Funny thing how powerful the mind is eh? The placebo effect in medicine is testimony to this. If you think a pill will make you better, you actually become better. Have you ever noticed that the more you focus on avoiding a certain unpleasant person you are holding a grudge against, the more you just keep running into them for no “apparent” reason or keep hearing about them from people even when you did not ask for said information. Yet the moment you forgive them, release the grudge and completely forget about them, they vanish from your life. Then one day you hear about them or see them and things are completely turned around. They are either changed or you have changed to the point they don’t even bother you as they once did and you are like, “What exactly was this person’s power over me?” That is the Law of Attraction working whether you realize it or not.
In 2007, Nick and I were faced with a serious new challenge- forgiveness. Not the kind where you say, “I forgive you,” but still hold on to the hurt and slowly lose trust. Nah! The real kind of forgiveness that changes the whole dynamic and actually solves problems in the relationship. First off, I don’t have to tell those of you who are hitched (cause you know from your own experience) that you cannot have a life partnership or marriage with someone without being able to forgive. Eventually you will run out of the house in your curlers, underwear and rubber slippers screaming at the top of your lungs until they drag you off to the mad house! Unlocking the secrets to forgiveness is like unlocking the gift of love itself. If you could get forgiveness down pat, your life will improve a million-fold. The population will suddenly seem so full of infinite possibilities to love. Trust will cease to be such an issue. Your health with improve.
The thing is, I never really understood forgiveness until I grasped the concept of the Law of Attraction. When you appreciate the fact that you are never a complete victim of anyone’s actions it really makes it easier to go outside of your self and see things through another person’s eyes. You see how your actions led them to do what they did to you. Dr. Phil has this saying, “You teach people how to treat you” and the older I get, the more I realize it is true. Yes, I know we live in the age of “victim rights”. You are not supposed to blame the woman wearing a dental floss outfit, getting drunk and walking down a lonely street with a man she barely knows and then ends up getting raped. Nope don’t you dare call her irresponsible! You are not supposed to blame the people who keep falling for scam after scam from greedy tele-evangelists to pyramid schemes. Nope, don’t you dare call them greedy and stupid! But when you look at things like that from a different angle, you can see how (1) A lack of self-love (2) A lack of belief that God/Universe is unconditionally loving and benevolent to them (3) Negative thoughts (4) Negative actions attracted a bad result. Then there are things like the Holocaust or the genocide in Rwanda and child abuse. It’s very difficult to wrap your mind around the concept that people attract to them their circumstances in cases like that. But last year and up to today, I am trying. This is what I have so far.
In order to call something unforgivable, it means it must be purely evil. But very few things in this life are purely evil. Your boss might be an asshole, but he is not evil. The husband who cheats or the person who gives you a bad drive and ends up killing someone on the road, they are not evil either. Perhaps this is why most of the greatest spiritual leaders say that there is only one unforgivable action. This action is usually described as blasphemy against the Holy Spirit or rejection of grace or a pure state enlightenment once having attained it. When I speak of blasphemy, it is not mere “yuh tek de Lawd’s name in vain!” or making fun of holy things, which I might add, I do all the time (fully trusting that my God has a sense of humour). I am talking of the kind of blasphemy and fall from grace where you have actually been in God’s presence; fully understanding that it is absolutely true and then still turning around and cursing it from the bottom of your heart with pure hatred. It is arriving at a state of pure enlightenment where you know what it is to have and experience Divine love and yet purposefully choosing the opposite. In order to do that, that individual must be so unimaginably warped, I cannot even imagine. I have never (and hope to never) encounter that kind of pure evil either.
Now consider that even Jesus forgave those who betrayed, tortured and killed him, so obviously not even they or what they did is pure evil, despite how graphic it looked in Mel Gibson’s Passion. Recently I have had the chance to forgive the young man who sexually abused me when I was nine. Is he pure evil? No. He was a disturbed person who upon reaching the age of reason did not take responsibility for being abused himself. He allowed himself to be a pawn of circumstance and acted out his twisted feelings on me. The tough questions are however: Did I ask for the abuse? Why did God allow such a thing to happen to me? Asking myself those questions and arriving at an answer was how I finally understood the power of forgiveness and unlocked the key to more love and better relationships. So let me share it with you.
In order to call something unforgivable, it means it must be purely evil. But very few things in this life are purely evil.
Honestly, I don’t think I asked for the abuse, at least not knowingly. But, I was thinking and acting in such a way to attract a molester to me and my parent was thinking and acting in such a way to leave me vulnerable to that situation. The Law of Attraction, like the Law of Gravity is unbiased. It doesn’t matter how innocent and cute a baby is, if it crawls out of a four story window it will fall. You cannot get angry at Gravity for that and I cannot get angry at the Law of Attraction either. In addition, when a person is very young, they can be adversely affected by the thoughts, actions and focus of another who has influence over their lives. Parents and teachers can attract bad things to their children who are still vulnerable and wide open to receive anything. So while I did not consciously think of being abused nor did I ask to be abused, I was in fact a child who was feeling lost, abandoned, insecure and fearful with a parent who reinforced those feelings and situations. Like all molesters, mine went after a child who would be a perfect victim and it just so happened that I fit the role perfectly.
But what about things like the Holocaust? How can an entire group of people attract such a disaster to themselves? Before I get painted with the anti-Semite brush and come across like I am saying Jews brought it on themselves. Let me say what happened to those six million plus people, is a stain on humanity. Let’s not forget all the gypsies, Slavs, Poles, homosexuals and ethnic groups who died in death camps. I am certainly not going to say they deserved it either. The same goes for the Tutsis that were slaughtered by the thousands in Rwanda. However, if mob psychology exists, then it must also work both ways. One group must collectively, blindly unite and become The Persecutor and another must also just as blindly submit collectively the role of The Persecuted. If enough people do this, you will have a war or genocide.
In both Germany and Rwanda, the genocide was in fact a climax of generations of underlying resentment and building hatred. These things never just happen overnight! There was anti-Semitism in Germany and much of Europe for a long time. There were hostilities between the two main tribes in Rwanda long before and exacerbated during Portuguese colonialism. For many decades both sides accepted and played out and maintained these roles on ever increasing levels until it reached its inevitable climax. What we saw on television was just the end result of a long building disaster which at anytime, either side could have prevented from happening. How so? Well let us not forget that even during the face of such rabid hatred and violence, you have glimmers of how powerful the human spirit is. During the Holocaust, there were Jews so respected, loved and whose spirit was so strong they saved not only themselves but thousands of their Jewish brothers and sisters. The same goes for the many Germans who hid and assisted Jews during that time and of course we all know the Academy Award winning Hotel Rwanda. Therefore, nobody can dehumanize a person who refuses to give up their humanity or whose humanity shines so clearly because of their self-love. If people could act that way during the hell it means even more people had the potential to prevent the disaster before it reached to that stage. The fact that they didn’t is sad but not evil.
In order to understand the dynamic of that level of violence let us look at what has been happening in Trinidad between Afro-Trinis and Indo-Trinis. Can you honestly say that any side can take the title of blameless, helpless victim if mass violence were to erupt between the races (God forbid and it never will happen)? If an Afro-Trinidad or Indo-Trinidad leader hungry for power, saw the opportunity to feed on the already existing racism and fears of people effectively enough to start ethnic cleansing, whose fault is it? Don’t we have countless chances to bridge the divide and there are more than enough loving, smart and tolerant people to stop such a thing? If such a thing were to happen it is only because we collectively attracted and let such a thing happen. So really the only real tragedy is when good people do nothing. When people do not understand the power we have and they feel we exist in a world of lack and they do not have enough self-love to demand better, that is the true disaster taking place. Only then fear and hatred can take root and bear fruit. The concentration camps and militia violence are just the end result.
In both Germany and Rwanda, the genocide was in fact a climax of generations of underlying resentment and building hatred. These things never just happen overnight! There was anti-Semitism in Germany and much of Europe for a long time. There were hostilities between the two main tribes in Rwanda long before and exacerbated during Portuguese colonialism. For many decades both sides accepted and played out and maintained these roles on ever increasing levels until it reached its inevitable climax. What we saw on television was just the end result of a long building disaster which at anytime, either side or number of people could have prevented from happening. Evil? No. Sad? Yes.
We have gotten to the “How could God allow this?” part of the discussion. Many people have a serious spiritual obstacle when they try to understand the dilemma of human suffering taking place despite an All Knowing, Truly Loving Creator. This has been the cause of serious spiritual crises for me as well, to the point where I was once agnostic. None of the Judeo-Christian religions have been able to soothe my soul and intellect on this. Their explanation of, “God lets you suffer just to test to see if you really love him” or “God just wanted to test Adam and Eve to see if his children will obey him” for allowing an outcome where the vast majority of creation will either be destroyed or burn forever in hell after a life of human suffering does not make me feel inspired or in awe of such a Deity. Why? Cause not even most imperfect of mothers would ever do such a thing to their own children. Would you deliberately place a poisonous object that would harm your child within easy reach when your child does not yet have knowledge of Good or Evil as the Genesis story goes? Would you do such a thing just to see if they would listen to you unquestioningly? If they didn’t and swallowed the poison, would you, not only allow them to suffer but also punish their children who had no say in this, for eternity as well? Would you then create an antidote (salvation) that only a chosen few of your progeny will ever be able to access, understand and accept? This is the fundamental flaw of the newer faiths (>2000 years old) that atheists pick at and they do have a valid point.
Would you put poison within easy reach of a child who didn't know Good from Evil just to test to see if they would obey you unquestioningly if you told them not to touch it. Would that be your test of their love for you?
Since it is not our fault we are being punished for the poison taken by Adam and Eve, many religions have to make you feel like it is your fault, in order to unquestioningly accept their indoctrination. They do this by employing guilt and emotional blackmail. First you are made to dwell on how awful and sinful you are and what a wretched undeserving soul you are. You are told you are so filthy you don’t even deserve to be in God’s presence. You are undeserving of God’s love and then they hit you with, but yet God loves you so much he made his only son “Christ suffer for you!” Whether this was just a symbolic gesture or it actually magically created a solution to what Adam and Eve caused, we are told that the thousands of years of pain and horror before Christ and the thousands of years of pain and horror after Christ can now be undone by the suffering of one person. The problem however is that if suffering can undo sin and damnation, it is just too easy for people who have truly experienced trauma, to make an argument against this premise. For in truth there are countless people who suffered and are suffering worse than just one day on a crucifix. So if you make it about “owing God something because Christ suffered for you” what does a child in Darfur who only knew starvation, rape and brutality with no reason or end in sight owe God? What does a cancer patient who has experienced years of excruiating pain owe God? There is a singer called Kate Bush who sang a song called, “Running Up That Hill” and in it she sings, “If I only could, I’d make a deal with God and tell him to swap our places. I’d be running up that road. I’d be running up that hill with no problem.” In other words, she would exchange the suffering she is going through right now for a cruxifxion on top of Calvery Hill. Remember, we are using the context that those poor people are in that situation because of what God supposedly allowed to happen in the first place in Genesis. In addition, if that first blunder in Eden could be reversed by just one man dying on a cross how come eternal punishment in hell is the other end of that equation? That is imbalanced on a universal scale because if hell is real and as horrid as some religious folk, present it to be, then people in it will be experiencing Christ’s suffering a quadrillion times over in just one day. After a millennia of torment, they would have more than overpaid whatever debt they supposedly owe God. Even Hitler would have lived through the suffering of each one of his victims a billion times over by then.
None of the Judeo-Christian religions have been able to soothe my soul and intellect on this. Their explanation of, “God lets you suffer just to test to see if you really love him” or “God just wanted to test Adam and Eve to see if his children will obey him” for allowing an outcome where the vast majority of creation will either be destroyed or burn forever in hell after a life of human suffering does not make me feel inspired or in awe of such a Deity. Why? Cause not even most imperfect of mothers would ever do such a thing to their own children.
But doctrine aside, why would a truly Almighty Deity need to make it necessary for people to be first made to feel guilty, threatened and obligated to worship It? When I contemplate the Universe and how vast it is, the One who created it must be such an awesome Being, It wouldn’t even need to use “bargaining” to win the affections of Its puny creation. Neither would it feel personally hurt by our actions or opinion of It, unless It had low self-esteem or something. After all, an elephant doesn’t get upset about what the bacteria living on the mites that live on its ass are saying and doing, does it? That is the scale of Greatness I am putting God on. Only adoration sprung from pure love and gratitude completely self-realized and unprompted would be the kind of affection such a Diety would inspire, not that It even needs to ask for it or threaten or test anyone to get it. Asking for adoration and feeling jealous are human traits, not Divine ones. So another reason many atheists and agnostics do not believe in God is because most religions’ representations of such a being, just don’t do God justice. Not even the occasional miracle or act of seeming sacrifice, is enough to tip the balance in the face of such overwhelming human suffering caused by a raison d’être as vain and human as the explanation the newer religions give. You cannot have a God that falls flat or looks petty after the slightest amount of human questioning. God should inspire one to tears because It surpasses all expectation and outshines even the most noble of human attributes, continually challenging your human intellect to see things in ever more expanding ways. So with that new and improved view of God in mind and a more questioning view of the reasons why such a God would allow human suffering, let’s look at Universal laws.
Now it is obvious that our souls were created to be free agents and deciders of our own destiny. We are free to do whatever we want because of another universal law: Freewill. However, Freewill cannot exist in a vacuum. For every action there must be a reaction and that is of course the Law of Attraction. The beauty of the Law of Attraction is that at every stage you get to decide how you will react to someone’s actions. So just because someone used their Freewill to harm you, it still does not mean you automatically become a victim and must hold on to your hate and hurt for the rest of your life. I saw a NBC Dateline documentary on Hell and they interviewed three people who experienced hell on earth. One was a survivor of Auschwitz who saw his parents murdered before his eyes. The other was a young Sudanese boy who saw his sister raped, mother killed and was forced into the militia at eight and subjected to beatings, torture, starvation until running away and becoming one of the many refugees (Called Lost Boys of Sudan) and was adopted by an American family. The last was a nun who was in Guatemala during the military uprising. She was captured and falsely accused of being a spy; gang raped; burnt all over her body with lit cigarettes and in order to prove her innocence was made to chop up another nun with a cutlass. All three people now believe that there is no need for any hell in the afterlife because (1) we humans create our own hell right now and (2) despite being subjected to unspeakable tortures, all three have forgiven their tormentors and are at a place of deep inner peace and unconditional love. The nun even returned to Guatemala to help those who suffered like her. They said, if they puny humans could forgive so much, a Higher Divine Being could do no less and could not possibly hold an everlasting grudge against his own children and torture them forever in hell. It brought tears to my eyes and if you can go to NBC.com and get the transcript for that show, do it.
So I was abused but because I responded to the abuse the way I did, it lead me down a path to where I am today. Not all of what came out of being abused was bad either. Like I said, very few things in life are 100% black or white. I became a stronger person as a result. I learned early on that adults are not always right and are often fearful of the truth yet that the truth is good enough even if no one else supports you. I lost part of my blind respect for the leaders of the Jehovah’s Witnesses congregation who brushed off my abuse and persuaded my father to take no legal action because it would be negative PR for the organization. That loss of blind trust and respect for authority helped me leave that cult-like religion later on. I became more open minded, compassionate. I became aware of myself in ways most girls my age did not until much later. If I was never abused, I would not be able to share this with you now and perhaps help others who have been through the same situation. Therefore I cannot in all honesty feel absolute anger against my abuser nor against God for letting it happen. But WHY? Why are the Laws of the Universe, whether self-governed or governed by God, allowed to make such sick things possible? Because those same Laws and that same God that allows us to co-create disaster also allow us to reverse it. Freewill operates hand in hand not only with the Law of Attraction but also with Forgiveness.
Forgiveness??? You’re probably rolling your eyes but before you write off Forgiveness, let me tell you something about it. Forgiveness is a powerful thing for more than one reason and what I am going to tell you will blow your mind! In light of the Law of Attraction, forgiving someone actually re-creates events. The same way your actions now can change the “future” you can also change the “past”. In that light, it makes the suffering we experience take on a whole other shape and form. The beauty of the Law of Attraction is that time is not important. People co-create a bright new reality for themselves during impossible circumstances and they can also co-create after the fact. Let me explain.
By healing through forgiveness and purposefully taking responsibility to live a life of self-love and self-esteem, I have not only opposed to the effects of sexual abuse, I have literally reversed the effects of that abuse I experienced. It is almost like if the abuse never really happened. Even when I write about it now, it is as if it happened to someone else, not me. The people in that NBC documentary as well, when they speak of the pain they went through, it is almost like an alternate thread in time. It no longer bares the impact on their lives as it would have if they had not forgiven and reclaimed their true self. Not the “victim” self experiencing the torment but who they really are, without the abuse.
If you want, we can go all Einstein and look at it from a scientific point of view. In quantum physics time is not linear. There is no actual past, present or future, everything is always happening all at the same time. So if I were to really act like abused victim now by taking no responsibility for my life and become self-loathing, promiscuous or worse yet, abuse others, I am not only attracting MORE abuse, not just in the present and in the future but I am reinforcing more strongly the abuse I suffered by that young man in Mrs. Sealy’s house 21 years ago. I am attracting more abuse in the past. On the other hand, if I change my mind-space, thoughts, feelings and actions right now, it’s as if I create an alternate thread in time where 21 years ago, that young man tried to abuse me but I got away from him instead, or instead of full on forced intercourse, it was reduced to just fondling. Is that really tripping you out? Yup, it tripped me out too. I have had the distinct pleasure of people telling me: “But you don’t seem like someone who was sexually abused.” Well good! That is a sign that it works! Forgiveness and the Law of Attraction together, work to powerfully re-create your life. I wish for all who have lived through any kind of trauma to understand the power forgiveness has to erase it from the fabric of time. By not acting or living like a victim now, the crimes happen with less and less devastation. That brings us to another factor that puts human suffering into perspective- Eternity.
Forgiveness is a powerful thing for more than one reason and what I am going to tell you will blow your mind! In light of the Law of Attraction, forgiving someone actually re-creates events. The same way your actions now can change the “future” you can also change the “past”. In that light, it makes the suffering we experience take on a whole other shape and form.
The only thing that helped me to wrap my mind around the meaning of human suffering and begin to respect and love God again, was understanding that the only logical and Divinely Loving thing would be that we in fact must be eternal souls and have eternity to exercise our freewill, learn, grow and perfect our beings. God is like the mother who allows her child to fall down from their bike even though she loves the child because she knows that is part of the learning process and in light of the long years of that child’s life, a scrape or sprain is nothing. She already has foreseen that child being an expert bike rider, even if that child has not even envisioned it yet. If our souls have an eternity to live plus the events that happen are not only completely up to us but bendable and malleable after the fact, then what is being raped in the grand scheme of things? It is but one small scratch in the infinite millennia of life experiences. Only in this context can the Creator look at what It created in Its image and declare it, “Good” from the very start as Genesis claims God did. Just think, somewhere in the infinite stream of time, we already exist in a state of pure perfection; the perfect image of our Maker. Like the child learning to ride the bike, we just have not realised it yet, so we fret and cry and complain over how difficult it is and how painful falling down is.
Forgiveness in tandem with the Law of Attraction is what deals with the negative fallout of Freewill. You cannot have one without the other. But what about punishment for people like Hitler and the man who molested me? Well I’m sure the Law of Attraction is giving their souls exactly what they have put into the Universe, but no more, no less. Remember the calibre of Creator we are looking up to (recall the elephant in relation to the bacteria) doesn’t need to punish us any further. There is no need for “extra retribution”. We cannot possibly hurt such an Almighty God or make such an All Powerful God feel vengeful towards us any more so than a mother feeling vengeful towards her toddler who pooped his pants or screams, “I hate you Mommy!” because he doesn’t get his own way. The Creator has already created universal laws where we punish ourselves, so it has always been all up to us! Whether or not we learn from the negative consequences of our actions and continue to perfect our souls is totally up to us.
Salvation is not a commodity some people get like a prize depending on luck of geographical location at birth, culture, life experience and other subjective factors that influence which religion appeals to you. Irregardless of these human elements, every soul wants to be able to experience choice, change and growth. Infinite life must mean infinite growth. Try to envision a future where our souls dwell without Freewill or Forgiveness and exist in one constant, unchangeable state- either eternal bliss or eternal suffering and it soon seems nightmarish and unnatural. Really think about it for a while. Doesn’t it go against every fibre of your being? Certainly during a life of suffering and powerlessness, a utopian place where all you ever experience is constant bliss and you can never make a mistake ever again or choose anything but bliss ever again, might seem immediately appealing. But when you have the “keys to the kingdom” right now by understanding the Laws of Attraction, Forgiveness and Freewill and knowing you are loved unconditionally by the Creator, you begin thinking and feeling from a place of power and abundance. You realise that your soul’s true desire is to be continually challenged and changed on whatever plane you exist in. You do not want to exist in a state of single-minded, unchangeable bliss forever. You want more adventures and life lessons from a multi-faceted experience. You are above all else a student of the Universe and light as well as dark is part of its glorious design . Therefore salvation is actually enlightenment itself to the truth of your soul’s purpose and of what God truly is- limitless growth and limitless possibilities. Both light and dark can come from God and so we must be able to deal with both. That is one of the deeper lessons the greatest spiritual teachers of our time from Buddha to Jesus, have in their own various ways, tried to teach us. We are (1) more than just this physical being and we are eternal (2) already part of and loved by God and just have to realize it (3) have much power. The kingdom of God is already within us according to the Gnostic gospels. The dark that results from Freewill, does not have to make you feel like a victim. Do not fear what can harm the body but cannot harm the soul.
We cannot possibly hurt such an Almighty God or make such an All Powerful God feel vengeful towards us any more so than a mother feeling vengeful towards her toddler who pooped his pants or screams, “I hate you Mommy!” because he doesn’t get his own way. The Creator has already created universal laws where we punish ourselves, so it has always been all up to us! Whether or not we learn from the negative consequences of our actions and continue to perfect our souls is totally up to us.
When you combine the eternity of our souls with the power our souls have to heal from anything and recreate anything that is when it hits you: Ah! So we not only have time on our side, we also have the power to erase pain from the fabric of time if need be. God is not cruel. It is US who are not using all the potential given to us. In light of eternity and our immense power to recreate events, a severe beating is no more damaging to your soul than a paper cut. The only difference is YOU. That is why spiritual teachers have been trying so hard to help us understand the power of forgiveness! That is why forgiveness is so important and in every religious tradition, we are urged to forgive indefinitely and to “love our enemies”. When you do this you are sending a powerful signal to the Universe that says:
“I am far more powerful an eternal being and in the grand scheme of things, this person has not and cannot really hurt me. I now place the responsibility for their actions back upon them by taking responsibility myself for allowing this to happen to me; recognizing that I am unconditionally loved and must love myself unconditionally.”You see, forgiving another is also forgiving YOURSELF at the same time. Because remember, it was YOU who attracted the situation.
We punish ourselves and create our own hell. God doesn't need to punish us anymore than we already punish ourselves.
Amazing things happen when you act like this! But remember, forgiveness, non-retaliation and releasing your grudges are not the same as allowing yourself to be hurt over and over. If someone borrowed money from you and didn’t return it and you forgive them, it doesn’t mean you will lend them money again. Perhaps next time they ask for money you’ll point them to a financial advisor instead. Similarly, Martin Luther King Junior forgiving those who were racist didn’t mean stopping his campaign for equal civil rights. Forgiving your rapist does not mean not testifying at their trial. If a friend has betrayed you, it doesn’t mean you have to be close friends with them again just because you forgave them. BUT you would not see them in the road in trouble and pass them straight. You don’t wish ill upon them.
I am also not talking about ignoring the pain or suppressing hidden anger. I had to go through all the unpleasant stuff, counseling; working out intimacy issues in my relationship to deal with being sexually abused. Believe it or not, it was not all free and easy lovin in the bedroom just because we are both women and supposedly that means you automatically have great intimate, intuitive sex. Nope. It took years for me to stop emotionally disconnecting. I also had to learn to love and appreciate men again. I had to put myself in their shoes and understand what men go through and still try to love them unconditionally. I am not talking about sexual love here but agape love. Funny thing is, the more I forgave men and appreciated them, the better my sex life and relationship with Nick got. So that puts to rest the myth lesbians are gay only cause they have “man problems”. The more I heal and appreciate men, the more I understood that sexual orientation is a completely separate thing. When I was finally able to laugh off sexual harassment and it no longer made me fall apart, I knew I had forgiven men and was ready to forgive my former abuser. In fact, I think that was the purpose of my whole challenge with male sexual harassment in St. Lucia, where it was particularly bad. It forced me to confront that issue. So when I speak of forgiveness, I am talking about still going through the process of feeling angry, hurt, ashamed all those things and still coming out of it on the other side saying, “In the scope of eternity, what is this really? I am an eternal soul. I have many millennia yet to live. This is just a scratch.” Maybe one day when we finally invent a time machine, we will see how powerful our thoughts and feelings are in creating and re-creating our reality, past, present and future.
So next time you and your friend or hubby argue, try some forgiveness fully powered by these sentiments. NEVER say “I forgive you” until you REALLY mean, “I attracted this situation. You are not pure evil. I choose to forgive and still love myself even though I attracted this. I choose to erase this hurtful occurrence from the fabric of time by not living like a victim of it now. You are perfect even if you may not realise it yet. I am perfect and an eternal soul. We are both loved unconditionally by our Creator in spite of everything we do. This is really just a scratch in the millennia ahead of me and I can love you unconditionally in spite of it”. Now that is forgiveness in the true sense. Take your time and go through the whole process of being mad, feeling hurt, expressing that hurt, purging that hurt and listening or trying to understand their side of the story. Slowly and then more quickly, you will find it easy to say the words “I forgive you” and mean it.
Your heart will feel lighter. Best of all, your relationships will not degrade over time. False forgiveness is poison to friendships and marriages. Eventually the pile of shit you half-way forgive starts to pile up and gets too big. Right before your eyes, the person you once loved changes. How? You transformed them by continually carrying around the hurt they caused you and thinking of the faults they have until it becomes all you see. Law of Attraction again! If you keep harping on the fact the person is so inconsiderate and you never really forgive their inconsiderate actions then lo and behold, they become MORE inconsiderate as the relationship goes along. One day you wake up next to them and you go, “Why de hell I am with this inconsiderate asshole? I cannot stand the sight of them!” Funny eh? But then it doesn’t have to be like that if you truly forgive and then after you have TRULY forgiven, start to notice all the times when they are considerate and express gratitude for that. Praise them for it. Reinforce those actions. See them in your mind becoming more and more like the considerate person you want them to be. Without realizing it, you will unconsciously prompt that behaviour from them. Instead of the relationship degrading, it will be improving. For once you will actually WORK OUT AN ISSUE AND MOVE ON, instead of burying the shit until it resurfaces or the stench just gets too much to tolerate anymore.
I am sure you know of lovable people who still end up lonely because they are scared of getting hurt. But when they accept that THEY ARE NEVER A VICTIM and are confident that they are a child of God/Universe and are loved, then they will attract love. True love. And when mistakes happen with someone they let into their life, they will take responsibility. So, eleven years ago, I was just as responsible for Faye (my first serious relationship) cheating on me as she is. Yes it is true! I attracted that to myself by being desperate, overwhelmingly clingy, insecure and not loving myself enough. In addition to blinding myself to glaring signs that she was not right for me, I smothered her, over depended on her and allowed her to rule my life. I paid myself little regard and so, she just danced to the music I composed. If you don’t love yourself, people will not and cannot do the loving of yourself for you. Now unfaithfulness is a deal breaker for me and most people. But it sure puts the disagreements in my current relationship into perspective. I have been trying harder to stop being so whiny. For those of us whose parents divorced, appreciating that people create their own reality helps us to see our parents differently. You no longer view one parent as the “poor victim” and the other as the “evil cheater” but as two adults who just did not take responsibility or love themselves enough. It makes it easier to forgive the parent who left or cheated and helps us to stop being so deathly afraid of ending up like the parent who suffered.
How best to attract someone to you? Well I am sure you know of some single person pining to be in a relationship.
“I want to be loved! I want to be loved!” they keep saying and yet they are not lovable. Strange eh? When they see examples of love they go, “Yick!” and they pick and pick and pick at everybody’s flaws. They love to listen to and ask about other people’s relationship problems and criticize because it soothes their own insecurities and justifies their unloved state. They are often the cause of other people’s man (or woman) problems. Well don’t feel sorry for them. The Universe is giving them exactly what they put out. So first of all, if you want more love, love yourself and be a lovable person. Ask yourself, “Would I go out with me?” If you cannot even tolerate your own company, then how could anyone else? Then I am sure you know of lovable people who still end up lonely. It’s often because they project relationship failure before it even happens. On the very first date they are thinking of all the things that could lead to divorce later on. The Universe is also giving them exactly what they put out.
One of the most effective tips I can give is that if you want someone in your life then MAKE ROOM FOR SOMEONE. Stop acting and living like a single person. Stop sleeping in the middle of your bed. Clear out your closet and make some space for a guy’s (or gal’s and you’ll probably need a whole new closet if it’s a gal, heh heh) things. Stop hanging around people who reinforce your single-life. If you start making space for a partner that partner will appear. Take romantic placebo the same way I suggested you do with wealth. Act as if! We all know the theory of: When you are single, nobody interested in you. As soon as you hook up, suddenly everyone interested! People start coming out of the woodwork. They after you and after your man (or woman). There is a reason why people who already have partners suddenly become more attractive to everyone else-Law of Attraction. If you love and are getting loved in return, you project an aura of lovability and everyone wants to love you! So don’t wait to have a man (or woman) to act the part of someone who is just over the moon in love, contented; experiencing joy and regular orgasms. Act as if now! Get high on life, laugh often, revel in your friendships; buy a vibrator. Do what you must to have that love glow! In addition to attracting your mate, it will make you feel happy now instead of lonely. It will take the edge off and pressure off of yourself to “hook up” when you live like you are already hooked up. In fact, your new love will come into your life so naturally, you will only notice after your first night together, “But eh eh, this was real serendipitous for true!”
Have you ever seen couples that make you go, “What de HELL they see in each other?! I cannot even picture them together!”
I am not talking about the couples in deal breaker situations. I’m talking about relationships with two oddballs or any pairing considered incompatible. Yet, the couple is so happy and they have a sweeter more lasting thing going on than most people who are supposed to be the “perfect” compatible types. The truth is the oddball couple enjoy love and happiness because irregardless of what the outside world thinks, they see each other exactly as God/Universe intended- as close to perfection as possible.
So my wish for you in 2008 is that you are inundated with all kinds of love from Agape to Eros and your heart becomes free of grudges and pain. May you miraculously reverse hurtful events in time with the power of forgiveness and may you be forgiven in return and released of your guilt over things you might have done wrong. I will also try harder to be a better friend. I hope you fall in love either with someone new or deeper with your current hubby in 2008. Discover more and more reasons why you love them so much. Let the sparks fly in the bedroom until the neighbours complain and the bed bruck dong heh heh heh. Most of all, I wish that all the people around you see you “Through God’s eyes”, (as the famous quote from Bruce Almighty when Jim Carey finally understands what unconditional love is).
Hugs and kisses