October 21, 2008

Choose Well Sisters

If you’ve done biology at an advanced level or if you are an avid reader of National Geographic, or just like watching nature documentaries, you will no doubt know that there are many strange and wonderful things to be found in nature. Some of these anomalies include mammals that can lay eggs, gay dolphins and penguins, frogs, fish and shrimp that switch genders in one lifetime, male seahorses that give birth and flying snakes. But you will never find the female of any species spending her valuable time competing for the affections of the male. It is always the male who fights for the right to mate with the female. The female then selects which male she will allow the privilege of passing on his genes. In the natural world, the strong, smart, skilled and healthy males get to sire offspring, the runts get to piss off.

Nature has some wierd and wonderful things but you will never find the female of any species spending her valuable time competing for the affections of the male. The onus is on the males to look good, smell good and perform the tricks to win a mate

Even among the most small brained of vertebrates like birds, it is the male that must compete to attract the female by building a nest, showing off his ability to provide or putting on a colourful display for her. Males are the ones who pay attention to their appearance because it is always up to the male of the species to look and smell appealing for the female. Males always have the more colourful plumage (peacocks and birds of paradise), spectacular antlers (moose and reindeer) or luxurious manes (lions and baboons). In nature, females have no obligation to compete for a mate instead they are entrusted with the task of selecting the male with the BEST genes for the perpetuation the species. Females are responsible for natural selection. The female mountain goat will leap the steepest cliffs for miles upon miles while a bunch of males chase her. Only the strongest and most skillful male will stand a chance of ever siring any offspring with her, if he cannot keep up, too bad. Even the lowly female crab that would most likely end up in our callaloo dish knows the male crab must first dig a suitable home, decorate it and then defend it from predators and other males in order to stand any chance of getting it on with her. In nature, if a male has no quality, he gets no loving. It’s as simple as that. This is why is baffles me when women sacrifice their time, peace of mind, money and even their reproductive health for men who are complete morons. Are beasts smarter than us?

Don’t laugh. It’s a sad thing.

All the brothers still living at home with mama take heed, a male crab builds a home of his own first and then goes in search of a mate.

We, the most advanced primates on earth have surely gotten things back to front when two productive, attractive women are fighting each other over a good for nothing, zero child support paying, no steady job holding pipsqueak of a man. From Jerry Springer to a catfight in a nightclub, to the girlfriend who is always crying over problems with her locho man, this most unnatural phenomenon is rampant. Have we forgotten so easily the legend of a thousand ships launched for Helen of Troy or true stories of knights who jousted to the death over medieval princesses and that the tribesmen of the Masai killed lions and presented their livestock wealth to get a bride? Would you believe there was a time when the ministrations of a woman were so valuable that even soliciting a prostitute was a privilege to be enjoyed only by the noblest of men? Ages ago, even prostitutes could refuse a man’s attentions if he did not meet her standards. From the courtesans of the West to the geishas of the East, they were treated like royalty and lavished their pleasurable attentions only on men of class and distinction. Today, women are giving it all away to dimwitted, emotionally retarded, philandering fools for a box of fried chicken or nothing at all.

When a few stupid women lower their standards, we all suffer. Now even the most pathetic, lazy bum thinks he’s “God’s gift to us all”, resulting in all of us being accosted in our clean, presentable attire by some shabby looking malodorous man with no regard for our refined sense of smell and no respect for our person.

Demanding quality, responsibility, bravery, industry and sensitivity in a man does not make you less of a feminist. Do not for one second think that now that you have the degree, career and the emotional and spiritual tools to succeed that somehow, it is okay for men to drop the ball. They still have to come just as good as you do. When a few stupid women lower their standards, we all suffer. Now even the most pathetic, lazy bum thinks he’s “God’s gift to us all”, resulting in all of us being accosted in our clean, presentable attire by some shabby looking malodorous man with no regard for our refined sense of smell and no respect for our person. It’s our collective fault that every man thinks he is entitled to get “some” with zero effort. No one is asking our men to slay lions to prove their worth to us or to even live up to the nobility of the Lord of The Rings’ Aragorn or attractiveness and class of some Denzel Washington movie character. All we ask is that you just take regular baths wear deodorant and show some manner of caring, commitment, competence, class, cunnilingual capability and civic responsibility.

Painful first time, greater anatomical STD vulnerablity, genital discomforts and yeast infections from sex, the pressure of pregnancy, the ravaged body from childrearing, the potential health problems- We women risk far more to our person when we enter a sexual relationship. We have EVERY RIGHT to be picky.

So I know some of the brothers reading this will be like, “What the hell? What gives women the right to be so picky! It’s not like you are perfect either!” I agree. We aren’t perfect. In fact, we make loads of mistakes and some women really make me roll my eyes and feel sorry for my gender. However whether the woman is an Alicia Keys goddess, who rocks your world, pays her way, boosts your spirit and cares for you or a good for nothing skank, manipulative bitch who is in it for all she can get, is not the point. The point is that ALL women, risk more in a relationship and so we get to demand more. Don’t believe me? Then answer this:

Who has to endure pain to lose their virginity? Who requires more effort to feel pleasure during sex? Who bears the burden of childbearing with all its resulting pains and potential health problems? Who is more anatomically vulnerable to catch STDs? Who has to put up with everyday inconveniences like yeast and urinary tract infections from having sex? Who is more at risk of being violently abused if they leave? Who statistically earns less in the workplace? Which gender has to put up with being the one that is sexually assaulted every five minutes? Its US WOMEN! So why should we also have to settle for a mediocre mate?

It would be no nookie for these runts if they were out in the wild.

No female bird, crab or alligator ever has to settle for less than her ideal mate and neither should we!
It’s time we learn from our animal friends and reclaim the power nature entrusted to us. Like the Alpha female wolf, we have to start to give sexual consent to only to the Alpha Male and snarl and bite when the lesser mongrels come a-sniffing. If the Alpha Male is unavailable, which in our modern world means- the ambitious worker, able provider, involved father, intuitive lover and loyal friend, then we will settle for none….NEVER less. It’s a hard and cruel standard to follow. Prepare for loads of battery powered nights alone with a glass of wine. You will long for companionship, especially when other girlfriends and female relatives get married. But trust me on this, if you can hold out and not give your heart away to a loser under the mistaken impression you can nurture and change that poor soul, you will emerge from this younger and far more viable a human being, than the women who fell fast and hard and now regret it and cannot get out.

So say these resolutions with me-
1. Love and the human heart are unpredictable, but I will weigh my decisions more carefully and invest myself with more discrimination.
2. If I am attracted to a less than adequate man I will be as calculating and brutally honest about it as possible and take only what I am prepared to give. If that be just a one night stand, so be it.
3. I will STOP fighting over men. No female of any species fights over the male. It is the males who fight to mate with us. That is what all their extra testosterone and brawn are for.

When we make wooing too easy, we rob heterosexual men of their natural outlet for their testosterone and they end up finding other less positive outlets for their male aggression, including beating up on us. They become fat and lazy. Their natural hunting instincts will eventually make them leave their doormat mate who gave it all up easily at home and go chasing after a more exciting and harder won sexual conquest that makes him feel more like a man. They call it “Middle Age Crisis” but it is really, “I am bored shitless because this woman is NOT making me WORK FOR IT! I need to chase after something new!”

Our men should NEVER feel that they are done wooing us. Like male lions in a pride, in the prime of their lives, they must always be kept active and engaged in securing their position, keeping up their appearance and physique. They must always be aware we are desirable and wooable by rival males and even females. You must first assume that position of power and believe you deserve no less. Do not be afraid that men won’t meet your higher standards and you’ll end up alone. Have a little more faith in yourself and in men as well. Real men, the cream of the crop want the challenge! In their older feeble years, after they have proven their devotion and their testosterone is waning, that is the right time to nurture and make them comfortable and reward them with as much easy loving that they can stand.

I wish you all the best as you find your Alpha Male to be your mate for life.

Women are the selectors of the next generation of the human race. Family history is traced through the patriarchal name but genetic ancestry is always traced primarily through the female genetic line. Why? Our gender is the one entrusted with passing on the vital mitochondrial DNA in our XX chromosomes. We posses that extra piece of genetic code men do not have. How will your ancestral line be remembered? What caliber of man entered your grandmother’s gene pool? Your mother’s gene pool? What quality of man will enter yours? The survival of our human species depends on you. Choose well.


Kemar said...


First let me say this, forgive me of my grammar. It's not the greatest. Now moving on!

Your comments are welcoming, but not oblivious of questionable objections. The fact of the matter is that, while what you suggest is true and can be incorporated in a man's knowledge bank, it's not all our fault but both. I would like for you to tell me your idea of what a good man is.

While I will admit that I am learning and will for ever as long God permits me, to acquire knowledge about the opposite in terms of relations; I can tell you that women are quite inherently monolithic across the board but varies on influence of personality, experiences and environment etc.

Let me propose a few comments or ideas for you to consider:

1. We (both male & female) are 100 times intellectually, emotional and mentality and in whatever physiologically manner, superior to the animal kingdom. Thus, we create over time ideas, culture, behaviors etc as to what is deemed appropriate or inappropriate. As the animal kingdom do but we more sophisticated. You must agree with that!

2. Yes, I do agree that men should chase women, it's imbued in our DNA to do so. We will try hard to acquire you, whether as rightly suggested based on a(current cultural and individual views) to dress, speak, etc.
But be fair here, sometimes a female's standards are complicated and unreasonable at times. It's as if you want the males go to the utmost to wean everything for you. It's like a guessing game, anticipating all for what, the unimaginable slim percentage between success and failure, in which eventually is mostly failure. I am not suggesting women should lower their standards(again this varies individually and culturally),but be reasonable in knowing that all relationships involve COMPROMISE on both ends, Disappointments, Happiness, the Inevitable experiences. YOU TELL ME MY FRIEND?

3. Comparing with animals is credible but here is something you may or may not have considered. If you look in most of the animals kingdom, when the male woo and impressive the female(s) and he gets the ultimate prize(s), it automatically gives him certain privileges. Such as:

a)Take for example the hippopotamus, if he's the apparent winner and eventual leader, he gets all the female(s) to mate with. NOW WOULD YOU AGREE THAT TYPE OF PRIVILEGE?
-- *NB* While this may be an isolated example, because as you may or may not know the female tends to be larger in size, leads, and feeds the pack(s) and at times, like the female spider devours her opposite after mating but the characteristics are similar in I would educationally hypothesis 80% of the animal kingdom --

b)Males tend to be quite territorial,protective and a bit controlling. Their constantly fighting for this right or privilege however you view it. Contrasting this with women overtime, this protectiveness, territorial and bit controlling pan out well. YES DO YOU AGREE?
Yes, I agree women should have their individuality and not have to be protected, but really if you look at it that's how it is. In this instance, I see a similar behavior with human and animal male. YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO HERE?

c) On average, animal males tend not be in the nurturing process of the children except for the notable few like the penguins, elephants etc. Males tend go about his business,leaving the rearing almost solely to the female(s). Now compare that the human world, it is insensitive, unintelligent, irresponsible and just arrant nonsense. HOW WOULD YOU LEVERAGE THAT MY FRIEND?

Overall, we (males and females) are flawed so please be fair. I think right now I am done now. I ran out of comments. Oh, one more thing before I forget. Your view seems to be very impressionistic of the feminist path. Please be cautious, as it has it's disadvantages too. PLEASE HELP US AS WE HELP YOU!

Jessica said...

Well first off kemar, it’s good to see you gave this so much thought, I really do drone on and on about whimsical little ideas that come to me with the hope that readers will be able to use their own discernment, which you have done. Good on you!

Okay let me address some of your questions and comments. You asked me what I thought makes a good man. I try to not to be too narrow in my definition of what makes an “alpha male” because as you rightfully pointed out, different women have different standards. One woman may desire a good provider who can make her cum five times in bed every session. Another may simply want an industrious man who has a nurturing soul. So in fact, one woman’s alpha male may be another woman’s runt. However, I think we can all agree that laziness, lack of ethical compass, lack of emotional maturity and lack of commitment are deal breakers and the identifying markers of a runt, no matter the physique, financial status or educational background of the man in question.

Your next comment, No1. mentioned that we humans are intellectually, emotionally and mentally superior to animals and I wholeheartedly agree! Therefore, I would advise that you take my animal kingdom comparisons with the light-heartedness I tried to convey and avoid too much literalism and over-analysis. Give it some wide berth and allow for some tongue in cheek and the overall effect will be more enjoyable and edifying.

In your comment No.2 about chasing women I concur that despite a man’s best efforts, it is still ladies choice and some women are very hard to please. Unlike animals, we human females can still say "NO!" even to the winning contestant of a clash of tusks. It's another big difference between us and animals who simply mate with the winning contender, no questions asked. In addition, unlike animal males who will stick it in anything when they are in heat, human males are also far more discerning than that. Yes, I am not one of those women who think men are just out for any old hole they can find. I give you guys lot more credit than that.

So the pickiness goes BOTH ways and you are right, compromise goes BOTH ways too. So you may get a gal who is 20 lbs heavier than your ideal physical preference and she may get a guy who may not be as academically accomplished as she would have liked but he important thing is not to compromise on the non-negotiables: honesty/ethics, industriousness, maturity and whatever other spiritual or emotional benchmarks you have set.

Your comment No. 3 put a big smile on my face. Okay, let’s start with these privalages, the first being having your pick of a harem of females as male deer, walruses, hippopotamus and lions do. Well, such polygamous arrangements have in fact been part of human society for many years. You will even find it in the bible. Men of great esteem and status would have more than one wife and several concubines. I see nothing wrong with this arrangement ONCE NO ONE IS BEING EXPLOITED; all entered FREELY into such an arrangement, knowing the full extent of the situation and are afforded EQUALITY, FAIRNESS and SELF-ACTUALIZATION. Since that is NOT the case in most of these instances and the women are treated as property, I am hesitant to endorse such arrangements. If you can indentify a case where a woman chooses such an arrangement and whilst in it, is free to forge her path and explore her potential as an equal, then I say, GREAT!

Monogamy is purely a human socio/religious construct and a fairly recent one at that. It goes against the instinctive animal and biological nature of both genders. People who enter it do so by personal choice only and must agree to their own set of rules with regard to such an arrangement. Similarly, those who forgo monogamy must also have rules of conduct. I have been in a monogamous, healthy and thriving relationship for eleven years and I plan to write an essay on monogamy that may surprise many because it is blatently honest and does not mandate, mystify or moralize monogamy nor does it try to reduce its value to those who choose it. It will be posted up during November.

You mentioned that males are territorial and protective over the females and that does apply to both the animal and the human kingdom, with one MAJOR difference. As you mentioned, we are higher beings. So while the hippo may own his females. No human being can OWN another. That would be slavery. A self-centred sense of “ownership” can often masquerade as love and I will write about this soon in that article about monogamy.

Unconditional love, TRUE love seeks only the person’s happiness regardless of whether they choose you or not. Besides, there is more to fighting for women than fighting over if she gets to sleep with your or not. There are other great ways of channelling your testosterone to protect and fight for women. The next time you are with some buddies and see them harassing a woman, stand up and be brave and speak up for her! Speak up against domestic abuse! Fight against discrimination.

Okay now we come to males and parenting. Parenting skills are built into the instincts of the females of certain animals and in some cases the males as well. I remember when my cat first had kittens and she automatically just knew what to do even though she was a solitary house cat since she was a kitten, with no mother to teach her. It was amazing!

However, it is a HUGE mistake to assume that human females are naturally mothers. For us, parenting is a LEARNED thing and subject to many emotional and psychological factors. Many mothers feel no emotional attachment to their kids, some even feel hostile towards them. I know at least three of my close female friends who became mothers and never really felt “motherly”, in fact one of them was so detatched from the process that her husband became more of a mother than she could. She just wasn’t the nurturing type. So BOTH genders can LEARN how to be a good parent and a man has the potential to be even more nurturing than a woman if he so chooses.

Okay so on to your comment about the feminist path. Why the word of caution? Do you think that there is something wrong with being a feminist? Or is it that you have just been exposed to the wrong kind of feminists? In every political, social or religious movement for positive change, there will be those that take things too far. Extremist feminists annoy the hell out of me just as Louis Farrakhan annoys the hell out of me. However do his actions invalidate the core values of equality for black people? Of course not! So don’t let the extremist feminists distract you from the real message- All human beings, whether male or female deserve equality because gender in of itself has NO BEARING on a person’s right to liberty and to reach their fullest potential possible. A true feminist is an advocate for HUMAN rights, which in the end can only do a society good. Can you list the number of thriving, democratic, peaceful, progressing society where the vast majority of women are totally dependent on men to survive, robbed of choices, opportunities and freedom? There are none. So we must always consider the bigger picture.

There is a really funny moment in a Chris Rock stand up special where he asks men, “Have you ever caught your woman just staring at you silently with this weird look on her face? It's because she is thinking at that very moment,‘How on earth did I end up with this fool?’ You see, most you men have no idea. You were not her first choice.”

So kemar, the important and overriding message to women AND men is, “Do not settle, it is not worth it! And especially for women, who risk so much physically in a relationship, they need to start thinking that they are at least worth an alpha male”

I think it will remove a lot of the resentment in relationships if BOTH people got the mate they always wanted. And if you have settled, BE HONEST about it to yourself and your mate. That way, they know where they stand with you and won't expect natural fireworks from you when all you can muster up is a single sparkler. It will avoid a lot of false expecations and hurt later on. Don’t you think?

Guanaguanare said...

Tell it sister! These are complicated times. In conversations about our dogs, some guardians who want pups have expressed real surprise at discovering that their females, when they are en chaleur, often steadfastly refuse even to the point of violence, to mate with the males selected for them. Many people just assume that females are desperate to mate at this time. When I share with them my observations that female canines do pick and choose, this seems to be big news to them. I think many people associate blind sexual drives with animals.

The simple rules of nature do really work IN NATURE. But since we human beings have come out of nature and tried to separate ourselves from it, we have to invent our own rules as we go along.

Many of these rules are guided by notions of the equality of all men. So it is no longer morally/politicaly correct to describe a male suitor as a runt and summarily dismiss his many, even if deeply hidden, talents. You are bound to give him at least a chance, if you are so desperate to be in a relationship. In a sense the female is choosing a male using more of a maternal than mating instinct. I think they call it affirmative action.

So after the deed is done, the female maternal instinct must now benefit not only the vulnerable offspring of this match but must also ensure the continued cosseting of the "inferior" male partner as well! People have been socialized to frown upon "the survival of the fittest" and the "law of the jungle" and to lean more towards the "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers" and so women find themselves less free to be ruthless in their appraisal of suitors.

Another thing that I admire about animals is that there are seasons for mating. I think if we had breeding seasons, we'd be freed the rest of the time to focus on other important things. This reminds me of Spock (Star Trek) where he experiences the Pon farr, the Vulcan equivalent of going into heat, except for Vulcans it happens once every seven years. If we could discard the violence associated with the Pon farr and the very real possibility that many males will not find mates and would be doomed to death, a Pon farr system for humans might result in more well thought out decisions about mating and procreation.

Yes, Jessica, I do feel great sympathy for human females who have to bear the ravages of mating, reproduction and child rearing, who also have to leave the nest and work at another job outside the home and in addition, have to constantly assume the courting male animal's postures, always be fit and alluring and physically attractive to the male partners. From this perspective, it is indeed a man's world.

Jessica said...

guanaguanare, you are so right on about our allowance of runts because of Christian attitudes. Not just that, women are told we are supposed to be long-suffering somehow. We are raised to be a big soft cushion that can absorb any number of blows.