Birth Of A Seeker Part 2

If you haven't read Birth Of A Seeker Part 1, please do. This part is more of an allegory and the first part is more about my personal spiritual experiences.


The Hidden Beach





My take on God, Universal Truth and world religions is something like this. God is like a secluded, beautiful wide expanse of beach with an interesting mix of different features. It has been there for millions of years, undiscovered. Then one day by chance (or Providence) five people from a village where no one ever saw a beach before, find it.

The five people are from different parts of the village and unbeknownst to each other, they took separate routes to get to the beach. One person arrived at the beach in the morning and his vision and perspective of it were shaped thusly. Eager to share what he saw, he retraces his steps and goes off immediately to the nearest village and tells everyone he meets about the route he took to the hidden beach and how it looked to him.

While he was doing this, another person arrived at a part of the beach where cliffs plunged into clear water and fish were jumping and it was this that stuck with him more than anything else. He goes off to another part of the village and tells his version of his beach discovery.

The third, discovered the softest, sandiest part of the beach. When he arrives at the village it is all he could talk about.

The fourth saw the beach at sunset.

The fifth arrived at the beach at night and saw little detail but could hear the waves, smell the salty tangy water and so that shaped his view.

The five beach founders convince others of their version of the beach. Each of their stories is compelling and beautiful in their own way. Each story inspires different people to believe in it depending on that person’s state of mind and personal experiences. Some find more comfort and insight in the Morning Beach story. Others are irresistibly drawn to the Water and Fish story. People are moved to paint pictures of the beach and share the story with others even if they never saw the beach for themselves. Few actually go and seek the beach to see if it is true. Most just depend on the second hand accounts or pictures drawn of the version of the beach they prefer. The original discoverers of the beach totally close themselves off from seeing the beach in any other way than the way they saw it. They pass along this tunnel vision to their followers as well.

Soon imagining the beach is not enough for the more ambitious villagers. More and more people want to go on a quest to find the beach of their chosen belief. The five founders decide to help and draw up five different maps to the part of the beach they discovered and convince many villagers not only of their individual versions of the beach but that the only way to get there is from THEIR map. The followers take their word for it. Most refuse to explore other maps and would not listen to the other descriptions of the beach from the other individuals. In time the original five founders of the beach die, but their stories and maps not only remain and they only grow in popularity.

When different believers in different beach routes and descriptions meet, they argue fiercely over whose version of the beach and map is more accurate. Those who believe in the Night Beach version refuse to believe those who talk about the Morning Beach and all the things that can be seen in the sunlight. In fact, the "Night Beach believers" call the sights described by the "Morning Beach believers" demonic and false. Those who took the coast trail map refuse to believe that you can get to the beach using the river trail or mountain trail. Soon a whole money making industry is built up along the promotion and defense of the five different maps and beach descriptions. Map de-coders, tour guides, beach visors (for the Morning Beach believers) and torch lights (for the Night believers) and underwater lenses (for the Fish & Water believers) and timers to ensure you viewed the beach at the designated time according to your belief, were all the rage. It became mandatory to use a tour guide to get there, least you stray and horror of horrors stumble into a contradictory pathway to the beach. These items became somewhat of premiums so actually the more money you had, the more “true a beach believer” you could prove yourself to be.

When different believers in different beach routes and descriptions meet, they argue fiercely over whose version of the beach and map is more accurate. Those who believe in the Night Beach version refuse to believe those who talk about the Morning Beach and all the things that can be seen in the sunlight. In fact, the "Night Beach believers" call the sights described by the "Morning Beach believers" demonic and false.

The villagers even began using symbols to distinguish between those who had different beach beliefs. Those with the same belief began wanting to live in their own separate parts of the village. There were major conflicts and squabbles over land and fair movement of people. Some felt that because they had the Sandy Beach belief, they had the right to own all the sand on the village. The Sunset Beach believers refused to tolerate any other kind of beach believer moving about at sunset which became their holy time, they also claimed the colour orange for themselves. Some Night Beach believers were so extremist they plucked out their eyes in order to experience all things in darkness just like their the father of their beach belief who discovered the beach at night.

One day, a young couple began to ponder about the original five discoverers of the beach. Perhaps because this young couple were always a little more unconventional and considered strange by the other villagers, they never really fit into any one beach belief community. This is probably why they dared to read all five maps and listen to all five versions of the how the beach looked. Soon they realised no one told the first five founders how to find the beach. The first founders of the beach had beaten their own path to the beach and whether by accident or Providence, found a way to it. Naturally, that made the couple ask, “If they could do it without maps, tour guides and all the accoutrements, why can’t we? What is stopping us from being beach founders?”

So one day, they bravely decide that rather than choose a map and story version and follow blindly like most, they would decide to discover the beach themselves just like the original five did. Now this was unheard of! People discouraged them strongly and pushed their beach belief on them harder than ever.
“Why wander around in the dangerous wild, when I have the map drawn out by one of the five original founders of the beach right here?” some said.
“Because your map does not tell the whole story.” The couple replied.
“Why not make life so much easier on yourself and use a tour guide?” others suggested.
‘Because the tour guide is beholden only to one map and one way of viewing the beach and will limit our experience to only what he wants us to see.” The couple replied.
“Look at the people who have my beach belief, see how contented and happy they are. You can have that too right now! You don’t have to search any more.” villagers pressed.
“But we tried your beach belief and we know it does not make us happy and contented. Obviously what works for you does not work for us.” The couple explained.

Still, these villagers had a point! It was scary and dangerous to beat a new path to the beach when a pre-existing formula existed. But for the couple, each of the different five maps and routes and descriptions had gaps in them or created questions about the beach and its surrounding topography, without sufficient answers.

Resolved they set out one early morning. It was fine for a while and then the territory started to get unfamiliar and scary. They got lost many times. They stepped in ants nests, fell into quicksand, got soaked in the rain and suffered heat stroke. But they survived it and in the process learned some valuable survival skills others did not have. Sometimes they even walked along paths already beaten by the first five founders and it helped tremendously. Unbeknownst to the original five founders, what they thought were distinctly separate paths often criss-crossed each other at certain points. The couple soon realised their brave pioneering, helped them see valuable connections in the paths all five founders had missed. In fact, when different legs of different paths were combined a certain way, it created a new more efficient, easier route. In time, from that perspective, they could see all five paths and each had its positive and negative sides, including their new path. Some paths were meandering but had lots of shade; some were risky but had a more scenic view. Their new path was actually a combination of pluses and minuses. Most importantly however was the couple’s discovery that ALL PATHS LED TO THE SAME BEACH. They deduced correctly that depending on which path you chose, you ended up at the beach at a different hour of the day or saw a different angle of it, hence, the different descriptions.

When they got to the beach, they were overwhelmed with joy! The feeling of gratitude and accomplishment was indescribable. They realised there was no way to take it all in just a few moments and they decided to stay much longer and explore the beach thoroughly. The beach was truly wide and deep and encompassed terrain from swampy lagoon to powder white sand to coconut groves to rocky cliffs with caves. The water was equally varied, there were calm shallows, coral reefs, ten foot breakers; deep pools, rivers that met the sea and created brackish lagoons. If the couple were in a rush to claim what they saw, start a new belief system and rush back to the village to get a following all their own they would have only seen just the river and lagoon. They realised that just finding the beach for the moment was its own reward. They did not need anyone to pat them on the back for doing it. They viewed the beach in the morning. They stayed longer to notice the water and fish, they felt the lovely sand, they watched the sun go down on the water and they watched the water get dark and the smells of the ocean and sound of the waves heighten. So the five founders were telling the truth about what they experienced and all five versions were equally true even though they seemed to contradict one another. They even stayed for the sunrise the next day, something NONE of the other five did before.

They became so moved by that beach that returning to the village seemed pointless and so they set up a home right there. Sometimes they would think about the other people back at the village squabbling about the beach and it all seemed so infantile now. Sometimes they would get a visitor, a pilgrim from the Morning, Water&Fish, Sand, Sunset or Night Beach beliefs. These visitors would come on pilgrimage and stay only for a certain period of time and view only a certain part of the beach that would support their limited view. The “Morning Beach” believers only came between 6 to 10 am and left promptly afterwards, the ‘Water and Fish” beach believers would do nothing else but look at the water from the cliffs and admire the fish, then leave. They had no idea they could enjoy the beach in so many more ways and were too afraid to try, even when they saw the couple playing in the waves, building sandcastles, climbing the coconut trees, exploring the crab holes and digging for clams. They just shook their heads and thought the pair were mad. Some even got angry and thought the two were sacrilegious. But most were so tunnel sighted they did not even notice any other feature of the beach, let alone see or hear the calls of the couple to come and explore with them.

Most importantly however was the couple’s discovery that ALL PATHS LED TO THE SAME BEACH. They deduced correctly that depending on which path you chose, you ended up at the beach at a different hour of the day or saw a different angle of it, hence, the different descriptions.

The couple often wondered if they should go back and tell others of their own beach experience and try to get others to walk their path too. Then they would remember that the very reason they ended up in such a rewarding place was because they themselves refused to listen to proselytizing and independently sought their own way. They had to be willing to trust others to do the same. One full moon, they saw a sight no one could imagine! The water lit up with silver highlights and it was moving beyond words. Then a few months later, they got another surprise, giant sea turtles came ashore to lay their eggs. They wondered why the first five did not stay a little longer to witness all these different beautiful things. They hoped that their spirits in the afterlife could now see all the things they missed out on in this life. They wondered if they told people in the village of the sights they saw, if anyone would ever believe them. Initially, there was an eagerness even a desperation to share this experience and drag others to see it themselves, but soon they realised that convincing others of their truth was not necessary to validate that truth. That would be making the entire experience more about THEM than the experience itself. That was something the first five founders missed entirely. So they just stayed where they were, basking in the enjoyment of the beach.

Years passed and it often got lonely, just the two of them with occasional, limited visits from pilgrims from one of the five sects. But one day a new visitor arrived early in the morning.
“Are you a Morning Beach person?” they asked him.
“No. I was actually once a Night Beach believer who never actually ever visited the beach before. I just looked at the pictures of it. One day I realised that the Night description did not answer all the questions I had about the beach. So even though I was not supposed to, I started reading about the other versions of the beach and I decided to go and search for the beach myself without following any one particular map. I discovered this wonderful route through a forest and over a natural stone bridge-
“Wow there is yet another way too!” the couple exclaimed. “We came here over the mountain and through the swamps but we would love to learn a little about your path too. It may explain a few things that puzzled us when we got lost. So how long are you here for?” they asked excitedly.
“As long as it takes me to fully understand this beach, now that I have seen it with my own eyes during the morning, I realise how little I know.” he admitted.
“Well we have been here for over thirty years and believe it or not, we still don’t know everything yet. Every time we think we have this beach figured out, something different happens or we see a new aspect of it. So it will be nice to have someone here for the long haul with us. Want to go for a swim?”
“You can swim in it??” he reacted with astonishment.
“And then some.” They said with pure glee.

I know there are some people who desperately cling to their maps and fully formed, limited descriptions of the “beach” that is God and Truth. I have nothing against them, not everyone can beat a new path on their own. Everyone has a purpose in this life, a path to walk and beliefs to define their lives. Just because a person prefers a pre-existing path and indoctrinated belief does not invalidate that their life’s purpose. There is diversity even within the pre-existing structures and room to grow within them, for those who take the time to do so. There is room for everyone or “many mansions” if you prefer. For the less brave, motivated or self-disciplined, pre-existing beliefs and maps can provide a certain comfort, security and structure. Perhaps the drug addict or philanderer needs the pre-set rules to prevent anti-social behaviour and guide their decisions. They may be unable to manage too much freedom.

However, the problem starts when those who have never searched, never explored other paths, never beaten a path of their own begin to expound on the infallibility of their map and beach description. The problems escalate when people who hold to one path to the beach claim it’s the only way to get there. Or, even if when they have found the beach, claim exclusive ownership to it and boast that they know its every nuance. Truth is, you can spend your entire life on one beach and it can still surprise you. Ask coastal researchers, oceanographers and those who lived for generations on the calm coasts of South East Asia who were affected by the unexpected tsunami. God, who is infinitely more vast and complex must have a few surprises as well I imagine. I worry about those who use scripture to define God entirely and predict God’s every mood, action and opinion about everyone and everything. They are convinced they know exactly what God will do in every single instance and how God expects them to act in every single instance. I believe they do it more for their own sense of security or for personal power. I guess it makes life easier to think you have an Almighty Deity all figured out and on your side in everything you do. You have all the answers to the Creator’s intended purpose for everyone’s life and everyone’s future. All you need to do is flip a page in a holy book, follow a certain exegesis taught to you and voila!

It is often a good thing to help break down the thought process behind the person who starts any sentence with:
“God says that…” or “God thinks this….”
I usually ask, “God told you that? When?” or “You know God’s exact mind? How?”
Usually, their answer will be that they read something in a book. If so, then they will have to prove a number of different things; their scripture is the only existing, infallible, direct, unaltered, genuine word of God and only they have the correct formula to understand it accurately. And even if they think they can prove such a thing, it still does not substantiate being able to make statements and claim it is God’s current opinion on something or someone. Even in the many holy books God is unpredictable and changes Its mind and acts in anyway It feels like. God is a law unto Itself and so no holy book can totally define the extent of God’s powers, mental processes or purposes if God is truly omnipotent, omnipresent and infinite. The most any holy book can do is take a snapshot. That snapshot will have limitations of time, environment, angle, lighting and the existing technology of the camera used. It’s just like the limited perspective of those who saw the beach at a particular time, environment, angle and lighting. I would often tell those who treat the bible like if it were actually God, “God is bigger than the bible you know and existed before man even compiled such a book and will exist long after it.” I think if you care more about what is God’s side than trying to claim God is on your side you cannot follow a prescribed formula derived from a snapshot. You have to be there live and stay on that beach and keep vigilant and keep learning.

However, the problem starts when those who have never searched, never explored other paths, never beaten a path of their own begin to expound on the infallibility of their map and beach description. The problems escalate when people who hold to one path to the beach claim it’s the only way to get there. Or, even if when they have found the beach, claim exclusive ownership to it and boast that they know its every nuance. Truth is, you can spend your entire life on one beach and it can still surprise you.

At this point in my life, I think I have just spotted the beach and I am walking down to it to explore it some more. I have no intention of leaving once I arrive nor do I have to convince anyone else to come join me. I am not going to claim my path to the beach is the only correct one to take. I cannot say if what I currently see of the beach is all I will ever see. I know it will take eternity for me to truly understand this beach so I know those who claim they fully understand it are either telling a bold face lie or are depending on a snapshot and are not witnessing its immensity with their own eyes. If they did, well, they would be so humbled by the sheer enormity of it would render them speechless. Their own smallness and ignorance would become so glaringly evident. They would feel so grateful just to have found it and feel so much joy, there would be no room left for hate and judgment. There would be no expectation of some additional exclusive reward because just finding it is its own complete reward.

Yes, there is heartache, pain and fear when exploring this way but I would not give up the small spiritual and personal breakthroughs I have experienced on my journey to the beach, for all the comfort rules and “certainty of reward”, can bring.

Why Do Caribbean People Scorn Manual Labour?

This was published in edited form by the Sunday Guardian, 22nd July, Page 8 under the Headline "No Shame In Manual Labour".

But you can enjoy the full unedited version right here.


From my bedroom balcony in St. Anns, I have watched the palatial grounds of the Prime Minster spring up as if by magic under the workmanship of Chinese laborers. The stone columns, enormous courtyard, Playboy mansion inspired pool, bronze roofed gazebo and mini towers that accent grand, round three story living quarters. The scale of the project is huge! The design is an incomprehensible cross between a nouveau riche Pentecostal pastor’s palace and the bastard child of Spanish villa and colonial French estate house. In addition to the main structure, a rather pedestrian edifice went up as well-a four story, box-like structure that may be the servant’s quarters or some kind of office. I will save my scathing opinions on the eight figure budget of this project that uses my tax dollars and those of hundreds of thousands of hard working Trinidadians. I will not go into my “this is so similar to what the typical African despot dictator does while his people suffer from rampant crime and poor education and crippling poverty” routine, nor the “the bigger the towers, the bigger the megalomaniac’s self-delusion” speech. You see, in the midst of my disgust at the project, I could not help but be thoroughly impressed by the work ethic of the Chinese workers. I think there is a lesson in there somewhere for our people, especially our young men.

These Chinese men work 24/7 in shifts. I also have it on good authority that they are a contractor’s dream! Pick any worker at random and you would find that they can not only do masonry but other skills as well including carpentry, plumbing, electrical and finishing craftsmanship. I have sat like a scientist of human behavior studying them, totally captivated. While some work feverishly, others cook, clean, wash clothes, sleep or go for supplies at the grocery. Their meals are simple, a bowl of rice and cabbage or pakchoi or a bowl of rice and a fried egg with tea or water. Their resourcefulness is impressive. They have started growing their own little vegetable garden and the old pieces of wood used for scaffolding, framing and the like, they recycle as fuel to cook and heat water. They built a wood burning oven (it stinks up the neighbourhood though) with concrete bricks and old metal drums. I have never seen a single one of them dragging his feet. They work at a frenetic pace as if trying to outdo one another. I would gaze from my balcony in wonder as one worker would run back and forth with a wheelbarrow almost as big as he is, laden with bricks. That must be some super green tea and ginseng!

Occasionally minor scuffles resembling unrehearsed Kung Fu may break out; complete with clumsy kicks and hand chops but that is to be expected when men are far from home and family and must be so starved of their culture, companionship and sex. With all that testosterone occupying cramped living quarters, I am surprised there hasn’t been an all out Shaolin showdown in the place. Generally, there is an easy camaraderie and self-discipline as reliable as clockwork. Any quarrels are quickly mediated by whoever is the man in charge of the shift. This week, for the first time there was a spontaneous outburst of frivolity. They just completed Patrick Manning’s swimming pool and the recent heavy rains filled it up a bit. They jumped in for a little splash, shouting and cheering in a Chinese dialect that sounded so much more relaxed, melodic and playful than the usual rapid fire, seemingly harsh intonation I normally hear. However it was all over in five minutes. Pretty soon it was back to work and the ant-like industriousness resumed like the pool horseplay never even happened.

These Chinese men work 24/7 in shifts. I also have it on good authority that they are a contractor’s dream! Pick any worker at random and you would find that they can not only do masonry but other skills as well including carpentry, plumbing, electrical and finishing craftsmanship.

I walk to work every morning (I believe if you live in Port-of Spain and work in Port-of- Spain you have no excuse cluttering up our already crowded roads with a vehicle. Do what people of all classes who live in New York, Toronto or London do and walk, bike or take public transport), so I get to see a lot of the construction and public utility projects that go on around St. Clair/Woodbrook. When I see our big hard back West Indian men on their respective construction sites, milling around, scratching their balls and sooting every woman that passes by it irks me so much. When I see CEPEP workers or Port of Spain Council workers lazily swinging a cutlass to a small clump of bush as if they mean to cut it one blade at a time, while five others stand around catching flies and watching the traffic go by, it just makes my blood boil. It dawns on me what a lazy, half-hearted people we are when it comes to manual labour.

So what is it about manual work we find so offensive here in this country? Why do we have this attitude that if you do not wear a suit and tie and work in an office, you are a lesser human being and there is no pride to be had in your work? It is infuriating when I read letters to the newspaper Editors complaining about how women are taking all jobs and there is nothing left for men to do. What nonsense! There is never a shortage of work for men to do in this country. Yes it is true that a lot of “office jobs” are going to women. Decision makers in the business world are looking for customer service, communication skills, creative problem solving, and budget sense; a flair for presentation of ideas, compassionate client management and the art of negotiation. A more nurturing style of people management is now à la mode and as billion dollar corporations like Google can attest, it is working wonders! These now in-demand management skills play naturally into feminine strengths because women were unwittingly socialized to be good at them. Combined with a drive to prove ourselves and not to settle, we are a force to be reckoned with especially when our local men and boys have been complacent for years.

The shoddy work left abandoned for months by our Public Works workmen. Perhaps they should have contracted Chinese labour to do it instead.

There was a time when men who toiled manually had their honour, possessed a strong work ethic and took pride in their vocation and skills whether in agriculture or construction. Master craftsmen would pass on their skills to young apprentices and through dedication they in turn would get respect from both peers and even the upper echelons of society. With hard work and determination in skilled labour, you could actually move up in the world, own a home and provide well for your family. This kind of apprenticeship and strong work ethic still holds true in Chinese society and it is probably one of the reasons that country will be the world’s next super power. However, we have communicated to this younger generation of boys in our country that if they are not prestige school material, they are little more than criminals. Even if they possess any artistic talent, trade skills and even athletic ability, those are systematically under appreciated and under funded. In China, work of any kind, skills of any kind, talents of any kind make you a valuable contributor to society. Whether you are behind a desk or in a rice paddy, work is a virtue and its own reward. This philosophy makes the Chinese farmer who grows the perfect radish feel just as much pride as the big boss of a major corporation who made the stock go up three points. In fact, the only vice or shame in that society is if you cannot work. Non-productivity is a virtual crime. Sadly for our young men, growing the best dasheen or having the best stone work and perfecting such a craft will not earn them as much respect among peers nor impress the ladies. In our society academic success, which has now become irrevocably linked to class, is all that matters! Flaunting the lifestyle of upward career mobility is how we prove our self worth in this country. We want to get as far away as possible from anything we consider to be rural or menial in a vain attempt to prove just how “developed” we are. However, in our vain attempt to remove ourselves from the grassroots industries we are leaving a large sector of the population behind. Our public education system and our current social culture do not take into account that the vast majority of us cannot fit into the corporate world. Not every person can be book smart. Not every person can stand and deliver to a board room; manage million dollar budgets, negotiate with foreign clients or be doctor or lawyer and that is OKAY!

When I see our big hard back West Indian men on their respective construction sites, milling around, scratching their balls and sooting every woman that passes by it irks me so much. When I see CEPEP workers or Port of Spain Council workers lazily swinging a cutlass to a small clump of bush as if they mean to cut it one blade at a time, while five others stand around catching flies and watching the traffic go by, it just makes my blood boil. It dawns on me what a lazy, half-hearted people we are when it comes to manual labour.

We forget that big developed countries with their awe-inspiring cities and fast paced life also have large expanses of land zoned for agriculture and massive numbers of skilled workers, who get down and dirty for a living and are paid handsomely for it. These people go to work with a feeling of pride and their work performance reflects it. Go to a farmer’s market in London and see farmers show off their produce (often organically grown on land they own themselves) with joy, in clean, well presented produce stalls. Our filthy, fetid Central Market betrays the disdain we have for those who work the land and the lack of pride they have in themselves in turn. Watch “Dirty Jobs” on the Discovery Channel and see those who toil smile with pride through the grime. The jobs we often look down on are remunerated handsomely in the USA, Canada and England. A skilled young Trinidadian man who can barely make ends meet in this country will find that they can own a home and make more money than I do in my so-called “glamorous” advertising job if they migrate. How do we expect to compete on the global market when we do not treat skilled labour, agriculture and trade skills with the respect they deserve socially, educationally and financially? Will we keep importing labor and produce? If we do, we will continue to have young men who give “low class” work performance because they believe the manual work they do is “low class” work. Worst yet, in the shadow of the skyscrapers and gourmet shops we will continue to have bands of disenfranchised young men who rob, kill and rape at will because picking up a gun gets them more respect than picking up a shovel.

Compare our Port of Spain Central Market to Farmer's Markets in developed countries and you can see the difference in personal and social value we place on those who work the land and the pride they take in themselves as a result.

A lot of young people have no perception of what “a hard days work” is and have every expectance of instant material success with little to no effort. Manual work is shameful so those who cannot succeed in our narrow academic system turn to sex-exploitation and thug-like behaviour to achieve the same material success. They look on at those in the suits, driving around in their cars; looking swanky while going to conferences and business trips and only see the outer material manifestations of that hard work, most of which are still on credit, loan or lease. They think we caught an unfair break and have it easy but the corporate life is not “cushy” at all. It came from the sacrifice and late nights of studying to get the academic qualifications and then all the office politics and demands on your time, creativity and emotional well-being to keep it and stay in a good salary bracket. Many of us who have been clinging to the corporate ladder for decades would give it up this instant for the peace of mind of planting peas in Tobago or digging ditches, so we could come home when the sun goes down, sweaty but contented, with enough time to spend with family. We are where we are because in this country it is the only thing that pays the credit cards, school fees and mortgages. You are not sufficiently rewarded in Trinidad and Tobago for using your hands to build or plant anything. As a result, our young men will continue to be at a disadvantage.

In the shadow of the skyscrapers and gourmet shops we will continue to have bands of disenfranchised young men who rob, kill and rape at will because picking up a gun gets them more respect than picking up a shovel.

One day, I would like to pass by St. Clair Avenue, Sweet Briar Road or Alexandra Street on my way to work and see the local men on all those construction sites buzzing around like bees on caffeine, totally absorbed in their work instead of staring out into the road, listlessly picking their nostrils and sooting me and other women on our way to work. Until that happens, I would never fault any construction or contracting company that hires a Chinese worker over a local one.

Birth Of A Seeker Pt. 1

I am not a Hindu but I see many timeless truths within that faith, as I do in other faiths. I attended a puja at a family home about six years ago with one of my friends from San Juan and the pundit not only welcomed those who were not Hindu but praised all the other various faiths. He said that if you are Christian, be the best Christian you can be. He quoted Ghandi who said that he had no problem with Jesus Christ, in fact, quite the opposite. He admired the teachings of Christ. He just lamented the fact that Christians like to use Jesus when convenient yet fail to emulate him as they should. His point was that if you are truly involved in your faith and personal spiritual development, you would not have time nor need to be judging, condemning, oppressing or hating others. Keep in mind, from Ghandi’s perspective, it was the British oppressing Indians and Britain was supposed to be a “Christian” nation. I found it immensely refreshing to hear a non-Christian motivate Christians to be better at their own faith. I certainly never heard any such thing during my long years growing up within a strict evangelical Christian household. No Christian I knew ever said, “If you are a Hindu, be the best Hindu you can be.” Instead it usually was, "If you are a Hindu you will BURN IN HELL if you do not accept Christ as your Lord and Saviour!"

I was taught, for a long time, since infancy that only we Christians were God’s chosen ones, redeemed by Christ’s blood and everyone else, even those of other Christian sects who did not have our exact bible exegesis and worship practices were going to be punished by God when He brings the world to and end. Thankfully, I have come a long way since then. But even back then as a teenager, I could not actually fathom God engulfing my wonderful Roman Catholic, Hindu and Moslem school mates in fiery destruction just because they were in a different religion. I would look at my fellow Naps girls, Ms. Alverado, Ms. Boodoosingh and Ms. Khan and worry constantly about their future. I would preach fanatically to them, often driven to tears when my urgency for them to convert was met with their cool confidence in their own beliefs. I tried to believe that somehow they were bad for not wanting to accept what I was taught to be the only true path to salvation. But they were no more evil than I was. In fact, some of them possessed admirable moral qualities I was still struggling to live up to. Being an Evangelical Christian did not make me automatically happier, brighter or more self-confident than they were. In fact, I had very low self-esteem from years of emotional, physical and sexual abuse. I came from a divorced home, and yet many of them came from what I deemed far more normal, two parent families that seemed happier and more stable than mine. All in all, it was hard for me to rationalize being, “specially chosen of God” as my life did not reflect this. God certainly did not seem to be answering my prayers to rectify many of the things that troubled and hurt me in my life.

Of course, I could have taken the route many of my fellow Christian youths took. They separated themselves from anyone they considered, ‘worldly non-believers” and seemed to go above and beyond to invite exclusion and ridicule from peers which only justified what they saw as being persecuted in Jesus’ name. They wore their religiosity on their sleeve like a badge of honor. Acted in a pushy, obnoxious, overly critical fashion in total “Us” vs. “Them” mentality. You know that bumper sticker that reads, “Jesus may love you but everyone else thinks you are an asshole.”, it applies to quite a few of my Christian peers back then, hopefully they have changed and learned a few social graces like tact, humility and altruism. Back then, they carried themselves around like picture perfect Christians, even though their lives belied such claims and the less obvious forms of non-Christian behaviour- gossip, pride, overeating, materialism were rampant in the ranks. Soon other “sins” began to show up as we got older. It is a well hidden fact that when you go into most evangelical congregations, the number of single mothers is staggering. It’s very true what they say about Pastor’s daughters, as Ms. Alleyne, the fourteen year old who Akon acrobatically dry humped can attest. I can tell you from experience watching my female Christian peers turn from boastful and self-righteous one minute to shame-facedly pregnant out of wedlock or caught in some other compromisng position the next. So it was not just me, the academically struggling, troubled teen with a different sexuality and horrid home life that proved that Christians were just as human as everyone else. Soon, it became obvious to me, that I had no real right to be preaching down to anyone.

"Jesus may love you but everyone else thinks you are an asshole.”

Thoroughly humbled, I still practiced my faith, but with quiet reserve and growing despondency. You see while you may get a single Christian to admit (some more willingly than others) that they are no better a person than you are and they too have the same challenges, personal demons, family problems, self-development problems and social challenges, it is different with a large group Christians. When gathered en masse, or speaking as a group to the world, Christians like to project an image of not only moral superiority but the ideal in everything from personal development and happiness to family life. They do this outwardly to the world and among each other, it is even worse. There is a constant vigilance and pressure to keep that picture perfect outward display on at all times. Everyone is monitoring everyone else’s behaviour. However, remember that any large group is made up of flawed individuals. Having Jesus as your personal savior does not automatically solve all your problems nor automatically make you a better person. My personal experience of seeing Christians screw up their lives and mine had dirtied my rose lenses a long time ago. As a result, I have always been quite self-depreciating among them, something they lacked the courage to do. I would publically announce,
“I am such a screw up!” and it would be met with uncomfortable, critically assessing gazes instead of a disarming smile, support or better yet, them opening up about their shit too. So back then, I felt thoroughly isolated in my depression and personal problems.

While you may get a single Christian to admit (some more willingly than others) that they are no better a person than you are and they too have the same challenges, personal demons, family problems, self-development problems and social challenges, it is different with a large group Christians. When gathered en masse, or speaking as a group to the world, Christians like to project an image of not only moral superiority but the ideal in everything from personal development and happiness to family life.

I would like to say that it was my increasing academic knowledge of world history, evolution, geography and the basics of forming a philosophical argument learned in public speaking and debating class that sprung doubts in my mind. But I was agnostic long before I reached Cambridge A’levels. I was a secret agnostic even while attending bible study, worship and fellowship. Those things were done out of habit (I actually relished bible study for the sheer pleasure of learning) because I had no choice. Truth was I had stopped praying ages ago. The point of final conflict came while my father led me in bible study and we were discussing the flood in Genesis. I began asking questions it never occurred to me to ask before. What about polar bears, were they in the ark? How did Noah get all those millions of animals in the ark from all the continents? How did they get released in the same habitat after the flood and not totally damage the natural eco-system let alone return to their original habitats? How did salt water fish survive all that fresh water? What about plant life? What about reefs that date back millions of years? Little by little, I could see the growing frustration on my father’s face. What started as pleasant bible discussion became about threats.
“Stop asking seditious questions! That is the Devil trying to move you away from God! All you need to know is the bible is true! It is true you hear me!” he said firmly.
‘But Daddy, how can you tell if it is true or not? How can call this bible study if I cannot ask questions or investigate other opinions? Why do you only want me to read and repeat what you say? Why can’t I see if what I am reading is true?”
“If you are reading from the bible then it is true! There is nothing to investigate!”
"How do you know?” I pressed.
“I have faith! Plus am older than you and I have seen much more than you! This is a pointless argument! Are you going to humble yourself before God or not? Remember, the bible says that wisdom of this world is foolishness to God! You have to be a child to understand the things of God and that means being humble and not doubting!” he yelled. Blood vessels were starting to protrude on his face. I knew a slap may not be too far behind but I persisted.
“But Daddy, how can I really believe if I am not convinced."
"You need to just have faith!"
"So having faith means just believing despite your questions or knowledge that something is not logical?"
"What does the bible say?"
"Faith is the hope in things yet unseen."
"There is you answer right there! There is nothing more to discuss!"
"But Daddy, I cannot just shut off my brain like that! I cannot force myself to believe.”
"Well you had better believe if you want to be under MY roof and use MY money and eat MY food! If you prefer the world to God’s knowledge, then you are free to go out into the world! Go and see what will happen to you! Remember what happened to those who strayed away from the faith. You see how their lives are a mess now. Are you a child of God or Satan? Tell me! Choose this day who you will serve! Will you serve God?”
“Okay Daddy.” I said and instantly he became relieved and pleasant once more. We continued the bible study with no more questions. I basically regurgitated what I knew he expected me to and told him all the things he wanted to hear and he seemed pleased with that. It did not matter that it was not genuine. Suddenly it dawned on me that this was not about me but

him

. He

needed

me to believe more than I actually needed to believe, in order to validate

his

own belief. So much so that real belief on my part was not even necessary. Just a display of belief was enough to soothe his fears and doubts. For it was indeed fear I saw behind the rage. To have to resort to threats in order to get someone to believe in anything is a sure sign of fear. Who knows, if my father’s reaction had been different perhaps I would have never left the faith.

That was fifteen years ago.

I am no longer a Christian and my father and I are not on speaking terms but we are civil when we do chance to meet and greet. Every time we do, he is surprised that I am in fact alive and well. I am not a prostitute, drug addict, wasted down and used up as he predicted I would be, when I departed from his home and church. I have not been punished by Satan’s world any more so than anyone else, including him. I do not credit my intelligence or abilties entirely for this. The fact is, I learned good judgment and common sense from my father. My messed up family life exposed me to such a diverse variety of dregs of society that I knew exactly what to avoid when I went out on my own. The other thing that helped were those same friends I made in high school from those different religious backgrounds. They have proven to be a blessing indeed. It was fortunate for me that I never was so blind to associate ‘goodness’ with any particular religion including my own former one. It helped me discern wolves in sheep’s clothing more often than many less fortunate young women who left the church and fell directly into the hands of predators who took advantage of their sheltered, naivety. Nope, a Danah Alleyne I was not. My ability to see in colour and not black and white helped me pick good friends and they bolstered me up when I was down. Of course, the biggest credit of all goes to my Creator, Divine Parent, and Loving God. Despite feeling abandoned and doubting God’s existence, God was always there.

It was fortunate for me that I never was so blind to associate ‘goodness’ with any particular religion including my own former one. It helped me discern wolves in sheep’s clothing more often than many less fortunate young women who left the church and fell directly into the hands of predators who took advantage of their sheltered, naivety.

By no means do I know everything there is to know about God but I do know this from my personal experience, God is limitless and available to everyone who seeks. I had preconceived notions of where I will discover that vital link to God, but I found it where I least expected. I have been a staunch Evangelical Christian with a strong apologetic foundation and I used to tear a non-believer to shreds with a well chosen bible verse. I know the doctrine and methods inside out. It still surprises many who only met me in my present incarnation when I start quoting scripture. I have also been a disenchanted, doubting Christian, an angry agnostic that battled constantly with fundamentalist Christians. Today I am now a free and independent theist and the anger and resentment is gone. Perhaps at some later date, when I feel a little more open about it, I may tell you the exact moment I went from agnostic to theist. Right now though, I just want to talk about where my head is at. From the vantage point where I now sit, I have a better appreciation albeit different to the fundamentalist bible view, of Christ and the scriptures themselves. However, there is no driving need in me to battle constantly with those who believe differently. I can laugh at things. I can find common ground. I can acquiesce and wish others well in their own faith. I attended Christmas Mass last year, with some friends who are like family to me and I did not see denomination or religion but only universal messages of love, peace and joy. I have explored other faiths but I am not a follower nor will I ever be a member of any sect ever again.

Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I were from a conventional family that never got divorced; if I had different parents; if I had not witnessed such rabid dysfunction within the church and in our own household; if I was never repeatedly sexually abused and see it quickly glossed over as something just mildly unpleasant by church leaders; if I was allowed proper counseling instead of just prayer and my depression treated like a serious illness and not “just being difficult”. What if I were someone who could conform easily? What if I was more eager to believe I was special and wanted to be accepted in an exclusive club chosen by God? What if I never ever had a personal crisis and disenchantment that made me question God’s existence? What if I were less educated? What if I were less brave to face the world out there and all the uncertainty and challenges that come with it? Would I still be an Evangelical Christian? What makes someone accept a certain religion all their life and another question and seek all their life?

I have been a staunch Evangelical Christian with a strong apologetic foundation and I used to tear a non-believer to shreds with a well chosen bible verse. I have also been a disenchanted, doubting Christian, an angry agnostic that battled constantly with fundamentalist Christians. Today I am now a free and independent theist and the anger and resentment is gone.

It seems so many factors influence faith. When I was a Christian and someone expressed their lack of faith in what I believed, I treated it like it was such an insult to God but really, it was more of an insult to me. It hurt my feelings. It made me feel insecure and unpopular. It made me fearful. Today I know that their lack of faith does not mean they are deliberately trying not to believe or want to be bad. When I was an agnostic it was because God was never revealed to me in any substantial way that convinced me absolutely and the religious doctrine had massive gaps in it. This was not because I was wicked and wanted to do bad things. I think anyone with common sense knows faith IS subjective. If there really was one religion that had all the answers, had the perfect formula for happiness for everyone and had universal appeal, then there would only be one religion on this planet. But no one religion does that for everyone. Then there is God. Why must there limits on the ways God must relate to different people? Who benefits by claiming a monopoly in the access to God? Why would God create such a diverse range of people and allow them to experience such a diverse range of human experiences, cultures, racial heritages, family histories, political and geograhical influences to shape their world view and personalities and sensibilities in different ways, then ask them to fit into one narrow spiritual mould? I remember I had to be in the right place, right time, right state of mind for God to be revealed to me finally. One twist in those circumstances, and who knows? So how can I today condemn or pre-judge people and assume wicked motives on their part or even that they are misquided. Perhaps they are exactly where God wants them to be at this present space and time, just as I was.

Having seen things from all sides now, perhaps the biggest contributor to the birth of a seeker is humility.

To be continued.....

Nice Long Post After A Malfunctioning May

I'm back after a May that was out of the ninth circle of hell!


Enjoy the nice long post

Metrosexuality- The end of real men?

Metrosexual (met.roh.SEK.shoo.ul) n. An urban male with a strong aesthetic sense who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and lifestyle.—metrosexuality n.

They are everywhere these days! Look around and you will see increasing numbers of straight cultured men who coif, cook gourmet-style, colour coordinate their clothes and homes, cleanse and moisturize their faces, clean and exfoliate regularly, crank their bodies into lean, fit condition and clear their chests of inner conflicts at emotional counseling. Metrosexuality has been promoted in magazines such as The Face, GQ, Esquire, Arena and FHM, since the Eighties and this new media is still growing (GQ gains 10,000 new readers every month). Thumb through and you see images of gorgeous, impeccable young men sporting fashionable clothes and accessories and articles on everything from mastering the cunninglingual arts to selecting a perfect chardonnay. Other young men are invited to study the pages with adoration with envy. Even self-professed “bad-ass mother fuckers” like Samuel L. Jackson, Bernie Mac and P Diddy have no problem admitting to getting regular manicures, facials and talking about their emotions. Cowboys and NFL jocks are even crying live on Dr. Phil. To the confusion of some and consternation of others, especially many of my macho Caribbean brothers, metrosexuality has firmly taken hold. More than once, I have heard someone whining, ‘It was bad enough women had to invade the inner sanctums of men- the boardrooms and golf courses (thus robbing them of their entire identity, self-worth and life purpose) but now we are indulging in some narcissistic quest to make men just like us!”



A Masculinity Studies, Afrocentric individual I know described metrosexuality as part of the “underhanded feminisation of men.” He created picture of an elaborate web of deceit and entrapment masterminded by gays and feminists to destroy the masculine ideal. He particularly believed the “strong black man” was under siege. He pointed to shows like Queer Eye For The Straight Guy as an example. His premise is that gay people are hoping that when straight men become more sensitive and sophisticated, gender confusion will run amok, turning life-long straight men, gay. This notion as ridiculous as it sounds not just on a psychological level but in light of the increasing evidence that biological factors determine sexual orientation. As for the accusation leveled against feminists, I imagine since most militant Masculinity Students believe most feminists are actually man-hating lesbians, the next logical conclusion is that they are out to emasculate men to weaken them and root out competition. Once again, a ridiculous notion as gender and sexual behaviour studies repeatedly show that heterosexual women actually prefer a clean, sensitive, caring man over a down and dirty, macho rude bwoy when it comes to long term companionship and joint parenting.

Sexual behaviour studies repeatedly show that heterosexual women actually prefer a clean, sensitive, caring man over a down and dirty, macho rude bwoy when it comes to long term companionship and joint parenting.

That extra macho, unrefined, dominant man and rude bwoy image, is actually a fantasy or temporary fling women consider once in awhile, particularly when we are at our sexual peaks. But when our hormones settle down we want to settle down with something a little more safe and familiar. You will find a woman who ended up permanently involved with a dominant, macho bad boy that thrilled her sexually at one point, always ends up wanting to change him into more sensitive, considerate and responsible individual. This is where the relationship usually hits a Mount Everest of a speed bump. I really do not believe that metrosexuality is a plot to emasculate men hatched by homosexuals and feminists. Most of the men being metrosexualised in Queer Eye For The Straight Guy are actually doing it to please their wives and girlfriends and let me tell you, I have seen a few episodes where most needed the tips. There was a guy who did not even know how to be romantic with his fiancé until the Queer Squad showed him how. In fact I will go even further and state that I believe metrosexuality to be perfectly natural and inevitable.

Take a good look at nature. Which gender bears the primary responsibility of “looking good.”, “showing off their goods” and “smelling attractive”? Yes it is the male. Unlike what a lot of men think, it is more natural for males to beautify themselves in order to invoke attraction. From the flamboyant feather displays (peacocks, birds of paradise), luxurious manes (lions, baboons and silver back gorillas), spectacular antlers (moose and reindeer) and musk perfume (oxen and elk), nature reveals a completely different picture of gender roles; that of the preening, prancing, carefree male and the more functionally built, practical, hardworking female. The lionesses hunt and work, the male lion usually sits back and looks sexy for everyone’s viewing pleasure in the African Serengeti. Indeed it is unnatural for female animals encumbered by so many duties and the body ravaging effects of childrearing, nursing and hormonal changes to also be weighed down with the preoccupation of looking attractive all the time. It’s a fact of nature that if embraced by women, would topple the fashion and cosmetics industry which places the burden on us to be perfect using every form of insecurity and anxiety inducing advertising. But this is not natural! In the wild it is the duty of the male to capture the female’s eye and then she chooses who she likes. If the male’s build, colour, performance or smell is not to her liking he gets bitten, kicked, clawed or pecked by the female instead of getting the chance of passing on his genes. Imagine if humans were like this! What fun!

The peacock is a prime example of nature designing the male for show and beauty. Compared to the male, the female is always plain and functionally built.

The first peoples learned from nature and so among indigenous tribes around the world you will see their men copy the mating rituals observed in the natural world and apply them to their own tribal culture. The donning of colourful feathers, elaborate headdresses, beads, body painting with chalk and red ochre, body piercing with bones, tattoos on the skin, wearing penis sheaths of impressive length and using various scent concoctions mixed with animal fat and spread over the body was the first kind of “metrosexuality” men practiced and not only in the hope of attracting the attention of a woman but also as a symbol of one’s ability to provide for one or more females. In other words, a man who could beautify himself had proved his worth, had earned tribal respect and was considered an adult male of value to the tribe. It meant you were a good hunter or possessed an invaluable skill to the community. The physical “build” of a hunter and hard worker along with all the accessories became the enduring ideal of male beauty. Remnants of this can still be seen today in the lavish attention paid to the male’s appearance in tribal meetings and mating ceremonies like the Hodoh dance of the Apache or even more striking is the gerewol festival held by the nomadic Wodaabé tribe on the African continent. I wonder if my Afro-centric Masculinity Studies expert knows about the Wodaabé? They are a race of tall, lithe, physically beautiful black people with elegant, feminine features, high cheekbones, full lips...and that's just the men! In fact it's the Wodaabé men who participate in a male beauty contest that lasts for hours, and which involves hours of pre-concert preening, dancing, and face-pulling, for the benefit of the female judges. The women then pick and choose among the men, their future mates.

As humans progressed from a nomadic, subsistence hunter and gatherer lifestyle to settled agricultural life into the first large civilisations, along the Indus, Niger, Euphrates and Nile we developed new things like commerce, politics, the arts and philosophy. Our command over the natural world through stone and bronze aged technology increased. There was now such a thing as “money” and “wealth” and all the trappings that went along with it. Mastery of these new “human arts” became increasingly more valued as “status symbols” of male worth. In addition because access to clean water, finely woven cloth, finely crafted grooming tools and expensive oils started to became premiums, a man’s ability to be clean, perfumed, well coifed, and learned in the fine arts were also status symbols. Thus began another standard of attractiveness and desirability to women. Brute strength and physical fitness would still be a huge sexual pull because most work was still manual and of course there were wars to be fought, but a man who could read and write, afford fine cloth and to bathe everyday was certainly of higher regard as a good provider. Such a man would never want for female attention.

The striking beauty of the Wodaabe men

Soon there developed a clear class separation between those who toiled manually and those who didn’t; the lords of the manors and the serfs; those who spent their lives labouring and those who could afford to spend their lives learning; those whose life meant dirt, sweat and acrid body odour and those whose life meant leisure, travel and pampering of the body. Two different standards of male beauty and achievement began to develop- the clean cut, coiffed, articulate, artisan, elegant body language of the rich and the rugged, brawny, imposing physique and brash manners of the poor. For a long time, even after the industrial age, democratic rule, better communications and access to education began to open up the class system, a man’s level of refinement would still be directly related to class. The coal miner and farmer were excluded from experiencing the life of the blue bloods and wealthy merchant class and they both developed different standards of measuring ideal male attractiveness. It didn’t help that the latter systemically oppressed the former. In the case of those of African heritage in post-colonial societies, we also have the added factor of race thrown in and the “house” slave vs. “field slave” conflict. The “fairer” the complexion the more likely that person could afford the metrosexuality of the upper class. The darker the complexion the more likely there would be a life of hardship and none of the cultural refinements and comforts enjoyed by colonial gentility.

Interestingly enough, irregardless of race, poor or working class men adapted by mocking, demonising and fearing the various refinements of the wealthier men. It is only human to forge meaning and superiority in your suffering especially when deep down you envy what you cannot have. The fastest way to do that is to attack your opponent’s self-image and what is more sensitive to men than their manhood? Those who toiled would see their work as “manlier” and therefore more natural. The fine manners, education and primping of the upper class men became “sissified”. Part of the self-identification of black men as being more macho, prolific and well endowed than white men who were almost always their economic class superiors stems from this. In the same way a coal miner from Manchester will consider himself more “manly” than some pansy Londoner they call a “Southern Softie”. This still holds today in subtle ways. Go to Mucurapo Road during a school day and observe the interactions between the Fatima boys and Mucurapo Government Secondary School boys at lunch time or school ending. You will be sure to hear a homophobic slur from a Mucurapo Boy, eventually directed at or used to describe a Fatima boy. But this is not homophobia or even about homosexuality but envy and insecurity coupled with frustration and anger. This is the Murcurapo Boy screaming at a society that has written him off as a dunce, unattractive thug with no prospects, ‘I am still more man than you privileged pansies!’

In the 1940s it would be a bunch of coal miners in a pub taking the piss out of a well mannered, well-spoken Oxford boy or workers in a rum shop poking fun at a well-coifed Port of Spain dandy. Today it is undereducated, angry boys with little prospects picking on good boys who study hard; calling them “nerds” and “bullermen” and stealing their cell phones or iPods. The unfortunate difference is that in the 1940s, it was only the superficial appearances of class- the haughty manners, elegant walk and cleaner, nicer clothes being mocked. It was also more good-natured teasing and less violent. Those same working class men had their honour, possessed a strong work ethic and took pride in their toil. They got respect from both peers and the upper echelons of society with hard work and determination whether in education, skilled labour, public or military service. However, we have communicated to this younger generation of boys that if they are not prestige school material, they are little more than criminals. They have already failed by passing for a “Government School” and so there is no pride to be had in their school work. Even if they possess any artistic talent, trade skills and even athletic ability, those are systematically under appreciated and under funded in the Caribbean. Academic success, which has now become irrevocably linked to class, is all that matters here. With no glory or honour available to today’s working class young men through discipline and hard work, thug-like behaviour and expectance of instant material success with no effort ensues. They end up teasing or bullying other boys for their literacy, academic accomplishment, respectful behaviour and following the rules. They end up resenting those who seem to “have it made” or those who follow the rules and succeed. Fifty years ago, irregardless of social class, every man wanted to be a gentleman and good manners were common values. Thanks to the “thug mentality” a gentleman is considered a “fassyman”. If metrosexuality attempts to make “gentlemanliness” a desirable thing once more, it should be applauded.

If metrosexuality is on the rise, it has more to do with society evolving. Society is becoming softer and feminists and gays have little if anything to do with it. If you want to blame someone or something, blame technology. Gone are the days when humans had to hunt our own food, ward off predators and build shelter with our bare hands. In that age, the raw calculating power of a man’s muscle was invaluable. Just like how civilization, the dawn of agriculture, walled cities and commerce began to re-define the hunter-gatherer male identity, technology is re-shaping it again today. Brute strength is no longer required in the workforce to the extent it used to be. Ever since the industrial age, men have had to re-define their roles and gender identity. Machines now do the bulk of what was once man’s work. Even the best militaries in the world are relying on smart technology and long distance fighting more than direct physical combat. Crime solving is now becoming about advanced forensic science and psychological profiling rather than big, brute cops beating up the bad guy into confessing.

Technology also involves new methodologies which have leveled the playing field between the genders. Decision makers in the business world are looking for customer service, communication skills, creative problem solving, budget sense, a flair for presentation of ideas, compassionate client management and the art of negotiation. A more nurturing style of people management is now a la mode. Large billion dollar corporations like Google, are now using mottos like, “Make money without doing evil.” Can you imagine if those old British merchants and colonists of yesteryear heard that motto? They would laugh themselves silly and call the CEOs of Google spineless buggers! Times have truly changed. Soft is the new hard. It is now a sign of heroic manliness to want to care about the earth and not to conquer, rape and pillage it. These now in-demand management skills play naturally into feminine strengths because women were unwittingly socialized to be good at them. Men who want to get ahead now have begun to see the need to start becoming savvy in these areas. These days it has truly become about what’s on the inside. So no wonder men who are not in touch with any part of their insides, far less, their feminine insides are beginning to get dispirited and irate at this changing world. No wonder there is a fearful push by male advocates to, “bring back the good old days”. But those days are going, going, gone thanks to technology and society’s growing insistence on peace, conservation, personal happiness and nurturing.

If metrosexuality attempts to make “gentlemanliness” a desirable thing once more, it should be applauded.

The global media and the entertainment industry are simply mirroring what already exists in reality. The superheroes and leading men in film are becoming more beautiful and complex. The square jawed, bulky he-man, with his simple one line catch phrases is being replaced by the softer Clive Owen, Orlando Bloom, Will Smith, Johnny Depp and Tobey Mc Guire. I would never forget when Legolas first appeared on the screen of Globe Cinema in 2001 and certain male patrons (you know the kind) began shouting “Bullerman!” only to be thoroughly silenced once the elegant elf began to kick ass. Ironically, he ended up becoming the action hero to watch in every Lord of The Rings movie. The actor who played him is now not only a pin up on practically every teenaged girls’ wall but the most Googled man on earth. Similarly, much to the chagrin of many men the “sissies” and “nerds” and “macomere men” they taunt are doing well for themselves in this new age and all the sophisticated, intelligent women are flocking to them, leaving the typical macho men behind. Granted, these unrefined, ǜber macho men may be well endowed, physically buff and have all the machismo in the world, but in today’s world, it is simply not enough. The most it can do is make you a muscle-bound, brainless sex symbol, a “mimbo” (male bimbo).

Being beautiful in a feminine way now does not translate as weakness.

Thanks to metrosexuality, perhaps we closer than ever to re-inventing our concept of a “real man”. It’s no longer about how big your “manhood” or muscles are and how aggressive you can be. It’s how big your imagination, intellect and emotional capacity are and how skillfully you can apply them. It is how much you know and respect yourself and the community around you. It is taking responsibility for your actions and using your strength to protect and serve those who need it. It is choosing to be a leader not because you feel it is your sovereign right to dominate others but because you self-searched, took time to develop mind, body and spirit and know that you qualify for the task because you possess positive leadership qualities. It is then using those qualities to uplift a household or community by humbly understanding you are first a servant, not a master of everyone else and you cannot just shirk your duties when you don’t feel like it. It is your brave openness to the never-ending discovery of spiritual, personal and scientific truths and your ability to adapt without compromising your core values.

The more complex, thoughtful, multi-dimensional leading man has replaced the muscle-bound behemoths with their one liners.

Wait a minute! Those concepts of self-definition aren’t just for men! They are unisex! So is “gender identity” becoming more and more irrelevant in today’s world? Are we actually limiting ourselves by trying to define our entire life’s purpose and society’s evolution based on our anatomical, hormonal and chromosomal differences? Why does there even need to be a separate set of values for men and another separate set of values for women? Why can’t we define ourselves and base our life goals on our personalities, life experiences, spirituality, education, skills and abilities and not just our biological functions? The feminist movement forced many women to see themselves as more than just a vagina, help-mate, mother and other-half. Is the masculinity movement helping men to see themselves as more than just penises, providers, fathers and the other-half? Or is the bulk of Masculinity Studies and the movement behind it about whining about the loss of the “good old days” and a futile push to bring them back. The only way men are going to recover their past comfort zone is by reversing technological advancement and re-oppressing women. You are going to have to somehow get us to see ourselves once more as only vaginas, help-mates, mothers and other-halves. We gals are not having it! That ship has sailed…. over the edge of the earth no less.

The only common ground I can find with my Masculinity Studies acquaintance is on the loss of strong work ethic among young men, the plague of delinquent fathers who abandon their sons to a number of different ill-prepared young mothers and the de-valuation of manual labour and the men who do it and the neglect of the emotional needs of our boys (because we assumed boys don’t have emotional needs), particularly those of lower economic class, leading to low male self esteem, violence and crime. But blaming feminists and gays for these problems stems from myopia caused by prejudice. I have to keep reminding this zealous young man that despite the Women’s and Gay Movement, society has always remained firmly in the control of a select number of privileged heterosexual men biased towards capitalist, Christian and patriarchal values. They have and still hold the reins of control, despite the small strides, successes and influences of various Civil Rights movements. These leaders continue to sit at the wheel of the vehicle of this Western world and they were the ones who designed and continue to maintain the engine that drives it. They share if anything the lion’s share of any blame for anything you find wrong with this planet. They choose what they will allow to become mainstream and usually for expediency not because it is ethical or about human rights.

I want to tell my Masculinity Studies acquaintance that your masculinity is not being lost. How can it be lost? It’s between your legs. It’s in your genes. It is your self-definition that is evolving and you should be excited about that. Imagine, now you have a rare opportunity to define yourself as a person not just as a gender. Embrace this new opportunity! You can now remedy centuries of certain socializations that have proven unhealthy for your soul. For example, that very same socialization that made us neglect the emotional needs of boys which has led to men keeping their feelings bottled up, leading to stress, early death and a much higher suicide rate. Will there be a period of adjustment, uncertainty and insecurity when you start to re-define yourself? Of course! We women know all about it. We are only now beginning to find a happy balance between our infinite potential and the traditional socialized roles and we are still learning and growing. If we seem to be overtaking you men here in this country it is only because we were brave enough to be open to new ideas and were driven by a hunger for “something more” while you men took everything for granted staying rigid in your ways. Those ways are now becoming hindrances to you and I say ‘Seize the chance to grow!”. Throw away those gender-focused lenses that give you tunnel vision perspectives on social development. Start to focus more on the individual, the soul, the consciousness and how it serves the community irregardless of whether that soul has a penis or vagina or in some rare cases, both.

As for metrosexuality, anthropological and historical evidence show it is no recent pop culture construct cooked up by horny homosexuals and scheming feminists. It has been around for ages in many forms and mirrors the natural animal world with its colourful males and plain females. Metrosexuality is natural, cultural and historical. Like the saying goes, “There is nothing new under the sun.” But balance is key! There is a danger of getting swept up by metrosexuality’s dark superficial side the way women have been run over by the beauty and fashion industries. Metrosexuality has always been elitist whether it was the spectacularly feathered tribesman with the biggest penis sheath and more pigs to buy more beautiful brides or the rich men who can afford to pamper themselves GQ style and travel to exotic locations, taste gourmet food and buy designer clothes. When it becomes detrimental to male self-esteem it can lead to a lot of frustration and superficial, selfish priorities. Some men who cannot make the shiny new grade suffer low self-image and the studies indeed show that more men are suffering from eating disorders and going for repeated cosmetic surgery. Of course, we women can speak volumes about this. Other men who fall short of the sophisticated, sensitive Adonis grade turn on those who meet it, choosing to use violence (often homophobic in nature) to reclaim some masculine dignity. Then there is the third group of men who are self-aware and confident in themselves and take a more balanced approach. They recognise the shift in the cultural tide, acknowledge it and apply only the aspects of it that are practical and beneficial to them and ignore all the hype and show. These are the smart ones.




(jessiegirl is low maintenance and still sexy as hell!)

In Response To The Religious Protest Against Elton John.

WHO: Trinidad and Tobago Anti Violence Project (T&T AVP)

WHAT: Appeal to Archdeacon Phillip Isaacs, Pastors Winston Cuffie, Whitfield Lawrence and Terrence Baynes and other religious leaders to show Christian leadership in opposing music inciting murder and violence

WHY: Easter weekend performances by Buju Banton, Elephant Man, Sizzla, Kalonji and Vybz Kartel, whose music urges listeners to commit murder and other un-Christian and illegal acts of physical and sexual violence against homosexuals, women, police, white people and other groups



The Trinidad and Tobago Anti Violence Project (T & T AVP) has written the letter below to Christian leaders urging them to raise their voices against murder and violence as four Jamaican dancehall "DJs,"all of whom have been protested or banned worldwide for inciting murder and violence in their lyrics, are set to perform at venues in Tobago and Trinidad over the Easter weekend. Buju Banton is scheduled to perform at Pigeon Point Beach, Tobago on Glorious Saturday, April 7, and at Sting Night Club in La Romain, Trinidad on Easter Sunday,April 8, while Elephant Man, Sizzla, Kalonji and Vybz Kartel are slated to appear at the Hasley Crawford Stadium on Glorious Saturday. Two of the three venues are state-owned property. These performers are four of the most notorious and widely protested Jamaican singers of 'murder music'. While murder music is unacceptable at any time, the T & T AVP noted, it is particularly disturbing when performed in Trinidad & Tobago during Easter, a sacred time on the Christian calendar that traditionally symbolizes peace.

Calling the recent response by a handful of clerics to Sir Elton John's upcoming appearance at the Plymouth Jazz Festival in Tobago "hateful and hypocritical," a spokesperson for the T & T AVP noted that Christian leaders have been mum for years as Jamaican dancehall artists calling for people to murder and mutilate homosexuals and for men to sexually degrade and dominate women have performed repeatedly in Trinidad and Tobago. "It is not Christian leadership when you object to a performance, that has no sexual content, by someone who has shown sterling humanitarian service and raised millions of dollars in the fight against HIV and AIDS which benefits the Caribbean, including Trinidad and Tobago," said spokesperson, Kerwyn Jordan, "but you turn a blind eye to the violence other foreign singers viciously promote on stage." Trinidad and Tobago is one of 30 countries benefiting under the Caribbean Broadcast Media Partnership on HIV and AIDS, supported by the Elton John AIDS Foundation.


The Caribbean has suffered from serious problems with growing violence in recent years. This development is mirrored in the growth of dancehall music that promotes extreme violence - known as 'murder music.' While the themes of murder music are wide ranging, the lyrics typically call for extremely violent acts against marginalized groups, including homosexuals. T & T AVP recognizes that this issue has ramifications beyond music and certain stigmatised groups. Exporting murder music poses a threat to the region's future.

"It is not Christian leadership when you object to a performance, that has no sexual content, by someone who has shown sterling humanitarian service and raised millions of dollars in the fight against HIV and AIDS which benefits the Caribbean, including Trinidad and Tobago,"

"If we allow violence to infiltrate our societies, then we are down the slippery slope to chaos and anarchy," said another spokesperson,Jacquelyn Fields, a retired law enforcement officer. "If people tolerate calls for the brutal murder of fellow citizens, then we will become a Godless, lawless, hateful society. Trinidad and Tobago already has a serious problem with crime; we do not want to end up with one of the highest murder rates in the world," Fields added.

Toni Morrison, in her 1993 Nobel Prize address, said "Oppressive language does more than represent violence; it IS violence." Fields echoed this sentiment, concluding that, "the silence of these Christian leaders against such atrocities on the holiest weekend of the Christian calendar condones such violence."

Contact Persons:

(1) David D. K. Soomarie +1 868 497-6879
(2) Jacquelyn Fields +1 868 742-5753

Email: tntavp@gmail.com

More Religious Hypocrisy Over Elton

Letter to Christian Leaders

March 29, 2007

Dear Christian Leader

The Trinidad and Tobago Anti Violence Project (T&T AVP) invites you to take a leadership stand this coming Easter season against violence, musical performers who incite it, and those profit from this 'murder music.'

Four visiting singers, Buju Banton, Elephant Man, Sizzla Kalonji and Vybz Kartel, are all scheduled to perform in Tobago and Trinidad over the coming Easter weekend. These are Jamaican dancehall performers who have all recorded grossly violent lyrics (see attachment), which they continue to perform, that incite mutilation and murder of fellow humans. They have been the subject of worldwide demonstrations and cancellations including, in the case of Buju Banton, action by the government of the United Kingdom to bar him from performing in that
country. These protests and government action have focused on the fact that these performers' music incites audiences to violence against homosexuals and other marginalised groups.

These four violence-inciting singers are scheduled to perform at two State-owned venues, the Hasely Crawford National Stadium and Pigeon Point beach, and a private nightclub, The Sting, in La Romain during the Easter weekend when Christians commemorate the violent crucifixion
of Jesus Christ and his resurrection over death – the holiest days in the Christian calendar.

We invite you to join us in taking a firm moral stand against music and musical performers that promote violence against others and in condemning promoters and venues who profit from those who incite such violence and hate. Because religious leaders have been in the forefront of efforts to address runaway violence in Trinidad and Tobago and the sense of lawlessness and insecurity this creates, we look forward to you standing with us in this holy season by speaking out boldly against those who preach illegal and un-Christian violence against any group. While such hate speech is not the practice of all dancehall singers, there is a clear pattern among those who perform such lyrics of deeply troubling attitudes and lyrics that also cheapen women's lives and place their sexual security at risk.

These performers offend Christ's teaching by singing death and violence against individuals as if they were not God's children. T&T AVP believes that on matters of manifest principle, such as standing against wanton and illegal violence, we should be united regardless of other differences. We hope that, in celebration of Christ's sacrifice and resurrection, you will add your leadership to ours in issuing a powerful call for an Easter weekend in Trinidad & Tobago free of performances that preach violence against others and of profiteering from such performances.


Yours in faith,
David D. K. Soomarie
Stop Murder Music!
Email: tntavp@gmail.com

Elton John, St. Paul and Plymouth

I wrote before about how people in this country are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites when it comes to homosexuality and religion. The current uproar by religious leaders over Elton John’s visit has proven my case!

How come I have not heard a peep out of the same religious leaders when other performers with un-Christian lifestyles come here? What is so different about Elton compared to say Elephant Man? I’ll tell you, one plays upon people’s fears and intolerance and one doesn’t. If Elton was still in the closet there would be none of this nonsense! Gay people get judged harsher than anyone else even though they are no better or worse than anyone else! Many of these Christians do not even judge their OWN shortcomings with the same zeal as they do gay people. Not only that, gay people are the only group of people towards whom many of these Christian churches will openly spread intolerance. They are too chicken and concerned about public opinion to go after all the other kinds of sin in their belief system because it will make them look hateful. You don’t see them trying to hassle overweight people who got that way from gluttony. There are even overweight pastors and reverends! Not only do all gluttons go to hell according to the bible but obesity kills millions a year and unlike sexual orientation it is a lifestyle choice. But because gay people are already a maligned, culturally unpopular, voiceless and leaderless minority in our Caribbean society, they are constantly getting bashed because they are too afraid to stand up for themselves. When they do, they get ridiculed, discriminated against or worse yet physically abused or murdered like Brian Williamson, an outspoken gay activist in Jamaica.

Now if you claim to be truly Christian and a strict follower of the bible, then you know that SIN IS SIN. There is no big sin, medium sin, small sin. All sins have the same penalty! Having same-sex intercourse is no greater a sin than overeating or telling a white lie, cheating on your taxes or engaging in mauvais langue. There is NO relativity! As such, it is impossible NOT to sin in the Christian faith because practically everything you do or don’t do is a sin! That is why Christians have to ask for forgiveness every single day or go to confession regularly if they are Catholic. Even their beloved St. Paul said it was impossible not to sin and called himself a wretched and miserable man because he cannot stop sinning! Go read Romans 7:15 to 25. See I wish these hoity toity, holier than thou people were at least that humble. I thought these Christians believed judgment belonged exclusively to God and God alone. They supposed to believe that if you judge others, every single flaw will be held against you by God when your turn comes. Matt 7:1-2 says “Judge not that ye may not be judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”

So I hope they are prepared for the same unforgiving, merciless, intolerant treatment from God when it’s time to stand naked under his magnifying glass. I would imagine that if you are truly a smart Christian you would do better to assume God will accept everyone and err on the side of understanding and tolerance just to be sure. Especially since I never read of Jesus turning away anyone because they were gay or asking if they were gay first before feeding or healing them. Do you? I never see in years of bible reading anything about Jesus commanding his followers to be the bedroom monitors and sexual-position dictators of society. The greatest commandment he imposed upon people was, ‘Love God with your whole heart, mind and soul and love your neighbour as yourself.” He even said that this commandment reigns supreme over ALL THE OTHERS and fulfils the entire Law.



As for me, I prefer to look at what Elton’s music says to me. Isn’t that WHY he is coming here in the first place, to perform his music? You would think from the uproar he was here to do a live sex show on stage in a pink tutu and then and then turn everyone in Tobago gay with magic “fairy” dust and a phallic shaped magic wand. Unlike many of the artists who have visited or performed in our country unchallenged by any religious outcry, I have never seen an Elton video that promotes lasciviousness or violence or hatred all of which are sins in the bible. Most of his music reflects uplifting and inspirational sentiments. From Candle In The Wind to Circle of Life to I’m Still Standing to The One, I have never heard him sing about anything other than love, beauty and the human experience in all its sadness, disappointments highs and lows. If all talents come from God and that is the kind of work Elton produced with his God-given talents he has done well. He survived drug abuse, terrible loss, near career failure, failed relationships, bulimia, being slandered against and coming to terms with his own sexuality after years of self-hatred and guess what, he still going strong and sounding good. Obviously he has been blessed and who God bless, no man can curse right? Sir Elton John gives and raises millions of dollars for charity that helps suffering people all over the world. There is a reason he was knighted and most of us, including the holier than thou crew, were not. I am willing to welcome him with the all hospitality and compassion and respect Christians are supposed to extend to others even if I am not a Christian myself. Isn’t that how those of you who act like everyone’s judge, juror and executioner would like to be treated yourself according to your own Golden Rule? And another thing, if according to your bible God could use a wretched sinner like Paul, a man no better than you or I, who admitted to sinning everyday, to inspire others and teach others, why not Sir Elton John? Enjoy the concert everyone!