power? Did they see in her inspiration for bettering themselves by working with her and sharing their level of expertise while gleaning from hers?

Hell to the no!

They made their resentment very clear with sabotage, gossip and insubordination. Thankfully, my boss learned to toughen up quickly and stand up to women as old as twenty years her senior. Sadly when all attempts at camaraderie failed she was forced to replace a great portion of them with a newer generation with more first world experience and a willingness to aspire to something better with less “small-island”, “crab in barrel” attitudes.

Simone de Bouvoir often said that we women seem incapable of reaching across class, religion and racial lines to other women. We are so desperate for any single shred of self-esteem that we will actually buy into the inhumane machinations used to oppress others, designed by the very men who oppress us. So, we turn up our nose at our sisters from a “certain class”, “certain religious persuasion”, “certain colour”. The sad truth is that the mullato sister is no more “free” in our male dominated world than her darker-skinned sister and although the slave master’s wife or daughter was living in cushier kind of prison, than the slave-woman it was still a prison none the less. Caribbean women, whether descended from slave, indentured labourer, trader or slave master, whether educated or illiterate, all experienced some form of oppression yet were unable to see past our class, race and religion to our common struggle.



This attitude is reflective of the small feminist movement here in the Caribbean. Instead of making the enlightenment and liberating philosophies accessible to all women and using the existing, indigenous female leadership; from the Orisha Priestesses and Spiritual Baptist Mothers and Hindu matriarchs, the Caribbean’s intellectual women continue to turn up their nose at lesser educated women. So fragile is our ego! Feminists in the Caribbean segregate themselves in elite academic circles and corporate ladders, benefitting greatly from the knowledge they were given but not allowing it to trickle down to their less literate or less “legitimate” sisters. Our lack of generosity makes women who had little access or acumen for higher education or financial freedom to develop a hostile and suspicious attitude towards women who do. The “female professional” and the “feminist” are still the hoity-toity elitists for most grassroots, working class women, who are not given their due for their strength and resilience.

It’s not like the men care who is educated and who is not. They sexually harass and assault us all, regardless of our station. They are still intent on pigeon-holing, objectifying and infantalising all of us, whether we are dressed in a power suit or in pom pom shorts with powder on our chest. They are still pushing Ephesians and Corinthians down all our sisters throats and making them feel like less of a God-fearer if they do not accept a subservient role in marital relationships.

If feminism is beneficial for me, then it must also be beneficial for my housekeeper and her daughters! It is beneficial for the woman who sells me mangoes and cleans my office. How dare I or anyone else look at these woman and say, “They can’t understand things like that!” In my experience, they can, if you speak to them with reference to their realities. Let us not forget Sojourner Truth. She was no university graduate but a black, female, slave. The voice that cries out for freedom does not need a degree to be eloquent. The will to fight for freedom does not need a certificate to be resilient.

So I charge all women literate enough to read this and intelligent enough to understand and debate it, to reach out and touch the lives of other women all around you. So many opportunities exist to spread little gems of liberating truths wherever you go. When you see school girls waiting for a bus along your route being subjected to sexual overtures from the thugs on the corner and they are acting these are the only options they have for love and fulfillment, don’t turn up your nose. Stop your $200,000 car, offer them a ride home and tell them a little story on the way to their neighbourhood about your journey from that same neighbourbood to the successful career you always wanted. It may not stick with all of them but for one teenage girl, it could be the moment that changes her life. When you see two women arguing over some locho man, be the woman that tells them both that they deserve better.

Be known as the sister who never talks badly about anyone behind their back and refuses to play along in catty exclusionary games to tear down another sister’s confidence. Wherever you see a sister burdened and bound by limited thinking…set her free! Don’t shake your head at her and feel superior. If you do, then you are not a true feminist. You do not carry a torch for your sisters or any real pride in being a woman. You are just a taker, using what you know to get ahead and to hell with everyone else! You are no better than the men who enslaved your ancestors. You have no idea how significant it is to be born a woman. You need to GROW UP!


Being A Lone Woman Among Little Girls

One is not born a woman, one becomes one.
Simone de Beauvoir

There are childlike qualities you should keep all through life; curiosity, honest expression, openness to the world, natural joy and even silly playfulness.

Then there are childlike qualities that you should abandon as you get older and wiser like the fearful selfishness you feel about what you own, comparing what others have to what you have, feeling easily jealous if you are not the center of attention, allowing your infantile ego to determine your actions, wanting to belong so badly you lose your self-worth, allowing others to make your mind up for you, fear, ignorance, lack of common sense.

Have you ever found yourself surrounded by little girls in women’s bodies? Some of them are even mothers already- little girls raising little girls. Some are in their 40s and 50s but are still so insipid it hurts! Being “girlish”, “unconcerned of weighty matters”, “helpless”, “befuddled,” “easily abated with bright shiny objects,”, “manipulations through tantrums, tits and ass” unfortunately have been inculcated in our Caribbean women. Those of you who do not subscribe to this model and choose to act like grown, intelligent women; are unapologetic about your sexual empowerment, decisive, serious, daring, individualistic and blatantly honest are rare treasures most do not appreciate. Sometimes not even the women in your own family welcome you as they should.

Have you ever found yourself surrounded by women whose scope of conversation is always (1) Materialistic (2) Complaining (3) Salacious bad-talking? Or who are glaringly racist, classist or exhibit some other form of unintelligence and degradation? It is tough isn’t it? It is even worse when those women are members of your family or workmates whom you cannot avoid. You sit in silence and suffer through their girlish comparisons and deductions. While in their presence, you must fight constantly to balance your refusal to perpetuate destructive norms with your fear of being militant and unsociable. When you try to steer conversation into deeper waters, you get laughed at or sidelined.

I have found that instead of ranting and railing against them, I insert little humorous thought-provoking sound bites here and there.

THEM: Hah! Hah! She cyah get a man!
ME: Considering how “getting a man” worked out for the majority of women in this family! She must be the one laughing at all of you in secret!
THEM: “But look how she nice and fair-skinned!”
ME: I didn’t realize that being fair-skinned was still considered a bonus with skin cancer on the rise? Seems to me it is the melanin gifted who shall inherit the earth.
THEM: So when you going to have children? Hurry up!
ME: I am only entertaining suggestions about what to do with my eggs from people who willing to pay $100,000 and upwards for the outcome of their fertilization!

Make them laugh and make them think at the same time. You don’t need to preach.

Women Do Not Compete With Little Girls For Men




Little girls are in constant, heated contest with other little girls over boys. Their self-esteem and identity comes only from exterior and circumstantial factors, including being desired by men. They are confounded and challenged by grown women who act above or oblivious to all the subtle and not so subtle forms of catfighting they use in their contest.

Intellectually and spiritually mature women simply have better things to do than engage in little girl bitch games. You are not motivated by the same factors nor are you interested in pursuing the same target. No enlightened woman wants to end up in a relationship with someone who actually wants a little girl as his life partner. You are looking for an uplifting, soul-enhancing, equal partnership, not one where you fight, play petty ego games and soothe it all away with sex and gifts.

A real woman clearly see that men are the ones who must be kept on their toes, defending their turf, fighting for your love. When women do it, it is just pathetic. Why? Well in all honesty, it is a natural privilege for a man to have a woman, not the other way around. Even animals know that.

If you are an independent woman pursuing your career dreams, earning your own money with good friends around you and a wonderful community, social, spiritual life full of meaningful and orgasmic experiences, all without a man in your life, then you know that although having a man would be nice, it is not a necessity. In fact, having an intimate, sexual relationship with a man will present far more risk and upheaval in your life, so it better be worth the headache, HIV testing, condoms, yeast infections, fights, worries, hurt feelings and pregnancy scares. The man who gets the privilege of throwing your life out of wack needs to work for it. Those who fall miserably short, you do not need to think twice about discarding. That is the female role. Again, even animals know that.



Desperation and worry over what a man does can easily be solved by having a full and satisfying life of your own with or without him. Remember that he is the one who is lucky to have you.


At a party with some friends, a married female-friend of mine was drinking and watching with great amusement as a “little girl” made the moves on her husband of 20 years.

“Go and tell that sket to keep her claws off your man!” her friends urged.
“Why?” the empowered woman answered. “If my husband actually takes that bait then our marriage must be in real bad shape or, he is a complete moron and I am in bad shape for being with him. That sket is the litmus test. She will help us end a bad marriage or improve it or just go home tonight and fuck our brains out. I am a strong enough bitch to handle all possible outcomes! So just let me enjoy my drink.”

She enjoyed her night alright! Upon seeing her enjoying herself, her husband soon joined in and from the suggestive dancing I imagine they went home and fucked their brains out. She did not let some sket ruin her evening and gain some false sense of accomplishment doing so.

Easier said than done right?

The ability to love a man without fear of “little girls” taking him away is a privilege only strong women will ever know.

My accomplished, forty year old female friend belly laughed and laughed at her fifty year old boyfriend when she found out he cheated on her with a “little girl”. He was always something of a megalomaniac and so, could not handle my friend and her ability to match his success. So he found a “little girl” in a bar, half his age, whom he could bamboozle. As it turned out, what the “little girl” lacked in principles, intellectual and spiritual acumen she more than made up for in desperation, emotional sexual and social manipulation; basic tools of the “little girl” trade. His infantile outside woman got herself pregnant, stalked him, threatened suicide and scandal until he married her. That was actually the funniest part of all because he was always and still is extremely marriage-phobic. In the five years, she was with him, my friend accepted this, being a bit of a maverick herself and having absolutely no emotional or financial need to “tie down” a man.

My friend gathered all her girlfriends and shared a good laugh at his wedding video, leaked to her by a mutual friend who attended. Her marriage-phobic ex-boyfriend clearly uncomfortable while dressed up like prince charming. There were horse-drawn carriages and white doves. His little Bridezilla made him fork out hundreds of thousands for an elaborate, tacky wedding. Now he lives to support his new desperate housewife’s suburban social climbing dreams. He hides from her by spending most of his time at the bar, golf course and the office where he still encounters my friend who has long moved on. He is trapped. If he leaves now, he has to pay child support for four children. His new wife turned out to be quite fecund, go figure.

The man looks like he does not know what hit him. He still unburdens on my friend as his own wife is nowhere near his intellectual level.
“You idiot,” my friend still playfully tells him when he does.



He could have had a woman who only wanted him for his mind, meaningful conversation, mind-blowing sex and mutual growth on this adventure called life. But no, he fell for the “little girl” trap because my friend was too empowered to mistake his shit for her sustenance. Elizabeth Aston used to say, “When men are scared of a woman, they always accuse her of being mannish,” which only proves they are scared of their own potential.

Ladies, stop spending your time time pining over men that dumb and unenlightened! Ladies, no one is going to treat you like a prize if you don’t treat yourself that way. Men who are serious stay. The little boys (yes even those over 30) flee and go chase after the little girls and get tangled up in their little girl games.

Ugly is irrelevant. It is an immeasurable insult to a woman, and then supposedly the worst crime you can commit as a woman. But ugly, as beautiful, is an illusion.
Margaret Cho

This physical shell of ours is not going to last forever, in its current state. Little girls will always be scared of aging because it takes away their one asset. Nothing is more pathetic than a toothless cougar, desperately trying to cling to her physical attributes and bitter at all the little girls who have usurped her place.

Personally, I cannot wait until the grey hairs start peppering my dreadlocks. Such a relief to be free of the constant sooting and sexual harassment! Oh! To move around freely in this world without being seen as simply a sexual object! What fun! For many women in the Caribbean, the moment she becomes an elder, is the first time she is ever given any kind of respect by, men.


Many empowered women look forward to the freedom of their post-menopausal years because being sexually viable to men was never their main source of their self-esteem.

Oh and I intend to be fearsome! I want to be a wizened old hag full of mystical power and secret knowledge, puffing on my hash pipe. I want to be someone with whom young artists, thinkers, lovers climb mountains to consult. Those in need of comfort and healing I will resuscitate with love. Those who need empowerment I will deliver fearsome knowledge that awakens their warrior spirit. Those who need inspiration, their minds I will open. My silliness, crude humor and lust for life would not have diminished one iota but my powers would have increased exponentially. My scandalous, cackling laughter would echo from my little eco-friendly dwelling. Call me Tanty or Mama Jessie. Love and fear me. I will be unafraid to surrender my mortal coil and return to the Source.

Spiritual Authenticity Is The True Root Of Gay Pride

In the last “Grow Up” series, I addressed my Caribbean brothers and I was supposed to speak to my sistren next. However, June is Gay Pride Month and it would be remiss of me not to detour just a while to speak to my beautiful, talented, brave, gay, lesbian, transgendered, bisexual brothers and sisters. Yes, it’s time this former militant Caribbean gay activist calls it like it is.



In A Former Life…
Yes, I was a very outspoken gay activist in Trinidad. I was part of (GEATT), the Gay Enhancement Association of Trinidad and Tobago, now disbanded. I co-wrote newsletters, helped to organize counseling groups, attended Caribbean conferences like C-FLAG in Curacao in May of 1997, which brought gays and lesbians together from Jamaica, Haiti, Barbados, Suriname, Guyana, Netherlands Antilles, Trinidad and Tobago to address our common issues and forge crucial alliances. I participated in outreach HIV/AIDS awareness programmes for the MSM (Men Who Have Sex With Men) community on behalf of CAREC. My then partner and I took in, housed and counseled down and out or HIV positive youth with nowhere to go. I wrote editorials to the newspapers and went on late night talk shows and debated with religious opponents and addressed ignorant comments from callers with facts delivered calmly and eloquently.



Harvey Milk made it clear to his young group of gay advocates, "You cannot be a closeted gay activist.”


I used to see my gay brothers and sisters as helpless victims of injustice and misinformation, especially here in the Caribbean. However with time, experience and knowledge I came to see that personal responsibility plays the most important role in our lives. I became rather disenchanted with many of the things I saw going on in the gay “community” which is not really a community at all. It is more of a party/sex/entertainment scene. I lost respect for the “respectable” high profile people in Trinidad and Tobago who refused to come out of the closet and still refuse to openly acknowledge their sexuality. Even before the movie Milk came out, I took Harvey Milk’s words to heart when he said, “You cannot be campaigning for gay rights and be in the closet yourself! Come the hell out!”

The silence, hypocrisy, down-low behaviour and the lack of role models for gay Caribbean youth continues to allow the predators, blackmailers all the power and the religious haters the illusion of having the “moral high ground”. People can easily demonize what they cannot put a real face, life and personality towards. It’s even easier when the only time they ever see gay people is when we are at our worst- the lover’s spats that spill over into the public eye, the drag and boy prostitutes in down town Port of Spain and Curepe and the sleazy married doctors, lawyers, Government Ministers in their BMWs and Audi’s picking them up; the female prison-hardened dykes who would punch you soon as look at you, the down-low men caught in scandal due to blackmail or HIV exposure. We make it too easy for the bigots to lump us together with the pedophiles who rape children and people who rape livestock.



Scenes like this is what informs most people's perception of gays and lesbians here in the Caribbean.

In response I became a louder and prouder lipstick lesbian upholding virtues of sisterhood, charity and ethics. Other gay women called me, “The serious one,” and would say, “Doh mess with Jessie, she real high and mighty, she doh fool around at all!” The thing was, I grew wary of being one of a handful of voices in the wilderness crying out and exposing my life meanwhile my inner being, relationships and spiritual development took a backseat. That became especially clear when my first ever, serious lover horn my high and mighty, hard-working ass with a woman she met in Curacao when we attended the CFLAG conference together.

After one year of non-stop work, the crumbling of GEATT was perhaps the best thing to ever happen to me. At the peak age of 20, I found myself single and now forced to look after myself as well as look at myself…honestly. When I took a good, long hard look I did not like what I saw. I am not talking about my sexuality here. I have always been rather solid in that respect, coming out to strict evangelical parents at 15 and braving the consequences until I struck out on my own at 19. No, what I mean is, I did not like where I was emotionally and spiritually. I was a people pleaser yet hid deep cynicism. I was a passive aggressive coward, an “I am not worthy of love” consummate victim and an “angry with God” agnostic.
If you follow my blog then you know I am working hard to improve.

Thirteen years later, my approach to sexual rights has changed. It has become this holistic thing and the most important aspect of sexuality equality for me now is not political or social but spiritual.

Grow Up Gay Activists!
The war against gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people from the traditionalists and religious elements in society is not a political war, it is a spiritual one. Until we the gay community treat with this fight in such a manner, we will not make headway fast enough in the parts of the world still under religious fundamentalist influence. Unless we make ourselves healthy, happy and hardy, we will not be able to sustain this fight. Unless we nurture instead of sexually exploit the younger generation of gays and lesbians we will not gain respect. Until we take care of our aging or ailing gays and lesbians we will not inspire compassion. We must first heal ourselves spiritually, reclaim our unique spiritual power through love and trust and then become a coalesced spiritual force with which to be reckoned.



Gay/Straight Alliance. We are part of the same struggle for sexual freedom from religious tyranny and oppression.

If you are gay or lesbian and you feel me, then live it. Live it, even if you are surrounded by superficial, gossiping, exploiting, materialistic, dishonest, disrespectful, spiritually malnourished gay brothers and sisters. If there is no one to join in solidarity with you, then go it alone. You will attract the right people and you will find love, trust the Universe, you are Its child and you have powers you have not even begun to understand.



Relaxing at Gay Pride in Brighton 2006 with my Honey.

I did find love again. Today my partner of thirteen years and I go it alone without any gay community. I can honestly say I feel like we have done more advancing the image of gays and lesbians among the friends, family and colleagues in our small circle of influence here in the Caribbean and perhaps maybe even further. Our story is one of many featured in DV8 Physical Theatre of London’s stage production of To Be Straight With You, directed by Lloyd Newson. We have since embraced the philosophy of “work on your own shit first then let all see your light.” Only then both gays and straights will be inspired by you. We need our straight friends, family, workmates and community members to join our cause. Why?

Here’s the most maddening thing about this gay rights struggle- the illusion perpetuated by both the gay and the religious straight community that this fight is all about gay vs. straight. Actually it’s not.

This is about sexual freedom period vs. religious restriction. Persecuting homosexuals is the last frontier of a long war for the prudes who have been rebuked and driven out from most of straight people’s bedrooms. They lost countless battles before this one and gay-supporting heterosexuals remember them. They see through the “conservative family values” rose coloured lenses and remember how far they came since those times.



Don’t think a Westernised Christian version of this kind of repression cannot happen in our part of the world. We only recently came out of this mind-set, some still are in that mindset and are only just a few laws away from returning to it.


They recall the days before Alfred Kinsey’s research when the moral police fed misinformation as fact to straight young couples, like oral sex causes infertility, female orgasm is a myth and wives sometimes need a stern “taking in hand”. They remember the days of one-sided regimented virtue, arranged marriages, using The Apostle Paul as a marriage therapist, banning D.H. Lawrence and religious leaders telling abused wives it was their “cross to bear”. They remember when we treated any unmarried girl who was not a virgin with just a little more restraint than what the Taliban currently does. They remember white people’s inability to move their hips until the “negro-music” that inspired rock n roll re-taught them how, much to the chagrin of the religious prudes. They remember the witch burnings and Scarlet Letters. They see the Father/Daughter Purity Balls and know it is not far-fetched to think those days cannot return for even now. They see Dark Ages behaviour happening in the Middle East admist all the modern technology, information and media. They do not want that or Christian version of that gaining any ground in our society.

Abstinence-only programmes in the USA are pushed by the religious right and are notorious for spreading misinformation about sex or, selectively omitting certain things leaving young people twice as vulnerable to STIs and unwanted pregnancies.

This is the battle between those who have attached man-made religious morality systems to sex and those who prefer to walk a path of spiritual authenticity. What exactly do I mean by spiritual authenticity?

I sum up spiritual authenticity thusly:

1. Acceptance of at least the possibility that a Higher Power (however you choose to define it, as a being, energy, extraterrestrial) has been involved in the development of life on this planet.

2. Acceptance that scientific knowledge is spiritual knowledge. Study of the natural world and universal laws at work, reveals the Higher Purpose. Therefore there is no need to speculate or believe in opinions from an ancient book based on faith when it comes to any aspect of our human existence. All is revealed through testing and diligent, objective study.

3. Acceptance that the energy and inspiration of the Higher Power lives within all creation; for all came from that Source and serves a Its purpose. Therefore any exclusionary, absolutist, purification doctrines are based on man-imposed limitations not the Divine imposing limitations on us.



Heterosexuals who accept these three things have no problem accepting anomalies. Homosexuals and bisexuals who accept this have no problem being anomalies. They are empowered by an authentic spiritual outlook and radiate with self-love, creative and spiritual capability instead of shame, self-loathing and desperation to be accepted by bigots. They are able to see their Divine purpose truly and follow it fearlessly regardless of persecution and deliberate ignorance around them. They command respect of not just other sexual minorities but the sexual majority.

When you follow your Divine purpose and are pursuing it with integrity and honesty it results in positive contribution to society and positive impact on those around you. No one can deny your Divine right to be. They just look silly and out of touch when they do, like the people who protested Elton John performing in Tobago a few years ago. Thanks to the abundance of exposed religious hypocrites vs. out and proud gays who are doing good in this world and living a life of excellence and self-mastery more people are finally seeing what Christ said “By their fruits ye shall know them.”

Let’s explore spiritual authenticity a little more when it comes to sexuality.

Fundamentalism vs. Growth
The inauthentic spiritual approach fundamentally and legalistically embraces doctrine derived from early accounts of man’s quest to understand himself and the Divine. Instead of embracing the quest itself the fundamentalist blindly embraces ancient man’s first findings and conclusions on that quest. This fundamentalist refuses to accept that during the early stages of this quest, man’s ignorance of science, his inability to fully understand painful, negative, scary aspects of nature often led him to the wrong conclusions. Rather than celebrate that spiritual journey by placing it into context, the inauthentic religious person adopts the same state of mind of those primitive people 2000 years ago and seeks to perpetuate all their fears, ignorance and speculations as absolute truth.

The inauthentic spiritual approach chooses to ignore a very important facet of human existence- the more we live, the more we learn and the more we learn, the more we are expected to evolve and shed old thinking that is no longer true or productive. That is why we do not punish children for their parent's sins in our court of law or demand rape victims must prove they screamed or be stoned to death. It is why today we condemn things like slavery, genital mutilation and yes, violence and discrimination against gay people.

The fundamentalist seeks authenticity through faith it is “God’s thinking”, something which they cannot prove and leads to conflict when ancient text clashes with science and advancements in ethics and human rights. They will not admit these ancient texts are the musings of men just like them who had many man-made and selfish influences on their thinking and even worse, little objective scientific knowledge, therefore societal norms and personal agendas influenced their hand heavily.


If you are truly honest and brave, then going by the book will never be your path. You will choose a path of continuous enlightenment and use ancient maps as a rudimentary jumping off point. You do not simply accept anyone’s thinking as stationary, absolute, Divine truth just because it is old and I hope no one does the same for my writings if they survive far into the future. No, every word must be tested before proclaimed true. If you are a seeker of truth, you do not want to make assumptions. Faith prompted from fear, desperation, emotional longing, peer pressure and guilt will not appeal to your needs. You are willing to abandon old or inaccurate conclusions even if they are much venerated or even codling to your existing prejudices. Honesty trumps tradition for any authentic spiritual journey-maker.

What do I mean by “knowing for sure it is true”?

I mean true on two levels.

Actually True (Scientifically True) - given ALL the knowledge we currently know about EVERYTHING. It is so evident and universally provable that no faith is required to believe in it.

Ethically True (Morally True) - promotes love, peace, joy, long-suffering, kindness, goodness and the universal good of the human being regardless of the artificial variables of class, culture or creed.

The spiritually authentic seeker reads ALL spiritual maps of the world, old and new. They read historical research. They read cultural patterns. They listen and learn from those who preferred to preserve their wisdom in more mystical ways. Then they are able to put the superstitious and the scientific into proper context. Why does an authentic spiritual seeker want to understand the world for what it truly is? Because they believe…or rather they know that by understanding the truth of this world, they understand the truth of its Architect, whether that is a Higher Being, a sub-atomic force or some extraterrestrial entity.


Momentum has been part of our Universe since it exploded into being. With momentum comes change. A spiritual seeker needs to be comfortable with change and accept it is part of the Universal Design.

An authentic spiritual seeker is okay with change and growth. They accept the constant of change and momentum as a Universal Truth. If the very essence of life is change and growth and our Universe has been in motion since it exploded into existence, then the Source of that life must be THE ultimate change and growth. Therefore the authentic spiritual seeker’s understanding of the Divine is not a stagnant, unchanging Being but a dynamic, super-sonically evolving one that is always quadrillions squared degrees ahead of us.

Purification of Nature vs. Understanding and Acceptance of Nature
Early man was one scared creature and let’s face it, without knowledge of why and how things happen- volcanoes, earthquakes, diseases, death, menstruation, impartial sexual attraction, conflicting feelings, challenging human relations, you need some other way to justify and deal with their existence.

The primitive approach to this has always been to (1) Deify/Demonize or (2) Dominate/Destroy what causes fear, uncertainty or challenges physical and emotional human needs. Sex and sexuality encompasses so many needs- the need for sexual release, the need to possess, the need to survive, the need to be loved and protected.

Men whose natural testosterone-driven sexual urge was challenged by the female’s powerful and equally indiscriminate sexuality used the most primal law of nature at the time. The fittest gets what it wants at the weaker one’s expense. So if Og want pussy and Iga no give Og pussy, Og hit Iga with club, drag Iga and fuck Iga pussy till Og happy because Og bigger than Iga so Og get what Og want. The caveman who clubs the cavewoman and drags her off to be mated with against her will, does not know any better for he is a primitive man, a spiritual infant.



The “I take what I want because I am bigger and stronger” only worked for so long. Soon it became clear that forming harmonious societies was crucial to survival from outside attack from either competing clans or the wild elements. The grab, overpower and fuck consent or not, did not foster harmonious feelings. The females did not respond well to it. They felt ambivalent towards the offspring born from these encounters. Females traumatized by rape could not contribute as much to the society. Infants born from rape died more than infants born to consensual sexual relationships because consensual sex often formed a parenting bond between the pair, at least for a time, long enough for the young to learn to fend for itself. Being smart primates, we soon figured out this worked better for the survival of our endangered kind.

Our realization of this was our first realization that rape was wrong or bad for our society. We were still an up and coming species and animals outnumbered us, our morality was forged by a very simple basis- what harms the tribe is bad and what aids the tribe is good. I am sure, not all men were happy when this first piece of “legislation” on sex happened and restricted their testosterone-driven rapes. Now they had to learn self-restraint and still, some men have not evolved beyond this today.



Building cultural and religious traditions where the female is unclean or inferior in the eyes of God and therefore needs to be dominated and controlled as “purification” instead of accepting her authentic self and sexuality became the new way of clubbing her over the head to satisfy man’s testosterone fuelled, ego-driven personal, sexual and nation-building needs.

When our numbers increased, clans began to compete for resources and man became obsessed with “nation-building” and producing large armies to do it. They needed women to make babies round the clock and do so compliantly. Therefore, they built systems into the culture and religion to facilitate this and women did not realize this was just another example of Og get what Og want.

Today man still justifies these traditions as God-derived but we know better. No religious culture can prove God decreed their rules about sex. All an honest spiritual observer of history can conclude is that the Divine simply allows man autonomy to do as he pleases and we reap our rewards and punishments through the Universal Laws of Consequence.



Gay behaviour in lions. Everything that occurs in nature serves a Divine purpose. The same goes for homosexuality which is harmlessly prevalent in nature and therefore must serve a beneficial function as part of the Divine process.

The religious justifications for interfering with, mutilating, controlling the aspects of our natural sexuality is often rooted in “purification”. This seeks to make sex and our expression of sexuality and even our sexual anatomy less authentic by turning it into tool in the service of “God”. That way it becomes a little less dirty. The circumcised penis is a man-crafted, tool of insemination efficiency. It discourages masturbation (no pulling back the foreskin needed during puberty) and promotes maximum transference of semen as none gets trapped in the foreskin during intercourse. The mutilated vulva is a tool of suppression of female sexual prowess. It is just another more sophisticated way of clubbing women over the head to satisfy man’s testosterone fuelled, ego-driven personal, sexual and nation-building needs.



Grass has hundreds of genders, many species change genders and in nature the two-gender concept is the least represented one. Nature favours sexual diversity over uniformity.

The authentic spiritual seeker knows there is nothing unclean about menstruation or a woman’s clitoris or a man’s foreskin. Everything that occurs in nature serves a Divine purpose. The same goes for homosexuality which is harmlessly prevalent in nature and therefore must serve a beneficial function as part of the Divine process.
Science has revealed that in the animal and plant kingdom, the natural tendency is towards sexual diversity not sexual uniformity. Starting with gender. Our two-gender concept is the least represented one in nature. Grass for example has more than just XX and XY but hundreds of genders. There are more hermaphroditic, asexual and three gendered creatures on the planet than those with just two genders. Shrimp change genders with every mating cycle. As we go up the animal chain among reptiles and amphibians it gets even more interesting. Whiptail lizard females have the ability to reproduce through parthenogenesis and do not even need males. They simply stimulate each-other to ovulate.



Homosexual pair bonding between black male swans. They steal eggs from nests and rare the chicks themselves. Biologists have noted that the chicks raised by two male swans fare better than those raised by a heterosexual pair, as the two males are stronger and more able to defend the young against predators.

A 1999 review by researcher Bruce Bagemihl shows that homosexual behavior has been observed in close to 1500 species and for 500 of them, it has been well documented. These studies have been peer reviewed and published in Science Daily, The New York Times or access National Geographic Online for a wealth of more information. Homosexuality or homosexual behavior (courtship, sexual play, sexual intercourse, long-lasting pair bonds) has been observed in animal species ranging from bison to bottle-nose dolphins, dragon flies to penguins. Here are some remarkable examples:



Gay Sheep
After observing glaring homosexual behavior in male sheep (mounting other males, pair-bonding with other males) a study was conducted by Dr. Charles E. Roselli and others for the Oregon Health and Science University. Why? The Merck Manual of Veterinary Medicine considers homosexuality among sheep as a serious issue for farmers’ productivity. The study shows that homosexuality in male sheep (found in 8% of rams) is associated with a region in the rams' brains which the authors call the "ovine Sexually Dimorphic Nucleus" (oSDN) which is smaller than those of straight sheep.



Bisexual Bottlenose Dolphins
Georgetown University Professor of Biology and Psychology Janet Mann concluded from a study on male dolphins that homosexual relationships form a key part of sequestering females for reproduction. Male dolphins enter strong pair bonds , engaging in sexually affectionate behavior. When they find a female, they work together to isolate her and assist each other in mating with her. Then they go about their business leaving her to rare her young. The Professor believes that the strong sexual and social bonds among male dolphins benefits the species in an evolutionary context. The male bonds help the pod work together for protection as well as locating females for reproduction.



Lesbian Bonobos
Many animals live in matriarchal societies like the mythical Amazons. The females rule and pair-bond with one another while the males live to serve their reproductive needs. The bonobo, the gentler and more sociable cousin to the chimpanzee lives in such a society where both males and females engage in heterosexual and homosexual behavior but it is noted for female homosexuality in particular. Bonobos have the highest frequency of homosexuality among primates, including humans.
Dutch primatologist Frans de Waal has observed and filmed bonobos in the wild for many years and noted that sexual stimulation was used as a social bonding tool and a means to soothe disagreements. Bonobos use sex to divert attention and to diffuse tension. A jealous male might chase another male away from a female but after the two males reunite and engage in scrotal rubbing. A female might hit a juvenile and the latter's mother may lunge at the aggressor and immediately they make up by rubbing each other’s vulva area. This results in an extremely peaceful, sociable society compared to the war-like, noisy jostling for rank among chimpanzees.



Bisons Who Bull
The American Bison engages in mounting and full anal penetration between bulls. This has been observed and noted for generations starting with the first peoples of the Americas. The Native American Mandan Nation’s Okipa Festival does a ceremonial enactment of this behavior, to "ensure the return of the buffalo in the coming season." The Lakota People refer to the bison as pte winkte —pte meaning bison and winkte meaning two-spirit.

Any rational person who seeks truth in all things must come to the conclusion that since nature speaks for itself, it is the religious fundamentalist who is seeking to make nature behave in unnatural ways. The expectation that 7 billion individuals will fit into the exact same sexual practice is unnatural. It flies in the face of what nature is telling us and what nature tells us is what the Divine has decreed, which can be summed up below:

There shall be reproduction and there shall be deep bonding and sexual affection among the species but not necessarily all at the same time.

Not all animals in a social group will get to reproduce. There must be checks and balances on population. Some will sire offspring, others will help hunt, protect and nurture the society while adding no more population burden to it.

Gender shall be a diverse field.

Species that embrace their sexual roles and use it well will have peaceful, evolving, harmonious societies. Those that do not will feel the ill-effects.

Many fellow gays and lesbians disagree with my stance on gay parenting but it is my personal belief that you cannot argue for homosexuality being natural on the one hand then refuse to accept the message nature is sending.

"Be fruitful and fill the earth" is not ecologically sound. Certain parts of the world, particularly near the equator, should have smaller populations and remain mostly jungle and forest to help our planet BREATHE, provide a safe habitat for millions of species including millions of viruses that should remain safely within their fragile eco-systems.

Barring bisexuals, and those who discovered their true sexuality after having children, I see no need for me or any gay or lesbian to use science to mimic heterosexual reproduction. Is that really where our purpose lies or are we wasting our gifts by becoming another set of dare I say it-breeders, adding to our over-burdened planet? Are we robbing the world of our other creative, intellectual gifts from which child-rearing will certainly steal developmental time?

Currently we actually have more children than parents in this world. Therefore I fully support and have mountains more respect for gays and lesbians who are adopting and fostering the children that the heterosexuals neglect and throw away by the millions thanks to their indiscriminate baby-making. Adoption, fostering and mentoring is more in keeping with our natural purpose. We are the supporting members helping to pick up the slack. We help hunt, serve, socially bond, contribute, protect and babysit offspring without adding the burden of our own. For those of us who remain childless, we can work hard, earn loads of money and pay more taxes into the system and give more to charity than the infant-burdened heterosexuals can. We are a blessing to any society and ironically, the third world countries with the most fragile tropical eco-systems, limited resources are the ones that persecute us the most when in fact, they are actually the ones that need our contribution the most.



Much love and respect for gays who adopt and foster the kids neglected, abandoned or unwanted by the heterosexuals.

Yet, when you listen to the religious fundamentalist they make it seem as if our human race is endangered and everyone is obligated to breed. They ignore what nature is telling us. They ignore that certain parts of the world should have smaller populations and remain mostly jungle and forest to help our planet BREATHE, provide a safe habitat for millions of species including millions of viruses that should remain safely within their fragile eco-systems.

For them population is always at critical stage. The Pope is not outlawing birth-control because “God says so,” but because he needs to maintain a strong Roman Catholic empire. The imam is not encouraging child weddings and removal of females’ pleasure organ because “God says so,” but because it aids in the building up the Muslim empire. These two have not stopped since the Crusades.



Trillion dollar warships. It is should not come as a surprise the USA is the only developed country still holding out on gay rights. It is still in empire mode and as such, like Victorian England, is not ready to grant sexual freedom over reproductive imperatives to feed its military and sustain its economy.

In the mostly Protestant dominated world, Christian conservative Americans are still acting like they need to outbreed the Native Americans who once outnumbered them and outbreed the freed slaves and immigrants they fear at any moment will snatch “their” country away from them. Oh and don’t forget, they need soldiers for their multi-trillion dollar military stationed in every corner of the world. So if it baffles you that the USA is so far behind on gay rights compared to Europe, Canada even Latin and South American countries and India, it shouldn’t. America is still in empire mode.

Nature is there SCREAMING AT US to observe, learn and listen and when we don’t listen, we reap the consequences. It’s called negative feedback. Nature will seek to, violently if necessary, balance itself with divorce, dysfunction and disease. These are symptoms something is wrong with the unnatural man-made morality model that still fighting to prevail in our world.

Divorce forces us to expand the family unit. It is a glaring proof that parental pair bonds and sexual attraction are not mutually exclusive. By forming step-families and giving children two daddies, two mommies, more siblings, more grandparents, more relatives we are dismantling the isolated nuclear family and going back into a more authentic, natural village model.

Dysfunction forces us to use science instead of superstition to observe, analyze and unveil truths about human sexuality that aid the greater whole.

Disease particularly for the two groups most damaged by male-dominated, empire building sexual rules (gays and women), forces us to treat sex and our bodies with more joy, reverence and less guilt. The more we relinquish shame and choose empowerment, the more we treat our down there and other people’s down theres with gratitude and consideration. The less GLARING, OOZING, SWOLLEN, BURNING, ITCHING, “please attend to me!” signals our bodies will give us. Disease is forcing heterosexuals to weigh life and death carefully and reproduce with more forethought. Like I said before, the planet has had enough! Nature will use the millions of retro-viruses that live undisturbed in our bodies and environment to cull our numbers if we do not learn to do it ourselves.

The Divine As Masculine Only vs. Divine Masculine and Feminine In Balance



Crucial to living in balance with nature is living in balance with our Divine self which is both masculine and feminine. When I speak of masculine and feminine I do not speak of gender roles but something much more profound and elemental. I am talking about the Alpha (Yin) and the Omega (Yang).

The Alpha is the feminine aspect, the inward moving force that solidifies transient energy into solid matter. It is earth’s knowledge and earth’s potential. It is memory, mitochondrial and mental. It is the female animal that possesses the library of valuable information, integral to survival- the best grass pastures, the migration path, the watering holes and the hunting techniques. Feminine is the teacher to the next generation from a vast library of genetic, instinctive and adaptive knowledge. It is the Alpha that determines which male gets to pass on his genes and activate her awaiting potential.

The Masculine is the Omega. It is the outwardly moving forces that want to spark expansion and entropy. It is the impetus to grow, change, explore. It activates, questions, pushes forward. The Omega is the future. It is where momentum can take us. It is transformation. The male animal explores new terrain and wants to spread out in search of new territory. It spreads its seed without discrimination. It can easily cross boundaries across frontiers and even explore cross species breeding. It was designed to travel far. It pushes evolution forward by clashing in contests of genetic superiority and making great leaps forward.



Can there be any doubt we live in a Omega (male/patriarchal) society, where the need to penetrate, spread out, overcome and grow bigger, faster, stronger is satisfied in total absence of the Alpha’s (female/matriarchal) focus on long-term, holistic survival? Just look at the former PNM regime under Patrick Manning, squandering hundreds of millions of our oil revenue dollars on skyscrapers and prestigious functions to stroke the Omega ambitions of a male leader while foundational aspects of development- hospitals, schools, city sanitation, vagrancy, poverty, pollution, crime go unchecked. Hopefully our new female Prime Minister, brings some much needed Alpha energy to the table.

So, we have the beginning and the never-ending. Both must be balanced. Without the transformative, explorative input of the Omega, a matriarchal society can become stagnant, going around in circles, unable to adapt to change. Without the reference of the Alpha, a patriarchal society can become viral, pushing forward too fast without guidance by the proper context and ancient wisdom, exhausting its resources until it self-destructs.The fact of the matter is, we need men allow themselves to be held in check by this neglected Alpha aspect and we need women to have the freedom to express the Alpha and Omega aspect within them.

Deeper Spiritual Reasons For Gay Pride
Apart from the valuable contribution nature intended for us to make to our social groups, there are other, deeper reasons to radiate with pride. You may be happy to hear this particular insight, which you can take and explore or reject depending on your spiritual path.

If like me, you accept with a fair amount of certainty based on your information gathering and personal experiences that that our souls are in a process of infinite development as it seeks to unite with the Source, then it makes us sexual anomalies pretty special. It is glaringly evident that there is something karmic and soul-based going on with us that transcends the physical shell of gender. This is perhaps why we present such a paradox and problem for certain religious adherents who do not embrace things like reincarnation nor wish to be reminded of it.

My partner was at her swim coach job one day when a little girl asked her if she was a man or woman.
“I think you are a man,” the little girl said.

Now let me explain something to you. My partner not only has massive boobs but some of the widest child-bearing hips I have ever seen. In addition, she was wearing her one piece swim suit, the kind athletes wear which leaves little to the imagination and prominently shows off her womanly assets. This outer shell was not enough to fool this girl. The child saw straight into my Honey’s soul because children are truly insightful and blatantly honest. This little girl knew nothing about my partner yet knew my Honey had a strong, male polarized soul within her.

When my partner was a little girl of three she used to insist her name was Matthew and that she was a boy. During our past-life regression meditations my Honey recalled the last human experience of her soul. She was a truly macho, truly primitive man from medieval times and she used to rape and pillage until dying violently. Even now, when I look into her eyes I sometimes see her soul struggling for Divine balance within this present karmic consequence. Imagine a male warrior being reborn inside the most feminine, Goddess-shaped body ever! Imagine learning how to be loved by a woman without being selfish and possessive while also being subjected to the same male chauvinism you once meted out to women! If my partner aces this challenge on earth school, she deserves to graduate magna cum laude.



An overly male polarized soul will radiate out of a female body no matter how feminine you try to make her look.

Out of the Divine Source came both female and male. This means that the Alpha and Omega poles exist in a perfectly unified, balanced form within the Architect. Some spiritual traditions choose to acknowledge this. Others driven by patriarchal objectives choose to focus one-sidedly on the Divine Masculine aspects. They neglect the truth that masculine and feminine originated from the same Divine source. Therefore a Divine Feminine exists as well. Since we and by “we” I mean our eternal souls, are created in the reflection of the Alpha and Omega, we too are for all intents and purposes supposed to be balanced.

So what makes our souls lose that balance and get polarized?

It happens when we allow ourselves to become slaves to biology and forget our Higher Soul. It happens when we exaggerate these gender based roles to the point of caricatures. Eventually, it affects our very souls and we lose the perfect Alpha and Omega balance; identifying too strongly with one over the next. Since the Universe is always seeking balance and Laws of Consequence are in effect, this has to be ironed out. The karmic solution?



We have made caricatures of gender roles.

Strong male polarized souls placed inside a feminine body and strong female polarized souls placed inside a male body. You might know this phenomenon more affectionately as the stone butch lesbian and the limp wristed screaming queen. Their challenge is to become balanced. The butch must remember her Divine feminine soul aspect and the queen must remember his Divine male aspect. Keep in mind I am not talking about “man-made” gender roles (frills vs. football) here but the Alpha and Omega definition of masculine and feminine.

The chemical potion of hormones, do aid the re-balancing process on an emotional level which opens the door to the spiritual level. The strongly polarized masculine soul is overcome with estrogen and progesterone forcing it into the emotional states that make Alpha energy easier to access. The strongly polarized female soul is given a kick in the head with testosterone urging it to allow the Omega factor to operate.

If you are a strong male soul in a female body or a female soul in a male body, be proud! You are on a far more exciting leg of your soul journey than you think. Bravely embrace the body you were given and in doing so embrace the lesson it is there to teach you. Do not run away from it.

My gay brothers and sisters, you have been given the opportunity to work out your karma without the added distraction of having children which only incurs a new and different kind of karmic debt by placing you back within the cycle of re-birth on this planet. Those who bring new souls into the world not only have to work out their own karmic issues, they will have to work out the new ones they create with their children by being re-born to them or re-born to their grandchildren.

Aren’t you tired of the merry-go-round of your ancestral line? Don’t you want to advance to the next great ride? End this current story-line you have been in for centuries and start a new one? Then make self-mastery your goal. Serve your community well. Deal with your soul balancing issues. Get ready for the next leap forward.

Bisexuals rule! Spiritually they have transcended the physical limitations of gender. This results in a superior kind of creativity, intellect, prowess over the human condition.

And what of the lipstick lesbians like myself and the manly gay men most don’t even suspect are gay?

We also have Alpha and Omega balancing to do but our challenge is not balancing the opposite poles within ourselves. I enjoy my womanly body and the hormones it produces! I love the Alpha aspects of my soul. The problem I have is letting go the echoes of past life preferences still at play in this lifetime. I preferred women over men in my last life. I must now to learn how to love the soul and treat the biological plumbing that comes with the outer shell as incidental. Oh yes, I am saying what you think I am saying!

I believe bisexuals have achieved Ishvara, the Divine soul path.



The Hebraic Mystical Science called Kaballah recognizes THREE PATHS of self-development or "The Three Pillars" of The Tree Of Life. The LEFT PILLAR is depicted as Black and represents FEMALE PATH. The RIGHT PILLAR is shown as White and represents the MALE PATH. And up the CENTER PILLAR (which is in fact the main 'trunk' of The Tree Of Life) runs the GENDER-UNIFIED PATH.. or Ishvara. It is seen as a MYSTICAL PATH of direct contact with ‘The Divine'

Both homosexuals and heterosexuals need to see past the illusion of the human body and love the soul within. Our physical and/or emotional preferences for either dick or pussy will keep us stuck on the same level of this corporeal karmic merry-go-round until we see past it. When we begin loving each other’s souls, we can start dealing with more important matters like the next stage of our existence.

You see, the ultimate goal is no sexual orientation at all; no labels at all, ONLY LOVE on a SOUL LEVEL. Children will be the celebrated result of two souls deeply in love and fully aware of their joint soul mission and just happen to be in male and female bodies. Now that is a karmic and evolutionary leap forward! Children born to such a union will thrive spiritually on a level we are yet to see.



This Gay Pride, celebrate the advancement towards this goal, a spiritual goal. Celebrate it with your gay and straight brothers and sisters. We shall not let stagnant, spiritual infants rob us of it! The religious fundametnalists are not just standing in the way of our freedom but the advancement of the entire human race that comes when we can all love and fuck, consensually, with honesty, respect whoever loves our soul in return. It will unleash a power like we have never seen.

I hope that fires you up on a whole other level. Happy Gay Pride!