I have no New Year’s resolutions for 2009 because I tend not to set overly specific yearly goals. If there is anything life has taught me is that my Creator knows infinitely better what is perfect for me than I do. Whenever I allow my own ego to dictate what, where and when, it never turns out as completely beneficial to my soul as when I allow myself to be guided moment by moment, living totally in the now.
I watch my colleagues struggling to run the rat race everyday and I want to tell them, “Slow down and just leave a little room for frivolity, doubt and other options. In that time between rushing and that space between tightly packed together bits of certainties; that is where the Divine can infiltrate and make things happen beyond your wildest expectations.
Case in point: At one time I had convinced myself that the way out of my rut in Trinidad was to study, live and work in the US. I resolved to make it happen the next year and started striving towards that goal with everything I had. One day, desperate for validation that my dreams of a new life in America would come true I visited one of my spiritual counselors who is also a healer and psychic. She’s really good and unlike the scam artists out there, she is known only by those in the know. She does not advertise and shies away from publicity and money-making exposure. She constantly amazes me and that time was no different. When she told me that I would soon be leaving Trinidad, I was so happy. Then when she added, “For a Caribbean island,”. I was bummed. I asked her which island and she said she was getting a vibe about St. Lucia.
St. Lucia was the farthest thing from my mind and my plans. I knew nobody in that island. I had never been and had no intention of ever going. I had no reason to even think there would be any prospects there. I convinced myself that this time, my spiritual sister was off base…..way off base.
About six months later I was let go from Lonsdale Saatchi & Saatchi after they lost the TSTT account. I started freelancing as a writer, still planning my escape to the USA. All of a sudden my plans hit a snag, a financial snag. I had a serious moment of crisis of everything from faith to my relationship with my fiancée. Just when it seemed hopeless, I was presented with three job offers. One was a position as a senior creative writer in Jamaica. As a lesbian who has grown comfortable living honestly among a little tolerant niche here in Trinidad, that offer was no dice! I have heard the horror stories about Jamaica directly from gay people, including a lesbian who was gang raped and then told, "It good for you!" from the police when she reported it.
The other was a position as a writer in a local ad agency. I was seriously considering it. Then the last offer was to take a challenge and lead the creative team at a fledgling new agency in, you guessed it, St. Lucia. I chose St. Lucia and it was only when my plane was landing in Castries I remembered the psychic reading and had an “Ah ha!” moment.
Since that time, I have had a good look back at my life and it is very clear, there is a Purpose and a Hand guiding things that is infinitely wiser than I am. Yes, it is scary to live this way sometimes but the reward is less stress, more contentment, fuller living, richer experiences and most of all a feeling of being free of this race to, “get somewhere”, often against the flow of the Universe and against your best interests. I watch my colleagues struggling to run the rat race everyday and I want to tell them, “Slow down and just leave a little room for frivolity, doubt and other options. In that time between rushing and that space between tightly packed together bits of certainties; that is where the Divine can infiltrate and make things happen beyond your wildest expectations".
So if you do not set yearly goals how do you know your soul is making progress at all? Well, why measure goals year by year? Why not set a life goal for your soul’s present stint on this planet instead of short term goals that only fulfill what you can see over the tip of your nose for the next twelve months. We have a way of dropping the ball when we think, "Ah I've arrived!". I know of women who make a new year's resolution EVERY YEAR to lose weight. All they see is the weight they have now, not the long term cause behind it. By August or so, they lose the desired amount of pounds. By Christmas they have gained it all back. They have to resolve to lose it again. It is so much better to just address the cause and know that it will be a LIFETIME of work. When the New Year comes, all you have to say is, "Well, the journey continues! I am on my way, YEAH!"
My life goal is to fearlessly pursue and enjoy inner peace, happiness and real abundance that comes from connection with my Divine Parents, knowing myself, allowing myself to be loved, loving others and my earthly home. How do I know if I am making headway? Well, I look at how often I got angry and vengeful or self-loathing and full of despair and measure it against how often I was understanding and forgiving and loved myself and demonstrated faith in my Divine Parents. Keeping a journal helps you to chart this a lot better. Things like material gains, career accomplishments, health & beauty, sex life, relationships all fall into place around those simple measurements.
Last year, I had one less moment of utter despair and doubt in my Divine Parents than the year before, so I guess I am learning finally. Go me! Now that I have first ten feet down, I have the rest of the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,+ feet to climb!